General Discussion

Initech

(100,108 posts) Mon Feb 29, 2016, 01:43 PM Feb 2016

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #17: Playing The Drumpf Card Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #17: Playing The Drumpf Card Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! So... how about the Oscars this year, am I right? Spotlight won Best Picture, and I can guarantee that nobody saw that coming! And one of my favorite flicks from last year – Mad Max Fury Road won six, six Oscars! How about them apples!! Whooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!

But still, regardless of what you think about the Oscars, it was an absolute fucking crime that Straight Outta Compton got snubbed for Best Picture, and Michael B. Jordan, and O'Shea Jackson Jr both got snubbed for Best Supporting Actor. Both amazing performances and should have been nominated. Creed and Straight Outta Compton were both two of my other favorite flicks last year. And of course with the Oscars, we also gotta talk about the anti-Oscars - Razzie awards! Which 50 Shades Of Gray easily won just about every category. Ha ha. I actually didn't really watch any of it last night, too busy watching my Ducks trounce the Kings on home ice and tying for first place in the Western Conference!

But... enough ranting. We have a lot of conservative idiocy to get to, and I do mean a lot. And a lot of it is coming from Donald Trump. Like almost the entire edition this week. But first, John Oliver skewered Donald Trump last night:

So with John Oliver in mind from here on out, if Donald Trump is going to be proud of his heritage, he should start using his family name. From here on out, for the rest of this and future editions, we’re literally going to replace all instances of “Donald Trump” with “Donald Drumpf” so you don’t have to! Thank you find and replace feature in MS Word! Der Drumpfenfuror (1, 2, 3) is taking up not one, but the top 3 spots this week! He seems to be gaining huge numbers in the polls, but he’s bringing a lot of pissed off people with him – particularly Pope Francis. Der Drumpfenfuror was also the subject of a hit piece in Rolling Stone by Matt Taibbi, and Newt Gingrich slammed Fox & Friends for the monster that they created. In number 4 spot is Jeb!, and he’s a loser who lost a ton of dough on his campaign. He can join Kanye in Debtor’s Anonymous. In the number 5 slot, former Dungeons & Dragons, er, KKK grand wizard David Duke (5) is unleashing a dose of some good old fashioned white supremacy. At number 6, everyone’s favorite drunk driving congressman Darrell Issa (6) thinks that treason is a good option. In the number 7 spot, now that the dust has settled on Scalia’s death, it turns out that he was a member of an elite underground order of hunters (7) and we’re going to take a look at that organization. Taking the 8th seed, we’re going to channel John Oliver and ask: “The Confederate Flag: How Is This Still A Thing?” because Mississippi governor Phil Bryant (8) signed into law a bill declaring April “Confederate Heritage Month”. In the number 9 spot is a TTCI favorite punching bag – Fox & Friends (9), and you won't believe what they're saying about Guantanamo Bay. Finally, because I always save the 10th spot for the craziest thing I can find this week, we’re going to introduce you to a conservative attorney named Kory Langhofer (10), who is convinced that Scalia’s votes on some crucial upcoming SCOTUS cases can be cast from beyond the grave. I smell a Thriller remake! And we’re going to close this list with a bonus idiot for you – Texas commissioner Sid Miller wants to overturn the state’s ban on deep fryers in schools! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

[font size="8"]Donald Drumpf[/font]

So Der Drumpfenfuror handily won South Carolina and New Hampshire this week. He is gaining some enormous numbers in the polls. But he is pissing off just about everyone and everything in his rise to the RNC in July. But nothing is getting more attention than his fued that he’s ignited with Pope Francis, who is one of the more liberal and progressive Popes to assume the Papacy, but then again it is the Catholic Church. But for round one, Der Drumpfenfuror pulled out no stops in starting the fight (and you can lay off the kindergarten “he started it!” fight – he actually did start this:

ABOARD THE PAPAL AIRLINER — Inserting himself into the Republican presidential race, Pope Francis on Wednesday suggested that Donald J. Drumpf “is not Christian” because of the harshness of his campaign promises to deport more immigrants and force Mexico to pay for a wall along the border.
“A person who thinks only about building walls, wherever they may be, and not building bridges, is not Christian,” Francis said when a reporter asked him about Mr. Drumpf on the papal airliner as he returned to Rome after his six-day visit to Mexico.
The pope’s remarks came during a wide-ranging, midair news conference in which he also waded into the question of whether the Roman Catholic Church should grant an exception to its prohibitions on abortion and birth control in regions where the Zika virus is causing a public health emergency, including in much of Catholic-dominated Latin America.
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/02/19/world/americas/pope-francis-donald-Drumpf-christian.html

But no! Now Drumpf is firing back at Pope Francis. And it’s on! You don’t go up against Pope Franics without pissing off the entire body of the Catholic Church, do you Drumpf?

Pope Francis may have picked a fight with the wrong bully.
After months of taking subtle swipes at Republican politicians, the pontiff went for a direct punch at Donald Drumpf on Thursday, suggesting the GOP poll leader is “not Christian” because of his desire to build a massive wall along the U.S.-Mexico border.
And Drumpf, practically pre-programmed to counterpunch, fired off a withering retort. He not only called the pope’s comments “disgraceful,” but he also suggested that the Islamic State would find the Vatican to be a mighty fine target.
The back-and-forth between the spiritual leader and the crass candidate was stunning, even for this rule-breaking presidential cycle, and once again thrust Drumpf to the fore of the news cycle as the GOP field scrambles to make its last impressions before Saturday’s South Carolina primary.
Read more: http://www.politico.com/story/2016/02/pope-francis-donald-Drumpf-not-a-christian-219432#ixzz41CkoNWGb

See, Pope Francis is a stupid loser. Nobody is more Christian than I am, and of course you know that Jesus was born in America. We don’t need the Catholic Church, their money, or their billions of followers. Just some good old fashioned American religion. And if you elect me, Donald Drumpf, to the presidency of the United States of America, I will not just make America great again, I am going to make American religion great again!

At this point in the election cycle, it's well-established that GOP front-runner Donald Drumpf can say basically anything without risk of losing his supporters, or even alienating the larger Republican electorate.
"I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue, shoot somebody, and I wouldn't lose any voters," Drumpf said in January.
While he's yet to prove his support goes that far, he took on both the religious and political establishment last week -- in the form of the head of the Roman Catholic Church and the most recent Republican president, respectively -- and went on to handily win the South Carolina primary.
But while neither Drumpf's feud with Pope Francis nor his criticism of President George W. Bush proved especially detrimental to him, Republicans view the two spats quite differently.
In a new HuffPost/YouGov poll, just 10 percent of Republicans agree with Pope Francis that Drumpf's plan to build a wall along the U.S. border with Mexico is "not Christian," while 61 percent side with Drumpf, who called the pope's comments "disgraceful." Even Republicans who'd rather see someone other than Drumpf as the nominee (the majority of them, it turns out) take his side.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/donald-Drumpf-pope-iraq-war_us_56ccc1ece4b0928f5a6d83d3

Yes! Even Donald Drumpf’s supporters don’t exactly agree with his plan to wall off Mexico. And he didn’t exactly win his fight with Pope Francis either.

(CNN)Nobody wants to tangle with the Pope -- not even Donald Drumpf.
One of the more unlikely battles to jolt a presidential campaign emerged Thursday when Pope Francis said Drumpf is "not Christian" if he wants to build a wall along the U.S.-Mexico border. Drumpf, true to form, shot back that the pontiff's comments were "disgraceful."
But by Thursday evening, the GOP front-runner was doing something unusual: de-escalating a fight.
"I don't like fighting with the Pope," Drumpf said at a GOP town hall in South Carolina hosted by CNN. "I like his personality; I like what he represents."
Drumpf called the Pope a "wonderful guy" and blamed the day's drama on the press.
http://www.cnn.com/2016/02/19/politics/donald-Drumpf-pope-francis/

No! Pope Francis isn’t the stupid loser here, it’s the American media! Under a Drumpf media, there will be no stupid losers because they will all have to bow down to the greatness of me, Donald Drumpf!

[font size="8"]Donald Drumpf[/font]

First off let’s point out the fact that a key Drumpf supporter got banned from CNN over some violent and hateful comments he made. Why is that important? Because Der Drumpfenfuror is letting the insults fly this week. But Pope Francis wasn’t the only person Der Drumpfenfuror pissed off this week. So Newt Gingrich went on Fox & Friends this week – which is a favorite punching bag of the TTCI – to tell them that they fucked up and that Drumpf is the candidate that “they created”. Well when a triple divorcee like Gingrich tells you that you fucked up, you better believe you fucked up! Roll tape!

Newt Gingrich Tells Fox And Friends: Drumpf Is The Candidate You "Invented"

(Gingrich) appeared on Fox and Friends earlier this morning to discuss the apparent inevitability of Donald Drumpf as the 2016 GOP nominee for President...(He) was only (too) happy to tell the Fox hosts who was to blame for the rise of Drumpf:
“That’s because of you guys. Donald Drumpf gets up in the morning, tweets to the entire planet at no cost, picks up the phone, calls you, has a great conversation for about eight minutes — which would have cost him a ton in commercial money. And meanwhile, his opponents are all out there trying to raise the money to run an ad.”

And the saddest part of all is this: the hosts didn’t even realize that Gingrich was being critical of them!

http://www.liberalamerica.org/2016/02/22/newt-gingrich-tells-fox-and-friends-dolts-Drumpf-is-the-candidate-you-invented/

But Drumpf didn’t just stop there! No sir/madam! He went all out. Here’s some of the people who he pissed off this week. Including the first senator who is refusing to vote for him. But behind door #1 - The Chicago Cubs owners!

Having just cleaned up in South Carolina, forced Jeb Bush to Charlie Brown Shuffle his way of the presidential race and made Westeros great again, Donald Drumpf has turned the full force of his perma-tanned fury toward another unlikely foe: The Chicago Cubs.

As if they haven't suffered enough.

To be clear, Drumpf isn't totally taking on the Cubbies, but rather, their owners, the Ricketts family, who bought a majority share of the team in 2009. Seems the Donald is furious that Marlene Ricketts, wife of billionaire J. Joe Ricketts, had contributed a reported $3 million to a super PAC that had been hammering the GOP frontrunner with negative ads ahead of the Iowa caucuses and the New Hampshire and South Carolina primaries.

"I hear the Rickets family, who own the Chicago Cubs, are secretly spending $'s against me. They better be careful, they have a lot to hide!" Drumpf presidentially threatened tweeted Monday.

Read more: http://www.rollingstone.com/sports/news/donald-Drumpf-attacks-chicago-cubs-ownership-20160222#ixzz40x5yaFFO

Door #2 - Former Mexican president Jorge Ramos!

In an interview with Jorge Ramos on Fusion, former Mexican president Vicente Fox said emphatically that if Donald Drumpf were to be elected to the Oval Office in November and make good on his promise of building a wall along the US-Mexico border, Mexico should not foot the bill, as Drumpf has suggested.

"I declare: I'm not going to pay for that fucking wall," Fox said. "He should pay for it. He's got the money."
http://www.motherjones.com/mojo/2016/02/former-mexican-president-fox-not-paying-for-Drumpf-wall

Door #3 - The Jacksons! Yes that Jackson Family!

You don't mess with the Jackson family.

Jermaine Jackson spoke out Friday after Donald Drumpf claimed that his "good friend" Michael Jackson experienced a major loss in confidence after undergoing facial surgery.

"'Friends' don't pay tribute by peddling b.s. theories about Michael's 'loss in confidence'. This fool Drumpf needs to sit down," Jermaine wrote on Twitter. "Michael's confidence was affected by the pressures, injustice and vitriol of external circumstances. Period."

He continued: "Name-dropping Michael don't make you cool and won't win you votes. Especially when using botched facts."

http://www.people.com/article/jermaine-jackson-on-donald-Drumpf-comments-michael-jackson

So everyone who isn’t Donald Drumpf is apparently a stupid loser.

[font size="8"]Donald Drumpf[/font]

Yes there’s so much insanity surrounding Donald Drumpf that it’s spilled into a third entry this week. But first – Bill Maher showed us what a profane Drumpf style State Of The Union would look like:

And did his campaign get hijacked by tea party patriots? Look at his tweets:

America is not for leightweight chockers! Vote for me Donald J. Drumpf! So while Drumpf was campaigning in Nevada, this happened:

Donald Drumpf easily won the Nevada Republican caucuses on Tuesday, finishing more than 20 points ahead of Florida Sen. Marco Rubio and cementing his status as the frontrunner for the 2016 GOP presidential nomination.
In his victory speech, the billionaire real estate mogul thanked his family, his friends and his wide swath of supporters.
“We won the evangelicals,” Drumpf said. “We won with young. We won with old. We won with highly educated. We won with poorly educated. I love the poorly educated.”
That last line was, as you might expect, the sound bite of the night. Indeed, “I love the poorly educated” was trending on Twitter early Wednesday morning, with users expressing a mix of bewilderment, consternation and other big words such supporters might not understand.
http://www.yahoo.com/politics/Drumpf-i-love-the-poorly-educated-144008662.html

So what does that mean exactly? Of course Der Drumpfenfuror loves the poorly educated. He wouldn’t have a campaign if it weren’t for the poorly educated. A well educated country would just laugh at his joke of a campaign and move on before it even got started. I mean come on, they make up the majority of those who watched The Apprentice and Celebrity Apprentice. I’d rather watch Meatloaf and Gary Busey kill each other over paint brushes on Celebrity Apprentice than go to another Donald Drumpf rally:

But – it looks like Donald Drumpf isn’t winning over friends internationally. One group that he’s particularly pissed off is the Chinese. And they have a dire warning for the US should we elect Drumpf in November:

China warned the United States on Wednesday not to adopt punitive currency policies that could disrupt U.S.-China relations after Donald Drumpf’s win in the Nevada caucus.
Foreign Ministry spokeswoman Hua Chunying told reporters in Beijing that “we are following with interest the U.S. presidential election.”
Hua was asked about China’s response to a possible Drumpf presidency and his announced plan to punish China for currency manipulation with a tax on Chinese goods.
“Since it belongs to the domestic affair of the U.S., I am not going to make comments on specific remarks by the relevant candidate,” she said.
http://freebeacon.com/politics/china-warns-u-s-after-Drumpf-wins-nevada-caucus/

Gee! I never would have guessed that of all the causes in the world that could ignite World War III, I never would have guessed it would be Donald Drumpf!

But this is yet another cause that you should be deathly, deathly afraid of. First, the New York Times exposed who works at Drumpf owned properties. Yup – he hires cheap foreign labor! Huzzah! While Bernie Sanders is winning over colleges and labor unions (and scoring a cool $36 million in fundraising), this is yet another type of Donald Drumpf supporter that you should be afraid of:

Reality TV star Donald Drumpf is inexplicably edging his was closer to the White House, but when members of the KKK allegedly showed up to show their support at a Nevada caucus site, it raised some eyebrows. Despite the unorthodox support of some of the most reviled racists in history of the United States, Drumpf won the Nevada primary handily, CNN reports. In fact, Donald Drumpf raked in 45.9 percent of the vote and 14 of 30 delegates, while Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz came in 2nd and 3rd, respectively.
So how does Donald Drumpf (or any other candidate) score a huge political win in 2016 while being openly supported by the KKK? It depends on who’s telling the story.
According to The Source, Donald Drumpf’s KKK supporters were very visible at a caucus event on Tuesday night. The caucus took place at Cimarron Memorial High School just outside of Vegas, and the sighting of the KKK members prompted calls to the police and a police response to the scene. Photographs of the KKK members were posted on social media, and it showed the robed Donald Drumpf supporters holding signs indicating that they were reps from the New England Police Benevolent Association. That group is also controversial, although perhaps not as controversial as the KKK, and it endorsed Donald Drumpf back in December.
Read more at http://www.inquisitr.com/2825196/donald-Drumpf-kkk-showed-up-to-support-candidate-in-nevada-or-did-they/#YF2VvbsYqjhAJodl.99

Yup! Once again white supremacism rears its’ ugly head in the Drumpf campaign. It’s becoming the 800 pound gorilla that the media is becoming afraid to address. Or in the words of Der Drumpfenfuror “Reporters are stupid losers. Nobody is as smart or as great as me, Donald Drumpf. I will make America great again!”. Oscars so white? More like Donald Drumpf rallies so white!

[font size="8"]Jeb![/font]

We need some Sad Hulk music once again for this entry. Can we get some Sad Hulk music?

So Jeb! is finally out of the race. Last week after a crushing defeat in South Carolina, it was revealed that Jeb! had burned through so much cash – much more than Kanye West did – that even professional financial analysts had a hard time explaining how much he spent:
Jeb Bush did a lot of things wrong on the campaign trail. One thing he did right, though, was raise money – lots and lots of money.
Pro-Bush super PAC Right to Rise spent almost $81 million on TV ads extolling Bush and attacking his rivals, and the campaign and its allies spent $130 million overall in the race. All of that spending netted him four delegates out of the 1,237 needed to win the nomination, or roughly $32.5 million per delegate.
Bush’s failure to turn dollars into votes is creating something of a mini-PR crisis for campaign finance watchdogs warning that the flood of dollars released by the Supreme Court’s 2010 Citizens United decision is corroding democracy.
Critics of their reforms are seizing on Bush’s nine-figure implosion, as well as less pricey disasters from other candidates, as evidence that money in politics is an exaggerated threat.
“Bush’s failed campaign and Scott Walker’s and Chris Christie’s — I could go on — all indicate how overblown the complaints are about Citizens United,” Floyd Abrams, an attorney and commentator who’s defended Citizens United on free speech grounds, told MSNBC in an email.
http://www.msnbc.com/msnbc/campaign-finance-activists-try-explain-jeb-bushs-130-million-fail

Think about that number for a minute. $130 million. And he didn’t even take one lousy state! Bernie Sanders has been gaining steady numbers and he hasn’t had one tenth of the financial support that Jeb! had during this campaign. Face it, the Koch brothers gambled and lost big. It’s just more proof of how flawed Citizens United is – you can have unlimited amounts of money thrown at you, but spending it all won’t guarantee you votes. This is the music I’d much rather be playing to celebrate Jeb!’s demise:

[font size="8"]David Duke[/font]

So in previous editions (read: all), I have noted the stunning connection between Donald Drumpf and America’s white supremacists. Well now it’s official my friends! Now the gloves have come off, and the white robes are being pulled back to reveal who’s really supporting Donald Drumpf! While Bernie Sanders has been getting some huge support from America’s labor unions, colleges, and big name corporations and media outlets, Donald Drumpf on the other hand has picked up ringing endorsements from Sarah Palin, Stormfront, everyone’s favorite yehadist racist redneck Sheriff Joe Arpaio, Infowars, and now the former Grand Wizard of the KKK – David Duke.

On Wednesday, David Duke, the white nationalist and former Ku Klux Klan Grand Wizard, encouraged his radio show listeners to volunteer for Drumpf's campaign. "Call Donald Drumpf’s headquarters [and] volunteer," he said on the "David Duke Radio Program." At Drumpf campaign offices, he said, "you’re gonna meet people who are going to have the same kind of mindset that you have.”
In Minnesota and Vermont, a white supremacist super PAC called the American National Super PAC has begun circulating a robocall in support of Drumpf.
"The white race is dying out in America and Europe because we are afraid to be called 'racist,' says William Johnson, the leader of the white nationalist American Freedom Party. He goes on to bemoan "gradual genocide against the white race," and how few "schools anymore have beautiful white children as the majority." He signs off by telling recipients, "Don’t vote for a Cuban. Vote for Donald Drumpf."
Johnson is not affiliated in any way with the Drumpf campaign, and Drumpf has distanced himself from Johnson's views. Drumpf also promised to return a $250 contribution Johnson made to his campaign.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/donald-Drumpf-white-supremacist-sec-primary_us_56cf4437e4b0bf0dab31222f

You know… people laughed at Hitler. They laughed at Stalin. They laughed at Mussolini, and Vladimir Putin. And now they’re laughing at Drumpf. But Drumpf siding with some hardcore racists and white supremacists? That’s no laughing matter. You want to know who is taking “Make America Great Again” seriously?

The P.P.P. poll asked voters if they thought whites were a superior race. Most Republican primary voters in South Carolina — 78 percent — disagreed with this idea (10 percent agreed and 11 percent weren’t sure). But among Mr. Drumpf’s supporters, only 69 percent disagreed. Mr. Carson’s voters were the most opposed to the notion (99 percent), followed by Mr. Kasich and Mr. Cruz’s supporters at 92 and 89 percent. Mr. Rubio’s backers were close to the average level of disagreement (76 percent).
According to P.P.P., 70 percent of Mr. Drumpf’s voters in South Carolina wish the Confederate battle flag were still flying on their statehouse grounds. (It was removed last summer less than a month after a mass shooting at a black church in Charleston.) The polling firm says that 38 percent of them wish the South had won the Civil War. Only a quarter of Mr. Rubio’s supporters share that wish, and even fewer of Mr. Kasich’s and Mr. Carson’s do.
Nationally, further analyses of the YouGov data show a similar trend: Nearly 20 percent of Mr. Drumpf’s voters disagreed with Abraham Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation, which freed slaves in the Southern states during the Civil War. Only 5 percent of Mr. Rubio’s voters share this view.
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/02/25/upshot/measuring-donald-Drumpfs-supporters-for-intolerance.html?smid=tw-share&_r=0

Holy fucking shit. 20% of Drumpf’s supporters actually said they would overturn Abraham Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation and bring back slave labor. Does anybody know how stunningly ignorant that is? Who were those people? Visa? Mastercard? Discover?

Oh and Der Drumpfenfuror is playing the “move along, nothing to see here” card when it comes to David Duke's endorsement!

“I don’t know anything about David Duke, I don’t know anything about what you’re even talking about with white supremacy or white supremacists,” Drumpf says. “I know nothing about David Duke, I know nothing about white supremacists.”
http://www.theguardian.com/us-news/live/2016/feb/28/Drumpf-cruz-rubio-sanders-super-tuesday-campaign-live?page=with:block-56d300fde4b0d38537b1f994#block-56d300fde4b0d38537b1f994

And then this surfaced from Feburary of 2000, when he denounced David Duke's involvement in the Reform party. You know politics makes for strange bedfellows:

And in case you’re wondering what a Drumpf presidency can lead to, look no further than Egypt, where a group of college students were jailed for following the wrong religion. Drumpf supporters are in dire need of some reeducation.

By the way - yes there was a KKK rally in my hometown of Anaheim last weekend that ended in um, yeah stabbings and arrests (don't worry - we'll cover that in full next week). This is not the group of people you want deciding the presidency of the free world.

But this farmer had the perfect message for Der Drumpfenfuror – spelled out in manure from his cows:

[font size="8"]Darrell Issa [/font]

So former (loser) gubernatorial candidate and two time DUI convicted congressman from my home state of California, Darrell Issa (R – Jack Daniels), was back in the news this week to back his candidate of choice, Ben Carson, who was accused of some light racism against President Obama.

U.S. Rep. Darrell Issa (R-CA) told CNN on Tuesday that Republican presidential candidate Ben Carson was “technically correct” when he said that President Barack Obama was not the first black president because he was “raised white.”

During an interview with Politico, Carson argued that he would be the first truly black president because he said that it was a “stretch” to claim President Obama “identifies with the experience of black of Americans.”

“He’s an ‘African’ American. He was, you know, raised white,” Carson insisted.

On CNN’s New Day, host Chris Cuomo pointed out to Issa that the Republican Party faced challenges in the presidential race because of its tone.

“Is this the kind of tactic that your party should endorse?” Cuomo wondered. “He didn’t say this in the back of a car to a friend, he said it to an open audience.” ...................(more)

http://www.rawstory.com/2016/02/darrell-issa-backs-carsons-theory-about-obamas-blackness-technically-he-was-raised-white/

See? Racism is a technicality! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha… it’s dead now in America, don’t you get it? Is Issa a frequent guest on David Duke’s radio show? But Ben Carson had his own “Let's Clap” moment this week when debating in Nevada:

It's well-known to anyone who's watched debates that, when a candidate is attacked by name, they're given a chance to respond.

Donald Drumpf was attacked somewhere between 5 and 275 times Thursday night during the Houston debate, giving him ample speaking time. At one point he even complained that he was being asked questions first too often.

That was not the issue with Ben Carson. At one point when he was called on, he complained: "I'm going to whine," citing questions that went to others and not to him.

Finally, during a spirited exchange over foreign policy when attacks were flying and leading candidates like Drumpf were repeatedly getting chances to respond, Carson jumped in.

"Can somebody attack me please?"

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2016/02/25/ben-carson-houston-debate/80964922/

And it’s not just racism anymore either. To quote one of my all time favorite shows, Arrested Development, Issa also advocates some… light treason.

Issa said it was up to U.S. military leaders to decide whether to follow Obama's plan, which he said was unlawful.

"Are they going to obey an unlawful order, an unlawful order to move people from Guantanamo, an unlawful order to close the base?" he said.

http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/issa-guantanamo-bay-trail-of-tears

Yeah you have to follow Obama’s orders, dipshit. He has one more year left then you can all admit he was a great president. Jackass. Obama is just the commander in chief, for another year.

[font size="8"]International Order Of St. Hubertus[/font]

So George Carlin’s insanely powerful penultimate standup album “Life Is Worth Losing” turns 11 years old this year. If you’re unfamiliar with that album – it was the one where he had a 15 minute rant about idiot Americans who are brainwashed by reality TV. It included this particular tidbit about who really owns the country that has been a staple of left wing sites since it first aired on 11/5/2005:

Yes, you and I are not in “the big club”. But you know who was? Antonin Scalia. And you know who might that big club be, you ask? Well it might be International Order of St. Hubertus. Since Scalia’s sudden death, many questions have been asked. Such as “why was he staying free of charge at a Texas ranch”? Well you might be surprised – shocked, shocked I tell you – at who the “big club” really is.

When Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia died 12 days ago at a West Texas ranch, he was among high-ranking members of an exclusive fraternity for hunters called the International Order of St. Hubertus, an Austrian society that dates back to the 1600s.

After Scalia’s death Feb. 13, the names of the 35 other guests at the remote resort, along with details about Scalia’s connection to the hunters, have remained largely unknown. A review of public records shows that some of the men who were with Scalia at the ranch are connected through the International Order of St. Hubertus, whose members gathered at least once before at the same ranch for a celebratory weekend.

Members of the worldwide, male-only society wear dark-green robes emblazoned with a large cross and the motto “Deum Diligite Animalia Diligentes,” which means “Honoring God by honoring His creatures,” according to the group’s website. Some hold titles, such as Grand Master, Prior and Knight Grand Officer. The Order’s name is in honor of Hubert, the patron saint of hunters and fishermen.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/national-security/justice-scalia-spent-his-last-hours-with-members-of-this-secretive-society-of-elite-hunters/2016/02/24/1d77af38-db20-11e5-891a-4ed04f4213e8_story.html

Yes – honor God by honoring his creatures – by blowing the shit out of them and shooting everything that moves. That is some fucked up logic. But – what was he doing there? Did you know that he was friends with Elena Kagan through this club and that he lobbied Obama to get her a spot on SCOTUS?

Supreme Court Justice Elena Kagan bagged herself a deer on a hunting trip to Wyoming with Justice Antonin Scalia last fall. You heard that right: Despite finding themselves on opposite sides of major court decisions, the liberal Obama-appointee and the conservative Reagan-appointee have become hunting buddies since Kagan was confirmed in 2010 as the fourth woman in history to sit on the highest court in the land.

"I shoot birds with him, fairly -- you know, two or three times a year now," Justice Kagan said during a wide-ranging and delightful Aspen Ideas Festival conversation with Jeffrey Rosen, president of the National Constitution Center, on Saturday. "And then he um, at the end of last year we had been bird shooting four or five times. I'll tell you how that came to be. But before I do, before I -- he said to me, 'It's time for big game hunting.' And we actually went out to Wyoming this past fall to shoot deer and antelope. Uh, and we did."

http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2013/06/justice-kagan-and-justice-scalia-are-hunting-buddies-really/277401/

Yup – having friends in such high places like the International Order of St. Hubertus will get you very far in life. Like this:

When the shocking news of Justice Antonin Scalia’s passing hit Saturday night, my mind raced back to a White House Correspondents Association dinner seven years ago, when we were seated together.

We bantered about my hometown of Chicago, where he had taught law before ascending to the bench. He opined on wine and music and generally lived up to his reputation as a man who told and enjoyed a good story.

And then our conversation took an unexpected turn.

Justice David Souter, Scalia’s longtime colleague on the court, had just announced his retirement, creating a vacancy for President Obama to fill. Scalia figured that as senior adviser to the new president, I might have some influence on the decision — or at least enough to pass along a message.
http://wtkr.com/2016/02/15/scalia-once-lobbied-obama-advisor-to-have-elena-kagan-nominated-to-the-supreme-court

Yup – it’s a big club all right.

[font size="8"]Phil Bryant [/font]

Now let’s take a page from one of my favorite shows on TV currently – Last Week Tonight With John Oliver and ask:

Specifically – the confederate flag. How is this still a thing? And why do people continue to defend the anti-American confederacy? I already pointed out in this edition who makes up Donald Drumpf’s base – and shockingly there’s a whopping 20% of people who disagree with Abraham Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation. You know – that speech where he freed the slaves. Yes – 20% think that slave labor should be reinstituted! That number is shockingly high! And Mississippi Governor Phil Bryant certainly isn’t helping things:

JACKSON — Two weeks before the Mississippi Legislature allowed 19 state flag bills to die in committee, Gov. Phil Bryant took out a pen and signed an official governor's proclamation, declaring the month of April "Confederate Heritage Month" ...

The proclamation, which does not appear on the State of Mississippi's website with other proclamations, such as about emergency inclement weather, is posted on the website of the Sons of Confederate Veterans, which is ferociously against changing the Mississippi flag to remove the Confederate battle flag .. from its canton ...

On Bryant's gubernatorial letterhead, the proclamation starts out by explaining that April is the appropriate month to honor Confederate heritage because it "is the month in which the Confederate States began and ended a four-year struggle." It adds that the state celebrates Confederal Memorial Day on April 25 to "recognize those who served in the Confederacy" ...

Bryant refuses to take a position on changing the Mississippi flag, saying it should be up to the voters, who decided in 2001 to leave the old flag in place, in a vote that fell largely along racial lines ...

http://www.jacksonfreepress.com/news/2016/feb/24/mississippi-governor-declares-april-confederate-hi/

Yup! At a time when racial tension is at an all time high, the governor of Mississippi is honoring the Confederacy. Add that to David Duke’s endorsement of Donald Drumpf and you have a toxic storm of racism and shit brewing. But after doing a bit of research as to why the Confederate flag is still flying, I found out that most flag wavers are doing it wrong, and even General Lee himself wanted nothing to do with the flag after the South lost the war. So again I ask – the Confederate Flag:

[font size="8"]Fox & Friends[/font]

Fox & Friends. That show you watch in the months between football seasons because you’re tired of hearing endless commentary about how your favorite football team failed to make the Super Bowl and you’re tired of hearing about how last season “could have been”. Carson Palmer should have scored four touchdowns during the Eagles game, not three, damn it! Well this week they have a jaw dropping explanation as to why Obama is closing Guantanamo Bay. Roll tape!

Fox News host Andrea Tantaros lashed out at President Barack Obama over his plans to close what she said was a “tropical paradise” at the Guantanamo Bay Detention Center in Cuba.
On Monday, Obama announced plans to transfer all remaining detainees from Gitmo before the end of his term, and described the prison as “contrary to our values.”
Although the president discussed transferring the remaining prisoners to other facilities, Tantaros warned on Tuesday that they would end up “back on the battlefield.”
“Imagine being a family member of someone who is killed by one of these terrorists or the special forces — our men and women in uniform that spent years tracking down these deadly terrorists at the request of the U.S. government, all their work is for nothing,” the Fox News host complained. “This plan is insanity.”
“And for the president to say it’s a recruitment tool, there’s not been one piece of evidence in [al Qaeda’s] Inspire magazine or otherwise that shows that Gitmo — a tropical paradise — has somehow been used as a recruitment tool,” she insisted. “That is a flat-out lie.”
http://www.rawstory.com/2016/02/foxs-andrea-tantaros-rips-obama-for-closing-gitmo-tropical-paradise-after-scalia-conveniently-died/

Oh ha ha ha ha ha ha… don’t you get it? That’s like saying people who die on the job is strictly business! Or John Kasich telling reporters that women left their kitchens to vote for me! Or Donald Drumpf getting an endorsement from Joe “Pink Panties” Arpaio”! Guantanamo Bay wasn’t the famous torture chamber it was during the Bush administration! It was a tropical island paradise where terrorists can relax by the beach! Were the torture chambers run by Sandals? Was it an all inclusive torture chamber where terrorists can enjoy all the free booze, discount airfare, and golfing they please? God damn it.

While on the subject of Fox News, former Fox bot and current Left Behind simulator developer Glenn Beck is advocating for a violent overthrow of Hillary Clinton should she get elected to the presidency:

While campaigning for Republican Ted Cruz in Reno, Nevada, radio host Glenn Beck told the crowd Monday that if Hillary Clinton or Marco Rubio were elected president, the United States would see violent revolution in ten years.

Beck said the Constitution was already hanging by a thread, and after the death of Antonin Scalia, “that thread has been cut.” He told the crowd that the U.S. had four options, four different choices it could make in the upcoming presidential election.

The first was socialism, which the crowd naturally booed and Beck said would lead to communism. The second was “status quo,” which he said was exemplified by Rubio and Clinton, politicians who support the current political system and say “hey, it’s working for me.”

“Listen to me,” Beck told the crowd, “that leads to violent revolution in ten years. That’s not a good thing.”
Beck then denounced authoritarianism, which he said Donald Drumpf believed in. The last option was of course Ted Cruz, who Beck urged voters to support.
http://www.mediaite.com/election-2016/glenn-beck-america-will-undergo-violent-revolution-if-we-elect-hillary-or-rubio/

Yeah Glenn Beck denouncing authoritarianism. When overthrowing the government is about as authoritarian as it gets. I picture a two man army of Glenn Beck and Alex Jones going up against the largest army in the free world, as well as the Secret Service. Good luck with that.

[font size="8"]Kory Langhofer[/font]

So if you’ve been following the Scalia death mess and SCOTUS obstructionists who are clearly unconstitutional and not following Obama’s orders – who are resisting a new SCOTUS pick. And you might be asking yourself who they will get to pick to fill Scalia’s shoes because a liberal being put on the Supreme Court will finally end 40 years of conservative control of SCOTUS. Which could mean cases like Citizens United will get overturned. Well ask no more! Conservative lobbyist Kory Langhofer has a solution that will last us through the election!

Anti-government attorney Kory Langhofer argued over the weekend that the Supreme Court could continue to decide cases 5-4 in favor of conservatives after the death of Antonin Scalia because the deceased justice could effectively cast votes from the grave.
“There’s no Ouija board required to figure out how Justice Scalia would vote on these things, he’s already voted,” Langhofer told KPNX during a panel discussion on Sunday. “We’re at the second-to-last step in how these cases unfold when Justice Scalia died.”
“We know exactly what he thought,” Langhofer continued. “And it’s not unprincipled to say we should give affect to that.”
Attorney Thomas Ryan pointed out, however, that Langhofer’s theory was only wishful thinking.
“Justices, after they do the conferences can also change their minds,” he explained, recalling Chief Justice John Roberts’ last minute decision to uphold the Affordable Care Act.
http://www.rawstory.com/2016/02/wtf-arizona-lawyer-says-scalia-can-vote-from-the-grave-to-keep-supreme-court-conservative/

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There it is!!!! That’s the solution when a sitting SCOTUS justice dies during the year of a major presidential election! Zombie voting! I love it. I particularly liked this quote in the article: ““The general rule is dead justices don’t vote,” Ryan said. “I mean, that sounds cruel, but that’s it.”. Gee…………… ya think???? Of course dead people don’t vote! I mean this isn’t Young Frankenstein, or Futurama where we have the ability to put human heads in jars! No! This would be a really fucked up Thriller remake, wouldn’t it? Or better yet – let’s fulfill Michael Jackson’s dream and make Thriller a reality!

[font size="8"]BONUS IDIOT[/font]
[font size="8"]Sid Miller [/font]

Finally this week – you know that every first lady is given a task or a cause to take on during the president’s term in office, right? And for Michelle Obama, it’s been fighting childhood obesity, which has taken tremendous effect in our nation’s schools. But there’s one guy in Texas who won’t have any of it. I give you Sid Miller – who is actively lobbying to get Texas’ ban on deep fryers in schools overturned.

http://firstwefeast.com/eat/texas-sid-miller-deep-fat-fryers-returning-to-texas-school-cafeterias/
At a time when lawmakers across the country (and, of course, Michelle Obama) are pushing schools to ditch the sad square pizzas in favor of healthier lunchtime options, one elected official in Texas continues to take a stand on behalf of (wait for it) junk food.

Republican Agriculture Commissioner Sid Miller—who gained national notoriety and the nickname the “Cupcake King” earlier this year for granting “amnesty” to all cupcakes, pies and sugary treats in schools—is now proposing to overturn the longtime ban on deep fat fryers and soda machines in cafeterias.

In response to a Houston Chronicle editorial bashing his plan earlier this week, Commissioner Miller (who I can only imagine was eating a corndog while dictating this quote) said it really has nothing to do with health:
“It’s about giving back local control and allowing each school district to make the best decision for their community. It’s not about french fries, it’s about freedom.”

Once again there’s that good old fashioned republican justification for everything. Sure let’s make our kids fat and stupid and allow for the Donald Drumpfs of the world to take over everything. Freedom also means not dying when you’re 40 because of a massive heart attack. Let’s continue:

This move, which will be voted on in the coming months, is the latest in a series of tiny hits to the much-lauded health reforms made by former Agriculture Commissioner Susan Combs to the Texas Public School Nutrition Policy in 2004. Among other reversals, Former Agriculture Commissioner Todd Staples undid the ban on high fat and high sugar foods in schools during his tenure. Miller seems hellbent on keeping pace with Staples’ efforts to make everything bigger in Texas.

Yeah so let’s overturn every advancement made to combat health issues in Texas. So when Miller has his way does that mean even the people will be bigger in Texas? Because obesity rates are staggeringly high there. And expect them to get much worse if the Sid Millers of the world get their way. And you know what? Fuck it, I’ll let Weird Al handle this one.