"The Penis Was Their God": What Aliens Would Think of Our Juvenile Obsessions

[kpete]

"The Penis Was Their God": What Aliens Would Think of Our Juvenile Obsessions
When it comes to the Internet fantasyland, people are way ahead of politicians and the press in sorting out the relationship between individual secrets and social honesty.

..................

Of all the restrooms in all the schools and bars and gas stations across this great land, rare is the stall inside of which someone has not paused to draw a penis. Erect, with tight scrotum on one end and a cartoon squirt at the other, it is characterized by a vigorous arcing line and a paucity of detail; no hairs or veins or rippled skin, no great variation in size or proportion, a Unipenis, really, the signal hieroglyph of our age. When we have blown or glutted or pummeled ourselves into extinction, alien archaeologists will find this symbol on crumbling viaducts and leeching scrap heaps, in the ruins of our cities and the overgrown remnants of our public libraries, and they will conclude, “Here was their god.”


Then they will find the cellphone of Andrew Breitbart with a close-up photo of a real penis, and they will say, “Here was His votary”… except if they dig any further and find a photo of that photo being offered like a two-bit peep attraction from Breitbart’s chubby hand; if they excavate a video clip from the Opie & Anthony radio show and witness the grown-ups’ little-boy glee upon passing the photo around (“Wowie!”); if they unearth a snippet of sound from a press conference, a reporter shouting, “Were you fully erect?” above the din; if they stumble upon a tranche of brittle headlines and scratchy TV clips, each one mixing the jokester’s fun and voyeur’s thrill with the bile of the moral disciplinarian; if they come upon a trove of the electronic currency of our time—an average porno site, an average episode of Jersey Shore, an average month of posts to guyswithiphones—and then discover, finally, the recorded spectacle of Representative Anthony Weiner’s tear-stained confession, a man brought low by a picture of a hard-on in boxer shorts.

Then the aliens will rub their antennas together and decide, “Here was an insane people

...............

the rest:
http://www.alternet.org/sex/151329/%22the_penis_was_their_god%22%3A_what_aliens_would_think_of_our_juvenile_obsessions/?page=entire

[theophilus]

1. I think, for most folks, it is. Some don't worship it openly (many on

the Right), some do (many on the left). Oh, well. At least humans are consistent.

[dipsydoodle]

2. Amen

:rofl:

[PassingFair]

3. I don't believe this at all!

[BlueIris]

4. The aliens would consider us so primitive they wouldn't feel a smidgen of guilt

about wiping us out X-Files style.

[Thaddeus Kosciuszko]

5. Minor rustic fertility god, protector of flocks, fruit plants, bees and gardens.

[seabeyond]

6. it appears we are as obsesses of tits. interesting that it is not the vulva...

my boys read an article in times last week about a man writer looking for a woman, anyone woman, that wants to see his penis. there were not any takers. in my boys 16 and 13 yrs they have sure had a lot of interesting issues they have addressed in their very young lives that we did not have growing up. they thought the article amusing, but as young teens, they also got to see the absurdity in adult behavior

[PassingFair]

9. Its harder to draw.

At least this is what I THINK it looks like.

:rofl:

[seabeyond]

11. wink. nt

[Warren DeMontague]

30. who says it's not the vulva?

I mean, that's what *I* see, here.

[nichomachus]

7. As gods go, it would be better than this bi-polar one of the Jews, Christians, and Muslims

[salinen]

8. Hmmm

The penis god should be taught in school. Non-intelligent design.

[WinkyDink]

10. No! Really? Whence that crazy idea?!

[Beacool]

20. Here's one more for your collection.

The "Obelisco" in Buenos Aires, Argentina.




Covered with a giant condom for AIDS Day.




}(

[WinkyDink]

42. Must've been those aliens!

[Beacool]

44. Must have..............

:D

[localroger]

12. Our age? Try all ages.

Just about every human culture from the dawn of pre-civilization has had its ikons of oversize erect penises and bulging female bellies. The anomaly is that our culture doesn't openly admit the penis is an object of worship.

The anomaly is our society, whose dominant religions define these older and competing religious foci as being dirty and blasphemous so that we will not be distracted from the more abstract death, afterlife, and resurrection symbology they push instead. But being humans we are distracted by penises, swollen wombs, and sex anyway; we just do it in maladaptive and destructive ways like carving penises on the washroom wall, passing stupid laws about sex and pregnancy, and thinking ourselves dirty and bad when we do things that are natural and necessary for our species to survive.

[Karenina]

27. Here's what it looks like in Japan

http://gaijintonic.com/2007/04/02/penis-festival/

[localroger]

29. Cool, it's like Mardi Gras with dildos instead of doubloons nt

[awoke_in_2003]

37. +1. nt

[JohnnyLib2]

13. Wow, I like that writer's style!

A couple of excerpts really highlight the "moment in time" aspects of this whole episode.

"This is America’s first full-out political techno-sex scandal, and novelty often whistles up confusion."

"The tittering compulsion of so much commentary reflects that confusion, a lack of sure footing, for all the grown-ups’ professed sophistication, in the virtual world.


K & R

[progressoid]

14. PENIS!

[seabeyond]

15. that guy is so cute. actually they both are. what is that about? nt

[progressoid]

17. I think it's from 500 Days of Summer

which I haven't seen.

I just happened to find the gif a few days ago.

[seabeyond]

18. i havent seen it either....

but i love the guys smile.

[originalpckelly]

23. SPOILER:

They are both playing a game where they shout a word like "penis" louder and louder. And that would be it.

[seabeyond]

25. thanks...

i love the way the mans face looks when he turns to her, his smile. they look like they are having fun

[Warren DeMontague]

32. My God, That movie was a barrel full of suck.

I must not be a Millennial. I can't stand either Zooey Dooschanel(sp?) OR whats-his-face. He was terrible in that movie.

[xchrom]

16. our Holy Penis -- What art in the Pants...nt

[RainDog]

19. I'm a believer!

I'm just not affiliated with any church at the moment....

[madmom]

21. Kokopelli... "One of the most intriguing and widespread images in southwestern rock

art is the humpbacked fluteplayer, a mythic figure commonly known as Kokopelli. Easily identified amongst other images, the is something archetypal, whimsical, and universally appealing about this character. Although he appears in an amazing variety of forms, he typically posses some characteristic traits that distinguish him. Kokopelli's flute,humped back, and prominent phallus are his trademarks. These features and the widely held beliefs that Kokopelli was a fertility symbol, roving minstrel or trader, rain priest, hunting magician, trickster, and seducer of maidens have contributed to his popularity. Although much has been written about Kokopelli, an aura of mystery persists about this ancient character. He is one of the few prehistoric deities to have survived in recognizable form from Anasazi times to present."
Dennis Slifer & James Duffield

http://www.amazon.com/Kokopelli-Fluteplayer-Images-Rock-Art/dp/0941270807

Is Kokopelli's popularity because of or in spite of depictions of his larger than life phallus?
Kokopelli has become a very popular symbol of the American Southwest, but you will be hard pressed to find a depiction of his large phallus, even though that was one of his "stock" trademarks. How puritanical we have become.

http://www.google.com/search?tbm=isch&hl=en&source=hp&biw=1280&bih=866&q=kokopelli&gbv=2&oq=kokopelli&aq=0&aqi=g10&aql=&gs_sm=c&gs_upl=5509l8092l0l9l9l0l2l2l0l314l1966l2-5.2l7

[xfundy]

22. At least we have evidence that penii are there.

Which is infinitely more than other gods have.

[originalpckelly]

24. And they do something useful, right?

All in all, I see no problem worshiping them.

[bengalherder]

26. Dude, you have no idea...

There are several religious philosophies that involve the supremacy of the solar-phallic deity.

Most of them are mainstream.

Gods, I thought it was blatant

[anarch]

28. I think you need the lingam and the yoni together to really symbolize deity

and why not?

[Meeker Morgan]

31. Hypothetical aliens are more rational than people?

Who knew?

:evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin:

[Rex]

33. The Penis portrays power over death and life.

And we Males like it that way.

[seabeyond]

34. lol lol. ya? nt

[Rex]

35. Hehe...no I kid.

Sometimes I hate having a penis. It gets in the way! :freak:

[seabeyond]

36. ah ha,

good to hear....

not the "in the way" thing necessarily

[Rex]

40. TY

The plight of morning wood continues...

[InvisibleTouch]

38. Phallic symbols go all the way back to ancient cultures.

It never made any sense to me, either.

[lunatica]

39. the walls of ancient Rome were full of phalli and Japan has the Honen-sai Matsuri

http://observers.france24.com/content/20100319-why-worship-penis-japan-honen-sai-tagata-jinja-shrine-festival

Penises and phalli have been found in many pre-historic cave art. So have women's genitals been portrayed sometimes more often. All were meant as fertility symbols, not porn.

[Skidmore]

41. And all this time I've predicted aliens will think

we worshipped baby poop from the way we so careful preserve it in those disposable diapers that will never decompose. We have mountains of those things. Breitbart's cellphone will be like finding a needle in a haystack. There are mountains of carefully preserved baby waste which will be left behind.

[Dreamer Tatum]

43. They would probably be amazed at how much we care what other people think of us. nt