Horrible day today. I needed to write this. New here so sorry if it's the wrong forum.

I'm waiting for 3 pm when the vet will come to my house to put my 15 year old Australian shepherd to sleep. He's on his second bout with MAST cell cancer. Had a huge tumor removed back in October 2022 and he did amazing. It was like he'd been de-aged back to 6 or 7. We'd go for walks and he'd come home and run laps in the back yard afterwards, lol. Now the disease has come back with a vengeance. Two huge tumors behind each front leg, one is as big as a baseball. I've just been trying to keep him happy and comfortable since I found them this August near his bday. He lost the ability to get up on his own this past Friday and can no longer walk now. He's gone from 60 pounds at his peak to 30 now. He's just skin and bones. Have had him in male diapers for 3 months now. Feeding him anything he can desire. He loves waffles but hasn't eaten anything for 3 days, just water now.

Not sure what I'll do without him around. I don't have any human children so he's essentially my child. He was always a strange little dude. Called him my hippy dog because he always acted like he was tripping on something as he grew up. I'd go to feed him and unlike most dogs, he's just stare at it or look at the ceiling, anything but inhaling his food. Sometimes I'd find him just staring at the walls or the ceiling, haha. One time as a puppy I saw him stick most of his snout under water in the water bowl and blow bubbles! Seriously! And he was a super pacifist too. I wasn't allowed to hug my girlfriend (at the time) or to goof around (play fight with my buddies), absolutely no dancing was allowed around him, no running (he'd nip your ass to make you stop), nothing resembling violence of any kind in his eyes. He's always break up other dos who he deemed were playing too rough, etc...
He was super humble and never growled at anyone or even came close to biting them, even at the vets when they accidentally hurt him. He'd always wait for treats or anything like that.

I found the little dude while at one of my old jobs. I was a wetlands scientist for 15 years with the gov't and one day out walking a wooded site I saw this little dude come walking up to me. Maybe 4 weeks old at the time. Covered in ticks, fleas, mud, blood, who knows what else. I searched around for his mommy or any other siblings but it was just him. There weren't any houses around for miles. I took him home and bathed him and he fought me the whole time. Just screaming and trying to get out of the bathtub. This is no lie....for 10 years afterwards he refused to come near me if I was in the bathroom or anywhere near that tub! Even in the last 5 years he would put up a struggle to get out of the tub during baths. It was always a glorious battle.

After I found him he immediately settled in with his 2 older sisters, an eleven year old chow/german shepherd mix and a four year old wolf/german shepherd mix. The 2 sisters didn't always get along but boy did they ever love that little puppy. If one started playing too rough with him the other would let the offending sister know. One one night back in November of 2011, I was walking the Aussie with the wolf/shep on our neighborhood road and a pitbull came running at us from the front steps of the house we were passing. The Aussie didn't hesitate even an instant and jumped in front of the pitbull and started fighting with it to protect us. Both of my dogs were on leashes so we were all at a disadvantage. I jumped on the pitbull to break it up (I just reacted, didn't stop to think) and the pitbull bit me pretty good and I hollered out in pain. My other dog had just be sitting on her hind quarters the whole time we were fighting the pitbull but when I yelled in pain, she jumped up and got on that pitbull in an instant. Never seen anything like it. She grabbed it by the throat and threw it off of me. Then she jumped on it and held it my throat until it's owners finally decided to stop it. I told the wolf/shep to "come" and she let the pit up and came to me. Again, never saw anything like it. Still don't know how she didn't kill it but it had blood around it's throat.

My poor little Aussie wasn't injured except for a small puncture wound on his back and a cut ear. I ended up with the worst of it and spent a few hours at the ER getting stitched up but was just a minor hand wound. Ever since, people ask me why I spoil my dogs so much and I tell them that I owe everything to that little Aussie.

His oldest sister passed in 2013 and the wolf/shep in 2019. He's now the last of that original pack. Don't know what I'm going to do without hearing his "uhh uh uhhhh" call to tell me he needs something. I live in NC now but am from Va. Going to drive home tonight and bury him on my farmland next to his two sisters and all of my other dogs I've had. Three bassett hound mixes, 3 GSD mixes, 2 beagles, and a Boston terrier. When I die my ashes will be mixed with the soil next to them.