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red dog 1

Profile Information

Gender: Male
Hometown: San Francisco, Ca.
Home country: U.S.A.
Member since: Tue Sep 14, 2010, 02:05 PM
Number of posts: 15,734

About Me

San Francisco State University grad (Psychology).

Journal Archives

Johnny Carson fans: Do you have a favorite "Carnac The Magnificent" joke?

(answer) "A triple and a double, catchers and fielders, and Dolly Parton"

(question) "Name two big hits, two big mitts...and a famous country singer!"

Seen any good epitaphs lately?

The classic epitaph from Boot Hill is:

Here Lies Lester Moor
Six shots from a 44
No Les, No more

Ask a trivia question about a fictional person, place, thing, TV show, or movie,

and see if anyone knows the answer without using Google.

Donald Trump is so bald, _______________?

when he goes to bed his head slips off the pillow.

Know any good Christmas jokes?

Q)..Why doesn't Santa have any kids?

A)..Because he only comes once a year.

Know any good one-liner jokes?

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows to high...She seemed surprised.

Heard any good "walks into a bar" jokes lately?

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:

Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00

He checks his wallet and says to the sexy bartender:
"Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"
"Yes,' she purrs, "I am."
"Well wash your frickin' hands," says the man. "I want a cheese sandwich!"

Heard any good "Knock Knock" jokes lately?

Here's an oldie but a goody:

Knock Knock

Who's there?


Madame who?

Madame foot's caught in the door!"

Post a line from a TV show & see if anyone knows the show without using Google - Part 27

1) "I lost my shoe!"

2) "I'm not in danger, Skyler, I'm the danger!" (answered)

3) "Elaine, can you keep a secret?" (answered)

4) "Tommy, I need a ride downtown"

5) "Maybe it's a tweaker urban legend"

6) "Cigarettes could kill me, and so could Donnie Jones" (answered)

7) "Anybody that goes to see a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined!"

8) "You never heard of Bozo the Clown?"

9) "How was Boca, Uncle June?" (answered)

10) "How was the Junior Chipmunks meeting, dear?" (answered)

11) "I'm Carl Hickey and I need your vote!" (answered)

12) "Anita Pallone..that's my mother's name!"

13) "I know you..Aren't you the old man who got me fired from the Java Hut?"

14) "Guns don't kill people; Physics kill people!"

15) "And let the good news be yours!"

16) "I lie every second of the day..My whole life is a sham!"

17) "It's bad luck to take advice from a crazy person"

18) "I'm the chef of the future!" (answered)

19) "He's a popcorn!"

20) "Why don't you get a life, Rick?..Why don't you go to community college like Julian here?"

21) "Ain't got no spleen, Gene!"

22) "Anybody touches my liquor'll get cut!"

23) "I don't mean to panic anyone; but the calamari has been infested with baby shrimp!"

24) "Those who want respect, give respect"

25) "Nobody squeals like Ned Beatty!"

26) "OK, what's the difference between a Mexican and an octopus?"

27) "Always bet on the black, Jack!"

28) "Big steps and little 'uns"

29) "I think I'm Jewish"

30) "Mayonnaise! MAYONNAISE!"

31) "No soup for you!" (answered)

More unanswered TV quotes from Part 26

Donald Trump is so dumb, _______________?

Donald Trump is so dumb he threw a rock at the ground and missed.
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