Question for Longtime DUers: Do you ever feel like Just Giving Up?

[Hoosier Daddy]

My cat has run away. I took him off the street and gave him a home, but now he has apparently decided that Judy and her partner Wanda, who live a few houses away, offer him a sweeter deal. Hey, I'm just glad he's all right.

Obviously, having a pet run away, while painful, is not exactly a soul-shattering experience. But it has served as (no pun intended) a catalyst for other shit.

I spoke with ny son Andy last night. He's a second lieutenant with the Army in Kuwait. He thinks I'm a sap because I "don't see the realities of what we're up against, Dad." Hey, all I did was tell him I wanted him home, along with the rest of our improperly, dishonestly deployed troops.

My daughter is a sophomore at Marquette, but she resents the Hell out of me for divorcing her mother.

And today, I'm reading about a disabled 11-year-old boy committing suicide because of nonstop bullying. Not in Alabama, or Mississippi, or Texas, but in Canada! I don't know about you, but this kind of shit sucks the spirit right outta me.

DO NOT REC THIS THREAD! That's not what I'm seeking. It's just that I'd like to hear from other people here who have been in the doldrums themselves. How can one have a positive outlook on the future when everything around you is negative?

[RUMMYisFROSTED]

1. Nope.

[gateley]

2. ...

:hug:

And yes. It's a struggle to keep on keepin' on.

[StandingInLeftField]

3. Yea I do......fairly often, too.

I'm not sure what motivates me to get up in the morning, but I do. Habit? I wish I had some words of encouragement, but for the life of me, I can't seem to remember where I put my bootstraps.

Only thing I can tell ya' HoosierDaddy is, someday, somewhere, somebody is going to be glad that you were in this world.

(Oh, and BTW, anger can carry you along for quite a while, although the consequences are not pretty.)

[MineralMan]

4. Can't say I have.

I have had a cat move to a neighbor's house, though. It moved back again after a couple of years, when the neighbor decided to feed only dry food. Cats make their own decisions, it seems. It lived with us for another 10 years.

There are always setbacks, and the world often doesn't do what we think it should.

Hang in there...

[YvonneCa]

5. I would have trouble living in a...

...red state. I have relatives near where you are...I love them, but we disagree on much. ;)

That said, you sound depressed. When you focus on the negative and have trouble seeing the joys in life, that is a danger sign. Or, maybe the sign of too much DU... :7 I hope you will talk to your doctor...depression is very treatable. :hug:

[leveymg]

6. Things can turn around in a day, but you may have to work damn hard for a month

for it to happen.

Something good like that happened this week, but man, I feel like I was run over and over again by a tank battalion to get it done. Just saying. Hang in there.

Change the cat-food. Kitty sound like she just needs a change of cuisine.

[meegbear]

7. The cat didn't run away ... it moved out ...

the rest, yeah, it sucks.

Keep going and keep smiling. My life shit the bed February 2009; it's been getting better, though taking it's fucking time. It'll get better bud.

[librechik]

8. my job in part is to listen to the news and dig around finding news stories of interest to my boss

and believe me, everyday I hear stuff that makes me just want to give up. Horrible institutional fuckups, stuff that seems impossible for anyone ever to fix. Stuff that should be big headlines and worldchanging news that just gets ignored. I don't know how I can go on sometimes, it's so devastating. And unlike others, I can't escape into non-media environments. So turn off the tv, take a break, walk around the block. It's a war on us, but you have to volunteer to let it hurt you.

[sinkingfeeling]

9. Yes. I have every hope that I can live the remainder of my life outside the US. I'm tried of

watching everything good and decent about the US being torn apart. The differences in the country today from what it was 40 or 50 years ago breaks my heart. Things just keep getting worse.

[dtexdem]

10. Politically, yes. But I shouldn't, can't really.

But I recced the thread anyway.

[elleng]

11. Yes, occasionally; that's life.

NOT easy at all, but nature has 'answers,' that is, change happens, all the time.

Did take anti-depressants, as was 'under thumb' of 'husb' for years. Still in litigation for 2+ years, + daughters don't get that he's NOT a nice guy. They do speak to me, but can't discuss this reality w them. Take anti-anxiety med when too much 'thinking' keeps me from sleeping.

Roses are still in bloom around here, and I harvest them, from foreclosed houses and Burger King; thinking about and looking at them helps improve my attitude.

:hi:

[Brother Buzz]

12. As a DUer sage always said, "NGU"

"Never give up!"

We, collectively give up, they win.

Ain't gonna happen on my watch.

My wife suggests spending a bit more time in the lounge to gain some perspective and levity.

[calimary]

17. Class Warrior's signature. And it's a good one. And it's one I need to keep reminding myself about.

Because sometimes, I tell ya, I get pretty damned discouraged.

But Howard Dean said it, too - the only way we lose is if we give up. So I can't give up. And I don't. When I get knocked down by this stuff, which happens with more and more frequency, I do get back up again - although with a heavier and heavier heart each time.

[Smarmie Doofus]

13. Ez there big Daddy. Short answer: yes.

And then I DO give up for a short while but invariably life....I guess that's what it is... pushes me back to this side.

Too many people depend on us for one thing. Your kids. My kid.

That poor little Canadian guy needed someone like you or me in his life. As long as we're here, there's a CHANCE kids like that can make it.

The world is an imperfect place .... and in many respects a supremely *fucked-up * place. But I sorta agree w. John Mayer:

NO IT WON'T ALL GO THE WAY IT SHOULD

BUT I KNOW THE *HEART* OF LIFE IS GOOD.


Keep looking to connect w. people who care about what you care about. Hard to do in Indiana, I know. ( My sister lines in 'apolis. Yikes).

Try to keep a sense of humor.

But no.... you're not alone in feeling that way. Just don't let it take over.

[TygrBright]

14. Yes. And here's what I do when that happens:

FIRST, I take a holiday from online news sources, INCLUDING DU. Not a long holiday. Just a few days to help me regain perspective. If I need a "news fix" I watch the BBC News on telly, but mostly I don't.

SECOND, I take on a short, not-too-demanding project to make someone else's life a little better. I do some little short-term volunteer gig like driving homeless people from the shelter to the free clinic. Or I sort stuff at the food bank. Or whatever. Just something to get me out and get my mind off my mood.

THIRD, I do something that involves young people. I hang out with friends who have kids, or I drop off donations for the youth center, or I attend a play or concert at the local High School.

FOURTH, I do something to make MY future brighter in a small way, even if it's just getting rid of some of the clutter in my garage.

Usually by doing any three of those things, I banish the "Just Give Ups" within a couple of days.

It also helps if you make sure you're getting decent sleep, take a couple of walks outdoors, and eat quality meals for a few days, too.

helpfully,
Bright

[calimary]

15. Hey I sympathize. It feels somehow as though everything is stacked against us

at least among progressives.

I worry about the fate of our nation when too many people think that the basic answer is "it's God's will," so we don't have to bother our pretty little heads about science, global warming, population control, independent thought, general fairness, and government involvement to level the playing field. They don't even have to bother about certain parts of the Bible that talk about fairness and helping those less fortunate.

Just saw this elsewhere that more or less confirmed my fears:

http://www.alternet.org/story/152538/how_conservative_politicians_wait_for_god_to_fix_the_economy%2C_with_frightening_results?page=2

[lumberjack_jeff]

16. Hell yeah.

I often feel that I'm squandering my opportunity of a ringside seat at The End of the Roman Empire Part II.

[catabryna]

18. Every time I look at my kid...

and I see how well he is doing despite all the obstacles he has had to overcome, it lifts my spirits and gets me through. If he can do it, so can I!

:loveya:

[FSogol]

19. Nope. Despite all the problems in my life, I get a lot of joy about of simple things.

All the rain around here has sprouted about 10 billion types of mushrooms.
Had 3 different types of woodpeckers at my suet feeder yesterday.
Listening to an excellent audio book right now.
A book I've had on reserve at the library is finally here.
Hiked up to Big Schloss last week and sat on the summit eating a delicious Vietnamese sandwich.

[Zorra]

20. No. Never. Life totally rocks.

This is not medical advice. I am only telling you what works for me.

Consider trying this:

Focus on the positive and stay there. Do things you enjoy doing and that you want to do.

Attract the positive.

Negativity feeds upon itself.

You are responsible for your feelings. Unless you are chemically depressed, or have a poor diet and/or do not exercise, you will usually have a choice:

Do you want to feel happy? Or do you want to feel sad?

Pick one, and run with it. Don't look back. (Hint: Feeling happy is way more fun)

This discipline becomes easier over time, for awhile it takes work and focus to control your thought processes (like whoops, I'm slipping into negative thought processes again! OK, it's all good, I am going to make myself feel happy). After sincerely applying it for awhile, you sill very probably find that you just stay positive. It is a simple matter of practicing controlling your thoughts and emotions, and not reacting to others. Practice makes perfect.

If you let other people's negativity make you feel negative, you are making the choice to let them bring you down. "S/he made me feel bad" is only putting responsibility on someone else because you are getting some kind of reward out of feeling bad.

Don't ever give up.

Don't even ever think about it.

[FSogol]

21. +1 good advice. n/t

[virgogal]

22. That. Is. Life.

[FLyellowdog]

23. Yes, I do sometimes. But

I try to focus on the reality that I can't fix everything all the time; I can only fix some things some of the time. I just keep on keepin' on and try to stay in the sunshine as much as possible. :hi:

[louslobbs]

24. It's not easy. For me, just the thought of giving in or giving up seems to make me fight all

the more. I figured it out for myself a few years ago by attending a forum called "The Landmark Forum. It's a technology of sorts dealing with "being human." How do I react to others, how do I hear others, what stories do I create in my own head, how do emotions affect my behavior and reactions in situations and who am I being in life? With every thing that is happening in my life, or that could happen in my life, how am I going to react to those things.....who am I going to be in the face of those things? Ok, so let's say, that all of this "shit" is happening in the world, in this country and in my personal life. The first thing I try to do, is look at things as they really are, without adding into any given situation my own story (something made up in my head that isn't really happening yet or might not happen at all) or my very real and powerful emotions that seem to just pop up out of nowhere. Now this takes work and practice, but it can be done and when you are doing it regularly, it allows you to forge ahead and continue the "battles" associated with living life, without that overwhelmed feeling or a feeling that you just want to give up. I ask myself, who am I being in this situation? What's really happening here? Is this situation what I really think or feel it is? Take your son Andy, has he actually called you a "sap," or is that how you think he's making you feel with some of his commentary? No one is always going to agree with any of us on everything, so you just let Andy be who he's being, and you continue to be who you are being, without creating any stories and adding any those stories to the mix. Maybe one day, someone will see things differently and change their position or thinking on an issue, maybe no one will, but Andy is entitled to believe what he does and you are entitled to think as you do......nothing else has to happen, neither of you has to make the other wrong, even though each of you believe that you are right. Your daughter Marquette, you believe she resents you......ok, if that's true, the only thing that you can do about that is have a conversation with her about her feelings. She might not want that conversation, she might want a confrontation because she wants you to know that she feels that she is right and you are wrong. Ok, so be it for now, doesn't mean she will never want to have a conversation about it, but in the mean time, don't take it on as something that you have done wrong or something that needs to be fixed. You have your reasons for the divorce and Marquette has her reasons for her upset and resentment, until you are able to have a breakthrough in the situation through conversation, there is really nothing you can do, other than "be with" the situation as it exists right now even though it doesn't feel good. You don't have to like it, you just have to find a way to "be with it." I wish we lived in a feel good world, where there was only love, kindness, fairness, sharing, compassion and caring, but we don't sadly. Just try and take a moment to ask yourself, "who am I being" in any given situation and then ask yourself what is the reality of the situation, how much of it is real and how much is emotion and story created by yourself about the situation. Lastly, ask yourself what control you have over the situation and what you can legitimately do to make the situation better to allow you some peace of mind with what exists in your life. As I said, none of this is easy, but the more you practice it, the more peaceful you can become from within, even as things around you might not be. I wish you all the best and I hope that what I have shared with you helps even just a little.
Your friend,
Lou

[Scottybeamer70]

31. Great advice, Lou

Thank you...........might help a lot of people.........sure helps me.

[louslobbs]

32. I'm glad it helped, if even just a little.

Your friend,
Lou

[deutsey]

25. Yeah, I have felt that way at times

I've experienced a lot of setbacks in my life and it can be discouraging. And the news sometimes makes me feel like the world's going to hell.

But then I'll just be sitting in my car at a red light, no radio on, and I see the wind blowing through the trees and...I don't know. For some reason all that other shit fades away.

I could go on and try to explain it, but the words just don't seem to get it.

[MADem]

26. You are responsible for YOURSELF.

I understand your perspective, but you cannot live your son's life for him, nor your daughter's, nor your cat's. You can only live your life--I recommend you do it as well as you are able.

All you can do is the best you can do. Life is short, and then we die.

I figure, when I feel a bit down in the dumps, that I deserve a bit of a sulk--but just a bit--and then I pick myself up and go on.

My perspective is this: It beats the alternative.

I find if I help other people out, it improves my mood. Also, get a little sunlight on your skin every day, and take a good multivitamin. Don't sweat the small stuff.

Then, press on smartly. Maybe get a small dog--the little ones love company, and you can teach them to crap in a doggie litter box!

[MilesColtrane]

27. Every day above ground is a good one.

I recommend talking to a therapist.

[Stuart G]

28. Yes, I do feel that way. My thoughts are with you

[dawg]

29. Hang in there HD!

Sometimes in life it seems like the hits just keep on coming. relentlessly.

I found myself just this morning saying, "When am I ever going to get a break? When is something finally going to go right for me?"

But that's just negativity talking. There are plenty of people who would trade places with me in a heartbeat.

Focus on that son and daughter. It's okay that you disagree with your son - what son ever agreed with his father in the first place? Tell him the folks on DU thank him for his service and the sacrifice he's made.

As for the daughter, let her resent you. But show her love. Children don't understand divorce, even when they get older. For that matter, I don't understand it myself. It happens; it's a tragedy. But you still maintain the bonds with the people you love. She'll come around.

I agree with others who say tune out the news for a while.






Oh, and fuck that kitty. I hope they feed him Twin Pet.

[Solly Mack]

30. The thought flutters from time to time...something happens that is just so depressing

and I think "Fuck it"....but I keep pushing.....primarily because I don't know how not to.

Sorry...not much help.

[NNN0LHI]

33. I watch the GOP debates and I snap right out of the doldrums

[Hoosier Daddy]

34. Thank you all for your support

Especially those of you who recognize what a pain in the ass it is to be blue in a red state. (Hey, I've no illusions: Indiana, North Carolina and Nevada will revert to the Repulsives next year, with Virginia, Ohio and Florida being a coin-toss.)

[Lucian]

35. I find people who are always happy to have a mental problem.

If one were to stop and just look around, the world is falling apart. The economy sucks, our rights are being curbed everywhere we go, the world is getting hotter, food supplies are getting smaller, prices of everything is going up, water is becoming something that'll be harder to get in the coming years, corporations rule everything, and no one is doing a goddamn thing to stop any of this in our government.

I don't know how anyone can be happy right now. Really. What is there to be happy about? What makes us keep going? That little glimmer of hope that someday shit won't be so bad. How far away is someday? Who knows.

[EmeraldCityGrl]

36. You're what I call an Empath. You feel the energy in

the world acutely. It can be a burden at times but it also is a gift.

[bvar22]

37. My wife & I "gave up" in 2006.

We sold everything, moved to The Woods,
and started growing our own food.

So far, so good.

[Missy Vixen]

38. I wish I had some sage advice

Mostly, I have a hug for you.

:hug:

Plus, there's another kitty that wants to move into your house in your community, right now. I hope you find him or her.