Holy Spicoli, I think my mother is an atheist.

jobycom

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Mon Jul-19-10 02:55 PM
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Holy Spicoli, I think my mother is an atheist.

When I met her, which was, you know, when I was born, she was Catholic, and at some point around my first decade mark she became a Methodist, because the Catholics were a little too laid back. Methodistism was only a gateway drug, though, as she moved to harder substances, starting with Baptists, then various Evangelicals, then the ubiquitous "Non-Denominationals," which is the equivalent of Meth, I suppose--it is cheap, unregulated, and consumes your life. She had a hard early life with a suicidal and mentally ill mother, and was searching for answers to all the issues that made her high strung and an emotional wreck, and a constant candidate for a nervous breakdown. Her adult life wasn't much easier, rearing one sociopath, one schizophrenic, one alcoholic, and me. To survive what she has, she has had to be strong, even if she doesn't know that about herself.

Meanwhile, I wandered behind her, on my own quest, which made me very devout when I was young, but an atheist by the time I was twenty. I studied eastern religions and Islam and even Christianity as an academic, maybe just to be sure I hadn't missed anything. I liked the theology of it all, but I didn't believe the god part of any of it. I never really told my parents, but over the years it became obvious, and I never even really thought much about it.

Over the years as an adult I noticed she made fewer and fewer comments about God. She went from the type who would say "God has blessed me (despite the fact it was obvious he had not)" and "Have faith in God," to "How God can let so many children in Somalia suffer," or whatever the hot topic of the day was. In the process she also changed politically, from someone who voted for Reagan twice, to someone who hesitantly voted for Clinton, to someone who actively campaigned for Obama.

So Saturday I was visiting my parents on the Coast and we went for a drive to Dauphin Island, Alabama, looking for oil and tar balls. It's the in thing to do on the Gulf Coast these days, I guess. Somehow or another religion came up, and I said something from the assumption of an atheist. I can't even remember what--it's hard to get away from religion over there, so probably we saw a bumper sticker or sign or something. When she replied, she, too, did so from the assumption of an atheist, and then added--this is the part I remember most--"I believed as much as all of them when I was younger." Then she nervously shut up about it, mostly because my father was in the car. He's a casual Catholic who is upset that I'm an atheist (he doesn't say anything, but I can tell), and I get the idea she's never mentioned her own beliefs to him.

So she's gone from a testify-with-every-breath Christian to an atheist, in about 70 years, and a right-of-center moderate to a left-of-liberal progressive (sometimes going further than me) in about 30 years. She's also gone from an uptight nervous wreck who cried at the drop of a hat to a relaxed person at peace with the world. Her journey finally brought her what she had always been seeking. All without anyone preaching to her, screaming at her, calling her names over her beliefs, or any of that. It was a slow process of discovery, self-analysis, and experience with the world. For religion anyway--when it came to politics I preached unmercifully about the evils of Republicanism.

I'm not really happy or sad she became an atheist. It's not the answer a person finds that is important to me. But I'm ecstatic that for the first time the answer seems to be hers, and that all of the questing she did finally brought her to some type of peace.

I was on Facebook earlier today, and a high school friend of mine--back then one of the greatest sources of entertainment for the guys, if you know what I mean--was dropping her God-phrases everywhere. She's gone from the easy girl crying for the attention of boys to the virtuous mother crying for the attention of God. And as I always do, I bristled with her "We serve an Awesome and Merciful God!" comments. I started to comment, but I thought of my mother, and how long it took her to reach an answer that truly brought her peace. So I didn't bother. I came here and wrote about my mother instead, and let my old friend continue on her own quest, wondering where it would eventually take her.

I don't know if anyone will read this. I just felt like writing it. :)