NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—In a development that an aide to the presumptive GOP nominee called “the best news this campaign has gotten in quite some time,” a new poll shows that a majority of likely voters “vastly prefer” Donald J. Trump when he is asleep to when he is awake.

According to the survey, conducted by the Opinion Research Institute at the University of Minnesota, the conscious version of Trump garners a lowly 41 percent approval rating, in marked contrast with the unconscious version’s 98 percent.

When asked to state what they liked most about the slumbering Trump, 72 percent checked “Cannot say anything,” while a whopping 83 percent ticked “Can do no harm.”

Carol Foyler, a top Trump campaign aide, said that the numbers suggest “we have to do a better job of getting the message out that Donald Trump is asleep most if not all of the day.”

“We need to showcase Mr. Trump at campaign events where he looks heavy-lidded and, ideally, snores,” she said. “If, during a debate with Biden, he were to suddenly doze off and face-plant on the podium, that would be huge for us.”

The aide said that the poll results would help the Trump campaign fine-tune its electoral strategy, adding, “Between now and Election Day, we have to keep Donald Trump on a steady drip of warm milk, chamomile tea, and Ambien.”

Nevertheless, Donald Trump did what he always does: He blamed his own country, while claiming the violence wouldn’t have occurred if he were in the White House. The Hill reported:

Former President Trump on Saturday ripped into President Biden over Iran’s recent attack against Israel, arguing it would not be occurring if were still in the Oval Office. “I want to say God bless the people of Israel — they’re under attack right now,” Trump said Saturday during a rally in Schnecksville, Penn. “That’s because we show great weakness. This would not happen.”

Oddly enough, during the event, Trump tried to say that the United States shows “great weakness,” but he ended up saying “great weaknicks.”
https://twitter.com/Acyn/status/1779295771944272261

.....What’s more, let’s also not forget that in January 2020, an Iranian missile strike left several dozen of U.S. troops with traumatic brain injuries. Trump dismissed the importance of the injuries — the Republican called them little more than “headaches“ — prompting Veterans of Foreign Wars to ask the then-president to apologize for minimizing what had happened to the troops.

Trump ignored the VFW’s appeal.

My point is not to blame Trump for the attacks that occurred on his watch. Rather, my point is that when Trump tries to blame his own country’s leaders for foreign violence, and says such violence would “never” happen if he were in office, we know this is ugly and unnecessary nonsense, intended to persuade people who don’t remember what happened just four years ago.

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Judge Juan M. Merchan reprimanded Donald J. Trump on the first day of his hush money trial after he rejected a number of prospective female jurors as “not my type.”

The judge declared Trump out of order when he commented that one of the women was “a 5 or a 6 at best.”

“This is what happens when Joe Biden controls the justice system,” Trump said. “He doesn’t know how to pick women. I ran beauty pageants.”

Looking at the panel of jurors, he added, “This should never be allowed to happen in this country.”

Trump’s legal woes worsened further when his entire team of attorneys suddenly pleaded insanity.

The lawyers said they were claiming to be insane “on the grounds of expecting to ever be paid.”

In a nightmare scenario for Trump, Rudy Giuliani has volunteered to defend him.

Donald Trump’s social media startup tumbled on Monday, extending a two-week slump, after the company took a first step toward allowing the former president and other insiders to capitalize on their stakes.

Trump Media & Technology Group Corp., parent of Truth Social, filed to register shares, including those linked to warrants. The move could ultimately bring forward sales from insiders that are currently not permitted until September.

Shares slumped 15% to $27.83 as of 9:50 a.m. in New York, the lowest level since January. Warrants, which are tied to the stock and can be exchanged with cash for shares of the company, sank 6.9% to $12.75. The company has had its market value slashed by more than $5 billion from a peak after debuting in March.

The slump means the paper windfall for the former president has dropped to $2.3 billion from more than $5 billion in a matter of weeks. However, if the stock can hold above the $17.50 mark, Trump and insiders would be in line to get another 40 million shares to divvy up. Even after the latest slide, that so-called earnout would be worth $1.2 billion.

The company registered as many as 146 million common shares, as well as up to 21 million shares that are issuable upon the exercise of warrants. The filing also registered up to 4 million warrants to purchase common stock. All securities being registered are either held by or underlie securities held by existing holders of Trump Media.

If you are reading this at any other point in the future, you are reading it because Trump offered Hannity or someone else the same complaints on the same subject. You are reading this article because you were curious enough to finally Google “why does Donald Trump hate windmills” and, thanks to the magic of search-engine optimization, landed here.

Because Trump will never stop complaining about wind turbines. It is perhaps his oldest political opinion and one that is almost completely impervious to any reason. In that light it’s instructive: No one will convince Trump that he’s wrong about wind turbines or that his rationales for hating wind turbines are outdated or wrong, and he will dig in simply because people are telling him he’s wrong......

The particular story of the wind turbines begins 16 years ago in Scotland. In 2006, Trump bought a large chunk of property on the country’s northeastern coast with the goal of turning it into a golf resort. Six years later, it opened as Trump International Golf Links......

What Trump appears not to have known when he bought the land, though, is that three years prior a new offshore wind farm had been proposed. Following preparatory work, a formal application for construction was filed in 2011. And that’s when the war started.

At the outset, Trump had only one concern: that the offshore turbines would ruin the view from his course. After all, he clearly had no objection to environmentalism; at one point he insisted that his proposed resort “has received tremendous support from environmental groups” and that the resort was “actually the greatest thing I’ve ever done for the environment.” In short order, Trump filed a complaint against the farm.

Trump’s relationship with the Scots deteriorated. In part it was because he launched a war against a local family whose property he wanted to buy — a war that he won in court but led to his being eviscerated in public. Michael Forbes, one of the people resisting Trump’s buyout effort, was named “Top Scot” in an award sponsored by the Glenfiddich whisky brand, prompting Trump to ban the liquor from his properties. There was also a documentary......

Because this is meant to be a compendium of Trump’s views on the subject, we should quickly run through some of his claims and debunk or contextualize them. So:

Wind turbines can kill birds, as a New York Times story that ran the week of his April interview with Hannity discussed. (Initial research suggests that painting one blade black reduces this risk.) But Trump’s complaints about saving migratory birds are undercut quite a bit by the fact that his administration tried to hollow out a law protecting those birds and by the fact that Trump is a big proponent of another, much more frequent killer of birds: buildings.

Wind energy is a relatively inexpensive form of energy. And while it is dependent on wind (obviously), there are systems (batteries) that can store energy for times when wind is in lower supply. It’s also not the case that Texas’s power outage in the winter of 2021 was a function of freezing turbines.

The United States imports a lot of wind turbine parts from overseas, but there are hundreds of domestic manufacturers as well (as in Iowa). Part of the push a decade ago was for the country to invest more in the production of turbines, solar equipment and batteries in the United States to not lose an economic advantage, but that push was stymied in part by political opposition to spending money on green energy.

That Trump keeps making broad and often outdated claims about wind energy is not surprising. This is what he does!