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Soph0571

Profile Information

Gender: Female
Hometown: UK
Home country: UK
Current location: UK
Member since: Fri Oct 13, 2017, 06:59 PM
Number of posts: 7,906

About Me

I am a Brit. I am a working class child of the troubles in Belfast who now lives a life of privilege. I am an anti-racist, progressive monster for truth. If I fail in being that monster, call me out....

Journal Archives

Got up early to take a walk across the city and took this photo



Walking is great mental therapy right now and this bombed out church was the reward for my walking 5 miles at pace!

Sorry to be a pest but I need a wee bit of DU love

This time last week I was sitting at his bedside, telling him to stop fighting. That is was OK, that I would be OK. That he could let go of the pain. He did. He is free of pain. The pain is mine. I went for lunch today in town to be lectured at by a well meaning friend about what should be my new plan. Shheeeshhh. Eventually I said shut the fck up now cause this time a week ago I was calling an ambulance and you are not helping. He is still in the morgue of my local hospital. The funeral directors come get him tomorrow. The funeral is weeks away all cause covid and this time last week he was still (just) blinking and breathing and being with me. Feeling very sad, and tomorrow morning is going to be a hellscape, so at the risk of becoming that chick you avoid at a party cause she only has one topic of conversation, I need some company in my grief tonight as I rattle around our very empty flat.

PS how cool is this. I phoned my doctor re all his left over meds and they told me to drop them at the local pharmacy so they could be recycled back into the NHS. I was tempted to keep some of his marvellous pain killers for future old lady injuries but I resisted!!!

LISTEN: Mourners sing 'Amazing Grace' outside the Supreme Court to celebrate Ruth Bader Ginsburg

Heartwarming videos were shared on social media on Friday night showing the spontaneous gathering at the Supreme Court following the death of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

The large crowd, with many people wearing masks, sang the hymn “Amazing Grace.”

[link:https://www.rawstory.com/2020/09/listen-mourners-sing-amazing-grace-outside-the-supreme-court-to-celebrate-ruth-bader-ginsburg/|]

https://twitter.com/MikeBalsamo1/status/1307128342093729792
A moving moments as dozens join in to sing “Amazing Grace” on the steps of the Supreme Court.


What a lovely thing. Of course they are going to try and rail road through a nazi in about 2 seconds flat. One can only hope that enough of the republican senate recognises the writing on the wall and do the right thing.. heh. At least there is this:



Susan Collins, Lindsey Graham and Lisa Murkowski are all on record saying they would delay a nomination vote until after the election in an election year. Graham is already trying to walk that back, because of course he is.

HOWEVER in the words of the next President of the United States:

“In the coming days, we should focus on the loss of her justice and enduring legacy, but there is no doubt, let me be clear, that the voters should pick the president and the president should pick the justice for the Senate to consider. This was the position of Republican Senate took in 2016, when there were almost 10 months to go before the election [and] that’s the position the United States Senate must take today.”

So as Moscow Mitch moves with a speed unexpected in a turtle, 2016 needs to shoved down these hypocritical fascists throats day in and day out. All over all the air waves, reminding repubs that people are not stupid, and although the fascist base might think this is OK, most people are fair minded. They have stolen 4 years, they have stolen the mental well being of the frigging world with their democracy stealing slow moving coup of the leader of the free world. They cannot be allowed to seat another woman hating nazi in the Supreme Court.

May she rest in power.



Last time I talk about this

Once upon a time on a site called newsvine.com, if you have never come across it, it was a progressive site that allowed conservatives to come along and debate with us. In the days before comcast and shit, it was a place of weighty debate. It is dead now. And there I met a chap. We got on marvellously, and we were going to meet up and much excitement ensued. We were very excited about this and then he had a horror car accident. His cousin wrapped his arms around me, as my devastation was laid bare, he came to London, he supported me and a year later we started to date.

He joined newsvine and was a very popular small c conservative on the site. He used to really fuck me off by trying to be nice to the deplorable trolls to try and save me from the worst of it. He was not a an interweb natural, but he put up a good good show. That was a decade ago. We were not supposed to be suited. Working class Belfast and Upper Class titled, but we worked. We were suited. And please may he rest in peace, cause right now every time I close my eyes I see his face as he died, and it is terribly hard, and as much as my friends are supporting me I am still in a very lonely space.

So, one last time. For The Laird (newsviners!!!) be at peace my love and kick arse in the off world you are now in.
And that is that. No more. Thank you for allowing me to vent.


Nothing more draining than taking some of his jeans to the charity shop and then...

...breaking down and doing ugly cry, on the street, in my neighbourhood of 25 years. I think I need to wait a while before I do that again. I keep telling myself it was a blessing. He was in so much pain that death must have been such a sweet relief. I keep telling myself that he could hear me to the end and he knew how much he was loved (he knew that anyway!) and that I was going to be OK. And of course I will be, no other choice, but right now, not being drunk after 48 hours of self indulgence and hangovers, I am really struggling to process his face in my head as he died. I really want to get drunk again to sleep without his dying moments running through my brain, but that way lies ruin, so I am sure I will get about 2 hours sleep as I toss and turn, and tomorrow, again I will try and package up some more of the love of my life, as I ugly cry.

I am drunk and he died on me

I am pissed. Literally and figuratively. I should be taking time out and I will from when I wake up, but right now a am a wee bit drunk, cause my heart is gone, and life is fucked up, and my new reality means the love of my life is not with me. Did I mention I was pissed?

He died this morning. I was by his side

I am taking a few days out but I just wanted to say a big thank you to every one for all your kind wishes. See you when I can see clearly

Soph x

I am waiting for a call from the hospital to see if I can stay with him for just a little bit longer

My SO was blue lighted to the hospital 3 hours ago. Obviously I could not because COVID. I have just had a long conversation with the Consultant in A&E and they are trying to find a side room for him so I can be with him as he fights for his life. Due to the various complex health issues they will not try and revive him if he has a heart attack and his heart rate is very low. His kidneys have packed up completely and the liver is going the same way. Unless there is a miracle then he is not going to last very long. They are doing what they can to keep him comfortable, but that is about it. This has come about too fast. I don't know what to do.

Bed ridden and I got him a bell! Not the best plan I ever had...

The SO is now spending 24 hours a day in bed. We have had a couple of spills. One where we had to have an ambulance, another where I had to call the Porter to help me get him off the floor - I bought him a lovely tray of baklava to say thank you - it was at 6 am. He was a saviour. But now the SO has lost all confidence about getting out of bed as he is so fearful of falling over. And so now I am going to rant. That fucking bell is doing my nut in. Ding. Ding. Ding. Every 10 minutes. I am trying my best, I am not a natural carer - and as he is not getting out of bed I am having to give some very intimate care. I am not built for this, my gag reflex is for shit, but I have to be there, every single time. I have purchased a zimmer frame and today he was too scared to try, tomorrow I hope for a better result. If this is it, if he cannot improve from this, then I fear a hospice is next. Hell, I cannot even change the sheets because he never gets out of bed.

But as he cannot shout out (the cancer is in his lungs alongside everything else) the bell was not the best plan for my sanity, but it was the right plan for my man. The problem we have is that his cancer treatment is 250 miles away - I know that is nothing in America, But we are tiny and when you cannot even get your chap out of bed....

AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

I love him, he is my heartbeat and i can do fuck all, I can't even get him out of bed. All of this is too much. Hugs please by DU family It has been a really hard day and i need some positive energy to help me do this all again tomorrow.

And the bell just rang!

U.S. has expelled 8,800 migrant children under coronavirus rules

President Donald Trump’s administration has expelled about 8,800 unaccompanied migrant children intercepted at the U.S.-Mexico border since March 20 under rules seeking to limit the spread of the novel coronavirus in the United States, according to court documents filed Friday by the Justice Department.
---
Since then, U.S. officials have been quickly removing migrants, including unaccompanied minors, without standard immigration proceedings.

[link:https://www.reuters.com/article/uk-usa-immigration-children-idUKKBN263021?taid=5f5c650cb524370001365c3f&utm_campaign=trueAnthem:+Trending+Content&utm_medium=trueAnthem&utm_source=twitter|]

They really are fascist scum. They are sending CHILDREN on their own across the border - vulnerable to exploitation and worse, cause cruelty is their only point.
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