How evil is Dick Cheney?

[arbusto_baboso]

I'll tell you how evil he is...

I've observed many things about Dick Cheney:

Dick Cheney invented Mad Cow Disease.
Dick Cheney puts razors in children's Halloween candy.
Dick Cheney created the hole in the ozone layer.
Dick Cheney gives you hemorrhoids
Dick Cheney gives you ingrown hairs.
Dick Cheney only poisons the pot. He cannot sweeten it.
Dick Cheney encouraged Creed to reunite.
Dick Cheney is responsible for apartheid.
Dick Cheney kidnapped the Lindbergh baby.
Dick Cheney caused the recession. (Okay, that one is true.)
Dick Cheney is the only thing that makes Chuck Norris cry.
Dick Cheney is responsible for forest fires.
Dick Cheney will release foul spirits into your home. He will cause your wife's womb to become barren.
Dick Cheney dashed my expectations, raped them, then dashed them again for good measure.
Dick Cheney is the #1 cause of highway fatalities in the US.
Dick Cheney causes children to wet their beds.
Dick Cheney pokes holes in your condoms.
Dick Cheney wears no deodorant to the gym.
Dick Cheney keys your car when you're in the grocery store.
Dick Cheney stalks the children in your neighborhood.
Dick Cheney pees in public pools.
Dick Cheney is the reason San Francisco has an emergency evacuation plan.
Dick Cheney shot from the grassy knoll.
Dick Cheney faked the moon landing.
Patrick Henry's first draft proclaimed, "Give me liberty or give me Dick Cheney!"
Dick Cheney killed Dumbledore.
Dick Cheney caused the Gulf of Mexico oil spill. (Okay, some truth to that, too.)
Dick Cheney drives too fast in school zones.
Dick Cheney wrote the LOST finale.
Dick Cheney inspired the Star Wars prequels.

And so have others:

Dick Cheney chopped down a cherry tree and blamed George Washington!
Dick Cheney crushes your head!
Dick Cheney farted and blamed it on the dog.
Dick Cheney sodomized Doc Brown, stole the DeLorean, took it back to the 14th Century, and re-labled himself as Black Death. Global pandemic ensued...

[Subdivisions]

1. Dick Cheney masterminded 9/11...

n/t

[skip fox]

2. Koan: The world burned. Cheney smiled.

[physioex]

3. I dont understand the comparisons here at DU....

With Darth Vader. After all Darth Vader sort of redeemed himself in the end. I think here is more like Lord Sith completely evil with no redemption.

[skip fox]

4. Dick Ceneny made Faustus look like a school boy dabbling in the occult.

Dick Cheney ate the school girl's heart for a start.
Dick Cheney mongered hate and stunk up the state.
Dick Cheney made Martin Luther King into a communist.
Dick Cheney never heard a good lie he didn't wish hehad written.
Dick Cheney's penis was as big as his conscience.

[Itchinjim]

5. Dick Cheney hid my car keys!

Real good too, I can't find those f**kers anywhere!

[LiberalLoner]

6. I met Dick Cheney once, when he was Sec. of Defense. I was

escort officer for his daughter Liz. (She was actually a very sweet person to me and treated me very nicely.)

He scared the holy crappola out of me. He had the coldest eyes I'd ever seen in person and I was terrified. (I got up close to him because his daughter introduced me to him and we had a photo taken.)

I thought at that moment, this is a person you don't want to mess with. You don't want to be on his enemies list.

[obxhead]

14. Or the business end of his shotgun. nt

[lpbk2713]

7. Cheney thought the Spanish Inquisition was quality entertainment.

He gave it four thumbs up.


:thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

[Itchinjim]

9. Are you sure that it wasn't four thumbscrews up?

[skip fox]

8. Dick Cheney put the furious bite in the edge.

Dick Cheney sleeps to the howls of babes.
Dick Cheney prowls about in the alleys of your nightmares.
Dick Cheney put the delirium in fever dreams.
Dick Cheney nursed on serial axe murder.
Dick Cheney's wet dreams rival Jeffrey Dahlmer's.
Dick Cheney writes laugh tracks for snuff flicks.
Dick Cheney checks in weekly with Charles Manson for psychological "tempering."
Dick Cheney sticks pins in a person and the doll dies.
Dick Cheney has the Merdus touch.
Dick Cheney once felt the beat of his heart and had it "corrected" immediately.
Dick Cheney is a serial murderer in his fondest dreams.

[skip fox]

10. Dick Cheney's love letters contain vials of instant poison.

Dick Cheney stole the Grinch's Christmas and shoved it up his ass.
Dick Cheney dreams of sewer pipes running in spate.
Dick Cheney defines horrific death as a normal state.
Dick Cheney died when he was 17.
Dick Cheney once had compassion on another schoolboy and couldn't sleep for weeks.
Dick Cheney carries a gat in his back pocket in case he want to "make a point."
Dick Cheney meditates with tapes of waterboarding on his earphones.
Dick Cheney slaps himself every day of his life. (He once gave a begger a dime.)
Dick Cheney thinks "If it's good for me, it's good for the Legion."
Dick Cheney thinks, "Hell, it's better to reign down here than even get a blowjob in heaven."
Dick Cheney abhors peace like nature abhors a vacuum.
Dich Cheney thinks Jack the Ripper was a wanker.

[Erose999]

11. Dick Cheney eats the seeds and spits out the watermelon.

Dick Cheney means "Heart of chicken, mean like Hawk" in ancient Hebrew.

Dick Cheney inherited inherited a huge surplus of white sheets in 1866. Seeking a new approach to selling his products in an over-saturated market, he organized the Ku Klux Klan.

Dick Cheney's heart is black. Black Market, that is. It was transplanted from a political dissident in China.

Ayn Rand was inspired to write the rape scenes in her novels by letters written by Dick Cheney printed in Penthouse Forum.

[skip fox]

12. Dick Cheney put broken glass in both shoes to help him "calm down."

Dick Cheney never let a disaster go unappreciated. (Not as good as the Spanish Inquisition one which was so lovely, along with the addendu of thumbscrews.)
Dick Cheney gave blood. The patient died.
Dick Cheney got lost in a mirror and hasn't been scene since.
Dick Cheney can only make his nut when populations are suffering on the screen.
Dick Cheney thinks Mein Kampf the scribblings of a provential adolescent.
Dick Cheney can only find his pecker when he thinks of body counts.
Dick Cheney is what you get when brothers and sisters don't practice safe sex.

[spanone]

13. the truth about cheney is more evil than you can make up

[arbusto_baboso]

15. Yes. But sometimes you have to just find something to laugh about.

Because over-contemplating the reality can drive one mad.

[AnArmyVeteran]

30. Cheney IS Pandora's box of evil

[skip fox]

16. Dick Cheney is all for animal rights but only as long as HE is the animal.

Dick Cheney thinks Ann Coulter is a do-gooder.
Dick Cheney likes jalapeno high colonics . . . they keep him "regular."
Small animals keep dying around Dick Cheney.
Dick Cheney dines out with cape and fangs.
Dick Cheney ties his pecker in a knot . . . says it makes him feel "wanted."

[skip fox]

19. For Dick Cheney Satan makes house calls.

Dick Cheney has the four hoursemen on retainer.
Dick Cheney has VIP reservations for the ninth circle.
Dick Cheney invented the flamethrower.
For Dick Cheney "penis enlargement" means another invasion.
Dick Cheney's notion of compassion is as large as his endowment.
Dick Cheney's favorite hero is Iago, his favorite sidekick Judas.

[NoPasaran]

17. If you have to ask, you really don't want to know the answer

When Chuck Norris thinks about Dick Cheney he shits his pants.

[Lilicat]

18. I stared down Dick Cheney...and lived to tell the tale

At the 2000 Inauguration, I was at the rail with other protestors as the motorcade passed by. We had been standing there for hours in the freezing rain, we were cold and miserable but determined. The motorcade had to slow down to turn the corner. Bush's car zipped by, dark tinted windows rolled up tight, but then along came Cheney's car. Dick had the windows rolled down, he was waving and baring his teeth in what passed for a smile, waving as all the protestors screamed and yelled at him - the picture of arrogance - I swear he was ENJOYING all the hate. Then his car paused right in front of me and we locked eyes - his cold, cold eyes. He looked at me, and looked at the sign I held (which said one big word "BOGUS")and I looked at him and willed myself not to look away or smile or do anything to reveal how extremely discomfited I was...he stared at me, I stared at him...long seconds ticked by and then...

He stopped smiling. He stopped waving.

Up, up, up went the window.

Finally the car moved away around the corner and out of sight.

I could breathe again! Right away I checked for my soul - whew, to my relief it was still there.

I wouldn't have believed what had just happened except that people around started grabbing me and telling me! I hope I haunted his dreams - if he does dream -

[lpbk2713]

21. Thanks for sharing.

:thumbsup: :hi: :thumbsup:

[skip fox]

20. When Dick Cheney looks at you, he imagines you dead.

Dick Cheney's fan club is armed to the teeth.
Dick Cheney thinks if anybody got a raw deal it was Judas.
Dick Cheney stays up nights imagining the end of days.
Dick Cheney's poison is another man's light.

[valerief]

22. Dick Cheney stole our gravity. nt

[skip fox]

23. Dick Cheney has notches on his memo pad.

When Cheney smiles, beware the light. (Old Chinese saying.)
Homer invented poetry, Cheney invented the blight.
Dick Cheney is open for obfuscation 24/7.
Dick Cheney can only think while the air is think with fear.
The sufferings of small animals reminds Dick Cheney of his childhood.

[skip fox]

24. Dick Cheney judges his movies by their body counts.

Dick Cheney thinks waterboarding, no matter what else you say about it, has a "super entertainment factor."
Dick Cheney thinks war is the natural state of things. (Actually, that was Ambrose Bierce . . . I'm stealing here.)
Dick Cheney strokes the panther and smashes the dove.
Dick Cheney likes children because "you don't have to tenderize them."

[Curmudgeoness]

25. Dick Cheney regularly beats the devil at poker.

[Initech]

26. Dick Cheney went down to Georgia.

[skip fox]

27. The devil blanches. Dick Cheney is coming.

Dick Cheney applauded the final solution even though he thought it didn't go far enough.
Dick Cheney thought Marquis de Sade was a writer of instructional manuals.
Dick Cheney thought Hanzel and Gretal almost upset the balance of the universe.
Dick Cheney's tapeworm lived on stomach acid and knew Machavelli by heart (a heart that exceeded his host's by leagues and leagues). Now he must find a new home. He's considering Rove.
Dick Cheney leaves an indellible stain as a legacy.
Dick Cheney looks best in the past tense.
Dick Cheney, R.I.P. (I.e., rest in a percent, say one-tenth, . . . of the torment you brought to others.)

[Erose999]

28. Dick Cheney's breastmilk is considered vegan because biologists agree the he has no soul.

[AnArmyVeteran]

29. Dick Cheney is Satan's father & mother

[smokey nj]

31. Dick Cheney took my shoe.

[Erose999]

32. Ayn rand dumped Dick Cheney because she thought he was a selfish lover.

[arbusto_baboso]

33. Darth Vader looks at Dick Cheney and says, "Damn, I threw the wrong guy down that open shaft."

Emperor Palpatine refused the assistance of Dick Cheney, stating that Cheney is "too extreme".

When Dick Cheney stares at a black hole, the black hole blinks first.

[arbusto_baboso]

34. Satan actually works for Cheney.

[Erose999]

35. Dick Cheney's original plan for GITMO was a summer camp for underprivileged kids.

[Erose999]

36. Dick Cheney once tried to sell "waterboarding" to the International Olympic Committee as a new sport

[NightWatcher]

37. Encouraged Creed to reunite...... heartless monster

I'm stealing that line

[arbusto_baboso]

38. Feel free.

I stole it from someone else.