52 years together and now one is dying...

[WillParkinson]

My boss called me aside today to talk about his friend whose partner-in-life is dying. They're going to the hospital today to be with him. Right now the hospital is doing what it can to make the man comfortable in his last hours.

As he spoke a lump formed in my throat. That will be me and Paul one day. We're headed to the 25 year mark and he's my everything. I cannot imagine the pain and suffering this gentleman is going through right now. He has said he does not know how he can go on.

52 years together and they cannot legally wed in their home state and it has a prick-face governor who wanted to abandon the same-sex partner registry because of his inane bigotry. 52 years and when one dies the other is left with memories of his 'friend' because he cannot be his husband in Wisconsin.

I defy anyone to tell me that 52 years together, living as spouses, is any less than a heterosexual couple and does not deserve the same dignity that their heterosexual counterparts take for granted every day.

[barbtries]

1. it is no less

i hope to still be alive when this is a non-issue. best to you.

[supernova]

2. I wish your boss's friend

the best. It's just as traumatic for all of us.

[fascisthunter]

3. I'm Sorry...

best wishes to you and your loved ones.

[H2O Man]

4. Recommended.

Powerful.

Thank you.

[MineralMan]

5. It is the same, exactly.

My sympathies to your boss.

[Lone_Star_Dem]

6. There is no excuse for not respecting a person's civil rights.

Which is what this is about, equal rights for everyone. Not just those who some politician someplace decides should be respected.

My heart is with your bosses friend. :hug:

[ThatsMyBarack]

54. I'm with you...

Lone_Star_Dem

[handmade34]

7. I cry

for the injustice and for the helplessness I feel sometimes... I am glad you were able to marry and hope soon we all can, as we choose

[polmaven]

8. Please tell me

he will be allowed to stay with his partner through the end. Please, please, please!

What a sad story....Thank you for sharing, Will. We must not ever become complacent about this issue because other issues seem more important. There is nothing more important than love.

[WillParkinson]

15. According to his e-mail..

He hasn't left his side except to go home to get some sleep (at the insistence of his niece).

[Spacemom]

9. It's so simple even my children understand it

My son once asked me (at about age 6) if it was okay for a man to marry another man. He wasn't asking about legal issues, he just wanted to know if two men could love each other. I told him sure, if two people love each other, that's a wonderful thing. He said the world always needs more love.

What's so difficult about that concept?

[Dappleganger]

16. You're a great parent.

Kids get it, why doesn't everyone else.

[lapislzi]

10. .

[enlightenment]

11. When I was about 12 years old, in the late 1960s,

My family was vacationing at a small cabin that my father had built in south western Colorado. One day he and I were walking down the gravel road in the area and stopped to pass the time with two 'elderly' (probably in their 60s, but I was very young) gents who were also strolling and enjoying the sunshine.

After they passed, I asked my dad why they had been holding hands when they walked up to us. My dad explained that they were a 'couple'. I remember being confused about that. He said, "they're like your mom and me - they love each other and live together like a couple".

My dad was born in 1922. He was raised by a conservative Nazarene mother and father. He had planned on becoming a Nazarene minister, but decided to make the Air Force a career after his service in WWII and served for 32 years. He voted Republican until he was in his late 70s.

But he understood love and commitment - and that those things have nothing to do with the gender of one's partner.

*I got to know those gents in the next few years - both British expats, one a writer and the other an artist, both loved to garden and told side-splitting (probably too mature for my ears, but what the hell . . .) jokes. Loved dogs, hated cats, and taught me to like asparagus. Made me believe that love can last a lifetime.

[Snoutport]

14. I want to recommend this!

Thanks for sharing

[Pacifist Patriot]

44. Thank you so much for sharing that!

[Chemisse]

45. That is amazing and lovely. Your dad was a good man.

[zanana1]

51. What a wonderful story

And what wonderful memories for you! No wonder you grew up so well.

[ZombieHorde]

12. Recommended. nt

[DevonRex]

13. K&R.

[southernyankeebelle]

17. You managed to bring tears to my eyes. I think about dying and leaving

my husband after 32 years of marriage. We have been together longer than we were single. I pray god will let us see each other on the other side. I will miss him terrible and I know he will miss me terrible. I will not remarry. He won't either. God can't bless us twice.

[bertman]

18. Thank you for posting this, Will. Maybe one day we will recognize that love is what

makes a marriage, not gender.

REC.

[flvegan]

19. I defy anyone to tell me that 52 seconds together, living as spouses

is any less than a heterosexual couple and does not deserve the same dignity that their heterosexual counterparts take for granted every day.

Anyone that doesn't believe that same sex couples deserve the same exact dignity, benefits and respect that heterosexual couples have is nothing short of a motherfucking bigot. A prejudiced prick that's no better than the idiot fucks at Stormfront. Might as well go get a membership there, matter of fact. Fuckers.

Rant over. Sorry Will. My regards to your boss and his friend and partner.

[dddem]

40. Not only is it no less than a heterosexual couple,

Sometimes I think it's more. I love my husband, but there have been days when I felt like we stay together because it's easier than being alone (not many, but occasionally!). I can't help feeling like anyone who has put up with so many years of being discriminated against, being judged, being reviled, being harassed and being told they are not deserving isn't there because it easy, but because it's the only place to be. Because it's right. God bless them.

[zanana1]

52. I'm with you on that one. nt

[nadinbrzezinski]

20. It does and my condolensces

I am sure the pain is no less than my mom's a month ago... just as long.

[csziggy]

21. Please hug your boss and your partner for me

Because we all need love and any commitment that lasts decades is a commitment that should be honored and celebrated.

On Saturday my husband and I will celebrate our 34th year of becoming legally attached to each other. Just because we happen to be different sexes, we were allowed to do this legal step which gave us all kinds of extra rights that you, your boss and your partners are denied. This is not right.

I don't take our commitment completely for granted. An uncle of mine did not talk to me for the last 25 years of his life and never met my husband, simply because we chose to have no religious ceremony (much less any ceremony).

I hope that you and your partner will soon be able to have the legal recognition of the commitment you already have and be able to enjoy the rights hetero couples now have.

:hug:

[Ken Burch]

22. Anyone who WOULD say it was less needs to grow a soul...NOW...

And such a person should not assume they'll spend the afterlife in a place filled with halos and puffy little clouds, either.

Once again...FUCK Scott Walker!!!!

[valerief]

23. Any two people who spend that much time together deserve more than a

marriage license. They deserve a medal. I'm sorry about the man's impending death, but they were so lucky to share their lives. Not even scumbag pols and idiot voters can take that away from them, no matter how much they try.

[Irishonly]

24. I am sorry

I hope that one day very soon marriage will be about love and not all of this nonsense.

[Maru Kitteh]

25. They can't tell you what to put on your gravestone. My old neighbor and his "friend" purchased

plots together and a beautiful gravestone with each of their names and in the center it says "Forever, as Husbands in Love." We're in Nebraska.

I don't know how you do it. I really don't. This has to be what caring, rational whites felt like during the civil rights movement. This IS the civil rights movement of our era. It will happen, but it just can't happen soon enough.

[jwirr]

26. Very sorry for this couple. Hopefully when you and your partner

reach that that many years this country will have come to its senses and you will be married. We will keep working for it and in the mean time we will support people like this couple.

[The Midway Rebel]

27. k&r nt

[Lithos]

28. Wow, such a huge mix of emotions here...

How can anyone say the dignity is any less, the pain any less, or can somehow condone the stupidity and insensitivity of the law which prevented them from enjoying the same recognition and rights I have with my wife of 16 years...

My mixed emotions come from the joy of knowing someone found their soulmate for 52 years of living and that in the same telling hearing this the physical nature of their relationship is coming to an end. The only thing unnatural here is the law. This relationship is something that should be celebrated, emulated, and in whose passing somber remembrances made.

Please send my best energies that the pain be easy as possible.

:hug:

L-

[Forkboy]

36. That's how it hit me, too.

Thank you for putting it into words far better than I could have.

[Fearless]

29. k&r There are a lot of good people with them now, and with you.

[totodeinhere]

30. I have great respect for anyone who can make a relationship last for 52 years.

Very few straight people can do that. And with all of the pressures that LGBT's face that straights don't have to deal with, that is an amazing accomplishment for those guys. I am sure that both will have a special place in heaven.

[Botany]

31. If I was a gifted writer I would write something profound

.... but I do not have those skills however those 52 years together are a testimony to what real love is all about
and I can tell by your post that you will do the right thing by being there to help your friend.

all the best,
botany

[Zenlitened]

32. K&R, with sadness. - n/t

[rhett o rick]

33. R&K

[HillWilliam]

34. Oh, Will

Tears for your boss and his partner. Hugs to you and yours for posting.

My partner is a 30-year survivor of HIV. We've always cherished "today" for tomorrow isn't promised. We've been together 15 years. If he crosses The Rainbow Bridge before me, I have promised to take care of the dogs (our furkids) until the last one crosses. As for me, I could never love again. Not like this. He would take my whole soul with him.

That goes for anybody: love as hard as you can today. Nobody promises a tomorrow.

The one thing in life -- the only thing -- that terrifies me is "what happens if I go first?". The house will be paid off, but will my grubby nephews and niece come along and take it out from under him? What will become of him? If he finds another love, will that one respect him and his home? Without marriage, without succession, how do I make sure he has a place to live out his life in relative comfort and safety?

So many questions that for the moment have negative and terrifying answers.

My heart really aches for your boss. And a little bit for you and a little bit for me.

[FlaGranny]

43. On the practical side

have you made a will? Also, the house should be in both your and your partner's names as joint co-owners (papers should say "and/or"). I don't think your nephews can get your house if you make all the correct legal moves now.

It's so sad that same-sex couples have to go through so much, especially at the end of life.

[HillWilliam]

56. Wills aren't worth the paper they're written on for GLBT* couples

I've seen wills turned over time after time, leaving the surviving partner on the street. Families who refused to have anything to do with the couple while both partners were alive come out of the woodwork to take EVERYTHING from the survivor. Many states regard GLBT* partners as legal strangers. The blood family of either have more force. Nine times out of nine and a quarter, they crawl out from under the rocks they been hiding under for decades, easily overturn the will, and clean out the survivor. I've seen it happen over and over.

Making a contract to attempt survivorship rights in many states is invalid. There are specific anti-gay laws to prevent to attempt the semblance of survivorship. The decedant's family gets everything if they show up. If they don't the state takes everything and the survivor is still left with nothing.

It doesn't matter if they've been together 1 year or 100 years. Under the law we're still legal strangers without marriage.

The NC legislature is about to put a measure on the ballot even more anti-gay than a simple "don't let queers marry". It specifically outlaw ALL forms of contracts that might attempt survivorship.

Wills and contracts mean nothing if you're gay. Soon, in NC we will have absolutely no legal recourse or survivorship. None.

I realize your post is meant in good heart and good faith, but it is terribly naive. It's just not as simple as making a will or a contract.

Moreover, I *can't* put the house in both our names. My partner is disabled and on SSD/SSI. If he owns a car or interest in a house, either we'd have to sell the house in order for him to continue getting benefits or he would wind up cut off with zero income at all. We've been up and down and up and down the road with the SSA. *Especially* if you're gay, they find every possible rule or exception to use against you.

[Firebrand Gary]

35. This is very sad.

It's fitting that those who call themselves "Christian" behave the least "Christian".

Mr Walker will get in return everything that he has put out and he deserves every ounce of it.

[Forkboy]

37. It can be embarrassing to be a member of this species at times.

The people against gay rights/gay marriage seem to lack any soul whatsoever.

[airplaneman]

38. a too long in coming basic civil rights and freedom issue

If we dont have the freedom to choose our own lifestyle then we are not really free.
I cannot see gay mariage as anythig less than a basic civil rights issue.
I hope we grow up and realize this soon. This is basic and not debatable.
You can't pick and choose basic civil rights.
-Airplane

[alp227]

39. make the governor go to the partner's funeral and get an earful from the attendees n/t

[MrMickeysMom]

41. You know the answer to that question, WillParkinson...

... and, I'll stand behind it any way I possibly can.

My heart goes out to your boss's concern. Thankfully, he went to the right resource to comfort and support.

[xchrom]

42. may Peace be with you, your boss & his partner and families @ this difficult

& painful time of loss.

[Chemisse]

46. They certainly do deserve that dignity.

I am confident that 20 years from now ALL couples will be afforded their civil rights. At long last, we are moving in that direction. In fits and starts, but moving.

But it is sad these men never had the chance to exercise this right. I just hope the hospital staff shows them as much consideration and flexibility as they would a married couple.

[Bluenorthwest]

50. It amazes me that anyone can read this and say that 20 more

years of hateful discrimination is an acceptable timeline. To me that is a vicious and calloused point of view.

[Chemisse]

55. Did I offer an opinion on the timetable? I GUESSED we would be all set by then,

based on our current trajectory. I could be wrong. It could be much sooner. It could be 10 years. Or there could be a tea party sweep and it won't be fair to all for 50 years! Who the hell knows? The point is, I did not say how many years would be 'acceptable'. In my opinion, 0 years is acceptable.

I am frankly puzzled by your attack, especially in a thread like this. You might want to show a little more respect for the OP.

[WillParkinson]

47. At 1:30 this morning...

His life partner died in his sleep.

[JAnthony]

48. Great insightful article! K+R

[JustAnotherGen]

49. No defiance from me

My parents have been together since 1967, married since 69 - A bi-racial couple . . . My father is down to his last few months. I recognize your friends relationship - as do they. And I have the most empathy for what your friend is going through. Once upon a time - it was illegal for my parents to be married too. ;-) My parents live in Western NY . . . and as my dad, a former military officer has stated to me: He never thought he'd see a day where his wingmen who were gay could be who they are in the military, and that at least in his state, EVERYONE is free to marry whomever they fall in love with.

That said - it would break his heart to read your post and to see that your friend's partner is not recognized as his 'sweetheart' the way his wife is.

And this why we can't back down. My brother and my niece (who just registered to vote on her 18th brithday) and me? We've promised him we will always hold the line on the values of equality, compassion, kindness, and live and let live that my parents instilled in us.

Posts like this - piss me off. *hugs:

[snappyturtle]

53. Too late to 'R' but I'll kick it! How many have to suffer the indignity

of this couple? Some wouldn't call it indignant but that's what bigotry has done. imho Sad.

[Liberal_in_LA]

57. kick, too late to rec