a dilemma..could use your help

[leftygolfer]

gang,

i really look to you guys for guidance at times and you've always given me great advice. I am indebted.

But now I have another dilemma. I need a car, my car - when it runs - is not anything close to reliable. It's 15 years old, rusting and will probably not pass emissions. i've been trying to save for another car, but as we all know, saving nowadays is just not easy to do.

Now my sister and her family have five cars. Only three drivers, but five cars. No, i can't explain it. that's just what families with more money than they know what to do with do with their money i guess.

my sister has offered me a car to drive. I don't believe it's out of the goodness of her heart, i think it's a way to bribe me to quit picking fights with her husband.

the problem is, i hate him and everything he stands for. he is the wealthiest 1 percent that still hates the government that allowed him to "earn" his millions. he's the guy who is crying about taxes, though he would have no idea what needing money is all about. their kids make more in allowance a year than i make as a wage needing adult. all i do is remind him that he and his ilk are the reason our country is in the mess it is in today. i admit, i don't mind seeing him squirm for an answer. and if he weren't married to my sister, he wouldn't give a spit for my welfare. even my mom has said that.

i made a decision not to be a corporate slave many years ago, and what i may lack in trappings of money...i make up for in my independance and ability to see more clearly what the world really offers. in that tradeoff, i win everytime.

so yes, i need a car. but i feel like driving a car she gives me...its a Lexus for pete's sake...goes against everything i stand for. but i still need a car. thoughts?

[rdking647]

1. take the car....

its not the cars fault the husband is a prick... and you need the car to support yourself.

[grasswire]

2. take the car

You can't afford your ethics in this situation.

Gotta be a pragmatist sometimes.

[OffWithTheirHeads]

3. Eat the rich every chance you get. Believe me, they will eat you

and not think twice about it.

[liberal N proud]

4. Ah - Family

The toughest relationships anyone ever has to deal with in life.

Many of us have swallowed our pride and made peace for many reasons. It is something you have to decide the value vs. the cost.

What ever the reasons you fight with your brother-in-law is between you and them, and you need to determine the cost of compromising your principles.

Good Luck.

[ohheckyeah]

5. Sometimes we just do what we have to do.

Be gracious, thank her and drive the car.

Sometimes people really do nice things just to be nice.

[WillowTree]

6. Accept the car and pick fights with someone else.

[tammywammy]

19. +1 n/t

[laundry_queen]

7. I'd totally take it.

As others have said, if it were the other way around, and your sister needed something, her husband would darn well expect you to provide it. But I'm not really someone to ask - I've never had that "I don't want to feel like I owe them something" feeling.

[Chan790]

8. Take the car.

If the only cost is that you have to suffer a moron...take the car and use it to live precisely how he would detest best.

"One can always be kind to people about whom one cares nothing." -Oscar Wilde

[Zanzoobar]

9. I'd take the car

And if he's that wealthy, a job.

Remember, hating government is a non-partisan activity. Hating relatives is similar except you never have to eat a turkey with the governor unless it's at your mother's house.

[MrsBrady]

10. you need a car, take the car

your BIL will be an ass whether you take the care or not.

So do yourself a favor and take the car.

[ZombieHorde]

11. Take the car and thank them for their kindness.

If you feel guilty about it, consider volunteering at a soup kitchen. You can tell them their compassion inspired you to volunteer, and then you can tell the husband stories of the less fortunate.

[originalpckelly]

12. I know how it is, but with a relative who isn't a prick.

Our relative was one of those who'd give you a car, but only if you didn't ask for it. Don't ask how that is.

Anywho, he offered my mom a car to drive me to school and stuff because we'd lost ours and she turned it down.

I really wish she hadn't. We needed it badly, and our lives sucked ass for the next decade until we moved next to a light rail. Unless you have good public transit where you live, take the damn car, you never know when the other one could give out.

[BOHICA12]

13. Take the used car ... think of it as recycling ....

... the resources to build it are already exploited, you are not adding to the problem.

[pipi_k]

14. Piece of paper + pencil...

one side...positives

other side...negatives


then decide based on those things.

that's how I sometimes decide stuff.

[Raine]

15. Take the car

I wouldn't hesitate for a second or feel bad about it .... TAKE THE CAR!

[Coyote_Bandit]

16. I had a sibling

who died suddenly and unexpectedly and left a surviving spouse and a couple of kids.

Even before they married I didn't care much for the spouse. Still don't. Don't care for the politics, the immaturity, the emphasis on religious crap, consumerism and keeping up appearances.

Throughout the marriage our family made an effort to treat the spouse well. If I couldn't say anything nice I just bit my tongue and kept my fucking mouth shut - as did everyone else in my family.

I have little doubt that had we done otherwise the spouse would have relocated - with the kids - after my siblings death. We would no longer be able to share and be a part of their young lives.

Take the car. Quit fighting with your brother in law. You can disagree without being disagreeable. Your family ought to be more important than your ego - and your need to show that you are right. Part of the responsibility for having a good relationship with your brother in law rests on your shoulders.

[elfin]

17. Take it!!!

I am on my second "pre-owned" Lexus and while I had qualms about the first one after growing up GM, it served me well and the service was excellent. Now on the second because I could not find an equivalent at that time and now that GM is "back", will switch when this one dies -- which will be many years from now, given the reliability of this brand.

I take heart that many Toyota cars are made either here or with US made parts, while many American cars are made with parts manufactured elsewhere.

The second part of your dilemma - a family member whose politics are an anathema -- so be it. I am a loner in many family situations, but family is family and trumps so many things. I help them when I can and accept help from them when they can and I can't do for myself.

Thank them and still speak out as kindly as possible when warranted.

[Riley18]

18. Take the car.

[Shagbark Hickory]

20. When you say "gives", are they actually loaning you the car or are they giving you the title?

There's two ideas.
One is to be independent and not take the car. That would be my first suggestion.

The other idea is if they are completely giving you the car, you might be able to sell it and use the money you make from selling it to buy a cheaper car and save the money left over for things you need. But I would only do that if it was an emergency.

[Fumesucker]

21. Q: What's the difference between a Lexus and porcupine?

A: The porcupine has the pricks on the outside. :evilgrin:

Take the car, it could be worse, they could be offering you a Hummer. ;)

[customerserviceguy]

22. Take the car

and accept the peace offering your sister is making to make her life a bit easier. My lady wants me to put up with her dirtbag lying druggie of a brother, and nobody's giving me a pair of roller skates for it, much less a Lexus.

It will heap hot coals of fire upon his head when he sees you driving up in it every time. Let that be your revenge.

[MilesColtrane]

23. Can you hold your tongue around your brother in law?

If you can, take the offer.

If you can't, graciously say thank you, no.

[TwilightGardener]

24. What will bother you more, having nothing to drive or your battered pride

if you accept the car? I could go either way, really--we had to ask my in-laws for money, once, many years ago. We paid them back, but BOY that was a hard circumstance for me to swallow, pride-wise (they disliked me). I would have much rather not done it, if there had been another way.

[southernyankeebelle]

25. Take the car. Swallow your pride. If you have a family do it for their sake. But

ask about the stringes attached. Put it in writing. Even if you could give a $25.00 a month and when your in a better position then pay her more.

I remember my mother-in-law playing a dirty trick on me and my husband. She was over 85 and should even be driving. We took her everywhere. Anyone We were going to buy it. It was second hand. But it was better than what we had. Anyway she was being bitchy about it and we finally told her to sell it. We gave her the car back and she didn't even get what we were will to pay for it. She was a strang person. She was the kind that would do more for her friends and strangers than she would do for her family. Well the next day my husband and I went out and got a 2004 second car in excellent condition and we still have it today. But we were going to let her think we depended on her. She had lots of money and could of bought a new car cash. Well anyway about 2 months later she wanted to buy another car. My husband told her she didn't need to drive but she insisted. Well she started getting really bad sick and ended up in the nursing home. My husband was worried cause he didn't think she was going to make it. So he had transfer papers on the car and had her sign it because she was in no great health. He told her he was worried that the government might end up taking all her valuables to pay for her nursering home care. There is this law. But she did sign the paperwork without any problems and she ended up dying about 3 weeks later. We visited her everyday until she died. But make sure you cover your legal issues. You never know what they will do. You don't want to get in a fight with your brother-in-law and they end up taking the car.

[Whisp]

26. take the car.

and piss on the grill every once in a while.

[polly7]

27. Yep, take the car. Your sister may be worried about you and know

how much you need one. Forget the BIL. jmo.

[COLGATE4]

28. Take the car

[lucca18]

29. Take that car!

It would probably make your sister happy to be able to help you.
You need the car, so thank your sister and say yes!

[Drew Richards]

30. take the car till you can buy your own.. be gracious in returning then pounce :P

[cherokeeprogressive]

31. Sell your golf clubs and buy a bike. Give up green fees for a year.

Then buy your own car.

[chillspike]

33. +1

Agreed. Buy a bike. If you can afford it, buyand electric bike. Change your lifestyle even your job if necessary. Just keep your freedom and independence. You won't regret it.

[leftygolfer]

32. Thank you everyone!

Went to my sister's this morning and watched the memorial with her family. Politics were set aside and a few tears flowed. Agreement was made on car. It is a loan, no cost, for as long as I need. (this was going to be sis's "play" car but she just likes her suv too much). I will pay all maitenance costs that I can afford. Even brother-in-law was strangely nice this morning. Went out and filled up tank for me. He handed me key and said "No Obama stickers". Of course, he didn't say anything about DU stickers...

[Coyote_Bandit]

34. Really? You're kidding right?

It's. NOT. your. car.

You should realize that lending the car to you while retaining the title to the car exposes your brother in law and sister to the potential for significant legal liability. If you happen to have an at fault accident while driving their car then it is possible that the legal owners of the vehicle can be sued for negligently entrusting you with the car. You think they have loaned you a vehicle (and one that represents excess and thus conflicts with your principles, at that). You apparently do not realize just what they have entrusted you with. It would have been safer and more financially astute for your brother in law to give you a few bucks to patch up your old clunker.

If the folks who own the car are generous enough to permit you to use it without cost - and willing to pick up some of the mainenance costs if necessary - then you need to show them some gratitude (and I'm guessing they are picking up the tab for the auto insurance on the car as well). You might start by not putting any stickers on the car that they might find offensive. Or, better yet, no stickers at all. You can paper your own car in stickers.