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Nine

(1,741 posts)
12. I agree with Yoffe.
Wed Oct 30, 2013, 01:27 PM
Oct 2013

I don't have a daughter, just a young son. But when he goes off to college, or perhaps sooner, I am absolutely going to warn him not to binge drink, for his own safety. Men can get raped too. And mugged. And have hazing-level "pranks" played on them. They can also fall down stairs, get alcohol poisoning, choke on their own vomit, and suffer other misfortunes. I'll admit that I don't understand the culture of binge drinking at all, so it's hard for me to see it as a "freedom" that someone is being deprived of. I drank in college, but it was beer and wine coolers and occasional mixed drinks and I was perfectly happy and so were my friends.

I don't agree with those who consider it "unfeminist" to focus on the things we can do to protect ourselves rather than on the actions of rapists. Rapists shouldn't rape and pedophiles shouldn't molest, but you can bet I'll be teaching my son not to take candy from strangers, not to get into vans with strangers, not to trust adults who ask for help from children, etc. In this world, we all have to curb our actions because of bad guys. That's not unique to rape.

And, really, some of the alternate suggestions from this writer seem more onerous and freedom-restricting and unfeminist than Yoffe's suggestion to avoid binge drinking. "If the drunkest person in the room has been left by their ride, and the person who has been pushing them to drink more is offering to take them home, they may not want to go, but they may not have a better option. Providing that option may be what gets your friend away from the potential rapist." Spending the whole evening trying to keep an eye on all your drunk friends? Fun! Does a group need to appoint a designated rapist-spotter who will, I assume, be unable to binge drink herself as she'll need all her faculties intact? And how feminist is it to tell women they can't protect themselves alone; they have to rely on others to babysit them?

Also: "shouldn’t we tell our friends when they are too drunk to hook up?" Isn't this a bit paternalistic, even if it's coming from female friends? Oh sorry, you've had too many beers. As a friend, I just can't let you leave here with this guy you're interested in. It's not that I think friends shouldn't be doing these things for each other, I just don't see how these tactics are any more morally superior than Yoffe's suggested tactic of not drinking to the point of incapacitation. I also don't see how these tactics don't fit the category of "rapist workaround" that the author criticizes later in the piece.

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