Smart, Qualified People Behind the Scenes Keeping America Safe: 'We Don't Exist'

[joeybee12]

WASHINGTON—Members of the brilliant, highly trained, and dedicated team of elite professionals who work tirelessly behind the scenes to protect our nation and keep its citizens out of harm's way announced Tuesday that they do not exist.

"I know most Americans like to believe there are selfless, ultra-intelligent operatives like me out there watching over everything from an underground control room," said the Rhodes Scholar Navy SEAL national security official who for the past 10 years we have all mistakenly presumed to be an actual human being. "Unfortunately, though, I'm not employed by the U.S. government, I'm not working at all hours to foil terrorist plots, nor am I part of some secret network of sharp, capable agents, because no such network exists."

"And again, neither do I," the imaginary man added.

According to the utterly nonexistent super-geniuses who we've been telling ourselves are keeping our nation safe with their superior technology and lightning-fast decision-making abilities, there are currently no living people who resemble them at the Pentagon, CIA, FBI, DHS, TSA, or any other federal, state, or local law enforcement agency, and there never really have been at any point in American history.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/smart-qualified-people-behind-the-scenes-keeping-a,17954/


Ouch!

[ixion]

1. Our nation is not 'safe' at all, and it's these people who claim to be

"protecting" us who are making it that way.

It isn't al Qaida who is warrantlessly wire-tapping my phone, and reading my email, it's these folks.

It isn't al Qaida who has turned the airport system into a concentration camp, it's these folks.

It isn't al Qaida who shredded our Constitution in the name of security: IT'S THESE FOLKS! :grr:

On Edit:
-- Geez, missed the onion.com url. :rofl:

[ThatsMyBarack]

4. +1 for YOU!

:hi:

[joeybee12]

5. have to agree...

sad thing is is that it will get a lot worse before it gets better.

[Ikonoklast]

6. It's from The Onion.

[ixion]

7. yeah, saw that after the fact

my point stands, albeit out-of-context. :)

[joeybee12]

8. And, sadly, the Onion is more accurate than the MSM...nt

[midnight]

2. K&R When I read the first sentence I thought you were

referring to our elected officials.

[joeybee12]

3. It works that way, too!

Sadly.

[Enrique]

9. that's because all the super-geniuses work at Wall Street, right?

keeping our financial system running for us.