Marriage rates are declining among lower-income men and women

[LiberalLoner]

http://www.alternet.org/sex/151047/5_reasons_americans_are_delaying_marriage/

I see single motherhood, combined with poverty, as being extremely stressful, and I worry about the effects of that stress on women and their children. I think it's ultimately not very good for the young men, either.

[HockeyMom]

1. My neighbors just got married after living together for 18 years

haivng two teenage kids. They got married in a catholic church. Religous ring wing need to open their eyes and accept it. It's how the world is today.

[LiberalLoner]

4. Depends on which part of the country you are in, etc. Around the military

you tend to see much more marriage than cohabitation because you get the healthcare and other benefits upon marriage but not cohabitation.

[LiberalLoner]

5. I do think it's good to have discussions about this, the pros versus cons of

marriage versus cohabitation, the pros versus cons of single motherhood as opposed to cohabitation or marriage, the pros versus cons of having children early in life as opposed to waiting until after a person has an advanced degree and an established career, etc.

[ramona come closer]

7. Well if the Church allowed them to get married

then what's this stuff about the "religious Right Wing?" Are we talking Baptists here because most Catholics I know are pretty darn conservative also.

I wish we could stop slapping labels on people. I see plenty of progressives getting married and fighting for it and I think it's all nuts.

[xchrom]

2. Recommend

[ejpoeta]

3. i think people don't feel the need to get married. they can just move in together and live together

i lived with my husband for ten years before we got married and we will be married for six years this july. we have three kids. just because they aren't married doesn't necessarily mean 'single', but even if it does, as long as they have a support structure they will be ok. having kids is stressful alone or as a family.... and if you don't have money that stress goes through the roof. but they've handled it and can handle it.

[Shagbark Hickory]

6. If only people would slow down on the having children part. nt

[HockeyMom]

8. My husband and I lived together for 3 years

before we married. We waited 5 years after marrying to have kids when we were financially secure, bought a house, travelled, and had a stable life. We will be married 37 years this August.

Back in the 60s, I knew a couple who were together for 25 years, had 3 kids, a business, and house, yet were never legally married. They referred to each other as husband and wife. Very, very few people even knew they WEREN'T legally married. Actually back then, they probably were considered to have a Common Law Marriage.

[HockeyMom]

9. I think what I am trying to say

is that one size doesn't fit all and we should recognize and accept that.

[LiberalLoner]

13. Oh, of course. I just found it an interesting article. I've had kind of a sheltered

existence because I grew up in a military family (my parents were married) and I've never done the cohabitation, preferred marriage so that's what I expected. So DH and I are married, which is the norm in the Army (in fact I honestly have never met cohabitating couples in the military) and my sister is married, my brother was but is divorced now and living on his own, and every one of our friends is married too. So...I just never come into contact with people I know to be living together as opposed to having that piece of paper.

I'm naturally curious what the benefits are to each lifestyle, and what the drawbacks are to each.

[Shagbark Hickory]

22. Sounds wonderful to be straight.

And just being able to marry whoever you want. Marvelous.

[LiberalLoner]

24. My SIL and her spouse married last year, which I was so happy about! I'm hoping soon

that it will become the law of the land all over. I'm a strong believer in marriage equality. I was happy when I heard Navy Chaplains were performing marriages for same-sex partners but then they backed down :(

I think the tide is turning though and equality will be the law of the land soon.

[Shagbark Hickory]

25. If only we could get the oil companies to want it.

They get everything they ask for.

[LiberalLoner]

26. Sure seems like it, LOL. n/t

[FLPanhandle]

10. +1

Or not have children at all.

[HockeyMom]

11. Yes, that too

I have relatives in my own family, even older than ME (lol), who decided not to have children. I am (62 years old) an Only Child, by choice of my parents. They told me so.

Again, different strokes for different folks, as we used to say.

[Shagbark Hickory]

23. I bet your parents are loving that decision now.

I'm an only child too and I've had my fair share of nagging. My mother probably wished she had more kids so they can carry on our pedigree of neurotic underachievers.

[HockeyMom]

33. My parents are long dead

When I first married in 1974, my Mom said to me, "Your right to not have children, trumps my right to have granchildren." My Mom was born in 1920 and was very progressive for her times. BTW, I not only agreed with my Mom, I even told my own grown children my Mom's wise advice.

[LadyHawkAZ]

19. ^this^

[RKP5637]

12. Recommend!!! n/t

[zalinda]

14. It's really a very simple explanation

If you are married, the husband's income is included in the amount of money a household has. If single, you can get government support, plus housing, healthcare and foodstamps. When 2 people are working minimum wage jobs, you can't support a family, but the government doesn't see it like that. They could make $5 over the limit and not get any help. It's the only way to keep a family really together, and the family can see a way out of poverty.

Being at the bottom with no hope, you see things quite differently.

zalinda

[LiberalLoner]

16. So it's kind of like the old people just living together and not marrying, so they

can keep from paying higher taxes. Okay, that makes sense.

But I'd still rather make the choice I did - join the Army to get help with going to school, work and go to school (took me forever to get my degree, but I did finally get it) and then get a good job (Army Officer.) If I were facing that same choice again as a young woman, I'd still choose the way I did. Even knowing what I know, even with the wars going on. Even though it was hard, working and going to school and walking everywhere because I couldn't afford both school and a car, it would have been a million times harder, in my mind, to have children and no support financially or otherwise from the father, no support system either, etc.

[HockeyMom]

34. "It takes a village to raise a child"

Hillary said that a long time ago, and I agree, it is very, very true. Having raised two children in a area far away from the support system of grandparents and extended family, I experienced many, many times my NEIGHBORS took up the slack for me. When there was a RAPIST in the the area abducting young girls, it was the local SHOPKEEPERS who provided a safe zone for them. When I moved to an ever farther away area, many, many times I babysat, carpooled, and provided a FREE support system for the neighbor's children. It is what Hillary was talking about. "A Village" extends beyond the immediate family because IT IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO. Another old saying is that "one hand washes the other". You help me, and I will help you. It very, very mutual and self supporting.

[REP]

17. Also, the $75.00 for a marriage license is better spent on food, rent, gas when you're poor

For others, the government stamp of approval doesn't mean much, if anything, but if/when your financial life improves, marriage offers quick and easy legal protection of assets - that's why we've been together 19 years, but 'legal' for only four (no kids by design).

[Selatius]

35. Yeah, but some states are absolutely ridiculous about programs like Medicaid.

The program barely functions in many poorer states like Mississippi where I live, and the cut-off where you make too much money to qualify for assistance is ridiculously low. You'd have to basically have a husband and wife each working only part-time minimum wage jobs to qualify for Medicaid for themselves and their two kids. It's a sick joke.

[name removved]

15. But I think that isn't so much marriage vs. not getting married

but people who don't know each other well (and haven't the means) procreating. There are situations where the woman is pregnant with a man's child and she may barely know him. And certainly he won't even live with her let alone marry her because he isn't in love with her, has other "females" he's dealing with, etc. And then the cycle repeats itself with another man and so there are multiple fathers, chaos ensues, etc. But two people in a stable relationship are much more likely to have success as parents than the first scenario I mentioned. (But don't tell Dr. Laura that;))

[femrap]

18. I hope that the birth rates go

down. IMHO, it's a terrible time to bring a child into the world.

Cantor, etc. want to pull the rug out from single mothers....it will become dire. The repugnants enjoy watching women suffer.

I hope young men and women will have responsible sex. I can't believe how much BC pills cost now. In my day, they were handed out FREE!

[Initech]

20. Have you seen the insanely high cost of weddings lately?

I had a couple friends get married last year - one spent like $400 a person (something like 100 people attended), and the other spent like $325 a person (like 110 attended).

[LiberalLoner]

21. You can get married pretty cheap. I got married with a Justice of the Peace...

the big wedding wasn't important to DH or me. We used the money to go on a honeymoon to Egypt instead. I guess I've just never been too much in to big fancy parties.

[Habibi]

28. Ditto.

Except for the honeymoon in Egypt, which sounds awesome! We had a party in the backyard, a town justice, and bellydancer friends providing entertainment. It was a blast!

[LiberalLoner]

29. That sounds like fun! And hey I know what your name means! :) n/t

[BlueIris]

27. Yeah, the overspending trend on weddings is insane. nt

[LiberalLoner]

30. Well, it's fine for those who can afford it. I just mean, it shouldn't be a reason

for not having a wedding if you really want one, is all. I think people have honestly forgotten that weddings don't necessarily have to be huge and elaborate and expensive (although very often, the parties themselves as well as their parents like it that way.)

[Hannah Bell]

31. you don't *have* to do it that way, though.

it's just a status/media/fashion thing.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

32. weddings are expensive.