Why the Rapture didn't happen today - predict the excuses

[Duer 157099]

What will they say? Another mathematical error? God changed his mind? It really happened, but only on a spiritual level (whatever that means).

What will they say?

[Davis_X_Machina]

1. Screwed up...

....it's 'write the two, and carry the one', not 'write the one, and carry the two'.

[cloudbase]

18. Misplaced a decimal point in his calculations.

An unforgivable error of magnitude for an engineer.

[elleng]

2. Not scheduled until 6 pm PACIFIC something TIME,

according to the 'guy' and Lawrence, so sit back for a while!

:shrug:

[Marr]

3. Nothing. They'll all deny ever having given the prediction any credence.

The fool who went out on a limb and named a date will be forgotten, and the flock will go back to their insisting it's going to happen but none can know God's mind.

[regnaD kciN]

25. Mainly because that IS the case...

It's hard to believe that people here are so ignorant as to believe that "all Christians" think there's going to be a "rapture" at all, let alone one on a specific, predicted date. None of the mainstream Christian denominations (Roman Catholic, Anglican, Lutheran, Methodist, Eastern Orthodox, Presbyterian, Congregationalist, or even Baptist) teach such a doctrine, and most members of such churches find the whole concept ridiculous. The idea of a "rapture" is held only in the fundamentalist community (20% or so of U.S. Christians, much less worldwide), and only a fraction of them. And that's talking about a "rapture" at any time in the future -- the 5/21 prediction is likely only believed by the followers of one not-too-prominent televangelist. (I've read speculation that the number is around 100,000 followers, but I wouldn't be surprised if it is much smaller than that.) Compared to the millions upon millions of Christians in the U.S., that's smaller than a drop in the bucket.

[Marr]

29. I know that. When I say "they all", I'm referring to the people who

gave this silly prediction any credence to begin with.

[Taverner]

4. We saved the world! It was because we prayed so hard!

You must all thank us!

[Beartracks]

9. Silly, you can't SAVE the world from RAPTURE!

By definition, those getting raptured ARE being saved!

----------------------------

[athenasatanjesus]

5. Blondie didn't choose to sing today.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHCdS7O248g

[buddysmellgood]

6. How will you prove it didn't happen?

[NoodleyAppendage]

7. gOD decided against it because too many people were watching.

gOD loves surprises, don't you know.

J

[tridim]

8. And take back one Kadam, to honor the Hebrew God whose ark this is

Doh!

They're digging in the wrong place.

[Arugula Latte]

10. Here you go ...

[louis-t]

16. "No, no...we said 'the BEGINNING of the end.'"

The chart would make a good dart board.

[obxhead]

31. No wonder his math is off.

That's only a bing card. A Bingo card is 5x5. :spank:

[RadiationTherapy]

11. They say it BEGINS today.

I think that will factor into it.

[sakabatou]

12. They'll say prayer averted it.

[Randypiper]

13. Forgot to carry the two.

It will happen next month.

[blm]

14. The heavenly hosts had heavy bets riding on who won DWTS and American Idol.

.

[louis-t]

15. 2:30 pm IN MI AND ALL IS WE-elll!

We need a countdown. Report in, all.

[lunatica]

17. God hasn't gotten over what a waste of His time the Flood was

He doesn't want to just fucking waste his valuable time just to fail again. Humans may be obtuse and slow learners but God sure isn't.

[Tuvok Obama]

19. Oh, it's going to happen today

All three of us will be raptured: Harold Camping, myself, and my betta fish Robert Johnson.

The rest of you all can eat your canned survival grub and wait for your buddy the devil to come for you.

O8)

[madmom]

20. divine intervention?

:shrug:

[flvegan]

21. The gays. Or Obama.

God doesn't want us in Heaven because we love our lgbt brothers and sisters?

God doesn't want us in Heaven because we support a secret-Muslim president who isn't an American citizen?

[Spider Jerusalem]

22. Best and most awesome excuse of all:

it did happen. But there's no-one righteous enough to be worthy of salvation. "Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye are like unto whited sepulchres, which indeed appear beautiful outward, but are within full of dead bones, and of all uncleanness."

[Horse with no Name]

23. Silly. Of course they based their dates on the Gaulish Coligny calendar

structured on the lunisolar system. It was just a technical error and they will have another date for you soon...

[-..__...]

24. It actually happened...

but once God took a closer look at the followers that passed through the pearly gates...




he changed his mind and sent them all back.

[onethatcares]

26. we got stoned and we missed it.

we got stoned and we missed it.

[rurallib]

27. measured time with sundials and not atomic clocks back then

that throws us into a major calculation problem.

[Dreamer Tatum]

28. That they did it to watch people like you foam at the mouth.

Maybe it's entertaining to them.

[OffWithTheirHeads]

30. I'm guessing that Camping actually will get raptured

Along with about 70 million $$$$ to someplace with no extradition treaty.

[Lucinda]

33. I heard it was about 80 mil...but i think you nailed it!

[FreeState]

34. He sent a farewell letter to all his employees yesterday

And urged them to continue spreading the gospel on the radio... My guess is he will OD or just disappear...

[Safetykitten]

32. It was a metaphor.

[GReedDiamond]

35. It's happening, but the Liberal Media...

...which, as everyone knows, is controlled by Gay Jewish Socialist Muslims, refuses to report it.

[Iggo]

36. Because it's all bullshit?

Nah, that can't be it....

:eyes:

[MineralMan]

37. God gave up on this planet in disgust.

I mean, there are some simple instructions, but we can't even follow those. So, He farted in our general direction and turned to other things.