My efforts with the working poor

[lapislzi]

If you've been following my intermittent posts on this, you'll know (in brief) that my daughter's boyfriend's family is long-term unemployed. They were homeless for awhile, but are now in temporary housing--an illegal sublet. Very precarious, but it's the best there is in the short term. I've been helping them financially as much as I can in exchange for house cleaning and handyman services.

Well, now I've learned that their car was impounded. This, after I counseled them very carefully several weeks ago that driving without insurance is a recipe for disaster. I even offered to pay the back premium.

Excuse after excuse, bad luck upon bad choice, and they have no car now. Apparently the cost to recover the vehicle from impound is prohibitive, and the car is a POS anyway.

I almost dread hearing from or speaking to them, because each successive chapter in their train wreck of a life is worse than the last. If a bad thing can happen, it's happened to them. They consistently make poor choices (like not accepting my offer to pay their insurance premium), and bad luck piles on them without remorse.

What to do? My husband is going to need a new car soon, and we discussed "donating" his old car to them. But, if Chinese wisdom is to be believed, if you save someone's life, they're your responsibility forever. That's certainly how it feels. Even if we give them a car, how can we be sure they'll pay the insurance? I'm not a big believer in giving gifts with strings attached. But, how do you help people to help themselves?

How are they going to look for work without transportation? Public transportation in my area is nonexistent. Distances are far. You need a car to get anywhere.

I ask again: how do you help people to help themselves? I have my own theories about locus of control. I know my own is internal. I'm responsible for myself, my choices, my behavior. Sure, I can't control things like the weather, or world events, but I can do my best to prepare, and respond in an informed and intelligent fashion. If your locus of control is external, you get tossed around like a plastic bag on the freeway--and nothing is ever your fault.

I would never, ever suggest that the poor are to blame for their lot in life. But, at what level do ignorance and bad judgment make a bad situation worse? This family, through no fault of their own, are completely ignorant of many of the complexities of life, like banking...and they get smacked around because of it. I had to walk them through their unemployment claim extensions, or they would have lost their benefits. They just don't know, and there's nobody to explain things to them.

I really want to help these people in a meaningful, permanent way--not just a series of handouts. Thoughts?