A Man, a Tan - and NO Plan - Democratic Underground

NanceGreggs

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Sun Feb-14-10 08:52 PM
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A Man, a Tan - and NO Plan

Edited on Sun Feb-14-10 08:57 PM by NanceGreggs

You know the guy I mean – John Boehner (R-AE – Republican Asshat Extraordinaire).

It seems that Mr. Boehner is whining, yet again, about the lack of real bipartisanship being offered by President Obama and the Democrats.

One can’t ignore the irony. Mr. Boehner wouldn’t recognize bipartisanship if it came up behind him on the street, and took a bite out of the tan line on his flabby white ass.

States Mr. Boehner re the upcoming Health Care Summit: “We now know that instead of starting the 'bipartisan' health care 'summit' on Feb. 25 with a clean sheet of paper, the president and his party intend to arrive with a new bill written behind closed doors exclusively by Democrats -- a backroom deal that will transform one-sixth of our nation's economy and affect every family and small business in America.”

Imagine that! Mr. Boehner is concerned about a deal that will affect our economy, along with families and small businesses in America. One wonders where his concern for our economy was when his Party’s president was in power, and initiated two wars on the lay-away plan. ”Hey, wage war now and you pay nothing, we repeat nothing, until the chickenhawks come home to roost and your country finds itself in unfathomable debt! Please ACT NOW – and accept an ample supply of depleted uranium as our special gift!”

Mr. Boehner (who, according to well-sourced rumors, has a Ph.D. in WhineMeistering) insists that “A productive bipartisan discussion should begin with a clean sheet of paper.”

Oh, wouldn’t it be loverly – if we could all, as a nation, start with a clean sheet of paper. I couldn’t agree more. Imagine if we could all just go back in time, and start with a clean sheet of paper that wasn’t smeared with the blood of innocent Iraqi civilians who have perished in a war based on lies, the blood of our military casualties, the blood of the tortured at Abu Ghraib and Gitmo. Imagine a clean page that wasn’t covered in the red ink Mr. Boehner and his party members enthusiastically supported in the name of patriotism – bipartisanship, or the good of a nation, be damned.

“They will then engage a largely handpicked audience in a televised 'dialogue' according to a script they have largely pre-determined. They will do this as a precursor to embarking on a legislative course that Democratic congressional aides acknowledge has also been pre-determined -- a partisan course that relies on parliamentary tricks to circumvent the will of the American people and engineer a pre-determined outcome. It doesn't sound much like bipartisanship to me."

I’m sorry (well, not really) to break it to Mr. Boehner, but the citizenry is able to read between the lines. What they're really worried about here is the GOP having their collective asses kicked yet again in a televised event – thereby enabling the nation at large to get a firsthand glimpse at how inane, ill-prepared, and downright stupid the current crop of elected Republican representatives really are.

In addition – just to state the bleedin’ obvious – Mr. Boehner might want to steer clear of the “predetermined” bullshit, now that we all know that Bush and his misadministration had pre-determined the invasion of Iraq long before the facts were known (as though facts mattered).

It is especially rich to be lectured about “hand-picked audiences” by a man whose cohorts unquestioningly supported a president who never appeared before an audience that wasn’t carefully screened and hand-picked – and if enough of them didn’t show up, there was always the option of photoshopping crowds for general media consumption.

Perhaps Mr. Boehner’s real problem stems from inexperience in dealing with a president who is not a pretzel-choking, heh-hehing, plastic turkey-serving, Pet Goat-reading, seguey-crashing, Herkel-massaging, English-mangling, drunk – whose only real talent was smirking like an idiot, while people like Boehner praised his frat-boy antics – and while the rest of the country, and the world, cringed in embarrassment.

Perhaps the real Boehner-of-contention is the fact that a president who actually works for a living, instead of spending only as much time in the Oval Office as it takes to announce his next vacation, is beyond the ken of Republicans who have “brush-clearing*” of their own to attend to (*a phrase meant to encompass a vast number of things, including but not limited to handing out no-bid contracts to war-profiteering corporations one has a large shareholding in to supporting every bill that is against the interests of the average, hard-working taxpayer), and fail to understand why such a worthy endeavor isn’t recognized as a valuable contribution to the country’s best interests.

Or perhaps it is just a piss-your-pants fear that an already dwindling party membership might be noticed by the populace – even more of whom could, at any moment, wake up and start asking some very embarrassing questions.

Of course, one cannot deny that the response by Mr. Boehner and his ilk to the Bush years was swift and circumspect. They did, after all, offer up a correct-the-course, cure-all-ills ticket in 2008: comprised of a senile old hypocrite and a clueless idiot. So much for “The Plan” to extract the nation from the shitpile left by the last Republican administration – more of the same, perchance with a new, improved Mission Accompished! banner strung over an aircraft carrier while more US-flag draped caskets were delivered in the dead of night, hidden from the view of people whose comments were being recorded via illegal wiretaps.

Yes, a “clean page” would be nice, Mr. Boehner – a page that didn’t include photos of citizens drowning in NOLA while your party’s president partied; a page that didn’t contain the names of veterans who served their country and find themselves homeless. A page that didn’t include the citizens who have died, or are about to die, due to insurance company malfeasance that you think should be put on hold while you play the “where’s the bipartisanship?” game, hoping against hope that you can stall the inevitable tide of anger, frustration, and we’ve had enough outcries from those who have had enough of your party’s obstruction to progress and true reform.

I would just like to add two things, by way of a personal note to Mr. Boehner:

First, you might consider that your arrogance and complete ineptitude is a result of too many hours in the tanning salon. So turn yourself over, sir – you’re done.

Second, please stop reminding people that your name is pronounced “Bonner” – we all know a boner when we see one.