A Parent's Most Feared Four-Letter Word

[Renew Deal]

This is meandering article. I'm not sure it makes the point it intends to.
_________________________________________________________________________

For fathers of girls, there is only one word that can drive the most valiant of men to his knees; quivering in fear. One word, one syllable, four letters.

Boys.
<snip>

However, now that I am the guardian of the gate and the keeper of the sacred kingdom, it’s a simple case of do as I say, not as I do. Boys are permitted in my house as class project partners. Perhaps on abstention, sexually transmitted diseases, bible study (less on all the begetting…and more on the honor thy father type of stuff). I can live with that. (As long as the project is done in the brightly lit living room, with the boy’s ugly head in the crosshairs of my AR-15-scope).

As an older father, I can take the young lad aside and simply say, “If you touch my daughter, I will kill you. I’m 65. What are they going to do, give me life? I can do 10 years standing on my head. Plus, after being married so long, a prison cell and the company of men sounds appealing.”
<snip>

I’m starting to draft my rules about boys for when my life becomes hell and I never sleep again: No motorcycles, no vans, no cars, no jocks, no musicians, no volunteer fireman, no one dressed all in black, no one with under a 3.95 GPA, no tattoos, no piercings and no Republicans.

http://levittown-ny.patch.com/articles/a-parents-most-feared-four-letter-word

[Turbineguy]

1. I used to tell them about Frank.

Frank was my loyal friend. He spent some time in the Federal Penitentiary. That usually took care of it.

[Fumesucker]

2. ROFL.. Good luck..

As a parent of an adult daughter that has two daughters I think you're being more than a trifle optimistic.

I would recommend a judo, karate or something like that for your daughter, mine was eight months pregnant and living on a Marine base, a Recon Marine startled her by accident one morning in the dark and she decked him and broke his nose.

[JVS]

3. By treating boys as some kind of taboo, this guy is virtually guaranteeing that...

his daughter will go wild when she leaves home, probably on one of those videos.

[ehrnst]

18. Yep - fathers that have no faith in their daughter's ability to take care of themselves

are not able to instill good judgement in girls.

[Iggo]

4. Preg?

[RandySF]

5. I'm worried about girls

That and the fact that my wife is so anxious to have grandchildren that she may not care how young our son starts.

[Tyrs WolfDaemon]

6. I nearly gave a father a heart attack one day

I was with a friend and we were supposed to pick up this guy's daughter to take her to a party. Their car was in the shop and we were just being nice. It was summer time and I had let my beard get bushy, and my hair was already getting long. To set the scene, I was/am a big guy, 6'1" and over 200 lbs, I looked like a biker or mountain man.

Anyway, we showed up at his home and I went to the door. When he answered, I was standing there, my response: "I've come for your daughter."
You should have seen the look on his face as she came skipping up, laughing the entire way.

It took several minutes to calm him down as she and I explained that everything was fine. My buddy, who was in the truck laughing his ass off, also had to come over to help assure the guy I was harmless. That was a fun afternoon...

[Renew Deal]

7. "I've come for your daughter."

:rofl:

Couldn't think of anything else to say? :rofl:

[Tyrs WolfDaemon]

16. I was trying to keep it short and sweet

[hootinholler]

30. Like what?

I've come for your daughter. How much?

:rofl:

-Hoot

[Renew Deal]

33. lol

:rofl:

[Tyrs WolfDaemon]

34. ROFL

:rofl:


$4.20

[Puregonzo1188]

8. This article is offensive on numerous levels.

Particularly the closing part.

[LadyHawkAZ]

9. That was almost like listening to Bill Maher

talk women, but without the sense of humor. I look forward to the author's equally humorous anecdotes about his daughter's teen pregnancy.

[flvegan]

10. You almost had me until the crosshairs on the kid's head.

What a stupid thing to say. Jesus.

[Warren DeMontague]

11. I find the whole "Daddy as fierce gatekeeper of the daughter's chastity" thing kind of creepy.

Reminds me of those god-atrocious purity balls.

Sorry, I figure my kids are going to be like I was as a teen, and as my siblings were- probably sexually active. I want them to be informed, and safe, and approach it with seriousness and some consideration of the emotional as well as physical consequences the act entails.

But this idea of "ugggg. stay away from daughter.. grunt... uggg" It strikes me as awfully ass-backward. Don't we trust our kids- and this means our daughters, too- to make their own decisions? Aren't they like us, don't they have some of us in them, particularly the part that is going to react VERY badly towards being told 'you can't have this'?

What would *I* have done if my parents had said 'you can't have this' about someone I was romantically interested in as a teen? Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out the answer.

Case in point? I've got a sister who rebelled against over-controlling parenting and made a series of bad relationship decisions. She has a daughter who is now an adult, who grew up with lots of freedom, who made great choices about guys and is now in a solid long-term relationship with a smart, cool, kind and deep guy who every one of us in the extended family are all too happy to hang out with.


:shrug:

I fully acknowledge I may change my mind in a hurry if my daughter starts bringing home goobers with bad bieber haircuts.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

12. Few comedians can make exaggerated sociopathy work as comedy.

This isn't one of them.

[LetTimmySmoke]

13. No volunteer fireman? What the fuck?

[Xithras]

28. Lol. You don't know the sterotype?

All the sexy...none of the paycheck ;)

[LetTimmySmoke]

35. I'm likely going to be doing that this summer.

I'm a teacher during the school year, so add that to the low paycheck. (Though I don't tell my students about the my evil pot-smoking :P)

[Bunny]

14. Awful.

:thumbsdown:

[SoCalDem]

15. The enightened parent (of boys or girls) soon learns that you do not own them

and no matter how much you wish they could stay young, they will grow up and become their own person. The whole goal of parenting is to "raise em, teach em & release em".

Fearful, over-protected kids are easy prey.

We always leveled with our kids and assumed that they would screw up many times before they grew up..and they did.. (as we also had done)

I also told them often "I have been where YOU are, but you have not yet gotten to where I am")

I knew they would experiment, and wanted them to have facts..not sermons.

Of course we may have over-succeeded on the not making babies part...they are all in their 30's and have no kids ( 2 married, 1 engaged) :)

[seabeyond]

17. didnt read. but fathers of daughters love my son. they are shoving daughters

my sons way... making friends with me like we are long lost buddies...

i am not painting boys into unflattering (though males may thing flattering) stereotypes.

some boys are even respectful and appreciated

[Brickbat]

19. This is disgusting.

[seabeyond]

21. was it, lol? as i posted, i didnt read

just saw enough to know i didnt want to read. ah ha

[shimmergal]

20. Doesn't anybody on DU have a sense of humor today?

This is SATIRE! Granted, in a few parts he may have overdone it, so it's not as funny as he intended, but hey. Not every writer gets the perfect pitch 100% of the time.

[seabeyond]

22. the problem? is when satire is a reality... a harmful, unhealthy reality for too many. nt

[KittyWampus]

26. I can't believe it took until your post for someone to "get it". Oy.

[Brickbat]

29. The problem is, the attitude behind it isn't satire. Many parents will say, "I'm not going to let

my kids date until they're 30. LOL." And they're kidding, because they know it won't happen, but using the dating scenario to verbalize their wishes to keep their kids safe and happy is bizarre, IMO. Both fathers and mothers do it. But it's a strong cultural meme that we are supposed to think is funny. I don't even see why the satire is funny. It's like the song I heard the other day, "Cleaning This Gun." The message behind these things is always, "I don't mean it that I'm going to shoot you if you mess with my daughter -- but I might, even though I won't really, but I'm just going to wait up cleaning this gun." That's not satire, that's a confused understanding about what a parent's role is.

[Whisp]

23. Uncle Buck wasn't creepy protecting his niece.

Haven't read the whole OP but I do find it creepy that 'daddies' have this uber protective instinct for their daughters vaginas like that is the most important sacred part of a young woman. creeeeeeeepy


Bug: Ever hear of a tune-up? Hee hee hee hee hee.
Buck: Ah, heh heh heh. Ever hear of a ritual killing? Ah, heh heh heh heh heh
Bug: I don't get it.
Buck: You gnaw on her face in public like that again and you'll be one. Ah, heh heh heh heh!

[JackDragna]

24. I despise these types of fathers.

No matter how well you treat women, fathers inevitably have this need to remind you just how dire the consequences will be if you hurt their offspring. I had one father do so at a family barbecue to which I was invited. Nice guy, well-versed in intellectual stuff, basically stops a sentence short with something like "If you do something bad to my daughter, I'll shoot you." I smiled, assured him I was a decent fellow and said nothing else. What I wish I would've said was something like "That's fine, and if you interfere too much in my relationship with your daughter, I'll leave you in a ditch."

Probably wouldn't have gone over so well.

[KittyWampus]

25. It's not a serious article people! Sheesh.

[Xithras]

27. When my eldest became a teen, I thought about shotguns, beartraps, ninjas....

...and ended up doing none of those.

Instead, we sat my daughter down and just told her something: "If you get pregnant, you will be expected to get a job, and your college fund will be rolled into a trust for our grandchild. If you become a parent, your KID becomes the focus of your life, so you can forget those grand plans for med school. Two years at the community college will get you a nursing job though."

The exact words don't matter, but the message was clear. Having a kid would ruin her dreams, and it was HER responsibility to support it for the rest of her life.

My daughter is now 17, and while she is probably sexually active, she is also on birth control at her own request, and keeps a box of condoms in her room for dates (no, the dates don't come to my house, but when she leaves the house she always has one in her handbag...just in case.) We placed our trust in her own judgement, and gave her responsibility for her own future, and she's doing fine.

[TwilightGardener]

31. Weird. My dad never got involved with my dating life. We don't have

daughters, but I'm sure my husband wouldn't be this obsessed even if we did. It's...icky...

[Eddie Haskell]

32. take the young lad aside and simply say,

"Don't do anything to my daughter that you wouldn't want me to do to you."