September 10, 2013

I hate bipolar disease

i have been having the worse time with mania lately. Not saying that depression is a cake walk but mania, to people who don't get it, can be very aggravating, causes all sorts of social and even dangerous problems, and is just plain tormenting.

I finally went to sleep around 5pm today after being so manic and rageful all afternoon and now it is almost 7am am I am still awake. I took another Saphris, (anti-psychotic) after the 2 I took this after noon to go to sleep and it is not working. And all I am thinking about is whether I should just stay up all day so I can sleep tomorrow, (Wednesday) or try and go to sleep sometime this morning and hope not to sleep too long to ruin my sleep for tomorrow night.

This has been my life. I have always been a night owl but it get just stupid sometimes.

And I have lost a friend this time around. But I am pissed at her because she is Schizophrenic and I never threw her problems back into her face but this time when I wrote a nasty letter to someone and then apologized she still told me how, "shocked" she was at my letter. Of course she forgets the time when she thought her co-workers were witches who were putting spells on her. But MY outburst just looks like someone who has no class so I am vilified for it.

I hate that I lose control and do things I regret. They aren't big things anymore but usually just raging or sending raging emails. but still I wish I had the sense at that time to see clearly and realize that I am just in a mood and it will pass and my thinking is not all that straight right now.

So that's my rant right now. I feel a little relaxed so I hope I will be able to sleep within a couple hours.

To all you who battle with mania I understand, I really do. And to everyone dealing with brains that are wired fuckedup-idly I understand too. God bless us everyone.

September 6, 2013

Bill Clinton is using Buddhist Meditation and is a vegan!

http://www.thebuddhism.net/2013/01/10/bill-clinton-turns-to-the-art-of-buddhist-meditation/

Former American president Bill Clinton has taken his exercise regime to spiritual heights – by learning the art of Buddhist meditation to help him relax.

The politician, 65, has recently taken up a healthier life-style including becoming vegan after a string of heart problems over the years.

And in his latest bid to improve his well-being, the Democrat has hired his own personal Buddhist monk to help him learn how to meditate properly.

Radaronline quoted a source as saying: ‘Ever since his heart scare, Bill has looked for ways to help him relax.

‘He has a hectic life, he travels a lot on business as an ambassador for the U.S. and needs something to keep him sane.

‘Meditation offers him that, he has a mantra that he likes to chant and after every session he feels transformed and full of positive energy.

September 4, 2013

Elizabeth Warren said something very important about Syria.

“What’s important is that we have a plan and a realistic way to execute on that plan. We need to remember unintended consequences of any action. Good intentions alone will not help us. What Assad has done is reprehensible. It violates international law, and it violates the law of humanity. But it is critically important that before we act that we have a plan, a goal and we have a reasonable way for ensuring that goal. I think we’re now in a state of flux.” Elizabether Warren


Instead of going like cowboys and Indians like we did in Iraq and Afghanistan isn't it possible that something could be done that could deter Assad and keep causalities to a minimum - like only Assad, (and I know, blah blah blah it's a war crime to assassinate someone. Well why didn't that law apply when we killed Bin Lauden?)

Flame away!

September 2, 2013

A cross post from the mental health forum

I thought there might be some helpful information in this post some I am putting here also.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/1260545

September 2, 2013

I want to tell you all something I learned from my top notched psychiatrist that I live to far away

from to go to anymore. After my brain was taken care of we would often talk and he would tell me things about medications and things that go on in the psychiatric world.

A couple things I learned from him.

Most psychiatrists are not psycho-pharmacologists meaning they are int intensively trained and are treating on the cutting edge of psychiatry. He has a test for patients to give to their doctor's posted on the internet, (he was on the net as soon as there was a net) if they dare, and it contains questions like, "would you ever prescribe a MAO inhibitor with a Tricyclic medication, Would you ever prescribe more than 80 mg of Prosac at a time?

And the answers were all yes and he said that the average psychiatrist would say, "NO", it is too dangerous.

I took an MAO inhibitor years ago before Prozac came out and you have to be on a special diet to take it. If you take certain foods you can have a very dangerous spike in your blood pressure and it could be deadly. But I was cheating and getting away with it and I told him. So his solution was to give me the antidote to carry around with me all the time. I doubt other doctors would think of such a thing. And it came in handy because I ate a swiss cheese sandwich once and all of a sudden my head was pounding and I knew I was having a reaction. But I remembered his directions: Bite down on one capsule and swallow the other and get to the hospital. When I got to the hospital my blood pressure was not that bad.

I'm saying this because since I have moved to Florida I have never had anything like the competent treatment he gave me and recently was a VICTIM of a young doctor that took over the large place I go to. (I don't even see a doctor now, I see a PA but mostly that is OK because I am stabilized and have been for years) She decided that every single patient in the place was to come off their benzodiazepines and use them on an "as needed basis" only.

I have been on benzodiazepines for 30 years! Withdrawals are horrific and they are very useful for a panic disorder which I have. I don't abuse them and I believe most people on them do not abuse them. But they are known as a pill that you can buy on the street and people do abuse them, (so of course every one of her patients MUST STOP THIS!)

So I created a ruckus and called after hours and bitched to the answering people and got the doctor to have a meeting with me and the PA, (who agreed with me that the doctor was being ridicules.) Well I think that young doctor felt like she had been through a heavy weight boxing match after we had done and she lost big time. I pulled out everything I had been taught, everything I learned over the years and my own personal experience. The end result is I am staying on my benzodiazepines and she can suck it. (and my PA who did not agree with her gave me a "thumbs up" when the doctor was not looking)

Also I wanted to make known that I know many people in the mental health field as patients. And one of the things I notice about them which I have also read is they stay in depression for years even while being treated. Usually a low grade depression that they just live with. And their doctors keep them on the same medications!!!! I think that is a travesty. That is like giving a cancer patient a drug that doesn't work and keeping them on it when there are other ones to try.

Not only do they put people on the wrong drugs and leave them there they often do not prescribe enough of the drug to see if it will work. I can't tell you how many patients I have spoken with who are still depressed but on less than the highest recommended dose of the anti-depressant they are on.

I'm not sure I should be posting this here but I think it is a good thing to know about the field of psychiatric treatment. I'll cross post it to the help forum

September 2, 2013

OK stupid question here. Why can't Obama just send drones or the military drop dirent bombs

on Assaud's house and all the things he owns. I mean is he in hiding? We killed BinLauden right?

Why is it so hard to kill a brutal dictator and what is wrong with it?

August 31, 2013

Oh good God read the faux news crawl here.

I don't even understand this enough to make a comment about it. I just thought it was worth the picture.

August 30, 2013

I'm sorry but I don't give a rat's furry ass if they tap my phones or whatthehelleverthefuck.

I don't like this gas shit one bit. I don't like it and this time it is different. And whoever wants to disagree with me fine - call me a traitor. Call me a damn republican if you want but I am scared.

And Patrick Henry and Benjamin Franklin did not live in the age of biotoxins.

Read this from a Navel officer I found on the net from James Holmes.

"Biological weapons? Less mass-destructive, but more insidious. Biological agents are living organisms that have a nasty habit of spreading from host to host. They're the gift that keeps on giving. Plus, symptoms take time to manifest. Pestilence may have spread before anyone's aware an attack has occurred. Think the Black Death in medieval Europe and you get the idea. Detecting an attack, determining that it is an attack, and figuring out how to respond defies the medical expertise of crews on the scene."

http://thediplomat.com/the-naval-diplomat/2013/08/31/chemical-weapons-are-not-a-wmd/

Or we could just burn to death from the inside out from radiation or like the poor Syrians get our nervous systems shorted the fuck out, just like a blackout shuts down entire blocks of houses during a rain storm or, like this officer just said, we could all catch the flu that kills us. The fucking flu that has no cure.

So right now I'd rather sit on a fire ant hill with molasses on my ass than fight the government from getting every bit of information it needs to keep that bitten up ass safe. Because I want to live a long life and die in my 80's from cancer like the rest of my family.

August 30, 2013

I'll be damned if I tell people I had a "slip" but I think I need to go to a meeting.

I hate all this time shit and that was one of the reasons I quit AA in the first place.

But I have been drinking like a fucking normal person for months except for now it is 7:30 in the fucking morning and that bottle of wine is calling me from the fucking refrigerator. The most I have drank in a day is 3 glasses of wine. But I do notice that I want more than one now after buying it, (first I would only have one drink if I was at a restaurant)

I was sober and in AA for fucking 30 years! That is enough to drive a person out of their mind. The constant "we're all sick" shit was making me sick! So I stopped going about 5 years ago.

I still hate AA but I know I need to go to a meeting and I just texted my friend about it. The thought that this shit could creep up on me is disgusting. I do think that if I had been practicing my spiritual self more that this would have never happened and it will probably go away once I get into a good meditation practice again.

And I take my fucking medicine the way I am supposed to. Because I just took a Klonopin and the craving is gone now. And don't tell me that Klonopin is just alcohol in a pill form because I have been taking it or another benzo for 35 years, I have panic disorder and bipolar disorder and OCD and God damned PTSD.

I've also been manic for the last several weeks which could explain a lot. (and explain this post......I fucking know!!!!!) There is just not enough medicine in the world to keep me down.

OK I am lying. I will take that fucking Saphris that I hate so much

OK I took it. Now I will probably end up going to sleep and I don't want to.

Thank you for letting me post in this fucking forum.

Maybe if I just took my damn medicine I wouldn't be in this situation. I fucking hate bipolar disease also. I have a criminal record from being bare assed sober from it. And my doctor told me a long time ago that if they got my moods straightened out I would not drink like an alcoholic. And my mood has not been straight in weeks.

I hate everyone.

August 29, 2013

A crochet Amigurumi prosperity doll to bring you money!

I have always believed that what you believe will come true for you, pretty much. I have a few Buddhas around my house in auspicious places, (money centers). And I have one of my own Prosperity Dolls sitting on top of my TV so I see him/her all the time.

He reminds me that I am prosperous and to be grateful.

https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/98149151/good-luck-crochet-amigurumi-prosperity

Please take a look. I have a few of them. Each one comes with a lucky Chinese Coin in a little purse that can be put in and taken out.