I was born in a Philippine brothel. I'm told my father was black. I was sent to a Catholic nunnery..

[HamdenRice]

in Cebu City, even though I was a boy. After 10 years, they tired of me and sold me to a passing Burmese pirate ship with an all female crew, where I was forced to learn how to roll cigarettes with my feet. They wanted me to keep my hands free at all times, "for other services."

Eventually I saw my chance to escape, jumping overboard in 1975 when I saw a passing ship full of Vietnamese boat people, to which I swam, and ended up in a Cambodian refugee camp. Eventually, I was paroled into the United States as a refugee, where I attended an exclusive prep school for future DLC operatives. I was trained in the arts of disinformation for the next 25 years by people who had inside knowledge that some day there would be a thing called "the internet." For a short while I was Al and Tipper Gore's gardener -- at the time that he was a DLC founder. I grew tomatoes for Tipper and the girls, while proof reading all of Hillary's secret health care reform "sell out" agreements with big pharma.

I was sent to Chicago to better perfect my craft, where my job was to procure crack cocaine, strippers and prostitutes for an up and coming Illinois state senator with a funny African sounding name.

In 2004, they signed me up to a thing called the Democratic Underground. There, I would constitute the core of a sleeper cell. I was paid to post innocuous musings about the 9/11 attacks, until the signal was given.

At that point, my Manchurian candidate responsibilities were revealed to me. I was given a list of 13 1/2 members and the name, "Dennis Kucinich," and my assignment was to repeat "DLC talking points" that were faxed to me each morning (email not being secure enough).

Now our evil plans are reaching fruition.

So, Charles, since you asked, it has all been revealed to us. As I write this email to you -- you, who are in a similar situation -- I also have a web browser window open to "The Democratic Underground."

Wouldn't it be funny if I got mixed up and put the email text in my evil DU DLC stooge posting, and put the evil DU stooge DLC talking points in the email to you?

[Kaleva]

1. Describe "for other services." in detail please.

[Xipe Totec]

4. With pictures...

Curious eyes want to see...

:wow:

[Arkana]

2. I was born a poor black child...

[Xipe Totec]

3. Does this have anything to do with global warming and hacked emails?

Just asking... :shrug:

[Kaleva]

5. I asked my question first! No response for you till I get mine!

:)

[whathehell]

6. ...??

:wtf:

[Number23]

7. Huh? What?

So, Charles, since you asked

Who is Charles?? I love any spy plot that involves paranoid DU Dennis Kucinich fans, but growing tomatoes for Tipper? Yeah, and what are those "other services" the lady pirates wanted from you???

I want to rec this just because of the weirdness factor but I'm afraid...

[Number23]

16. What the hell. I rec'd anyway. In addition, I find your views interesting and would like to

subscribe to your newsletter.

[Avalux]

8. Apparently you haven't been told the planet has been destroyed by the hadron collider.

A martian has been held for questioning...

http://www.wired.com/geekdad/2009/11/earth-destroyed-by-large-hadron-collider-martian-questioned

[Xipe Totec]

9. We were warned...

[4lbs]

19. Funny, I don't feel like I've been disintegrated. Oh wait... no that's just gas from lunch.

.

[old mark]

10. Well, I was born with nothing

and still have quite a bit of it left.

I feel your pain.

rec.

mark

[tabatha]

11. Careful, Orly Taitz may take this as a confession.

[Monk06]

29. What proof do we have that the Usurper wasn't raised by chain smoking Amazon pirates? - Orly Taitz

[Ruby the Liberal]

12. Well, HamdenRice (if that IS your real name)

the whole tomato story is quite suspect.

[Christa]

13. This is just too funny

:hug:





:rofl:

[dave29]

14. I find your story completely

like my own. Small effing world

[harun]

33. I can't believe you could roll cig's with your feet. WOW!

(sorry posted to your post instead of main thread, anyway....)

[JeffR]

15. DUzy n/t

[ruggerson]

34. Does he still get one posthumously?

:)

[Canuckistanian]

17. Bullshit

Tipper doesn't like tomatoes.

[DCKit]

18. Compelling. I can't wait to read the book - "Going Aaaargggh" n/t

[Capn Sunshine]

24. LOL

:applause:

[Egnever]

25. OMG DUZY!

[Cha]

20. "13 1/2 members".

:rofl:

[leveymg]

21. So, Hamden and Charles, what makes you think faxes are more secure than e-mail?

We read everything. We have your algorithms, and know what you're going to do before you even think of it. Even the bad stuff, that you usually self-censor. Sometimes, we let it happen, anyway. Why? That's above your pay grade.

[Douglas Carpenter]

22. oh come on!! nobody can role cigarettes with their feet!!

as far as the rest of the story, I always suspected as much

[Blue_Tires]

23. ???

???

[NYC_SKP]

26. Well, Pizza for you...

Bon Appetit!

[azmouse]

27. Was this OP a meltdown?

What happened here? :shrug:

[yellowcanine]

28. Joe Lieberman, is that you?

[AspenRose]

30. Surprised this hasn't been locked yet

[Perky]

31. I thought you might have come aross me in you r search relatives of your formar patron who left

this earth with $30Million is a secret bank account.

[BeFree]

32. I miss you already

Too bad.