March 10, 2015

Looking in his mailbox: Kim Jong-un Feels Snubbed by Absence of Letter from Republicans/ Borowitz

PYONGYANG (The Borowitz Report)—The North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un said on Tuesday that he feels “snubbed” by the decision of forty-seven Republican senators to write a letter to Iran but not to him, the official North Korean news agency reported.In an unusually forthcoming interview with the Korean Central News Agency (K.C.N.A.), Kim said it was “hurtful” that the Republicans would send a letter to one of the United States’ most longstanding enemies while “totally snubbing” another.

“Let’s just call it what it is: they’re playing favorites with enemies,” Kim said. “I try not to take things personally, but it’s hard to see them sending letters to Iran without feeling a little bit hurt.”

Kim said that over the past two days he had his aides checking his mailbox on an hourly basis in hopes of finding a letter from the Republicans, but now he has “pretty much given up hope.”

“Honestly, I thought I’d at least rate a text or something, but … ,” he said, his voice trailing off.

“I don’t like to beat myself up, but part of me is like, ‘What does Iran have that I don’t have?’ ” he said. “I don’t know. Sometimes I feel like, when you actually get nuclear weapons, people start taking you for granted.”

www.borowitzreport.com

March 9, 2015

A little boring but obligatory --- Spring is springing

I took a walk today and lifted 3 baby daffodils from a neighbor's yard. There were a few more, but I left them for the owner and other neighbors walking about and enjoying the sun and the warmth.
Here they are - in my kitchen - helping me celebrate the end of a bone chilling winter.

March 7, 2015

Bill Maher at 10 and repeat at 11:30 EST tonight - GUESTS are:

Lawrence Wright

John Ridley

David Axelrod

Matt Taibbi

Genevieve Wood

From 11 - 11:30 the show "VICE" is back. to me Vice is must see TV if at all possible.

Happy weekend everyone!

March 4, 2015

Borowitz reports on Poll: New Scandal Not up to Clintons’ Usual Standards

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—A new poll indicates that the American people are deeply disappointed in Hillary Clinton’s State Department e-mail flap because it does not live up to the high standards of sordidness set by Clinton scandals of the past.

Davis Logsdon, who supervised the poll for the University of Minnesota’s Opinion Research Institute, said that those surveyed were “receptive and even intrigued” by the idea of a new Clinton scandal, but then were deflated when they learned what the scandal actually involved.

“When people hear the words ‘Clinton scandal,’ they expect a certain amount of sex and sleaze,” Logsdon said. “But once they find out that this one is about State Department e-mail regulations which may or may not have been disobeyed, they feel very let down.”
“In a sense, the Clintons have created this problem for themselves,” Logsdon added. “They set an extremely high bar with some very memorable scandals in the past, and for a lot of people, this one just doesn’t live up to the hype.”

The current scandal could be salvaged in the public’s eye if some of Hillary Clinton’s e-mails turn out to have sexual content, but Logsdon called that “a long shot.”

“The poll results show that there’s a genuine appetite out there for a juicy Clinton scandal,” he said. “But, sadly, there’s also a sense that maybe they did their best work in the nineties.”


www.borowitzreport.com

March 2, 2015

Question about the silly dress colors - tiny internal poll

I was out last night at a performance of our local art school and sat with a visual artist and painter of renown.
As we were making conversation during intermission the black/blue - white/gold dress came up and she said she at all times saw it as black and blue and her husband standing beside us said that so did he.

Now - to me - no matter when I saw it - in whatever lighting - presented by whoever and in what way I ALWAYS saw it as nothing but white and gold. I could not even pretend to myself I saw something else, and let it all go because I thought the whole thing was just another silly thing to spend energy on in order to not pay attention to what really matters.

Well - I was gobsmacked that they said they felt equally correct in their vision.

Feeling frivolous, let me ask you what you saw, I will do nothing with the info except be very interested in the numbers.

February 24, 2015

Love Litmus Test - bye bye Rudy G

Finally out of the spotlight but remaining funny

February 9, 2015

Alabama Loses Yet Another Fight to Remain in Eighteenth Century - reported by Borowitz

MONTGOMERY, Ala. (The Borowitz Report)—On Monday, the state of Alabama lost yet another fight to remain in the eighteenth century, extending a losing streak that dates back to the nineteenth century.

Alabama, whose first attempt to remain in the eighteenth century took place between 1861 and 1865, has never shown signs of giving up the fight, even after being dealt a string of stunning defeats in the nineteen-fifties and nineteen-sixties.According to historians, Monday’s loss brings the number of failed attempts by Alabama to more than four thousand.

But even with this latest defeat, some of the state’s residents, such as Chief Justice Roy Moore, of the Alabama Supreme Court, remained resolute in their fight to return to a time before electricity and indoor plumbing.

“The United States Supreme Court has decided that it is the twenty-first century,” Moore said on Monday. “I say, ‘Not in Alabama, it isn’t.’ ”



www.borowitzreport.com

February 7, 2015

The Rats Are Fleeing The Sinking Ship As Israel Says Boehner Lied About Netanyahu Speech

by Jason Easley




A top official is publicly claiming that John Boehner misled the Israeli government into believing that President Obama had been notified and was on board with Prime Minister Netanyahu’s address to Congress.

During an appearance on Tel Aviv Radio, Deputy Israeli Foreign Minister Tzachi Hanegbi said, “It appears that the speaker of Congress made a move, in which we trusted, but which it ultimately became clear was a one-sided move and not a move by both sides,” but Deputy Foreign Minister also said that Netanyahu would not be canceling his speech, “What would the outcome be then? The outcome would be that we forsake an arena in which there is a going to be a very dramatic decision (on Iran).”

The official did not disagree with the interviewer when he said that Boehner had misled Netanyahu.

If Netanyahu were misled, he would have apologized to the White House for the violation of protocol. Since he has not, it is clear that the Netanyahu government is trying to do damage control by throwing John Boehner under the bus. It is clear from the facts that this was a plan that was cooked up by Speaker Boehner and the Israeli Ambassador to the U.S., Ron Dermer. The Ambassador was a Republican, before he became an Israeli citizen. The plan was to humiliate President Obama and pressure him into approving new sanctions against Iran.

The claim that Israel was misled is dubious from every angle. There is no doubt that Speaker Boehner would play fast and loose with the facts. Pressure has been growing on Boehner domestically as President Obama’s popularity has surged after the Democratic midterm election defeat. Obama has taken a series of steps that seized the agenda and momentum away from the new Republican congressional majority.

It is likely that Boehner and Netanyahu viewed a speech before Congress as both an opportunity to divide Democrats at home while helping Netanyahu secure reelection in Israel. The plan has completely backfired. Netanyahu has been heavily criticized in Israel while congressional Democrats are in complete revolt in the United States.

The Israeli Deputy Foreign Minister’s comments were the first sign that the rats are fleeing the sinking ship. The finger pointing has begun.

The scheme to humiliate a sitting president has unraveled, as Obama remains stronger than ever.



source:

http://www.politicususa.com/2015/02/06/rats-fleeing-sinking-ship-israel-boehner-lied-netanyahu-speech.html

February 6, 2015

Study: Conservatives die sooner than liberals read details about it + Comedic Commentary

here is link to the study that is referenced:

http://www.latimes.com/science/sciencenow/la-sci-sn-political-beliefs-death-health-conservative-liberal-20150129-story.html


and here is the commentary about it by
“Gottalaugh” UCLA Graduate - working at http://radioornot.com




The Los Angeles Times is reporting on a study by the Journal of Epidemiology & Community Health that finds that “that people with conservative ideologies were more likely to die in the study period than their liberal peers.”

Hey, if I were that paranoid about things like dark-skinned people taking over White Amurka, women popping birth control pills like candy while blithely signing up for their daily abortion, poor families making all that annoying noise about wishing they could eat, UnAmericans prying AK-47s away from toddlers, and happy gay couples causing the hetero divorce rate to skyrocket, I’d likely kick the bucket earlier, too. That kind of stress takes its toll, you know! It’s exhausting to be so inflexible, willfully ignorant, insular, and fearful:

Based on the 28.2% of participants who had died during follow-up, the scientists found that, for the most part, political partly affiliation didn’t matter all that much between the two rival parties, although Independents were less likely to die than Democrats. […]

Political ideology, on the other hand, seemed to paint a different picture. Conservatives and moderates were both about 6% more likely to die in the study period than liberals were.

Now before my adorable trolls get all bent out of shape, I get that this is only one study. But think about it: If you “favor reform, are open to new ideas, and tolerant of the ideas and behavior of others; not bound by traditional thinking; broad-minded“– as opposed to someone who “tends to oppose change”– wouldn’t it make sense that you’d live longer?

February 3, 2015

A Letter from Joni Ernst About Measles - Andy Borowitz is spot on

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) — On Tuesday, Senator Joni Ernst (R.-Iowa) responded to the recent measles outbreak with the following letter to the American people:


Hi, it’s Joni!


In recent days, you’ve heard about a measles outbreak among children who have not been vaccinated. Like many Americans, you have probably been asking, “How would Joni solve this problem?”
Some in the media have suggested that politicians should not have opinions about vaccinations because we’re not scientists. Excuse me, but that’s like saying people shouldn’t have opinions about flowers because they’re not bees.

The fact is, many parents are concerned about vaccinations, and for a valid reason: they’ve read something bad about them on the Internet. But the good news is that there’s an alternative to vaccinations that’s cheap, readily available, and totally safe: bread bags.

Take a look at a bread bag. It’s made out of plastic, which means that no microscopic virus can get through it, unless there’s a hole in the bag. That’s why, every morning, my parents sent me to school with bread bags on my hands.

You see, measles are a hand-borne virus. You can only catch them through contact with someone’s measles-infected hand. If every child in America would go to school with bread bags on their hands, why, before you know it, measles would go the way of the Macarena (a dance that used to be very popular but has pretty much disappeared).

Why hasn’t anyone thought of this before? Maybe because there’s big money behind vaccinations but not behind bread bags. No one makes money on bread bags. They just come with the bread.

So do Joni a favor. Tomorrow, send your kids to school with bread bags on their hands. As my mom used to say, “Joni, if there’s a problem bread bags can’t solve, it’s probably not a problem.”

To your health,
Joni

P.S. Important! This will only work if there are no holes in the bags.



www.borowitzreport.com