Struggling Lower-Class Still Unsure How Best To Fuck Selves With Vote

[obxhead]

Struggling Lower-Class Still Unsure How Best To Fuck Selves With Vote

WASHINGTON—As election day nears, millions of the nation's poorest voters have reportedly yet to settle on the most profound and enduring way to completely fuck themselves over when they head to the polls this year.

"On the one hand, I'm pretty sure Barack Obama will undermine my best interests by maintaining the same centrist, pro-corporate policies of previous Democratic administrations," said Jim Estey, 34, a recently laid-off assembly-line worker. "Conversely, I agree with McCain and Palin on abortion, which might just balance out the fact that they'll further marginalize people like me by supporting deregulation and slashing social programs. So it's pretty much a toss-up at this point."

Though such behavior appears to directly undermine their own well-being, lower-income voters have historically supported candidates determined to screw them six ways to Sunday, including Bill Clinton, who incarcerated them in record numbers and cut the welfare benefits many depended on for day-to-day sustenance, and George W. Bush, who widened the gap between them and the rich and sent thousands of them to die in Iraq. This year's election is reportedly unique in that the nation's poor must not only weigh how deeply and painfully their chosen candidate will penetrate their rectums, but must also consider unforeseen outside circumstances—such as economic collapse and terrorism—that might allow the next president to bend them over and brutally rape them in ways they never thought possible.

The latest polls indicate that a majority of lower-class citizens might choose not to vote at all Nov. 4, preferring instead to leave the details of how they get fucked to the moneyed classes.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/struggling-lowerclass-still-unsure-how-best-to-fuc,6425/?source=patrick.net&utm_source=related

[Starry Messenger]

1. (ouch)

[Creideiki]

2. For the cognoscenti--

The actual liberals on the board have been warning you about this for the last 2-1/2 years.

Are you ready to actually listen now that it's in the form of comedy from The Onion?

[kenny blankenship]

6. That's actually from 2008

The Onion are time travelers first, satirists second. Knowing what happens is apt to give anyone a sardonic attitude.

[msanthrope]

24. Indeed--who can forget this prescient piece

Bush: 'Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Finally Over'
January 17, 2001 | ISSUE 43•01 ISSUE 37•01

http://www.theonion.com/articles/bush-our-long-national-nightmare-of-peace-and-pros,464/

[Maven]

8. For a sad few, their eyes will never stop twirling.

[Doctor_J]

28. Well, the REAL liberals have been warning us for 3.5 years

the HOPEful (some would say dim-witted) among us only figured it out about 12-14 months ago.

[young but wise]

K&R

[young but wise]

3. K&R

[undeterred]

4. I got the same right wing idiot email

from my right wing idiot friend telling me that Obama is giving away social security to illegal immigrants. I already answered the same email several months ago. So I figure she didn't even read my answer, and she and her idiot right wing friends are going to vote against their own interests anyway. So why should I waste my time composing an answer?!

So go ahead and vote against Obama! He's giving your Social Security to ILLEGAL ALIENS!!!!

[Sirveri]

17. So what if he is, so long as they're paying into it they should get it.

[undeterred]

19. Hey, somebody should get it.

I figure I'm not going to get it.

[ooglymoogly]

32. I see you have bought into the RW talking points.

The reason my generation has SS and other benefits and has had many of these, for going on 70 years; is because we fought for them, as did our parents and grandparents...

No politician could survive even a short life in politics if he/she threatened SS with even a hint. We got out the vote and got into the streets and made sure of that. Unless folks like you do not do the same, it will indeed not be there for you. Wall st and those who own and manipulate it, have been drooling over SS for near on a century and now because folks like you are finally buying their bullshit; (it is insolvent....NOT) (it is about to go bust....NOT)(it is causing the huge deficit....NOT) (it is broken and needs to be fixed...NOT) (it is an entitlement program etc, all lies add infinitum).

Because this propaganda is now being believed, it is now within their grasp and they have already made important inroads into its theft and destruction riding on a tsunami of those blatant lies.

Perhaps you will not understand its importance, till you need it and that is too late. You must fight tooth and nail, as we did to keep greedy hands off this, the most successful and important insurance program ever devised, that costs the government, not one red cent...except those it expends on scams to rob it....and we the elderly will be in the streets with you to save it for your generation and your generation's children and those down the road because we know its vital life altering importance and its importance to humanity and the advancement of civilization.

For those who have Social Security's back (pay into it)...SS will have their backs when they most need it...and that is a pretty fine thing to be able to say.

[undeterred]

33. I haven't bought into anything.

I just hope we haven't been sold out.

[ooglymoogly]

34. Yes and that is a justifyable fear, and all the more reason we

all need to pull together and fight to destroy those politicians who have indicated thay are willing to harm or destroy SS and that includes the "0". I have come to believe that if no challenger comes forward or answers the call, "0" is a lost cause and we must concentrate on congress to elect as many Liberals as we can muster to block his radical rightward tilt.

[dixiegrrrrl]

5. Ouch and LOL at same time.

Which really feels funny.

[Marrah_G]

7. That was my exact thought!!!!!!

[slay]

9. Sadly just as true now as it was back in 2008.

n/t

[Occulus]

10. I love The Onion.

It's an internet treasure.

[The Doctor.]

11. Only the truth can be so funny.

This is what reality smells like.

[mmonk]

12. LOL.

So many wedge issues and false blame. The powerful interests are masters in tying up the have nots into knots.

[mistertrickster]

13. They've done it again: Told the truth in ways the MSMedia Inc. just don't get. nt

[HappyMe]

14. Ain't it the truth. nt

[RegieRocker]

15. Maybe that is because there getting screwed no matter how they vote.

[Bigmack]

16. Who will ever forget the Onion piece...

In Onion Veritas

Bush: 'Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Finally Over'

JANUARY 17, 2001 | ISSUE 43•01 ISSUE 37•01

WASHINGTON, DC–Mere days from assuming the presidency and closing the door on eight years of Bill Clinton, president-elect George W. Bush assured the nation in a televised address Tuesday that "our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is finally over."

President-elect Bush vows that "together, we can put the triumphs of the recent past behind us."

"My fellow Americans," Bush said, "at long last, we have reached the end of the dark period in American history that will come to be known as the Clinton Era, eight long years characterized by unprecedented economic expansion, a sharp decrease in crime, and sustained peace overseas. The time has come to put all of that behind us."

http://www.theonion.com/articles/bush-our-long-national-nightmare-of-peace-and-pros,464/

[bvar22]

18. I thought The Onion only did satire.

:shrug:

You will know them by their WORKS,
not by their excuses.

Solidarity!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[ProSense]

20. Ron Paul did let him die

Not The Onion

[defendandprotect]

21. "lower class citizens" --?? I think more correctly, they are impoverished citizens ...

[Hydra]

22. Oh no

We don't talk about impoverished citizens. There's simply is "no such thing." This is the land of opportunity, dammit! Go get a job! :sarcasm:

[defendandprotect]

35. Current count is 66 million of them according to Hartmann today ... ???

Hartmann said report was 56 million and they underestimated it by 10 million!!!


:hi:

[WinkyDink]

23. "JIM" is concerned about ABORTION rights enough NOT to know which Party is in his better interests?

[dajoki]

25. K&R

[bertman]

26. I love me some Onion. REC. nt

[Doctor_J]

27. I knew it was either the Onion or Borowitz

Very sad that they're both truthier than the "news" media

[liberal N proud]

29. From October 30, 2008

100+ recs on a 3 year old satire article!

How do you do that?

[saras]

30. The Onion doesn't do satire. American politicians do satire.

Blaming the Onion for making fun of stupid Americans is like blaming your rain gauge for the flooding in New England.

[harmonicon]

31. The Onion has a pay wall now.

No kidding. I think it's just for those of us in the UK right now, but coming to a computer near you:

"You have arrived at your 30-day allowance of 5 free premium pages from America's Finest News Source. If you enjoy our probing and analytical journalism and want full access, we ask that you support our hardworking reporters by purchasing a subscription for as low as $2.95/ month or $29.95/ year."