Initech

Initech's Journal

February 29, 2016

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #17: Playing The Drumpf Card Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #17: Playing The Drumpf Card Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! So... how about the Oscars this year, am I right? Spotlight won Best Picture, and I can guarantee that nobody saw that coming! And one of my favorite flicks from last year – Mad Max Fury Road won six, six Oscars! How about them apples!! Whooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!

But still, regardless of what you think about the Oscars, it was an absolute fucking crime that Straight Outta Compton got snubbed for Best Picture, and Michael B. Jordan, and O'Shea Jackson Jr both got snubbed for Best Supporting Actor. Both amazing performances and should have been nominated. Creed and Straight Outta Compton were both two of my other favorite flicks last year. And of course with the Oscars, we also gotta talk about the anti-Oscars - Razzie awards! Which 50 Shades Of Gray easily won just about every category. Ha ha. I actually didn't really watch any of it last night, too busy watching my Ducks trounce the Kings on home ice and tying for first place in the Western Conference!

But... enough ranting. We have a lot of conservative idiocy to get to, and I do mean a lot. And a lot of it is coming from Donald Trump. Like almost the entire edition this week. But first, John Oliver skewered Donald Trump last night:

So with John Oliver in mind from here on out, if Donald Trump is going to be proud of his heritage, he should start using his family name. From here on out, for the rest of this and future editions, we’re literally going to replace all instances of “Donald Trump” with “Donald Drumpf” so you don’t have to! Thank you find and replace feature in MS Word! Der Drumpfenfuror (1, 2, 3) is taking up not one, but the top 3 spots this week! He seems to be gaining huge numbers in the polls, but he’s bringing a lot of pissed off people with him – particularly Pope Francis. Der Drumpfenfuror was also the subject of a hit piece in Rolling Stone by Matt Taibbi, and Newt Gingrich slammed Fox & Friends for the monster that they created. In number 4 spot is Jeb!, and he’s a loser who lost a ton of dough on his campaign. He can join Kanye in Debtor’s Anonymous. In the number 5 slot, former Dungeons & Dragons, er, KKK grand wizard David Duke (5) is unleashing a dose of some good old fashioned white supremacy. At number 6, everyone’s favorite drunk driving congressman Darrell Issa (6) thinks that treason is a good option. In the number 7 spot, now that the dust has settled on Scalia’s death, it turns out that he was a member of an elite underground order of hunters (7) and we’re going to take a look at that organization. Taking the 8th seed, we’re going to channel John Oliver and ask: “The Confederate Flag: How Is This Still A Thing?” because Mississippi governor Phil Bryant (8) signed into law a bill declaring April “Confederate Heritage Month”. In the number 9 spot is a TTCI favorite punching bag – Fox & Friends (9), and you won't believe what they're saying about Guantanamo Bay. Finally, because I always save the 10th spot for the craziest thing I can find this week, we’re going to introduce you to a conservative attorney named Kory Langhofer (10), who is convinced that Scalia’s votes on some crucial upcoming SCOTUS cases can be cast from beyond the grave. I smell a Thriller remake! And we’re going to close this list with a bonus idiot for you – Texas commissioner Sid Miller wants to overturn the state’s ban on deep fryers in schools! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

[font size="8"]Donald Drumpf[/font]

So Der Drumpfenfuror handily won South Carolina and New Hampshire this week. He is gaining some enormous numbers in the polls. But he is pissing off just about everyone and everything in his rise to the RNC in July. But nothing is getting more attention than his fued that he’s ignited with Pope Francis, who is one of the more liberal and progressive Popes to assume the Papacy, but then again it is the Catholic Church. But for round one, Der Drumpfenfuror pulled out no stops in starting the fight (and you can lay off the kindergarten “he started it!” fight – he actually did start this:

ABOARD THE PAPAL AIRLINER — Inserting himself into the Republican presidential race, Pope Francis on Wednesday suggested that Donald J. Drumpf “is not Christian” because of the harshness of his campaign promises to deport more immigrants and force Mexico to pay for a wall along the border.
“A person who thinks only about building walls, wherever they may be, and not building bridges, is not Christian,” Francis said when a reporter asked him about Mr. Drumpf on the papal airliner as he returned to Rome after his six-day visit to Mexico.
The pope’s remarks came during a wide-ranging, midair news conference in which he also waded into the question of whether the Roman Catholic Church should grant an exception to its prohibitions on abortion and birth control in regions where the Zika virus is causing a public health emergency, including in much of Catholic-dominated Latin America.
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/02/19/world/americas/pope-francis-donald-Drumpf-christian.html

But no! Now Drumpf is firing back at Pope Francis. And it’s on! You don’t go up against Pope Franics without pissing off the entire body of the Catholic Church, do you Drumpf?

Pope Francis may have picked a fight with the wrong bully.
After months of taking subtle swipes at Republican politicians, the pontiff went for a direct punch at Donald Drumpf on Thursday, suggesting the GOP poll leader is “not Christian” because of his desire to build a massive wall along the U.S.-Mexico border.
And Drumpf, practically pre-programmed to counterpunch, fired off a withering retort. He not only called the pope’s comments “disgraceful,” but he also suggested that the Islamic State would find the Vatican to be a mighty fine target.
The back-and-forth between the spiritual leader and the crass candidate was stunning, even for this rule-breaking presidential cycle, and once again thrust Drumpf to the fore of the news cycle as the GOP field scrambles to make its last impressions before Saturday’s South Carolina primary.
Read more: http://www.politico.com/story/2016/02/pope-francis-donald-Drumpf-not-a-christian-219432#ixzz41CkoNWGb

See, Pope Francis is a stupid loser. Nobody is more Christian than I am, and of course you know that Jesus was born in America. We don’t need the Catholic Church, their money, or their billions of followers. Just some good old fashioned American religion. And if you elect me, Donald Drumpf, to the presidency of the United States of America, I will not just make America great again, I am going to make American religion great again!

At this point in the election cycle, it's well-established that GOP front-runner Donald Drumpf can say basically anything without risk of losing his supporters, or even alienating the larger Republican electorate.
"I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue, shoot somebody, and I wouldn't lose any voters," Drumpf said in January.
While he's yet to prove his support goes that far, he took on both the religious and political establishment last week -- in the form of the head of the Roman Catholic Church and the most recent Republican president, respectively -- and went on to handily win the South Carolina primary.
But while neither Drumpf's feud with Pope Francis nor his criticism of President George W. Bush proved especially detrimental to him, Republicans view the two spats quite differently.
In a new HuffPost/YouGov poll, just 10 percent of Republicans agree with Pope Francis that Drumpf's plan to build a wall along the U.S. border with Mexico is "not Christian," while 61 percent side with Drumpf, who called the pope's comments "disgraceful." Even Republicans who'd rather see someone other than Drumpf as the nominee (the majority of them, it turns out) take his side.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/donald-Drumpf-pope-iraq-war_us_56ccc1ece4b0928f5a6d83d3

Yes! Even Donald Drumpf’s supporters don’t exactly agree with his plan to wall off Mexico. And he didn’t exactly win his fight with Pope Francis either.

(CNN)Nobody wants to tangle with the Pope -- not even Donald Drumpf.
One of the more unlikely battles to jolt a presidential campaign emerged Thursday when Pope Francis said Drumpf is "not Christian" if he wants to build a wall along the U.S.-Mexico border. Drumpf, true to form, shot back that the pontiff's comments were "disgraceful."
But by Thursday evening, the GOP front-runner was doing something unusual: de-escalating a fight.
"I don't like fighting with the Pope," Drumpf said at a GOP town hall in South Carolina hosted by CNN. "I like his personality; I like what he represents."
Drumpf called the Pope a "wonderful guy" and blamed the day's drama on the press.
http://www.cnn.com/2016/02/19/politics/donald-Drumpf-pope-francis/

No! Pope Francis isn’t the stupid loser here, it’s the American media! Under a Drumpf media, there will be no stupid losers because they will all have to bow down to the greatness of me, Donald Drumpf!

[font size="8"]Donald Drumpf[/font]

First off let’s point out the fact that a key Drumpf supporter got banned from CNN over some violent and hateful comments he made. Why is that important? Because Der Drumpfenfuror is letting the insults fly this week. But Pope Francis wasn’t the only person Der Drumpfenfuror pissed off this week. So Newt Gingrich went on Fox & Friends this week – which is a favorite punching bag of the TTCI – to tell them that they fucked up and that Drumpf is the candidate that “they created”. Well when a triple divorcee like Gingrich tells you that you fucked up, you better believe you fucked up! Roll tape!

Newt Gingrich Tells Fox And Friends: Drumpf Is The Candidate You "Invented"

(Gingrich) appeared on Fox and Friends earlier this morning to discuss the apparent inevitability of Donald Drumpf as the 2016 GOP nominee for President...(He) was only (too) happy to tell the Fox hosts who was to blame for the rise of Drumpf:
“That’s because of you guys. Donald Drumpf gets up in the morning, tweets to the entire planet at no cost, picks up the phone, calls you, has a great conversation for about eight minutes — which would have cost him a ton in commercial money. And meanwhile, his opponents are all out there trying to raise the money to run an ad.”

And the saddest part of all is this: the hosts didn’t even realize that Gingrich was being critical of them!

http://www.liberalamerica.org/2016/02/22/newt-gingrich-tells-fox-and-friends-dolts-Drumpf-is-the-candidate-you-invented/

But Drumpf didn’t just stop there! No sir/madam! He went all out. Here’s some of the people who he pissed off this week. Including the first senator who is refusing to vote for him. But behind door #1 - The Chicago Cubs owners!

Having just cleaned up in South Carolina, forced Jeb Bush to Charlie Brown Shuffle his way of the presidential race and made Westeros great again, Donald Drumpf has turned the full force of his perma-tanned fury toward another unlikely foe: The Chicago Cubs.

As if they haven't suffered enough.

To be clear, Drumpf isn't totally taking on the Cubbies, but rather, their owners, the Ricketts family, who bought a majority share of the team in 2009. Seems the Donald is furious that Marlene Ricketts, wife of billionaire J. Joe Ricketts, had contributed a reported $3 million to a super PAC that had been hammering the GOP frontrunner with negative ads ahead of the Iowa caucuses and the New Hampshire and South Carolina primaries.

"I hear the Rickets family, who own the Chicago Cubs, are secretly spending $'s against me. They better be careful, they have a lot to hide!" Drumpf presidentially threatened tweeted Monday.

Read more: http://www.rollingstone.com/sports/news/donald-Drumpf-attacks-chicago-cubs-ownership-20160222#ixzz40x5yaFFO

Door #2 - Former Mexican president Jorge Ramos!

In an interview with Jorge Ramos on Fusion, former Mexican president Vicente Fox said emphatically that if Donald Drumpf were to be elected to the Oval Office in November and make good on his promise of building a wall along the US-Mexico border, Mexico should not foot the bill, as Drumpf has suggested.

"I declare: I'm not going to pay for that fucking wall," Fox said. "He should pay for it. He's got the money."
http://www.motherjones.com/mojo/2016/02/former-mexican-president-fox-not-paying-for-Drumpf-wall

Door #3 - The Jacksons! Yes that Jackson Family!

You don't mess with the Jackson family.

Jermaine Jackson spoke out Friday after Donald Drumpf claimed that his "good friend" Michael Jackson experienced a major loss in confidence after undergoing facial surgery.

"'Friends' don't pay tribute by peddling b.s. theories about Michael's 'loss in confidence'. This fool Drumpf needs to sit down," Jermaine wrote on Twitter. "Michael's confidence was affected by the pressures, injustice and vitriol of external circumstances. Period."

He continued: "Name-dropping Michael don't make you cool and won't win you votes. Especially when using botched facts."

http://www.people.com/article/jermaine-jackson-on-donald-Drumpf-comments-michael-jackson

So everyone who isn’t Donald Drumpf is apparently a stupid loser.

[font size="8"]Donald Drumpf[/font]

Yes there’s so much insanity surrounding Donald Drumpf that it’s spilled into a third entry this week. But first – Bill Maher showed us what a profane Drumpf style State Of The Union would look like:

And did his campaign get hijacked by tea party patriots? Look at his tweets:

America is not for leightweight chockers! Vote for me Donald J. Drumpf! So while Drumpf was campaigning in Nevada, this happened:

Donald Drumpf easily won the Nevada Republican caucuses on Tuesday, finishing more than 20 points ahead of Florida Sen. Marco Rubio and cementing his status as the frontrunner for the 2016 GOP presidential nomination.
In his victory speech, the billionaire real estate mogul thanked his family, his friends and his wide swath of supporters.
“We won the evangelicals,” Drumpf said. “We won with young. We won with old. We won with highly educated. We won with poorly educated. I love the poorly educated.”
That last line was, as you might expect, the sound bite of the night. Indeed, “I love the poorly educated” was trending on Twitter early Wednesday morning, with users expressing a mix of bewilderment, consternation and other big words such supporters might not understand.
http://www.yahoo.com/politics/Drumpf-i-love-the-poorly-educated-144008662.html

So what does that mean exactly? Of course Der Drumpfenfuror loves the poorly educated. He wouldn’t have a campaign if it weren’t for the poorly educated. A well educated country would just laugh at his joke of a campaign and move on before it even got started. I mean come on, they make up the majority of those who watched The Apprentice and Celebrity Apprentice. I’d rather watch Meatloaf and Gary Busey kill each other over paint brushes on Celebrity Apprentice than go to another Donald Drumpf rally:

But – it looks like Donald Drumpf isn’t winning over friends internationally. One group that he’s particularly pissed off is the Chinese. And they have a dire warning for the US should we elect Drumpf in November:

China warned the United States on Wednesday not to adopt punitive currency policies that could disrupt U.S.-China relations after Donald Drumpf’s win in the Nevada caucus.
Foreign Ministry spokeswoman Hua Chunying told reporters in Beijing that “we are following with interest the U.S. presidential election.”
Hua was asked about China’s response to a possible Drumpf presidency and his announced plan to punish China for currency manipulation with a tax on Chinese goods.
“Since it belongs to the domestic affair of the U.S., I am not going to make comments on specific remarks by the relevant candidate,” she said.
http://freebeacon.com/politics/china-warns-u-s-after-Drumpf-wins-nevada-caucus/

Gee! I never would have guessed that of all the causes in the world that could ignite World War III, I never would have guessed it would be Donald Drumpf!

But this is yet another cause that you should be deathly, deathly afraid of. First, the New York Times exposed who works at Drumpf owned properties. Yup – he hires cheap foreign labor! Huzzah! While Bernie Sanders is winning over colleges and labor unions (and scoring a cool $36 million in fundraising), this is yet another type of Donald Drumpf supporter that you should be afraid of:

Reality TV star Donald Drumpf is inexplicably edging his was closer to the White House, but when members of the KKK allegedly showed up to show their support at a Nevada caucus site, it raised some eyebrows. Despite the unorthodox support of some of the most reviled racists in history of the United States, Drumpf won the Nevada primary handily, CNN reports. In fact, Donald Drumpf raked in 45.9 percent of the vote and 14 of 30 delegates, while Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz came in 2nd and 3rd, respectively.
So how does Donald Drumpf (or any other candidate) score a huge political win in 2016 while being openly supported by the KKK? It depends on who’s telling the story.
According to The Source, Donald Drumpf’s KKK supporters were very visible at a caucus event on Tuesday night. The caucus took place at Cimarron Memorial High School just outside of Vegas, and the sighting of the KKK members prompted calls to the police and a police response to the scene. Photographs of the KKK members were posted on social media, and it showed the robed Donald Drumpf supporters holding signs indicating that they were reps from the New England Police Benevolent Association. That group is also controversial, although perhaps not as controversial as the KKK, and it endorsed Donald Drumpf back in December.
Read more at http://www.inquisitr.com/2825196/donald-Drumpf-kkk-showed-up-to-support-candidate-in-nevada-or-did-they/#YF2VvbsYqjhAJodl.99

Yup! Once again white supremacism rears its’ ugly head in the Drumpf campaign. It’s becoming the 800 pound gorilla that the media is becoming afraid to address. Or in the words of Der Drumpfenfuror “Reporters are stupid losers. Nobody is as smart or as great as me, Donald Drumpf. I will make America great again!”. Oscars so white? More like Donald Drumpf rallies so white!

[font size="8"]Jeb![/font]

We need some Sad Hulk music once again for this entry. Can we get some Sad Hulk music?

So Jeb! is finally out of the race. Last week after a crushing defeat in South Carolina, it was revealed that Jeb! had burned through so much cash – much more than Kanye West did – that even professional financial analysts had a hard time explaining how much he spent:
Jeb Bush did a lot of things wrong on the campaign trail. One thing he did right, though, was raise money – lots and lots of money.
Pro-Bush super PAC Right to Rise spent almost $81 million on TV ads extolling Bush and attacking his rivals, and the campaign and its allies spent $130 million overall in the race. All of that spending netted him four delegates out of the 1,237 needed to win the nomination, or roughly $32.5 million per delegate.
Bush’s failure to turn dollars into votes is creating something of a mini-PR crisis for campaign finance watchdogs warning that the flood of dollars released by the Supreme Court’s 2010 Citizens United decision is corroding democracy.
Critics of their reforms are seizing on Bush’s nine-figure implosion, as well as less pricey disasters from other candidates, as evidence that money in politics is an exaggerated threat.
“Bush’s failed campaign and Scott Walker’s and Chris Christie’s — I could go on — all indicate how overblown the complaints are about Citizens United,” Floyd Abrams, an attorney and commentator who’s defended Citizens United on free speech grounds, told MSNBC in an email.
http://www.msnbc.com/msnbc/campaign-finance-activists-try-explain-jeb-bushs-130-million-fail

Think about that number for a minute. $130 million. And he didn’t even take one lousy state! Bernie Sanders has been gaining steady numbers and he hasn’t had one tenth of the financial support that Jeb! had during this campaign. Face it, the Koch brothers gambled and lost big. It’s just more proof of how flawed Citizens United is – you can have unlimited amounts of money thrown at you, but spending it all won’t guarantee you votes. This is the music I’d much rather be playing to celebrate Jeb!’s demise:

[font size="8"]David Duke[/font]

So in previous editions (read: all), I have noted the stunning connection between Donald Drumpf and America’s white supremacists. Well now it’s official my friends! Now the gloves have come off, and the white robes are being pulled back to reveal who’s really supporting Donald Drumpf! While Bernie Sanders has been getting some huge support from America’s labor unions, colleges, and big name corporations and media outlets, Donald Drumpf on the other hand has picked up ringing endorsements from Sarah Palin, Stormfront, everyone’s favorite yehadist racist redneck Sheriff Joe Arpaio, Infowars, and now the former Grand Wizard of the KKK – David Duke.

On Wednesday, David Duke, the white nationalist and former Ku Klux Klan Grand Wizard, encouraged his radio show listeners to volunteer for Drumpf's campaign. "Call Donald Drumpf’s headquarters [and] volunteer," he said on the "David Duke Radio Program." At Drumpf campaign offices, he said, "you’re gonna meet people who are going to have the same kind of mindset that you have.”
In Minnesota and Vermont, a white supremacist super PAC called the American National Super PAC has begun circulating a robocall in support of Drumpf.
"The white race is dying out in America and Europe because we are afraid to be called 'racist,' says William Johnson, the leader of the white nationalist American Freedom Party. He goes on to bemoan "gradual genocide against the white race," and how few "schools anymore have beautiful white children as the majority." He signs off by telling recipients, "Don’t vote for a Cuban. Vote for Donald Drumpf."
Johnson is not affiliated in any way with the Drumpf campaign, and Drumpf has distanced himself from Johnson's views. Drumpf also promised to return a $250 contribution Johnson made to his campaign.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/donald-Drumpf-white-supremacist-sec-primary_us_56cf4437e4b0bf0dab31222f

You know… people laughed at Hitler. They laughed at Stalin. They laughed at Mussolini, and Vladimir Putin. And now they’re laughing at Drumpf. But Drumpf siding with some hardcore racists and white supremacists? That’s no laughing matter. You want to know who is taking “Make America Great Again” seriously?

The P.P.P. poll asked voters if they thought whites were a superior race. Most Republican primary voters in South Carolina — 78 percent — disagreed with this idea (10 percent agreed and 11 percent weren’t sure). But among Mr. Drumpf’s supporters, only 69 percent disagreed. Mr. Carson’s voters were the most opposed to the notion (99 percent), followed by Mr. Kasich and Mr. Cruz’s supporters at 92 and 89 percent. Mr. Rubio’s backers were close to the average level of disagreement (76 percent).
According to P.P.P., 70 percent of Mr. Drumpf’s voters in South Carolina wish the Confederate battle flag were still flying on their statehouse grounds. (It was removed last summer less than a month after a mass shooting at a black church in Charleston.) The polling firm says that 38 percent of them wish the South had won the Civil War. Only a quarter of Mr. Rubio’s supporters share that wish, and even fewer of Mr. Kasich’s and Mr. Carson’s do.
Nationally, further analyses of the YouGov data show a similar trend: Nearly 20 percent of Mr. Drumpf’s voters disagreed with Abraham Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation, which freed slaves in the Southern states during the Civil War. Only 5 percent of Mr. Rubio’s voters share this view.
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/02/25/upshot/measuring-donald-Drumpfs-supporters-for-intolerance.html?smid=tw-share&_r=0

Holy fucking shit. 20% of Drumpf’s supporters actually said they would overturn Abraham Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation and bring back slave labor. Does anybody know how stunningly ignorant that is? Who were those people? Visa? Mastercard? Discover?

Oh and Der Drumpfenfuror is playing the “move along, nothing to see here” card when it comes to David Duke's endorsement!

“I don’t know anything about David Duke, I don’t know anything about what you’re even talking about with white supremacy or white supremacists,” Drumpf says. “I know nothing about David Duke, I know nothing about white supremacists.”
http://www.theguardian.com/us-news/live/2016/feb/28/Drumpf-cruz-rubio-sanders-super-tuesday-campaign-live?page=with:block-56d300fde4b0d38537b1f994#block-56d300fde4b0d38537b1f994

And then this surfaced from Feburary of 2000, when he denounced David Duke's involvement in the Reform party. You know politics makes for strange bedfellows:

And in case you’re wondering what a Drumpf presidency can lead to, look no further than Egypt, where a group of college students were jailed for following the wrong religion. Drumpf supporters are in dire need of some reeducation.

By the way - yes there was a KKK rally in my hometown of Anaheim last weekend that ended in um, yeah stabbings and arrests (don't worry - we'll cover that in full next week). This is not the group of people you want deciding the presidency of the free world.

But this farmer had the perfect message for Der Drumpfenfuror – spelled out in manure from his cows:

[font size="8"]Darrell Issa [/font]

So former (loser) gubernatorial candidate and two time DUI convicted congressman from my home state of California, Darrell Issa (R – Jack Daniels), was back in the news this week to back his candidate of choice, Ben Carson, who was accused of some light racism against President Obama.

U.S. Rep. Darrell Issa (R-CA) told CNN on Tuesday that Republican presidential candidate Ben Carson was “technically correct” when he said that President Barack Obama was not the first black president because he was “raised white.”

During an interview with Politico, Carson argued that he would be the first truly black president because he said that it was a “stretch” to claim President Obama “identifies with the experience of black of Americans.”

“He’s an ‘African’ American. He was, you know, raised white,” Carson insisted.

On CNN’s New Day, host Chris Cuomo pointed out to Issa that the Republican Party faced challenges in the presidential race because of its tone.

“Is this the kind of tactic that your party should endorse?” Cuomo wondered. “He didn’t say this in the back of a car to a friend, he said it to an open audience.” ...................(more)

http://www.rawstory.com/2016/02/darrell-issa-backs-carsons-theory-about-obamas-blackness-technically-he-was-raised-white/

See? Racism is a technicality! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha… it’s dead now in America, don’t you get it? Is Issa a frequent guest on David Duke’s radio show? But Ben Carson had his own “Let's Clap” moment this week when debating in Nevada:

It's well-known to anyone who's watched debates that, when a candidate is attacked by name, they're given a chance to respond.

Donald Drumpf was attacked somewhere between 5 and 275 times Thursday night during the Houston debate, giving him ample speaking time. At one point he even complained that he was being asked questions first too often.

That was not the issue with Ben Carson. At one point when he was called on, he complained: "I'm going to whine," citing questions that went to others and not to him.

Finally, during a spirited exchange over foreign policy when attacks were flying and leading candidates like Drumpf were repeatedly getting chances to respond, Carson jumped in.

"Can somebody attack me please?"

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2016/02/25/ben-carson-houston-debate/80964922/

And it’s not just racism anymore either. To quote one of my all time favorite shows, Arrested Development, Issa also advocates some… light treason.

Issa said it was up to U.S. military leaders to decide whether to follow Obama's plan, which he said was unlawful.

"Are they going to obey an unlawful order, an unlawful order to move people from Guantanamo, an unlawful order to close the base?" he said.

http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/issa-guantanamo-bay-trail-of-tears

Yeah you have to follow Obama’s orders, dipshit. He has one more year left then you can all admit he was a great president. Jackass. Obama is just the commander in chief, for another year.

[font size="8"]International Order Of St. Hubertus[/font]

So George Carlin’s insanely powerful penultimate standup album “Life Is Worth Losing” turns 11 years old this year. If you’re unfamiliar with that album – it was the one where he had a 15 minute rant about idiot Americans who are brainwashed by reality TV. It included this particular tidbit about who really owns the country that has been a staple of left wing sites since it first aired on 11/5/2005:

Yes, you and I are not in “the big club”. But you know who was? Antonin Scalia. And you know who might that big club be, you ask? Well it might be International Order of St. Hubertus. Since Scalia’s sudden death, many questions have been asked. Such as “why was he staying free of charge at a Texas ranch”? Well you might be surprised – shocked, shocked I tell you – at who the “big club” really is.

When Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia died 12 days ago at a West Texas ranch, he was among high-ranking members of an exclusive fraternity for hunters called the International Order of St. Hubertus, an Austrian society that dates back to the 1600s.

After Scalia’s death Feb. 13, the names of the 35 other guests at the remote resort, along with details about Scalia’s connection to the hunters, have remained largely unknown. A review of public records shows that some of the men who were with Scalia at the ranch are connected through the International Order of St. Hubertus, whose members gathered at least once before at the same ranch for a celebratory weekend.

Members of the worldwide, male-only society wear dark-green robes emblazoned with a large cross and the motto “Deum Diligite Animalia Diligentes,” which means “Honoring God by honoring His creatures,” according to the group’s website. Some hold titles, such as Grand Master, Prior and Knight Grand Officer. The Order’s name is in honor of Hubert, the patron saint of hunters and fishermen.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/national-security/justice-scalia-spent-his-last-hours-with-members-of-this-secretive-society-of-elite-hunters/2016/02/24/1d77af38-db20-11e5-891a-4ed04f4213e8_story.html

Yes – honor God by honoring his creatures – by blowing the shit out of them and shooting everything that moves. That is some fucked up logic. But – what was he doing there? Did you know that he was friends with Elena Kagan through this club and that he lobbied Obama to get her a spot on SCOTUS?

Supreme Court Justice Elena Kagan bagged herself a deer on a hunting trip to Wyoming with Justice Antonin Scalia last fall. You heard that right: Despite finding themselves on opposite sides of major court decisions, the liberal Obama-appointee and the conservative Reagan-appointee have become hunting buddies since Kagan was confirmed in 2010 as the fourth woman in history to sit on the highest court in the land.

"I shoot birds with him, fairly -- you know, two or three times a year now," Justice Kagan said during a wide-ranging and delightful Aspen Ideas Festival conversation with Jeffrey Rosen, president of the National Constitution Center, on Saturday. "And then he um, at the end of last year we had been bird shooting four or five times. I'll tell you how that came to be. But before I do, before I -- he said to me, 'It's time for big game hunting.' And we actually went out to Wyoming this past fall to shoot deer and antelope. Uh, and we did."

http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2013/06/justice-kagan-and-justice-scalia-are-hunting-buddies-really/277401/

Yup – having friends in such high places like the International Order of St. Hubertus will get you very far in life. Like this:

When the shocking news of Justice Antonin Scalia’s passing hit Saturday night, my mind raced back to a White House Correspondents Association dinner seven years ago, when we were seated together.

We bantered about my hometown of Chicago, where he had taught law before ascending to the bench. He opined on wine and music and generally lived up to his reputation as a man who told and enjoyed a good story.

And then our conversation took an unexpected turn.

Justice David Souter, Scalia’s longtime colleague on the court, had just announced his retirement, creating a vacancy for President Obama to fill. Scalia figured that as senior adviser to the new president, I might have some influence on the decision — or at least enough to pass along a message.
http://wtkr.com/2016/02/15/scalia-once-lobbied-obama-advisor-to-have-elena-kagan-nominated-to-the-supreme-court

Yup – it’s a big club all right.

[font size="8"]Phil Bryant [/font]

Now let’s take a page from one of my favorite shows on TV currently – Last Week Tonight With John Oliver and ask:

Specifically – the confederate flag. How is this still a thing? And why do people continue to defend the anti-American confederacy? I already pointed out in this edition who makes up Donald Drumpf’s base – and shockingly there’s a whopping 20% of people who disagree with Abraham Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation. You know – that speech where he freed the slaves. Yes – 20% think that slave labor should be reinstituted! That number is shockingly high! And Mississippi Governor Phil Bryant certainly isn’t helping things:

JACKSON — Two weeks before the Mississippi Legislature allowed 19 state flag bills to die in committee, Gov. Phil Bryant took out a pen and signed an official governor's proclamation, declaring the month of April "Confederate Heritage Month" ...

The proclamation, which does not appear on the State of Mississippi's website with other proclamations, such as about emergency inclement weather, is posted on the website of the Sons of Confederate Veterans, which is ferociously against changing the Mississippi flag to remove the Confederate battle flag .. from its canton ...

On Bryant's gubernatorial letterhead, the proclamation starts out by explaining that April is the appropriate month to honor Confederate heritage because it "is the month in which the Confederate States began and ended a four-year struggle." It adds that the state celebrates Confederal Memorial Day on April 25 to "recognize those who served in the Confederacy" ...

Bryant refuses to take a position on changing the Mississippi flag, saying it should be up to the voters, who decided in 2001 to leave the old flag in place, in a vote that fell largely along racial lines ...

http://www.jacksonfreepress.com/news/2016/feb/24/mississippi-governor-declares-april-confederate-hi/

Yup! At a time when racial tension is at an all time high, the governor of Mississippi is honoring the Confederacy. Add that to David Duke’s endorsement of Donald Drumpf and you have a toxic storm of racism and shit brewing. But after doing a bit of research as to why the Confederate flag is still flying, I found out that most flag wavers are doing it wrong, and even General Lee himself wanted nothing to do with the flag after the South lost the war. So again I ask – the Confederate Flag:

[font size="8"]Fox & Friends[/font]

Fox & Friends. That show you watch in the months between football seasons because you’re tired of hearing endless commentary about how your favorite football team failed to make the Super Bowl and you’re tired of hearing about how last season “could have been”. Carson Palmer should have scored four touchdowns during the Eagles game, not three, damn it! Well this week they have a jaw dropping explanation as to why Obama is closing Guantanamo Bay. Roll tape!

Fox News host Andrea Tantaros lashed out at President Barack Obama over his plans to close what she said was a “tropical paradise” at the Guantanamo Bay Detention Center in Cuba.
On Monday, Obama announced plans to transfer all remaining detainees from Gitmo before the end of his term, and described the prison as “contrary to our values.”
Although the president discussed transferring the remaining prisoners to other facilities, Tantaros warned on Tuesday that they would end up “back on the battlefield.”
“Imagine being a family member of someone who is killed by one of these terrorists or the special forces — our men and women in uniform that spent years tracking down these deadly terrorists at the request of the U.S. government, all their work is for nothing,” the Fox News host complained. “This plan is insanity.”
“And for the president to say it’s a recruitment tool, there’s not been one piece of evidence in [al Qaeda’s] Inspire magazine or otherwise that shows that Gitmo — a tropical paradise — has somehow been used as a recruitment tool,” she insisted. “That is a flat-out lie.”
http://www.rawstory.com/2016/02/foxs-andrea-tantaros-rips-obama-for-closing-gitmo-tropical-paradise-after-scalia-conveniently-died/

Oh ha ha ha ha ha ha… don’t you get it? That’s like saying people who die on the job is strictly business! Or John Kasich telling reporters that women left their kitchens to vote for me! Or Donald Drumpf getting an endorsement from Joe “Pink Panties” Arpaio”! Guantanamo Bay wasn’t the famous torture chamber it was during the Bush administration! It was a tropical island paradise where terrorists can relax by the beach! Were the torture chambers run by Sandals? Was it an all inclusive torture chamber where terrorists can enjoy all the free booze, discount airfare, and golfing they please? God damn it.

While on the subject of Fox News, former Fox bot and current Left Behind simulator developer Glenn Beck is advocating for a violent overthrow of Hillary Clinton should she get elected to the presidency:

While campaigning for Republican Ted Cruz in Reno, Nevada, radio host Glenn Beck told the crowd Monday that if Hillary Clinton or Marco Rubio were elected president, the United States would see violent revolution in ten years.

Beck said the Constitution was already hanging by a thread, and after the death of Antonin Scalia, “that thread has been cut.” He told the crowd that the U.S. had four options, four different choices it could make in the upcoming presidential election.

The first was socialism, which the crowd naturally booed and Beck said would lead to communism. The second was “status quo,” which he said was exemplified by Rubio and Clinton, politicians who support the current political system and say “hey, it’s working for me.”

“Listen to me,” Beck told the crowd, “that leads to violent revolution in ten years. That’s not a good thing.”
Beck then denounced authoritarianism, which he said Donald Drumpf believed in. The last option was of course Ted Cruz, who Beck urged voters to support.
http://www.mediaite.com/election-2016/glenn-beck-america-will-undergo-violent-revolution-if-we-elect-hillary-or-rubio/

Yeah Glenn Beck denouncing authoritarianism. When overthrowing the government is about as authoritarian as it gets. I picture a two man army of Glenn Beck and Alex Jones going up against the largest army in the free world, as well as the Secret Service. Good luck with that.

[font size="8"]Kory Langhofer[/font]

So if you’ve been following the Scalia death mess and SCOTUS obstructionists who are clearly unconstitutional and not following Obama’s orders – who are resisting a new SCOTUS pick. And you might be asking yourself who they will get to pick to fill Scalia’s shoes because a liberal being put on the Supreme Court will finally end 40 years of conservative control of SCOTUS. Which could mean cases like Citizens United will get overturned. Well ask no more! Conservative lobbyist Kory Langhofer has a solution that will last us through the election!

Anti-government attorney Kory Langhofer argued over the weekend that the Supreme Court could continue to decide cases 5-4 in favor of conservatives after the death of Antonin Scalia because the deceased justice could effectively cast votes from the grave.
“There’s no Ouija board required to figure out how Justice Scalia would vote on these things, he’s already voted,” Langhofer told KPNX during a panel discussion on Sunday. “We’re at the second-to-last step in how these cases unfold when Justice Scalia died.”
“We know exactly what he thought,” Langhofer continued. “And it’s not unprincipled to say we should give affect to that.”
Attorney Thomas Ryan pointed out, however, that Langhofer’s theory was only wishful thinking.
“Justices, after they do the conferences can also change their minds,” he explained, recalling Chief Justice John Roberts’ last minute decision to uphold the Affordable Care Act.
http://www.rawstory.com/2016/02/wtf-arizona-lawyer-says-scalia-can-vote-from-the-grave-to-keep-supreme-court-conservative/

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There it is!!!! That’s the solution when a sitting SCOTUS justice dies during the year of a major presidential election! Zombie voting! I love it. I particularly liked this quote in the article: ““The general rule is dead justices don’t vote,” Ryan said. “I mean, that sounds cruel, but that’s it.”. Gee…………… ya think???? Of course dead people don’t vote! I mean this isn’t Young Frankenstein, or Futurama where we have the ability to put human heads in jars! No! This would be a really fucked up Thriller remake, wouldn’t it? Or better yet – let’s fulfill Michael Jackson’s dream and make Thriller a reality!

[font size="8"]BONUS IDIOT[/font]
[font size="8"]Sid Miller [/font]

Finally this week – you know that every first lady is given a task or a cause to take on during the president’s term in office, right? And for Michelle Obama, it’s been fighting childhood obesity, which has taken tremendous effect in our nation’s schools. But there’s one guy in Texas who won’t have any of it. I give you Sid Miller – who is actively lobbying to get Texas’ ban on deep fryers in schools overturned.

http://firstwefeast.com/eat/texas-sid-miller-deep-fat-fryers-returning-to-texas-school-cafeterias/
At a time when lawmakers across the country (and, of course, Michelle Obama) are pushing schools to ditch the sad square pizzas in favor of healthier lunchtime options, one elected official in Texas continues to take a stand on behalf of (wait for it) junk food.

Republican Agriculture Commissioner Sid Miller—who gained national notoriety and the nickname the “Cupcake King” earlier this year for granting “amnesty” to all cupcakes, pies and sugary treats in schools—is now proposing to overturn the longtime ban on deep fat fryers and soda machines in cafeterias.

In response to a Houston Chronicle editorial bashing his plan earlier this week, Commissioner Miller (who I can only imagine was eating a corndog while dictating this quote) said it really has nothing to do with health:
“It’s about giving back local control and allowing each school district to make the best decision for their community. It’s not about french fries, it’s about freedom.”

Once again there’s that good old fashioned republican justification for everything. Sure let’s make our kids fat and stupid and allow for the Donald Drumpfs of the world to take over everything. Freedom also means not dying when you’re 40 because of a massive heart attack. Let’s continue:

This move, which will be voted on in the coming months, is the latest in a series of tiny hits to the much-lauded health reforms made by former Agriculture Commissioner Susan Combs to the Texas Public School Nutrition Policy in 2004. Among other reversals, Former Agriculture Commissioner Todd Staples undid the ban on high fat and high sugar foods in schools during his tenure. Miller seems hellbent on keeping pace with Staples’ efforts to make everything bigger in Texas.

Yeah so let’s overturn every advancement made to combat health issues in Texas. So when Miller has his way does that mean even the people will be bigger in Texas? Because obesity rates are staggeringly high there. And expect them to get much worse if the Sid Millers of the world get their way. And you know what? Fuck it, I’ll let Weird Al handle this one.

See you next week!

February 29, 2016

John Oliver Uses Donald Trump's Real Family Name & Invents A Google Chrome Extension

February 26, 2016

Ben Carson: Somebody Attack Me Please!!!

It's well-known to anyone who's watched debates that, when a candidate is attacked by name, they're given a chance to respond.

Donald Trump was attacked somewhere between 5 and 275 times Thursday night during the Houston debate, giving him ample speaking time. At one point he even complained that he was being asked questions first too often.

That was not the issue with Ben Carson. At one point when he was called on, he complained: "I'm going to whine," citing questions that went to others and not to him.

Finally, during a spirited exchange over foreign policy when attacks were flying and leading candidates like Trump were repeatedly getting chances to respond, Carson jumped in.

"Can somebody attack me please?"

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2016/02/25/ben-carson-houston-debate/80964922/

D'oh!!!

February 25, 2016

Zombie Candidacy: What Happens When Your Campaign Is Suspended

A Republican candidate needs 1,237 delegates to win the nomination outright going into the convention, which this year will begin on July 18. But with the bitter battle currently being waged by the five remaining candidates, some think a contested convention is becoming a real possibility.

That’s where the zombie candidates could come in. If the Republican field barrels towards a contested convention, with, for example, businessman Donald Trump, Texas Sen. Ted Cruz and Florida Sen. Marco Rubio each heading into July without a majority of delegates, then “they’re all kind of looking at each other, that’s when a guy who’s got 100 [delegates] could make a difference in some way,” Richard Hohlt, a longtime Republican donor and political consultant, told TIME.

That man (or woman, as former Hewlett-Packard CEO Carly Fiorina suspended her campaign and is on 37 state ballots), with 100 delegates almost definitely won’t be able to finagle his or her way to a nomination. But those delegates could be useful bargaining chips towards other ends.

Take Christie. He suspended his campaign on February 10 after a disappointing finish in New Hampshire. But his home state’s primary isn’t until early June. So if by June it’s looking more likely that there will be a convention battle, the sitting governor could re-start his campaign to go for the win in New Jersey, which is a winner-take-all state that awards 51 delegates.

If Christie were to win, he could then trade those delegates to one of the leading candidates at the convention in exchange for any number of things: a Cabinet position, money to pay off campaign debt, provisions in the party platform, or consideration for Vice President, to name a few.

A famous example of this is Pat Buchanan, who parlayed his delegate count in 1992 into a prime-time speaking slot ahead of incumbent George H. W. Bush, unleashing a now-famous speech on the "cultural war" gripping the country

http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/the-year-of-the-living-dead-the-effect-of-suspended-candidacies/ar-BBpZX9U?ocid=spartandhp

While we're all celebrating the demise of Jeb! and the BFEE - just remember that he's still on the ballots in a lot of states. Doesn't mean he's going to gain votes or win over delegates. The RNC is going to be very interesting to watch.

February 25, 2016

Passengers Applaud When Child With Allergic Reaction Is Kicked Off Flight

After a family trip to Washington, 7-year-old Giovanni boarded an Allegiant Air flight home with his mother Christina Fabian, and dad, George Alvarado.

But instead of heading back to Arizona, the family was forced to get off the plane after Giovanni had an allergic reaction and delayed takeoff, King 5 News reports. To add insult to injury: other passengers clapped as the family headed off the plane.

"He started to get hives, so we informed the flight attendant who informed us that there's dogs on every flight and just smirked, which minimized his experience for me," Fabian said. "They helped us off the plane, but as we gathered our stuff the people toward the back of the plane clapped."

Giovanni's father has terminal cancer, so the purpose of the trip was to spend some quality time together.

"I am sad that this has to be a memory with my dad," said Giovanni.

http://www.msn.com/en-us/travel/news/passengers-applauded-when-a-family-was-forced-off-a-plane-after-their-son-had-an-allergic-reaction/ar-BBq03E4?ocid=spartandhp

What the serious fuck is wrong with people???? This is such a sad story on multiple levels, and now they're victims of some douchebags on a plane?

February 24, 2016

Dumb Criminals: Florida (Obviously) Man Shoots Ohio Man After Argument Over Strip Clubs

A Florida man was shot in the leg after arguing with another man over which strip club they thought was better, according to WKYC.

The incident happened at 2 a.m. on Saturday morning in Cleveland. Antonio Cummings, 24, of Orlando, Florida, told authorities he was visiting the strip club with friends for a birthday party.

While standing outside the club, Cummings got into an argument with another man about the difference between strip clubs in Ohio versus Florida. The fight turned violent and Cummings was shot.

The suspect took off in a car, WKYC reports. Cummings was being treated at a nearby hospital.

http://www.rawstory.com/2016/02/ohio-or-florida-man-shot-after-argument-over-where-the-better-strip-clubs-are-turns-violent/

Florida Man has to stand his ground, you know!

February 23, 2016

Best Girl Scout Cookie Location Ever.

A Girl Scout selected a Southeast Portland marijuana dispensary as a cookie-selling location this weekend.

KATU reported that a Girl Scout had set up shop in front of Foster Buds Medical and Recreational Marijuana Dispensary on Southeast Foster Road on Saturday. The girl was with her aunt, who said it wasn't violating any rules, KATU reported.

Girl Scout Cookies sales are in full swing across the metro-region. The girls sell the iconic cookies, which locally come in eight varieties, to raise money to support Girl Scout councils.

A post on the Facebook page for the dispensary said Foster Buds was "proud" to have Girl Scouts selling outside the shop.

http://www.oregonlive.com/living/index.ssf/2016/02/girl_scout_sells_cookies_outsi.html

That's how you move boxes of cookies!

February 22, 2016

Hollywood Whitewashing: How Is This Still A Thing?

John Oliver once again wins!

February 22, 2016

North London Man Changes Name To Bacon Doublecheeseburger

Not The Onion!!!

A man from north London has changed his name by deed poll to Bacon Double Cheeseburger.

Simon Smith, from Muswell Hill, said he fancied a name change and the Burger King favourite was the first thing that popped into his head.

He told the Sunday People: “A name is the least important part of your personality. It’s given to you by someone else.”

“Bacon Double Cheeseburger was the first name I came up with.”

The 33-year-old is one of a record-breaking 85,000 people who changed their name last year.

Others decided to name themselves over popular footballers like Cristiano Ronaldo, Lionel Messi and Man Utd star Wayne Rooney.

One couple called themselves Mr and Mrs Amazing, while a man preferred to be referred to as Bruce Wayne, the secret identity of Batman.

http://www.standard.co.uk/news/london/north-london-man-changes-name-to-bacon-double-cheeseburger-by-deed-poll-a3185661.html

Well at least Bruce Wayne is a real name. But Bacon Doublecheeseburger?

February 22, 2016

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #16: The Dumb And The Restless Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #16: The Dumb And The Restless Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! This might be our biggest edition ever! This thing was pushing over 19 and a half pages in Word with formatting. So if it takes you a while to read it, I'll wait.

Because there was a lot of conservative idiocy in the wake of Scalia's death. Too much. We’re not going to use the Top 10 to speak ill of the dead in any way, shape or form. But we will remember Scalia not as he died but as he lived – and that was he was a major conservative idiot. And while that we won’t make fun of him this week, we can certainly make fun of his conspiracy theorists and SCOTUS obstructionists, can’t we? I mean what kind of society do we live in where that isn’t allowed to happen? To start with, how great is it to finally have John Oliver back and how hilarious was his first show? He completely owned the prime minister of New Zealand at the end, and it was a thing of beauty:

So where does one begin when a prominent conservative emperor like Scalia dies suddenly? Well to start with the one person who’s easily going to take the top spot this week is Alex Jones (1). Because if you saw Infowars last week – Scalia didn’t die as a result of a heart attack from extremely poor health. No – he was MURDERED!!! *cue horror music* At number two is GOP conspiracy theorists, because the theory that Scalia was murdered didn’t just stop with Alex Jones. In the number 3 seed is Kentucky senate majority leader Mitch McConnell, who apparently needs a lesson in how the Constitution works when referring to how Scalia’s replacement is going to be picked. Taking the 4th spot is a Ted Cruz (4) mega entry because there was a lot of news regarding the front runner this week, and it’s all batshit crazy. And speaking of religious batshit insanity, Glenn Beck (5) is taking the 5th seed because the rapture is apparently a thing, and he’s got just the candidate! At number 6 – Ohio governor John Kasich believes that bringing back the Crusades is a good idea, naturally. In the number 7 seed is the Bundy Bunch (7) who left, among other things, a trench of poop at the Malheur sanctuary. At number 8, Jeb! (8) manages to perfectly capture the essence of the American public in one Tweet. Der Trumpenfuror falls to the number 9 spot and while nothing was as awesome or epic as Funny Or Die’s movie, in an election year, old news is new news for Der Trumpenfuror. And finally tonight – while we won’t use the Top 10 to talk tabloid trash, we are going to talk about Kanye West (10) – who is the Donald Trump of rap music. He’s beyond broke, and we’re going to tell you who he is soliciting an insane donation from! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

[font size="8"]Alex Jones[/font]

There aren't enough batshit crazy icons for this, this is so far off the deep end here, folks. So… last week this happened:

Justice Antonin Scalia, whose transformative legal theories, vivid writing and outsize personality made him a leader of a conservative intellectual renaissance in his three decades on the Supreme Court, was found dead on Saturday at a resort in West Texas. He was 79.
“He was an extraordinary individual and jurist, admired and treasured by his colleagues,” Chief Justice John G. Roberts Jr. said in a statement confirming Justice Scalia’s death. “His passing is a great loss to the Court and the country he so loyally served.”
The cause of death was not immediately released. A spokeswoman for the United States Marshals Service, which sent personnel to the scene, said there was nothing to indicate the death was the result of anything other than natural causes.
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/02/14/us/antonin-scalia-death.html

Regardless of what you think of Justice Scalia, his death is sad no matter which way you look at it. And we can certainly wait a week to mull about who’s going to decide what case, can’t we? I mean shit, the cause of death wasn’t even released until the next day! And this is what happened:

Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia's cause of death is a heart attack, according to WFAA.

Scalia died Saturday at the Cibolo Creek Ranch in Marfa, TX. His body was found after he failed to show up for breakfast.
The body of Scalia arrived in El Paso, TX around 2 a.m. Sunday.

http://www.wsmv.com/story/31218683/scalia-died-of-heart-attack-reports-say#ixzz40AnoebY5

Which is true – Scalia’s killer was heart disease. It wasn’t a conspiracy plot by the Obama administration to kill a sitting justice during his last year in office before the court sits down for the first hearings of the year, is it? Not if you saw Infowars over the weekend! No sir/madam! This is about as batshit crazy as it gets, folks!

“You just get used to this, ‘Scalia found, it’s natural, nothing going on here, he just died naturally,’” Jones said. “And you’re like, ‘Whoa. Red flag.’ Then you realize, Obama is one vote away from being able to ban guns, open the borders and actually have the court engage in its agenda and now Scalia dies. I mean, this is hard core.”

“I wonder if Clarence Thomas will die of a heart attack next week,” he continued, adding: “If this is an assassination, it signifies that they’re dropping the hammer, that’s the canary in the coal mine.”

He once again posited that his fan Donald Trump may be next: “Are they going to kill Clarence Thomas? Maybe they’ll kill Ron Paul. Maybe they’ll kill Donald Trump next. They all had heart attacks. How many more of these are we going to sit here and put up with? Or maybe their airplane blows up.”

“My gut tells me they killed him and all the intellectual evidence lays it out,” he said, insisting that his gut feeling “is already right.”

Jones then said a civil war is coming if the Senate confirms Obama’s choice to replace Scalia. “The Republicans better block this nomination,” he said, “because if they get one more Supreme Court person in there, they’re going to trump every piece of Bill of Rights and Constitution and they’re going to get that physical civil war they want.”

- See more at: http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/alex-jones-obama-murdered-justice-scalia-and-donald-trump-next#sthash.epgMLkwB.dpuf

He… he put a little too much thought into that didn’t he?

And who… wants a civil war? Nobody! Even countries who are currently engaged in civil wars right fucking now wish they weren’t in them and are actively trying to stop them. Alex Jones is a fucking mad man who is beating the drums for a war that is never going to happen. He must secretly wish that he was General Lee and that he would have been the leader in the last civil war. But in reality he has about as much credibility of starting a war as Cartman does.

And by the way – Alex didn’t just reiterate his stance on Justice Scalia, no he doubled down on the theory that he was murdered:

The Infowars broadcaster claimed that he had a “sixth sense” that “something big” was about to happen hours before the media reported on Scalia’s death. He added that he had “sweat running down me” because he knew following Scalia’s death that “all hell is about to break loose.”

Texas Gov. Greg Abbott and other conservative leaders, he warned, may also soon wind up dead: “Maybe they’ll find the governor with a pillow over his face, maybe that’s the new thing. All of these conservatives that are fighting back that are real conservatives, they are all being found with pillows over their faces.”

“Man, the psy-op is deep on this one,” Jones said, comparing Scalia’s death to his belief that 9/11 was an inside job.

While Jones lamented that “Scalia walked into the perfect bear trap,” the InfoWars news crew also claimed that Obama wanted to “take out” Scalia in order to push through gun control and introduce socialism to the country.

“This is it. This is the final assault,” Jones said. “This is the beginning of the final war.”

- See more at: http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/alex-jones-obama-killed-scalia-and-all-hell-about-break-loose#sthash.vRTbOTAu.dpuf

The final assault – I don’t think I’ve heard that Europe song!

I have figured it out – watching an episode of Infowars is like playing a game of “Six Degrees Of Kevin Bacon”. Except there’s just one degree and Kevin Bacon is coming to take your guns away! My this burrito I’m eating is delicious! Alex: “Burritos are a plot by the government to keep us fat and ignorant so they can take your guns away!”. Hey Suzie, that’s a nice dress that you’re wearing! Alex: “Suzie is a government informant from the Obama administration who’s coming to take your guns away!”. Hey I love this set for the TTCI! Alex: “If you’re in that set, you’re part of a plot designed to take your guns away!” Hey Alex!!! Nobody is coming to take your guns away! They might be coming to take *YOU* away for a nice little chat.

[font size="8"]GOP Conspiracy Theorists [/font]

The batshit crazy didn’t just stop at Alex Jones. Oh no! It’s mutated and spread throughout the entire GOP (I’ll just sit here and watch while you contemplate that image

). If you saw the Twittersphere over the weekend, it blew up with everything from “it was a liberal plot” to “which justice are they going to kill next”? Yes, I actually saw that one, and no, they’re not knocking off justices one by one.

Earlier today, Donald Trump chatted with far-right radio host Michael Savage, who has been voicing doubts that Justice Antonin Scalia died of natural causes, suggesting that foul play was involved in the conservative jurist's death.

Savage, after wondering if Scalia was "murdered," asked Trump if he would support a Warren Commission-style investigation into the justice's death.

Trump responded that while he doesn't have enough information to comment on whether Scalia was murdered, he found it "pretty unusual" that the justice was discovered with "a pillow on his face."

- See more at: http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/donald-trump-raises-suspicions-about-justice-scalias-death#sthash.ht5tEzam.dpuf

Yup! Even the Kanye West of politics, Der Trumpenfuror, is weighing in on the issue! And no it’s not an issue – Scalia’s killer was cheeseburgers and donuts. Just because he was in a hotel room by himself when he passed away in his sleep doesn’t mean that it was some kind of bizarre murder conspiracy!

It didn’t take long after news broke that Justice Antonin Scalia had died at a Texas hunting lodge before conspiracy theorists came to the “logical” conclusion that the 79-year-old jurist with health problems had been murdered.
From the first moon landing to the the 9/11 attack on the Twin Towers to the slaughter that took the lives of 26 innocents at Sandy Hook — there is no shortage of skeptics in the U.S. who see nefarious actors behind every event big or small.
Even before My San Antonio reported that lodge owner John Poindexter said, “We discovered the judge in bed, a pillow over his head. His bed clothes were unwrinkled,” people began speculating online that Scalia had been murdered.
Leading the list of reasons was a backlog of cases involving abortion, affirmative actions, unions and the 2nd Amendment before the Supreme Court that could stall out with the loss of the court’s most conservative justice.
<snip>
Conservative trendsetter Matt Drudge also jumped on the “Scalia murdered” bandwagon with a screaming red headline reading: “Scalia found dead with ‘pillow over head’.”
https://www.rawstory.com/2016/02/conspiracy-kooks-shift-into-overdrive-after-learning-antonin-scalia-was-found-dead-with-a-pillow-over-head/

Seriously… it wasn’t even five fucking minutes after the news broke! Can’t people just breathe and wait until the news starts coming out about how he actually died before they begin the rampant, insane speculation?? Even the family wants the conspiracy theorists to shut up and is saying that there will be no investigations or autopsy performed:

Authorities in Texas said no autopsy was needed for U.S. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, revealing he had a multitude of health problems.
Presidio County Judge Cinderela Guevara declared — by phone — that Scalia’s death a product of natural causes. She later said Scalia was weakened from a heart condition and had high blood pressure, according to The Associated Press.
Guevara said his doctor told her he was considered too weak to undergo surgery for a recent shoulder injury.
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/antonin-scalia-family-waives-autopsy-questions-linger-article-1.2531910

But nope – that didn’t stop WND from reinstigating the murder claim:

WASHINGTON – The seemingly quick conclusion that Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia died of “natural causes” is prompting calls for an autopsy and toxicological reports.
William Gheen, president of the Americans for Legal Immigration political action committee, noted the media’s “rush” to proclaim Scalia’s death in a rented room in a resort in Texas as either “natural causes” or heart attack within hours of the discovery of his body Saturday morning.
“Anytime a head of state, member of Congress, or the most conservative member of the U.S. Supreme Court is found dead, an extensive autopsy and toxicology examination should be both immediate and mandatory,” said Gheen. “The horrid reaction and comments about his death expressed by many liberals online illustrate that Scalia was hated by many people.”

Read more at http://www.wnd.com/2016/02/urgent-calls-begin-for-scalia-autopsy/#PIdqW9tdb5A5vooX.99

And then batshit crazy end times pastor Rick Wiles said that Obama murdered Scalia as a “pagan sacrifice”. What era do these idiots live in???

Yesterday on “Trunews,” End Times radio host Rick Wiles discussed “the possible occult connections” to the death of Justice Antonin Scalia, whom he concluded was murdered by President Obama and was a human sacrifice to mark the pagan festival of Lupercalia.
Wiles explained that the “Luciferian” “devil-worshipers” who control the government are out for blood, noting that Lupercalia is observed between February 13 and 15. Scalia’s body was discovered on the 13th. “There’s always human sacrifice involved,” he said, claiming that Scalia was “killed” to mark the beginning of pagan fascism ruling over the U.S.
- See more at: http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/rick-wiles-obama-killed-scalia-pagan-human-sacrifice#sthash.9IAXFWzu.dpuf

You really can’t make this stuff up, folks, and sometimes real life is better than fiction.

[font size="8"]Mitch McConnell[/font]

Republicans are in desperate need of some constitutional reeducation in light of Antonin Scalia’s death. In one camp you have strict constitutionalists like John Ritzheimer who claim that they swore an oath to uphold the US Constitution. But what oath they weren’t exactly clear on. Well apparently Mitch McConnell (R-Loser) didn’t either get the memo (insert your best Bill Lumbergh impression here), or he simply didn’t read the U.S. Constitution. Oh yeah and he’s the fucking SENATE MAJORITY LEADER!!!

The authors of the US Constitution did not outline a two-party system. Nor did they imagine that a plan for reasonable checks and balances would become a tool to empower petty obstructionists.

What the framers established was a system of separated powers with three branches of government: executive, legislative, and judicial. In the event of a vacancy on the nation’s highest court, the founding document explained that the president “shall nominate, and by and with the Advice and Consent of the Senate, shall appoint…Judges of the supreme Court.”
The Constitution does not say that presidents may nominate justices. It says they shall do so.
The Constitution does not say that presidents are limited in this duty by the timing when a vacancy occurs. There is no footnote that says presidents shall only perform their duties in their first terms. Nor is there a footnote that says members of the Senate shall only provide appropriate advice and consent when a president is in his or her first term. And there is certainly no language that suggests that a president’s nominee to the Court must parallel the ideology of the justice he or she would replace.
http://www.thenation.com/article/yes-president-obama-can-still-nominate-a-supreme-court-justice/

But oh no! No sir/madam! Mitch McConnell apparently needs a reminder in how the U.S. Constitution works, and how the president appoints justices to SCOTUS:

Hillary Clinton called Senator Mitch McConnell’s statement that the next president, not President Obama, should appoint a successor to Justice Scalia “disappointing” and “totally out of step with our history and our constitutional principle.”

Speaking at a Democratic fund-raising dinner in Denver, Mrs. Clinton denounced Republican presidential candidates and the Senate majority leader’s pledge to not allow Mr. Obama to replace Mr. Scalia, who passed away at a West Texas ranch on Saturday. “For any of us who needed a reminder of just how important it is to take back the U.S. Senate and hold onto the White House, just look at the Supreme Court,” Mrs. Clinton said.

“I know that our thoughts and prayers are with the Scalia family tonight and I am also thinking and praying for the future of our country,” she said. “It is outrageous that Republicans in the Senate and on the campaign trail have already pledged to block any replacement that President Obama nominates”

“Barack Obama is the president of the United States until Jan. 20, 2017,” she continued. “That is a fact, my friends, whether Republicans like it or not.”

Read more: http://www.nytimes.com/politics/first-draft/2016/02/13/hillary-clinton-calls-mitch-mcconnells-stance-on-supreme-court-nomination-disappointing/

Yes that’s what the Constitution states. These are our leaders. Somehow people like Mitch McConnell get elected. This makes me very fearful of a world where Der Trumpenfuror is president. Excuse me a minute…

[font size="8"]Ted Cruz[/font]

That’s me in the corner / that’s me in the spotlight / losing my religion / trying to keep a view / and I don’t know if I can do it / oh no I’ve said too much…

Got carried away there for a minute. So republicans are so paranoid at the fact that they might lose religious freedom (they wont), gun rights (they wont), and of course SCOTUS (they might actually lose that one!). But Ted Cruz definitely isn’t helping ease the paranoia that the religious nutjobs go through on a religious basis. I wonder what it’s like to have this kind of mindset? Because these people are crazy.

By the way, the Senate's duty is to advise and consent. You know what? The Senate is advising right now. We're advising that a lame-duck president in an election year is not going to be able to tip the balance of the Supreme Court.

That we're going to have an election, and if liberals are so confident that the American people want unlimited abortion on demand, want religious liberty torn down, want the Second Amendment taken away, want veterans' memorials torn down, want the crosses and stars of David sandblasted off of the tombstones of our fallen veterans, then go and make the case to the people.

I don't think the American people want that. I'm very happy to take that case directly to Hillary Clinton, directly to Bernie Sanders. And I would note, look, how do we know Donald Trump's record on this is going to be bad? He has supported liberals for four decades: Jimmy Carter, John Kerry, Hillary Clinton, Chuck Schumer, Harry Reid.

Anyone who cares about judges would not be supporting Harry Reid and Chuck Schumer and John Kerry and Hillary Clinton. And the consequence is, if either Hillary or Bernie or Donald Trump is the president, we will see the Second Amendment written out of the constitution. This is a basic question, who will defend our liberties?

http://www.nbcnews.com/meet-the-press/meet-press-february-14-2016-n518621

Yes. Having a Jewish president (read: Bernie Sanders) will literally mean that all traces of Christian religion will be wiped from our existence, and that the graves of our fallen soldiers will be literally pissed on. Excuse me a minute…

Meanwhile Ted Cruz’s wife Heidi is doubling down on the fact that her husband is the most godly candidate that has ever been running for office:

We are at a cultural crossroads in our country, and if we can be in this race to show this country the face of the God that we serve — this Christian God that we serve is the foundation of our country, our country was built on Judeo-Christian values, we are a nation of freedom of religion, but the God of Christianity is the God of freedom, of individual liberty, of choice and of consequence.

http://americablog.com/2016/02/heidi-cruz-south-carolina-theocrat.html

*Jon Lovitz impression* Yes!! That’s the ticket! A theocracy!

Ted Cruz does have at least one ally - who he would appoint as U.N. Ambassador if elected president:

Washington (CNN)Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz made an unusual suggestion for U.N. ambassador at a rally on Friday: "Duck Dynasty" star Phil Robertson.

"How much would you pay to see the Russian ambassador's face when Phil says, 'What is wrong with you people?'" Cruz joked to an applauding crowd in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.

Robertson officially endorsed Cruz last month in a video put out by the Cruz campaign that shows the duo duck hunting.

Although most famous for his role on the A&E reality series, Robertson made waves in the past after he called same-sex marriage "evil" and "wicked," and said that Cruz would be the country's best bet for restoring the country to its Christian roots at a rally in Iowa last month.

http://www.cnn.com/2016/02/19/politics/ted-cruz-phil-robertson-un-ambassador/index.html

Really??? You would make Duck fucking Dynasty the UN Ambassador???? This guy??

Yeah he’s not the guy we should even be talking to if the US wants to restore its’ image.

But let’s talk about how much Ted Cruz is losing even though he won Iowa and New Hampshire. However, It seems the establishment can’t seem to stop calling Ted a liar. First of course, there’s Der Trumpenfuror who seems to be taking things just a bit too far when calling Cruz a liar:

A group of Donald Trump supporters have filed a lawsuit asking a judge to rule that fellow GOP candidate Ted Cruz is ineligible for the office of president.

The suit, filed in Alabama, seeks to declare that Cruz “is ineligible to qualify/run/seek and be elected to the Office of the President of the United States of America,” according to papers obtained by Washington blog The Hill.

The pack of Trump devotees seeks the ruling on the grounds that Cruz was born in Calgary, Canada, albeit to an American mother.

Read more: https://www.yahoo.com/tv/donald-trump-supporters-file-lawsuit-declare-ted-cruz-214854593.html

Yup! It now appears that Cruz is lying about his citizenship, and supporters of Der Trumpenfuror have called him out on it! The GOP establishment is eating itself!

And here’s Marco Rubio accusing Cruz of lying:

Marco Rubio says Ted Cruz is a liar -- accusing the Texas senator of false attacks over same-sex marriage, Planned Parenthood, immigration, campaign tactics and more.

"There's no other way to describe that -- it's a lie. When you say something that's not true, it's called a lie. That's the definition of it," Rubio said Sunday in an interview with CNN's Dana Bash on "State of the Union."

His verbal assault came the morning after the two had one of the most memorable exchanges of Saturday night's debate hosted by CBS, when Cruz attacked comments Rubio had made on Univision in Spanish about immigration.

Rubio shot back that Cruz doesn't even speak Spanish -- and Cruz responded in Spanish, challenging Rubio to continue their exchange in the language.

Read more: http://www.cnn.com/2016/02/14/politics/marco-rubio-ted-cruz-lies/index.html

So really how much does Ted Cruz lie? Does he tell the truth even when he is lying? Like Scarface?

[font size="8"]Glenn Beck[/font]

So… the rapture is apparently a thing that is happening, and it’s happening soon according to batshit crazy religious lunatics who worship the rapture, like Michelle Bachmann and Glenn Beck, who if you recall previous Idiots editions, was preparing for the Rapture, by reading his kids the delightful bed time story of death, destruction, and rule by Satan known as Left Behind that spawned the hideously bad Nicholas Cage movie of the same name. But… Glenn Beck is back this week, and he thinks that Ted Cruz is just the perfect guy to get you through the horrible time known as the rapture:

Beck, who has been campaigning for Cruz in South Carolina, called on Christians during a rally at Rick Joyner‘s MorningStar Fellowship Church to “fall to your knees and pray to God to reveal to you what the hour is.”

The former Fox News host also spent a good half hour weeping and shouting at the crowd, while claiming that he accurately predicted the 9/11 attacks, the 2008 economic crisis and the supposed rise of the caliphate.

“I’m here as a fellow citizen,” Beck said. “And I’m begging you, please do not dismiss the peril we are in. Fall to your knees and pray to God to reveal to you what the hour is.”

http://deadstate.org/glenn-beck-weeps-and-tells-crowd-that-the-ted-cruz-will-get-them-through-the-rapture/

Are rapture lovers speaking in code? Do they actually know like down to the exact minute when it’s actually going to happen? Because I haven’t seen any signs that the Rapture is going to happen any time soon. I picture them sitting next to their alarm clocks going “This is it!!! It’s this fucking minute!!”. Oh wait no. Maybe it’s this one. Or this one. Or this one. And there’s more:

Ask our dear Lord to show you who the man is that has the integrity, who has the connection, who will fall to his knees at the Resolute Desk, who, before he acts, doesn’t think of a poll but looks to the Constitution and the holy scriptures; our Bible and the Constitution both come from God, they are both sacred scriptures!”

“I know there is a God. I testify to you that I see a storm coming,” he continued, saying that God has a plan to save this nation but it requires Christians to do everything they can to elect Cruz.”

What the fuck is the Resolute Desk? That sounds like some sort of weird call in show that’s hosted by Larry King. Kansas City, hello, you’re on the Resolute Desk!!

[font size="8"]John Kasich[/font]

While Glenn Beck is actively fantasizing about “Left Behind” becoming a real thing, John Kasich (R – Batshit) wants to bring back the Crusades. Because you know those things always have a positive turnout, don’t they? In fact, I think the religion that they want to convert to Christianity still hold a grudge over the last time this was attempted and that was over 1200 years ago! Well… this is yet another one of those cases where history is lost on the republicans, or they simply just don’t give a shit and are pandering to their audience.

http://www.politicususa.com/2016/02/16/john-kasich-proposes-federal-agency-push-christianity-middle-east.html
Ohio Governor John Kasich placed 2nd in the New Hampshire Republican primary and bills himself as some kind of moderate, small government Republican, but a proposal he made proves he is just another typical Republican extremist and a hypocrite. Kasich’s plan to create a new federal government agency informs, besides his hypocrisy and extremism, that he subscribes to the typical Republican mindset that has only created death, destruction and Islamic extremists across the world. In fact, that Republican mindset is the primary reason Middle East Muslims really “hate us;” it is not now or never has been because of our freedoms.

As much as Kasich loves to tout his “small government” bona fides, it is hypocrisy that he proposed a bright idea to use Americans’ tax dollars to create a new federal agency, but not to help Americans. Kasich’s plan is to help the evangelical movement “export and ‘push’ America’s Judeo-Christian belief system across the world.” Seriously, federal departments to proselytize and push Muslims into the Judeo-Christian religion(s) so they can be “exceptional” just like Americans.

<snip>

It is apparent that like George W. Bush’s neo-conservative Christian administration, Kasich subscribes to the Republican delusion that the road to peace (read American dominance) in the world is predicated on forcing the religious rights’ particular brand of extremist Christianity down Islamic populations’ throats.

Honestly – John has about as much of a chance of reuniting Pink Floyd (see Idiots #14 ) as he does of making this happen. You know John, we have this thing called the First Amendment that states that, and I’m quoting directly “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion”. I think that would prevent this sort of thing from happening. And there they go again with shoving things down people’s throats.

[font size="8"]The Bundy Bunch[/font]

This is the gift that keeps on giving, folks! First I want to give a shout out to Matt Taibbi of Rolling Stone who wrote a hit piece on the Bundy Bunch called "The Dumb & The Restless", which could not just describe the Bundy Bunch, but most of the GOP in general - especially those that want to ignore the Constitution in the wake of Scalia's death. But hopefully this is the last we’ll see of the Bundy Bunch for a while. But this week – it finally ended! Our long national nightmare is over! Sort of. LaVoy Finicum is six feet under, while Ammon, Ryan, Cliven, and John Ritzheimer are behind bars. So this didn’t end as badly as we all thought it would. But this week – it was revealed who the funders of the Bundy Bunch are. If you guessed that it was the Koch Brothers – you are correct!! Points!

http://grist.org/living/guess-whos-funding-the-bundys-crazy-land-grab-movement-the-koch-brothers/
But as reporters pack up and locals try to get back to normal, questions remain. Is this just be beginning of a larger rebellion against the federal government? And would such a rebellion have any powerful backers? To that last question, we may have an answer: the Koch brothers.

ThinkProgress reports:
The political network of the conservative billionaires Charles and David Koch signaled last week that it is expanding its financial and organizational support for a coalition of anti-government activists and militants who are working to seize and sell America’s national forests, monuments, and other public lands....

But hey! There are franchise opportunities available! Want in on some of that sweet, sweet Koch cash? Here’s what you have to do: Just find some abandoned remote federal lands near you, set up shop, forget crucial items like snacks and working toilets. Post a few videos online about how you swore an oath to the Constitution, and bring lots of guns and ammo. The feds will leave you alone while the media frenzy begins. Boom! That sweet, sweet Koch cash will start rolling in! The personal cost? Just your dignity and maybe a couple of years at Supermax.

Or you could make some quick cash by suing the government for a laughably batshit crazy sum of money:

PORTLAND, Ore. (KOIN) — Shawna Cox, one of the original occupiers at the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge who is now facing federal charges, has sued the US government for ... “damages from the works of the devil in excess of $666,666,666,666.66 Six hundred sixty six billion, six hundred sixty six million, six hundred sixty six thousand, six hundred sixty six dollars and sixty six cents” ...

... the lawsuit .. claims she “came to the assistance of economically vulnerable individuals who were being harassed, threatened,intimidated, persecuted and incarcerated by arrogant, narcissi (sic) Federal Government officials who have organized together to highjack and steal our Constitutional form of government from the people of the United States of America.”

http://wkbn.com/2016/02/17/malheur-occupier-shawna-cox-sues-us-for-666b-over-works-of-devil/

To put things in perspective, that is about how much the US government spent on the F35 program last year. Hey o!!!

And yes, you read that correctly – and I will spell it out in case you need to read it a second time in case your head hasn’t exploded from trying to contemplate that money: That’s Six hundred sixty six billion, six hundred sixty six million, six hundred sixty six thousand, six hundred sixty six dollars, and of course who could forget the sixty six cents? Can we get some Iron Maiden please?

Good luck with that, especially with a whopping 14 counts of federal felonies levied against the Bundy Bunch, and 10 alone for Cliven himself. Oh and speaking of non operational indoor plumbing, the FBI was doing clean up at the Malhuer site and this is what they found:

Feb 16 (Reuters) - The FBI said it has found a trench of human feces and a road excavated on or next to a sensitive cultural site with artifacts at the Oregon wildlife refuge where armed men staged a standoff with authorities, according to court records filed on Tuesday.

The filing came after the FBI on Friday said it was working with the Burns Paiute Tribe to identify damage to the tribe's artifacts and sacred burial grounds at the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge during the six-week occupation.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/oregon-militia-cultural-refuge-feces_us_56c3f2c9e4b0b40245c870c2

Trench of Feces by the way saw them at the Troub last week – not that great of a band. But the band they were opening for – Free The Lands, was pretty damn good!

And how did I miss this??? Here's Cliven Bundy writing a letter to - of all places - the Oregon government, and copying it to the fucking White House asking them to leave "Malhaur" alone:

You tell 'em, Mr. President!

[font size="8"]Jeb![/font]

First some breaking news!! Our long national nightmare is over – it's officially the end of the BFEE as we know it! And I feel fine!

Jeb Bush, unable to muster enthusiasm for his presidential bid beyond the family network that helped him raise a record $160 million, is suspending his campaign following a disappointing finish in South Carolina.
The decision follows a string of underwhelming primary finishes for the former Florida governor, including in New Hampshire where he invested heavily and bet on a massive ground organization but still finished behind Donald Trump, John Kasich and Ted Cruz.
http://www.politico.com/story/2016/02/breaking-news-jeb-bush-is-suspending-his-presidential-campaign-219564

Celebrate good times come on!! Now back to the entry I originally had planned: Yet another awesome cover from the New York Daily News to get us started:

Dolt. 45 – I love it!

So in one near perfect Tweet, not only did Jeb! break Twitter and have this picture backfire on him (pun absolutely intended), he also perfectly captures the essence of gun nuts and the American people:

Strike one! Yes, America – land of the free, and home of bullets with your name on them. Literally. So that happened.

The US Republican Presidential candidate Jeb Bush is pro-gun rights and behind in the polls, so when he purchased his first firearm, he had probably hoped to receive support on social media.
The former Florida governor's new handgun, inscribed with his name on the slide, has been re-tweeted more than 19,000 times and met with widespread mockery around the world.
Bush tweeted a picture of his gun alongside the word "America", seeking to burnish his pro-gun credentials and patriotism as his campaign moves into the conservative state of South Carolina.
But if the USA is defined by its relationship to firearms, Twitter provided the answer for how best to represent other countries across the world.
British comedian Joe Lycett put forward this entry for the UK.
http://www.bbc.com/news/election-us-2016-35594007

But here’s where the gun maker in question had ties to the Nazi party, which only furthers the speculation on how Prescott Bush made his billions:

The black semiautomatic pistol is made by FN America, which has a manufacturing plant in Columbia, the capital of the next early state in primary voting.
Gun rights have become a central tenet of the Republican campaign for president, with each candidate touting their record with the NRA and history of firearm ownership.
The handgun tweet posted by Bush came after a tour and town hall with employees at the FN plant. The tweet has exploded online and has the potential to boost his image among Southerners beyond South Carolina who value the 2nd Amendment and the right to bear arms.
But the manufacturer of the handgun shown in Bush's picture has a history of its own. While the company is known as FN America, it is actually a subsidiary of FN Herstal, a foreign corporation based in Belgium. And for decades, the company was known as Fabrique Nationale d’Armes de Guerre.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2016/02/16/that-gun-jeb-bush-tweeted-today-its-maker-has-a-long-and-fascinating-history/

Strike two!!!! Oh and by the way, Jeb! forgot to renew the domain name registry on his website, and Der Trumpenfuror bought it, and exposed exactly what happens when you forget to renew your site’s registration:

GOP nominee Jeb Bush may not be the most technical guy in the world, but I guarantee you he has a team of internet gurus working hard for him every day.
Somehow, no one caught this ahead of time.
Good ole Jeb forgot to renew his website domain, and one billionaire was ready to capitalize on the moment. That’s right, GOP front-runner Donald Trump waited until the domain expired, and quickly snatched it up and redirected the page to his website.
In politics, everything is fair game. Props to the Don for pulling this savage move off.
If you dont believe me, click here —> www.JebBush.com
http://k945.com/jeb-bush-forgets-to-renew-website-donald-trump-buys-it/?trackback=tsmclip

Strike three!! You are out of here!

[font size="8"]Donald Trump [/font]

WARNING: NSFW CONTENT AHEAD

We’ve already covered Der Trumpenfuror extensively in this edition so far, but what could we possibly have in store for the #9 entry? Number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9… Well I am glad you asked because there’s this. In an election year, especially when someone as high profile already as Donald Trump is running and seems almost unstoppable in his quest to win the RNC nomination, old news sometimes becomes new news. This week – it was revealed that a 90’s interview with Howard Stern contained some stuff that was, well, a bit too much information:

Donald Trump has made several memorable appearances on The Howard Stern Show, where he is often at his most candid and crude.
As has been previously reported, it was on Stern’s program that Trump said Kim Kardashian had a “fat ass” and where he explained how he made potential partners take STI tests from his personal doctor.
But there’s more.
http://www.buzzfeed.com/andrewkaczynski/trump-isnt-into-anal-melania-never-poops-and-other-things-he#.xmjYWB1Xp

Wait???? There’s more??? What could possibly be left that hasn’t already been revealed?

In a separate 2004 appearance, Trump engaged in an especially peculiar conversation about his girlfriend Melania (now his wife), saying he had never witnessed her pass gas or defecate.
Trump, referencing an earlier conversation with Stern, said, “You said something a while ago about Beth (Stern’s girlfriend) that amazed me, because it applies to Melania. You said you’ve never seen here do anything like, bad, in terms of her own personal.”
“You said you’ve never heard her fart. Is that true? Is that amazing? In years, three and a half years,” Trump continued. Stern told Trump that his girlfriend had only pooped four times in three years.
“I’m gonna say, I can say the exact say thing about Melania,” Trump responded.
Stern then asked Trump if Melania ever “makes a doody.” Trump replied, “I’ve never see any, it’s amazing. Maybe they save that for after marriage.”
Asked about former wife Ivana’s bowel movements, Trump said, “It was a little more normal.”

And there’s even more. Maybe this is how we get rid of Der Trumpenfuror – just keep digging up his old Howard Stern interviews:

In a 1997 interview with shock jock Howard Stern, Trump talked about how he had been “lucky” not to have contracted diseases when he was sleeping around.
“I’ve been so lucky in terms of that whole world. It is a dangerous world out there. It’s scary, like Vietnam. Sort of like the Vietnam-era,” Trump said in a video that resurfaced Tuesday on Buzzfeed, “It is my personal Vietnam. I feel like a great and very brave soldier.”

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/02/16/draft-dodger-trump-said-sleeping-around-was-my-personal-vietnam.html?via=twitter_page#pq=34Ch5s

Wow………………………………………. I am speechless. And people want this guy to be president? After reading this bullshit? Excuse me a minute, I need to go take a clean shower.

Ed. Note: By the way, don’t worry – next week we will go into full detail on Der Trumpenfuror’s feud with Pope Francis. Stay tuned!

[font size="8"]Kanye West Is Broke[/font]

Before I begin this entry, a disclaimer. 1 – I will never use the Top 10 to talk about celebrity tabloid trash. 2 – Unless it’s something ridiculously batshit crazy (like Martin Shkreli’s continuing feud with the Wu Tang Clan), and this story is exactly that. But this is one of those things where the universe is turning on itself. Cue the sad Hulk music:

Kanye West seems to be pissing off a lot of people lately. First, he had that absolutely disastrous appearance on Saturday Night Live. Next he’s in an on again off again feud with Album Of The Year winner Taylor Swift (we’ll save that for another entry). He has gone off the rails – he said he would not accept an appearance to perform at the Grammy awards this year unless he was guaranteed album of the year. No, you can’t guarantee it. But what you can guarantee is that Kanye West is beyond broke. I mean truly, truly beyond broke. So broke that he’s resorting to this:

Kanye West has taken to Twitter again after appealing to Silicon Valley billionaires to help bail him out after claiming to be $53m in debt.
He revealed on Twitter on Sunday that he is $53m in debt, writing: "Please pray we overcome. This is my true heart."
He followed up by appealing directly to one of the world's richest technology entrepreneurs - Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg.
"Mark Zuckerberg invest 1 billion dollars into Kanye West ideas," he wrote.
"Mark Zuckerberg I know it’s your birthday but can you please call me by tomorrow?
http://news.sky.com/story/1642288/kanye-west-appeals-to-mark-zuckerberg-over-debt

First off it wasn't Mark Zuckerberg's birthday. And second, excuse me while I go into a Lewis Black-esque angry rage rant for a minute. Think about it. A billion dollars. I will repeat that: A billion dollars. A billion fucking dollars. Kanye West wants a billion dollars!!!! What is he going to do? Launch his album into space??? And in case you were wondering, yes, a Go Fund Me page has been setup where you can help dig Kanye out of the $53 million hole that he’s in:

The rapper and fashion designer claims to be $53 million in debt, citing struggles to make his music and fund his clothing line as reasons for his money woes. Apparently, the $500 haircuts and a $3 million engagement ring had nothing to do with it.
Zuckerberg didn’t reach out to West in response to his plea – at least not publicly.
But West says that many others did, including “hedge fund guys billionaires etc.”
And a guy named Jeremy Piatt. Piatt is the Co-founder and Creative Director at Paul Bunyan Design in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Paul Bunyan Design offers branding, logo and web design services, serving a number of clients – though West isn’t one of them.
http://www.forbes.com/sites/kellyphillipserb/2016/02/16/gofundme-campaign-launched-to-help-raise-53-million-for-kanye-west/#2f224d807993

So here’s what it looks like and what it’s raised so far (a whopping $6844, or 0.000012%) as of this post) :

Hey! Starving artists need money too! Won’t you donate money today? For your donation you might actually get a copy of the “Life Of Pablo”. And that graph by the way is a good indication of exactly how much money $53 million really is. Not to mention while this is brilliant, they forgot exactly what the taxes on $53 million added to that would be. And I also love that people are using his Go Fund Me page to plug their businesses or charities.

And he might have a hard time raising that $53 million, if this report from the International Business Times is any indication:

Wait, Kanye West's album still hasn't been released to the public? You'd never know, based on a quick look at the Pirate Bay, Kickass Torrents and a range of other piracy websites, where “The Life of Pablo” is freely available and has been downloaded illegally hundreds of thousands of times.
West surprised the world Saturday night when he released his long delayed new album, “The Life of Pablo,” after performing two songs on “Saturday Night Live.” The album was for sale on his website for only a few hours, and the rapper has since said his new music will only be available on Tidal, the subscription streaming service backed by Jay Z, Rihanna, and yes Kaye. But Kanye somehow forgot that “The Life of Pablo” would inevitably leak to torrent websites, and spark an explosion of downloads among people who know how to steal music.
http://www.ibtimes.com/pirate-bay-ruining-kanye-wests-plan-fueling-thousands-free-life-pablo-torrent-2308851

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8"]Rush Limbaugh Name Drops Us[/font]

So in case you didn’t notice, this happened:

“The things that Trump said and did Saturday night came out of nowhere,” Mr. Limbaugh said. “They didn’t make any sense. Here we are in a Republican primary, and Donald Trump, out of the blue, starts blaming the Bush family for 9/11, for knowing that the intelligence was made up, that there never were any weapons of mass destruction, and they knew it, Trump said.”

...“Folks, there were a number of occasions where Donald Trump sounded like the Daily Kos blog, where Donald Trump sounded like the Democrat Underground, sounded like any average host on MSNBC,” Mr. Limbaugh said.
http://www.nytimes.com/politics/first-draft/2016/02/15/rush-limbaugh-sees-strategy-behind-donald-trumps-they-lied-claim/?module=BlogPost-Title&version=Blog%20Main&contentCollection=Politics&action=Click&pgtype=Blogs

BOOM! Drop the mic! Name checked by everyone’s favorite bloated gasbag that no one is listening to anymore and that’s Rush Limbaugh! Suck it, Free Republic! Donald Trump sounding like Daily Kos? Really? He sounds more like Infowars correspondents at a Stormfront rally. I can’t make fun of Infowars enough. Although is it me or does he look stupid by not calling it “DemocratIC Underground?”

See you next week!

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