Apple User Acting Like His Dad Just Died

[Donnachaidh]

http://www.theonion.com/articles/apple-user-acting-like-his-dad-just-died,26270/

BOSTON—Calling the death a “tragic loss” and saying he was “truly devastated by the news,” self-described Apple product loyalist Eric Cavanaugh is treating the passing of the company’s former CEO Steve Jobs as if his fucking dad just died, sources confirmed Thursday. “I can’t believe it,” said Cavanaugh, 28, wearing a saddened expression that would make you think he was mourning the loss of his 61-year-old father, Jack, and not a complete goddamn stranger. “He meant a lot to me, and I’ll miss him. I think I might send an e-mail to [e-mail] .” At press time, Cavanaugh reportedly needs to get his fucking priorities straight.

[Electric Monk]

1. I bet they use a lot of Apple products at The Onion

/just saying...

[provis99]

2. heh. the Apple cultists are unreccing this pretty fast!

[Donnachaidh]

4. they need the exercise

the sitting of i-shiva must make one's fingers cramp up :rofl:

[gateley]

11. Heh. I'm an Apple "cultist" (nice demeaning handle, by the way) and

I recommended it.

So I guess you don't know us like you think you do.

Heh.

[Skidmore]

3. I saw an item on the news earlier that pictured a teen in front of his

web cam doubling over in tears. It was truly bizarre.

[AngkorWot]

6. Yeah, I saw one about them going to an Apple store to mourn like it were a shrine.

[AngkorWot]

5. LOL. Shame it's only the Onion.

I was reminded of the people feeling suicidal after watching Avatar because they realized they would never go to that far off planet and have sex with the giant blue cat women.

[arcane1]

7. This is pretty much exactly what my Facebook feed looked like yesterday n/t

[tokenlib]

8. Definite rec for this giving the finger to the personality cult!

The Onion satire is so on target.

[Ellipsis]

15. K&R

{And during the few moments that we have left We want to talk right down to earth In a language that everybody here can easily understand}

Look in my eyes What do you see? The cult of personality

I know your anger, I know your dreams I've been everything you want to be Oh, I'm the cult of personality

Like Mussolini and Kennedy I'm the cult of personality The cult of personality The cult of personality

Neon lights, a Nobel prize When a mirror speaks, the reflection lies You don't have to follow me Only you can set me free

I sell the things you need to be I'm the smiling face on your TV Oh, I'm the cult of personality

I exploit you, still you love me I tell you, one and one makes three Oh, I'm the cult of personality

Like Joseph Stalin and Gandhi I'm the cult of personality The cult of personality The cult of personality

Neon lights, a Nobel prize When a leader speaks, that leader dies You won't have to follow me Only you can set you free

You gave me fortune, you gave me fame You me power in your God's name I'm every person you need to be Oh, I'm the cult of personality

I'm the cult of, I'm the cult of I'm the cult of, I'm the cult of I'm the cult of, I'm the cult of I'm the cult of, I'm the cult of personality

{Ask not what your country can do for you The only thing we have to fear is, fear itself}

[alcibiades_mystery]

9. ROFL

Hilarious!

[Maccagirl]

10. Jobs was a great capitalist,, only his family and friends know if he was

great man. People need to get a life.

[gateley]

12. He did a lot to change the world. Much as the guy in your avatar.

Your dismissal of this man baffles me.

[Bake]

13. This'll probably start some flames, but I'll say it anyway.

Jobs probably did more to change the world than John Lennon did.

And I love John Lennon.

:hide:

Bake

[gateley]

18. I love Lennon, too. I buy a cupcake for him every October 9,

plunk in a candle and sing Birthday. (I'm serious!)

I'd have to agree. Jobs' offerings reached a broader range of people. Put computers in our pockets, gave us easy way to download music instantly, and on and on. John King was telling how he was driving back to Headquarters during hurricane Irene. He told of how there was no electricity, no generator, they couldn't broadcast from their truck, but with an iPhone app he was able to send live footage to the studio. Then he pulled out his iPad and showed how that had helped him. I remember Contessa saying that when she looked at a friend's Kindle, being used to an iPhone she tried to turn the page by swiping, but of course it didn't work. So many innovations!

Interestingly, I've always kind of looked at Apple like the Beatles. I remember when a new Beatles album would come out, then everyone would do what they did. Nehru jackets and sitars come to mind. :). Same with Apple. How many tablets are there being offered now? Amazing.

And, John ran a company named Apple, too! :7

[ingac70]

14. LMAO

[nolabear]

16. Well golly I'll bet Jobs' friends and family were just tickled shitless by this.

I hate it when people, even "satirists" cross the line into crude insensitivity (and by crude I mean stupid, lowest common denominator meanness) and hate it even more when people punch one another in the shoulder and celebrate how very superior they are over those who might actually feel something other than what they do.

[lynne]

17. I'm guessing that no one here -

- remembers the public response when John Lennon was killed. Or when Elvis died. Or when JFK was killed. Or Dale Earnhardt. How about Princess Diana?

Not a lot of difference even if it is The Onion. Art often imitates life, looks like this might be one of those times.

[joshcryer]

19. Heh, The Onion is fucking amazing.