My PTSD veteran came back in yesterday

[skygazer]

Original thread here - http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=439x376803

I had wondered if I'd see or hear from him. I was afraid he might be embarrassed about opening up to me. So I was really happy to see him.

He looked a lot better even though he was dressed in rather scruffy street clothes as opposed to the usual shirt and tie. He said he doesn't usually work Thursdays because he goes to therapy but he volunteered to do a couple of things in the morning. I suspect those couple of things were at my place.

I asked him if he'd ever appealed his discharge and he said that the very day we talked, his therapist had told him she'd looked into it and because of changes in the GI Bill, it turns out he is eligible even with the less than honorable discharge. That was very good news and it opened the door to further talk.

He told me what he'd done in Iraq - he was in aircraft recovery which means he was picking up the pieces of downed aircraft (and the pieces of the people who had been in them). He was 19 when he first got there. Nineteen and picking up skull fragments with hanks of bloody hair hanging from them. Body parts. Finding people's wallets with the photos of their loved ones. It's no wonder he's so messed up.

We talked for about an hour while I worked. I offered some of the insights I'd learned - like the fact that I realized I'd probably never be "cured" in the traditional sense but that I'd have to learn to live within the limitations of my own makeup. He'd learned some things about his family that made him wonder if his condition was genetic and I told him that in my case, I felt that the events of my life had triggered a condition that I was genetically predisposed to. That made a lot of sense to him.

I found myself that those insights and realizations helped me a lot because they gave me a starting point for recovery and reasonable expectations of what form that recovery would take. I think a lot of times people expect that treatment will get them back to the way they were before and I don't think that's really reasonable. You're NOT the same person you were before and you never will be. The trick is to learn your own personal coping mechanisms that help you navigate your life in a way that allows you to be productive.

He was cheerful when he left, thanked me for the conversation and the last thing he said was, "See you next Tuesday." :)

Thought you might like to know. It really did help.

[rgbecker]

1. Keep it up Skygazer!

[supernova]

2. Heartwarming

:hug:

[Dappleganger]

3. You're a good person...

we need a thousand more just like you reaching out to others. :)

[RainDog]

4. hugs to both of you n/t

[BanzaiBonnie]

5. This is good news

Thank you for listening to his story.

I spent 3 years working on a crisis line. The only time I ever heard back was from someone I'd talked with was when I got a thank you card from a Vietnam vet who had called because he just wanted someone to talk to before he ended his life. NOTHING prepares you for standing beside someone who is committed to suicide.

I somehow was able to convey to him that I truly cared if he died. It was a long conversation. He eventually got help and later sent me the card. That was precious.

[skygazer]

9. How great that you heard from him

I was so afraid that I'd never know what happened to this guy and that I'd always wonder. I'd felt that I'd helped him but it was so good to know that he trusted me enough to come back. I feel honored.

[JuniperLea]

6. Well done...

I've found that reaching out to help others actually helps us in the process. I wish you a long and wise friendship.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

7. I'm so glad to hear this, my dear skygazer!

You have not only helped save his life, but your words here just might help someone else do a similar thing elsewhere...

Biggo recommendation!

[bigmonkey]

8. Looks like there's a good chance you helped save his life.

Good going!

[Maine_Nurse]

10. Psych nurse here--Good job!

This type of interaction probably does more long term good than most formal treatment.

The inpatient facility I work at really stresses just being there for the clients. Whenever possible, we hang up the "professional" crap and just sit and talk with the patients like people. Many thank us for that and have never experienced it in a treatment setting before. Just giving them their humanity does wonders for people.

[mysticalchick]

11. You will probably never realize ...

... what amazing things you've done for this man just be allowing him space to open up without judgment or fear. We need more of that in this world.

Thank you for being willing to give him that space.

[emilyg]

12. Thanks for update.

[a la izquierda]

13. Kudos!

Keep us posted, I really like sort of uplifting stories like this.
K & R

[Vinca]

14. Good to hear!

[Gormy Cuss]

15. Glad to hear that he came back.

It sounds like he's willing to try the process of recovering. That's a start.

[bobbolink]

16. .

:hug: :cry: :hug:

[GentryDixon]

17. You are so kind.

I read your first post about this man but did not take the time to respond.

Thankfully, you did take the time. It sounds like he needed an outlet he was not getting elsewhere. You stepped up and took the reins and in the process made a profound difference in his life. You should feel very proud.

:yourock:

[ChiciB1]

18. About The "Genetic" Aspect Of The Illness, I Think This Is Very Possible...

I was diagnosed with OCD quite some time ago. A disease that I "had" thought was WEIRD at the very least BEFORE I got pulled down into the VORTEX of it's belly. I can recall seeing documentaries about OCD and wondered HOW a person who KNEW what they were doing was detrimental to their well being couldn't just stop doing it!!

THEN, it happened to me and I didn't even know what "it" was. I only knew I was unable to stop doing things when I tried over and over to stop doing them. I recall telling myself to STOP IT over and over, and I stopped for a short time only to find the same thing happening shortly afterward.

After seeing several doctors and having various drug cocktails prescribed I started RESEARCH! What I found was that most research showed that people are born with obsessive traits, but when faced with some great upheaval and trauma in their lives, the obsession manifests itself and becomes uncontrollable. Mine didn't happen until I was 40, but looking back I saw there were early signs. I also believe that most people have some OCD of some sort that is quite controllable.

I have 5 sisters and since my experience I have noticed "quirky" behaviors with them and KNOW my mother most certainly had the disease. She was an over-organizer with almost everything she did, but my quirks were of a personal nature. Things I have been unable to control even to this day even though I have been able to wean myself away from "most" of the HORRIBLE meds! I prefer to live with some things over taking the heavyweight meds, but I still need some. I refuse to take them during the day because of the "downer" affect that I abhor, but I know I need them at night so I can sleep for at 5 or 6 hours at a time. At least most of the time.

HOWEVER, I did find I had to admit the obvious before I was able to gain back "control" over my issues. I no longer smirk about OCD as I once did, but I do feel "understanding" what was happening to my body & why helped me stop doing certain things. While I still suffer with some things I DO understand that the disease is all about "control" and how I had to learn to cope with it.

So, from my perspective I think it could be genetic, but my heart goes out to your friend... PTSD REALLY hurts and depression is quite awful. The depression was and is one of my worst "downs" and the meds drive me up the wall!

I came to understand schizophrenia so much better and am thankful I was spared from it. In some ways I think PTSD can be as debilitating at times. FEAR is FEAR and is so hard to control.

I'm sorry for those who suffer like this, especially when vivid memories invade the recesses of a person's mind to the point where escape may never come. My condolences to all who are locked into this horror! I wish for PEACE to those who suffer ANY type of mental illness. It's hard to SEE mental illness, so therefore many others, even family tend to dismiss it and that is one of the biggest dangers.

Be well and take care...
:hug: :hug: :hug:

[nadinbrzezinski]

19. You did well

:hi:

[femrap]

20. I enjoy your story....

let's us know how it goes next Tuesday.

Why do we send these young people, who don't even know who they are, off to war? If everyone would stop enlisting, there would be no more wars.

Do you think he would have any interest in joining w/ other vets who are against war?

[xchrom]

21. ...

:applause: good on you.
if it takes a village to raise a child -- maybe it takes a village to heal someone.

[Left coast liberal]

22. Thank goodness he found you. What great advise! XO

[alfredo]

23. Kudos to you.

So far three of my army buddies have drunk themselves to death. Three others are on their way down.

Damn, just found out another just died. Tobacco got him.

[elehhhhna]

24. the highest honor that the universe can bestow is to let you make a miracle...

congratulations, skygazer.

[DearAbby]

25. Good to hear the update, skygazer

You did save his life, a lifeline. You were where you were supposed to be, and so was he. :)