Historians Politely Remind Nation To Check What's Happened In Past Before Making Any Big Decisions

[HughBeaumont]

http://www.theonion.com/articles/historians-politely-remind-nation-to-check-whats-h,26183/

WASHINGTON—With the United States facing a daunting array of problems at home and abroad, leading historians courteously reminded the nation Thursday that when making tough choices, it never hurts to stop a moment, take a look at similar situations from the past, and then think about whether the decisions people made back then were good or bad.

According to the historians, by looking at things that have already happened, Americans can learn a lot about which actions made things better versus which actions made things worse, and can then plan their own actions accordingly.

"In the coming weeks and months, people will have to make some really important decisions about some really important issues," Columbia University historian Douglas R. Collins said during a press conference, speaking very slowly and clearly so the nation could follow his words. "And one thing we can do, before making a choice that has permanent consequences for our entire civilization, is check real quick first to see if human beings have ever done anything like it previously, and see if turned out to be a good idea or not."

"It's actually pretty simple: We just have to ask ourselves if people doing the same thing in the past caused something bad to happen," Collins continued. "Did the thing we're thinking of doing make people upset? Did it start a war? If it did, then we might want to think about not doing it."

PFFFFFFFFFT. PLEASE. Making mistakes (often the same damned ones) over and over and over again, no matter how destructive, is MUCH more fun and fistastic than learning from them the first time!!

[Quantess]

1. Well, yes...

This is an example of an Onion article that would be accepted as a straight editorial in some newspapers.

[FSogol]

2. K&R. n/t

[struggle4progress]

3. Hey! I just realized we could have a really big war to make the world safe for democracy!

:bounce: :bounce: :bounce:

[HughBeaumont]

4. Example: "Hey, let's send all our manufacturing overseas!

"Let's leave millions of workers behind, forcing a glut of college enrollment. Yeah, and let's raise the price of tuition every year to where, even though they NEED this education, they won't be able to afford it!!! YEAH!!

Oh, and let's NOT raise their wages in real dollars and even fire the bottom 10% performers every single year! What a great motivational tool!

Wait . . . BRAIN WAVE!1!!!!1! Let's give the rich a disproportionate amount of tax dollars . . . so they can create JOBS!!! I mean, it only makes sense . . . the more money THEY have, the more benevolent they can be with hiring!!

What could POSSIBLY go wrong with THIS PLAN???"



Simply stunning.

Learn from your mistakes, Dumberica.

[RUMMYisFROSTED]

10. Good ole Turd Ferguson.

[johnd83]

5. I wasn't sure if this was a joke at first

[Mnemosyne]

6. I wasn't either, pitiful comment on this country, isn't it? n/t

[Octafish]

7. Kick for those who control the past.

They also control the future.

It's not a coincidence they are a small group of very rich and very powerful people.

[HughBeaumont]

9. And control the message, sadly.

Which is why we only see anti-Obama protests instead of anti-corporate, anti-Bewsh and anti-war demonstrations, no matter how many more people they draw.

Also noticed something else: ever since Warren Buffet "betrayed his class" by telling them they should pay more taxes, he's been on CNBC and the cable news channels in general less and less.

HMMMMMMMMMMM.

[a la izquierda]

8. As a historian, I concur.

The last time we decided to do things down in the region I study, it ended badly for democratically elected leaders and hundreds of thousands of people.