Sarah Vowell On Gay Marrriage

[Hissyspit]

http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/gay-marriage/Content?oid=7778

Gay Marriage
Careful What You Wish For
by SARAH VOWELL

As a patriot, I believe gay marriage should be legalized--the pursuit of happiness and all that--just as I believe that all states should give gays and lesbians a fair shake with regard to adopting children, and that gays and lesbians should be allowed to serve openly in the armed forces of the United States. As a straight, single, childless, peace-loving woman in her 30s, I will also point out that marriage, child-rearing, and military service are not so much dreams to me as outright nightmares. I feel the same way about marriage, parenthood, and joining the Marines as I do about modern dance or voting Republican--people should be allowed to do those things, but why would they want to? I find it fascinating and heartbreaking that gays and lesbians must wage these ongoing legal battles to win the basic right to engage in activities (such as getting engaged) that I would cross international borders barefoot to avoid.

Saying you don't want to get married, especially if you're female, is vaguely taboo. It alarms people. (Hi, Mom.) It seems cold. Seems mean. I've never been married, but I once lived with someone for four years, and, especially toward the end, it was the meanest, coldest, most alarming period of my life. The more I rack up replenishing solitude, the nicer I become to others. I now have a reserve of sweetness that used to be taken up with resentment--resentment of the guy's mother who wouldn't speak to me, resentment of using my precious vacation time to visit the mother who wouldn't speak to me, resentment of the guy's stereo cords, his eating habits, his freakish obsession with English rockers XTC, and all-around resentment of the 24-hour surveillance of always having someone else around. (A lot of crappy romantic movies have a line of dialogue after the lovers get together along the lines of "...and I'll never be alone again." And I always shiver and think, "That's true! No more quiet time for you! From now on, it's all XTC, all the time!")

- snip -

Gay couples are suffering through the same hostile claustrophobia as the straight ones, so why deny them the few true payoffs? I know one gay couple who own, I mean adopted, a child, and after I spewed my marriage manifesto, one of them told me, "Right now, gays and lesbians have all the soul-crushing aspects of living together--the 24-hour surveillance, your partner's annoying habits, in-laws--without any of the perks of marriage." He said that he and his partner "pay out the nose for house and health insurance because we're 'not related.'"

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[intheflow]

1. Sarah Vowell is a wonderful American voice.

Thanks for posting - I wold have missed it otherwise.

[zorahopkins]

2. Spot On!

This says it so well.

[stuntcat]

3. kickety

ty, love her!