SATIRE from:
http://thedesperateblogger.com/2011/09/ahmadinejad-resigns-iranian-presidency-launches-gop-bid/Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad today continued his tradition of stunning the international community during his annual appearances before the United Nations General Assembly – and most observers agree that he’ll probably never top this one.
Shortly before his departure from New York this morning, the former Tehran mayor and longtime falafel vendor announced that he is stepping down from his position as President of Iran in order to focus his full attention on his bid to win the Republican Party’s 2012 U.S. Presidential nomination.
Later, addressing an enthusiastic throng of professors and students at the grand opening of his latest business venture, ‘Mahmoud’s Kebab House and Beer Garden’ located on Columbia University’s Manhattan campus, Ahmadinejad vowed to, “obliterate Kenyan anti-colonial socialism from the American political map.” He also added that, if elected, his first priority as President would be to, “eradicate homosexuality – not just from the military and the institution of marriage, but from the entire country.”
When asked what he would do to help put Americans back to work, the instant Tea Party sensation responded, “I will rid the country of homosexuals like I did in Iran. That will free up businesses small and large alike to hire new workers free from the fear that any of their new employees will be gay.”
The candidate, who for the next month will be touring the United States to promote his newly published memoir, ‘Any Man Who Hates Catholics, Gays, and Jews Can’t Be All Bad’, has long been considered a serious threat to win the GOP nomination if he chose to run. According to FreedomWorks founder Dick Armey, “His core values are certainly consistent with those of the Party’s base. And frankly, I think the United States is ready for an openly Muslim President.”
Indeed, Fox News/
Despots Weekly Magazine polls – the only major poll of likely Republican voters to have included Ahmadinejad all along – have consistently shown the blustery Iranian strongman ahead of all of his GOP rivals.
According to renowned political strategist Grant Cartman, an Ahmadinejad candidacy could be good news for former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney:
“President Ahmadinejad could very easily wind up splitting the so-called ‘Tea Party’ vote, leaving an opening for Romney to consistently win a plurality in the primaries. Polls have consistently shown that Ahmadinejad not only enjoys widespread support from people who would otherwise support Michele Bachmann but are concerned by her propensity to make outrageous statements, but also from those who like Rick Perry but find many of his views to be too extreme. Many independent voters are also impressed by the fact that he’s the only one of the leading Republican candidates who consistently pronounces the word ‘nuclear’ correctly.”
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