General Discussion

MoonRiver

(36,926 posts) Sat Mar 30, 2019, 04:43 PM Mar 2019

Even if you're a "touchy, feely" guy, do NOT put your hands on a woman without her permission. [View all]

If you do, you are violating that woman's personal space, and, yes, you should be ready to face some blowback, especially if there are witnesses and/or pictures. I've had it happen to me. Most women have, and it really sucks.

207 replies

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Even if you're a "touchy, feely" guy, do NOT put your hands on a woman without her permission. [View all] MoonRiver Mar 2019 OP

The same goes for "huggy" women; please don't expect that all men are comfortable with it. LongtimeAZDem Mar 2019 #1

I don't like that either, but I usually don't think there's a sexual component. MoonRiver Mar 2019 #2

A person can be uncomfortable about touch from someone else without it being sexual. WhiskeyGrinder Mar 2019 #4

Agree MoonRiver Mar 2019 #5

Agree. Backslappers and handshakers at bars (natural or booze-induced) piss me off to no end. Volaris Mar 2019 #23

A handshake isn't forced touching Polybius Mar 2019 #104

...and an ackward problem arises. demosincebirth Mar 2019 #187

As a hand-shaker, I wanna disagree with you Polybius Mar 2019 #207

So true. I've never liked being touched ...by anybody that I'm not Kahuna7 Mar 2019 #29

I agree that it is normal human interaction. Beartracks Mar 2019 #88

Lighten up Frances! hueymahl Mar 2019 #114

Ha! It's easy to think that the issue is clear-cut, until you start listening to other people's WhiskeyGrinder Mar 2019 #115

What are we becoming? An uptight nation that's afraid to have any physical contact with people. politicaljunkie41910 Mar 2019 #50

Thank you!!!! nt LAS14 Mar 2019 #56

People who are more sparing with their physical touch aren't uptight. WhiskeyGrinder Mar 2019 #57

Are there people who can't shake hands? treestar Mar 2019 #97

Could be. If I was introduced to someone who held up their hands and said, "I don't shake hands, WhiskeyGrinder Mar 2019 #105

I don't hug anybody treestar Mar 2019 #167

I get many colds. Many. Bad ones. dawg day Mar 2019 #176

I have people say that treestar Mar 2019 #196

Yup. demosincebirth Mar 2019 #186

Anthropologists and psychologists are probably excited/mortified by this change in Human behavior. DRoseDARs Mar 2019 #75

Chimps, all the other primates... jberryhill Mar 2019 #76

That's the simplest starting point to remember and frame one's response to touch from. DRoseDARs Mar 2019 #83

But many people have a personal history which modifies that jberryhill Mar 2019 #84

Again, that's why I pointed out examples of good and bad. DRoseDARs Mar 2019 #92

I've seen articles on how to establish control by being the first one to treestar Mar 2019 #168

Agree. Everything can be overdone. Cleaning up manners is Hortensis Mar 2019 #77

I grew up in a family that was uptight janterry Mar 2019 #127

Thank you True Blue American Mar 2019 #130

I remember meeting True Blue American Mar 2019 #128

Goes for all genders. Consent matters. K&R. WhiskeyGrinder Mar 2019 #3

In India, the preferred greeting is "Namaste" at140 Mar 2019 #6

india is full of men that grope women they don't know JI7 Mar 2019 #16

Hey our president gropes women, so in a population at140 Mar 2019 #52

India has particular problems with tradition, patriarchy, sexism, and a severe shortage of women... Hekate Mar 2019 #80

What you said does not jive with my own experience at140 Mar 2019 #86

Beg your pardon. Some of the brightest and most educated people I know here in California are.... Hekate Mar 2019 #93

Gender imbalance..I have seen it first hand at140 Mar 2019 #110

Change happens, even to our beloved memories. Hekate Mar 2019 #117

Ever see Demolition Man? Baconator Mar 2019 #123

This isn't India treestar Mar 2019 #199

Every politician does it. nt Kahuna7 Mar 2019 #7

No they don't CentralMass Mar 2019 #10

Yes they do. I did a google search today of Warren, Harris, Gillibrand and Kahuna7 Mar 2019 #12

That's because they're all extroverts? Volaris Mar 2019 #28

I don't consider bernie an extrovert. But I have seen him put his hands on the Kahuna7 Mar 2019 #31

I don't want to let this devolve into me posting negative things about Joe Biden. I like the guy CentralMass Mar 2019 #38

Do you find pictures of these other candidates Ms. Toad Mar 2019 #41

Whispering intimately in the ear???? Seriously? Kahuna7 Mar 2019 #44

If you haven't run across pictures/videos like this of Biden, Ms. Toad Mar 2019 #49

Who do these candidates think they are hugging, touching and putting their arms around other people? democratisphere Mar 2019 #60

Huge difference between a mutual hug, and a one sided at140 Mar 2019 #66

But Joe did know Flores. nt Kahuna7 Mar 2019 #78

How well did Joe know her? at140 Mar 2019 #82

Well enough until treestar Mar 2019 #100

Neither of your photos are the same as described. karynnj Mar 2019 #73

Hugging is not the same as nuzzling your nose into a woman's neck or hair. pnwmom Mar 2019 #85

The proper response would have been for HER SoCalDem Mar 2019 #191

Exactly treestar Mar 2019 #99

They are practically supposed treestar Mar 2019 #98

Every politician comes up behind a stranger, sniffs her hair and then plants a Squinch Mar 2019 #149

You think we don't know this? wasupaloopa Mar 2019 #8

You would apparently be surprised how many people don't.......or at least behave as if they don't. WillowTree Mar 2019 #37

Apparently not. Have a gander at "Latest Threads." Squinch Mar 2019 #90

This message was self-deleted by its author jberryhill Mar 2019 #9

Well said jb. President Obama many times could be seen hugging people during his campaign of both still_one Mar 2019 #13

This message was self-deleted by its author jberryhill Mar 2019 #20

I really enjoy and get a kick out of how you phrase things still_one Mar 2019 #26

Well, that's not to say there aren't a lot of traumatized law students jberryhill Mar 2019 #69

LOL still_one Mar 2019 #102

If you're going to try to make this topic about Biden, it belongs in Democratic Primaries, not GD. highplainsdem Mar 2019 #14

This message was self-deleted by its author jberryhill Mar 2019 #19

"okay anonymous internet guy" TwilightZone Mar 2019 #33

This message was self-deleted by its author jberryhill Mar 2019 #40

FWIW I thought yr username was a spin off of a Fats Domino record emulatorloo Mar 2019 #55

Ah, yes, the family anthem jberryhill Mar 2019 #63

... emulatorloo Mar 2019 #64

I didn't get into a tizzy. Are you referring to my pointing out that this sort of discussion highplainsdem Mar 2019 #43

There really hasn't been a lot of research into this in particular jberryhill Mar 2019 #54

Thanks for sharing your experiences in this thread. LuvNewcastle Mar 2019 #154

Right wingers have been using photos to make this point about him treestar Mar 2019 #170

I've got no issues with any of that except this: shanny Mar 2019 #46

One Rosetta Stone for understanding Biden is this jberryhill Mar 2019 #61

thanks for the lesson shanny Mar 2019 #150

So well said & thanks for your input. I love Biden's Uncle Joe persona. His record is fine with me-- Hekate Mar 2019 #70

I think people's mileage varies on this one jberryhill Mar 2019 #72

I wish this was its own OP True Dough Mar 2019 #152

That's true for everyone with whom you don't have a close MineralMan Mar 2019 #11

It always creeps me out when a Mom or Dad tells their small child to SoCalDem Mar 2019 #192

My parents never did that to us, their children. MineralMan Mar 2019 #193

A co-worker's husband recently committed suicide... Dennis Donovan Mar 2019 #15

The woman you hugged was a friend; I'm sure she appreciated the gesture The Velveteen Ocelot Mar 2019 #21

Did you ask if it was welcome, first? Ms. Toad Mar 2019 #47

Oh, for crying out loud! nt LAS14 Mar 2019 #58

One of the communities I call my family Ms. Toad Mar 2019 #62

Generally a hug begins with open arms and is easily spurned. Chemisse Mar 2019 #146

It's not an issue of molesting or not. Ms. Toad Mar 2019 #172

Exactly it is not even treestar Mar 2019 #101

Even when it isn't meant to be sexual Codeine Mar 2019 #121

I never do it treestar Mar 2019 #165

Poor dear. It is all so hard for you when people say they don't want to be approached from Squinch Mar 2019 #141

I don't like being handled by strangers of either gender. Period. The Velveteen Ocelot Mar 2019 #17

Even if you're any human who is touchy feely, do not put your hands on anyone else with ... marble falls Mar 2019 #18

As a woman, I disagree. I would hate to see spontaneous displays of compassion or affection or highplainsdem Mar 2019 #22

Obama and Michele were very affectionate and touchy with strangers..Nobody Kahuna7 Mar 2019 #25

Remember when Michelle hugged the Queen of England? How shocking it was supposed to be, highplainsdem Mar 2019 #27

she put her arm around her and the queen did the same after JI7 Mar 2019 #30

That is a great example iamateacher Mar 2019 #34

Would it have been perfect if she sniffed the Queen's hair and then placed a lingering kiss on the Squinch Mar 2019 #140

Obama and Michelle never approached relative strangers from behind, sniffed their hair, and then Squinch Mar 2019 #139

Whatever. You prefer to believe the account of someone whose account Kahuna7 Mar 2019 #178

I do believe the account of the woman. She is just one of a good number of women who have Squinch Mar 2019 #180

Flores & Biden were political teammates waiting to go onstage. Flores showed signs of stage fright, highplainsdem Mar 2019 #188

Oh, well, you have it all figured out. So glad you put that all in perspective. I guess we can Squinch Mar 2019 #189

I'm not a guy. I'm a woman. And I know not all physical contact from men, including men I don't highplainsdem Mar 2019 #190

Because the Obamas never "copped a feel" when rusty fender Mar 2019 #177

I gotta agree. It depends. I've had a man walk up to me, in my "space," .... Honeycombe8 Mar 2019 #74

Yes. And do those people stand treestar Mar 2019 #103

Why does this always bring out these ridiculous comparisons? Do you see the woman who didn't want Squinch Mar 2019 #138

DU had no problem identifying the issue when it was W jberryhill Mar 2019 #142

I love Joe. But my primary concern with this is that it is an unforced error. It shows a problem Squinch Mar 2019 #144

That was a distinct social situation. treestar Mar 2019 #162

Right. Totally different. Squinch Mar 2019 #163

But now we have people on the thread treestar Mar 2019 #161

I can't stand crowds and hate being touched...however... Kahuna7 Mar 2019 #179

And when they sniff your hair and plant lingering kisses on your head when you don't know them? Squinch Mar 2019 #181

I don't believe her account. She tried to bring in a friend to caroborate her account.. Kahuna7 Mar 2019 #194

I totally agree. A touch can mean so much in so many heartfelt ways. Chemisse Mar 2019 #147

The wounds of puritanism run deep. Triloon Mar 2019 #24

Thanks. nt LAS14 Mar 2019 #59

Honoring others' boundaries is actually the opposite of puritanism. Squinch Mar 2019 #91

It has fuck-all to do with Puritanism. Codeine Mar 2019 #122

+1 True Dough Mar 2019 #151

Puritan True Blue American Mar 2019 #129

As a female, I agree BUT TexasBushwhacker Mar 2019 #32

Nearly two years in PA... Harker Mar 2019 #35

women who refer to others as honey sweetheart darling etc JI7 Mar 2019 #39

That's what I meant by "not entirely personal." Harker Mar 2019 #51

Guys that call me "bro" jberryhill Mar 2019 #68

Yes. Harker Mar 2019 #125

In Delaware treestar Mar 2019 #106

Not Just Delaware ProfessorGAC Mar 2019 #120

Better than "Jack" Harker Mar 2019 #126

I'm leaning towards Joe because I think he can win MaryMagdaline Mar 2019 #36

Now that the bar has been lowered treestar Mar 2019 #108

Seriously. Agree MaryMagdaline Mar 2019 #111

The bar is not lowered unless we lower it, and touching others who do not want to be touched in Squinch Mar 2019 #136

We have lowered it treestar Mar 2019 #164

I didn't. Did you? I daresay no one posting here would say they have. Squinch Mar 2019 #166

Yup. I got a painful lesson in that after a Christmas party 20 years ago. The_jackalope Mar 2019 #42

I don't like to hug people for the most part...other than my wife and family and a few really good f Buckeyeblue Mar 2019 #45

Oh, for fuck's sake. Squinch Mar 2019 #107

You said it! True Blue American Mar 2019 #131

There is a generational difference nt BlueFlorida Mar 2019 #48

Joe is over exuberant MFM008 Mar 2019 #53

No, Joe is handsy. I love him, but he has always been handsy. Handsy is not a good thing to be. Squinch Mar 2019 #134

This should not even need to be said. Autumn Mar 2019 #65

Sadly, many women are too uncomfortable to speak up. liberalmuse Mar 2019 #67

That's a balanced take jberryhill Mar 2019 #71

Agreed. Even if there's no sexual intent. It's still creepy. catbyte Mar 2019 #79

Agree. lilactime Mar 2019 #81

Not just women. I don't want people touching me. tymorial Mar 2019 #87

Since it is obvious... quickesst Mar 2019 #89

Thank you for saying this DesertRat Mar 2019 #94

What about doctors Beringia Mar 2019 #95

Didnt they have a nurse come in? treestar Mar 2019 #109

No Beringia Mar 2019 #113

What about men? treestar Mar 2019 #96

Yea sure, "can I put my hands on your shoulders, lady?" demosincebirth Mar 2019 #112

Exactly. nt LAS14 Mar 2019 #119

Why do you need to put your hands on a woman's shoulders where that might be a questionable Squinch Mar 2019 #133

I don't agree. You shouldn't live your life based on some people possibly misinterpreting cbdo2007 Mar 2019 #116

Exactly. nt LAS14 Mar 2019 #118

when passing through a crowd, how do you do it without touching people? indie9197 Mar 2019 #124

Poor dear. People are being so unfair to you. All these damn women who tired of being groped! Squinch Mar 2019 #132

I guess we all must walk around in our individual shells now. Vinca Mar 2019 #135

I don't know you and don't want your bodily fluids on my shoulder jberryhill Mar 2019 #143

NO! It is NOT! This woman who doesn't want to be approached from behind by a stranger, Squinch Mar 2019 #145

These people should step back and listen Codeine Mar 2019 #155

I've been here since 2012. You've been here a lot longer. I think we have both seen that EVERY Squinch Mar 2019 #156

Yep. Tipperary Mar 2019 #182

Or a little girl HockeyMom Mar 2019 #137

Yes. I was very careful with my daughters also, and they learned to respect their personal space. MoonRiver Mar 2019 #159

Anyone who is touched in an unwanted way needs to let the person know on the spot! Chemisse Mar 2019 #148

She was being introduced to make a speech. Should she have stopped all the proceedings and Squinch Mar 2019 #184

Do you recall when Ivanka pulled away from creepy Dad when he was feeling up her sides? Chemisse Mar 2019 #195

So his actions ARE her responsibility, then? Squinch Mar 2019 #200

Oh and I just read that they were in line for an appearance. Chemisse Mar 2019 #202

I don't mind. I appreciate appropriate hugs, touches. tavernier Mar 2019 #153

And if a relative stranger came up to you from behind, smelled your hair and then lingeringly Squinch Mar 2019 #157

I would but treestar Mar 2019 #169

Of course. She mistook a long kiss on her head. My objections have nothing to do with Squinch Mar 2019 #171

It was not in public, so let's get a third party witness treestar Mar 2019 #173

I DO know BS supporters exaggerate. I know it is their MO. But, again, this has nothing to Squinch Mar 2019 #174

They were in public, so there might be someone else treestar Mar 2019 #197

And he has been photographed doing this kind of thing to women he doesn't know in the past. Squinch Mar 2019 #201

Come on... I said appropriate. tavernier Mar 2019 #175

Or if someone on your staff complains about harassment don't deny it. we can do it Mar 2019 #158

Agree, but that is a somewhat different discussion. MoonRiver Mar 2019 #160

I'm a man who does not like being touched without permission. LS_Editor Mar 2019 #183

Look, we need to stop these attacks on DEMS!!!! doompatrol39 Mar 2019 #185

And there is no good way to talk yourself out if you get creeping. Initech Mar 2019 #198

i am a huggy lady and i dont feel threatened when a man hugs me samnsara Mar 2019 #203

I had to get used... Mike Nelson Mar 2019 #204

I put my hand out for a handshake. MicaelS Mar 2019 #205

Certainly something to keep in mind aka-chmeee Mar 2019 #206