In Rare Public Statement, God Tells Pat Robertson to Shut the Fuck Up as told by Andy Borowitz

[Mira]

In Rare Public Statement, God Tells Pat Robertson to Shut the Fuck Up
‘Enough Already With That Moron,’ Says Almighty


NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) – Rev. Pat Robertson’s controversial remarks in which he advised that it was acceptable to divorce a spouse with Alzheimer’s drew a harsh rebuke from God Almighty, who held a press conference today to tell him to "shut the fuck up."

The bearded King of the Universe, dressed in His trademark flowing white robe and carrying a lightning bolt, spoke to reporters at New York’s Hyatt Grand Central for forty-five minutes in a press conference specifically called to denounce the televangelist.

“I’ve held my tongue while he’s jabbered on and on about me punishing this group and that group with floods and earthquakes and such, but this was the last straw,” He said. “Enough already with that moron.”

In addition to debunking Rev. Robertson’s Alzheimer’s statement, the Almighty categorically denied using natural disasters in the past to punish gays, Haitians, and other targets of Rev. Robertson’s scorn.

“Oh, please,” He said. “That’s just weather.”

On another topic, God attempted to put distance between Himself and the presidential candidacy of Gov. Rick Perry of Texas: “Rick Perry is qualified to be President in the same way that Olive Garden is qualified to be Italy.”

[madamesilverspurs]

1. !!!

Yep, that's going out to my whole list!

[Occulus]

2. .

:rofl:

[Bryn]

3. I posted to my family group on facebook

Most of them are conservatives/Christians. I called him a douchebag. So far no one answered! My mother has Alz's. She's still a human being, deserves respect, loyal and dignity. I was her sole caregiver for two and half years before placing her in Memory Care unit at a nursing home here (it's excellent!) There's a lady named Joanne in her unit that has a very loyal husband. He comes to see her, holds her hand often! Pat Robertson does not understand Love. Barf! Mom's a widow otherwise he would have been loyal to her as well.

[pacalo]

4. The Republicans are a comedian's dream come true.