Refresher Course: The Rapist Checklist

[uncommon]

The Polanski thread reminded me of this:

The Rapist Checklist


Some things to remember…

1. You are a rapist if you get a girl drunk and have sex with her.

2. You are a rapist if you find a drunk girl and have sex with her.

3. You are a rapist if you get yourself drunk and have sex with her. Your drunkeness is no excuse.

4. If you are BOTH drunk you may still be a rapist.

5. If she’s alternating between puking her guts out and passing out in the bed then you’re a rapist.

6. If she’s sleeping and you have sex with her you’re a rapist.

7. If she’s unconscious and you have sex with her then you’re a rapist.

8. If she’s taking sleeping pills and doesn’t wake up when you have sex with her then you’re a rapist.

9. If she is incapacitated in any way and unable to say ‘Yes’ then you’re a rapist.

10. If you drug her then you’re a rapist.

11. If you find a drugged girl and have sex with her then you’re a rapist.

12. If you don’t bother to ask her permission and she says neither ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ then you could be a rapist.

13. You are a rapist if you ‘nag’ her for sex. Because you manage to ply an eventual ‘yes’ from a weary victim doesn’t mean it’s not rape. You are a rapist.

14. You are a rapist if you try to circumvent her “No” by talking her into it. She’s not playing hard to get, and, even if she IS it’s not YOUR responsibility to ‘get’ her. You’re still a rapist.

15. You are a rapist if you manipulate her into sex when she doesn’t otherwise want it. If you say, “If you loved me you’d do X” then you’re a rapist. If you say, “All the other kids are doing it!” then you’re a rapist.

16. If you threaten her, or act in a way that SHE thinks you’re threatening her then you’re a rapist. If you puff up and get loud and frustrated while trying to ‘talk’ her into sex then you’re a rapist.

17. You are a rapist if you don’t immediately get your hands off of her when she says ‘no’. You are a rapist if you take your hands off of her and then put them back ON her after 10 minutes and she eventually ‘gives in’ to this tactic.

18. You are a rapist if you won’t let her sleep peacefully without waking her every 15 minutes asking her for sex. Sleep depravation is a form of torture and YOU are a rapist.

19. If you’re necking with her and you’re naked and you’ve already gone down on her and she says ‘No’ to sex with you and you have sex with her anyway then you’re a rapist.

20. If you’re engaged in intercourse and she says ‘No’ at ANY point and you don’t immediately stop then you’re a rapist.

21. If she said “Yes” to sex with a condom and that condom breaks and you proceed anyway then you’re a rapist.

22. If she picked you up at a bar looking for sex and then decides that she doesn’t WANT sex and you continue then you’re a rapist.

23. If she changes her mind at ANY point for ANY reason and you don’t immediately back off or you try to talk her into it and get sex anyway then you’re a rapist.

24. If you don’t hit her and she says ‘No’ you’re still a rapist.

25. If you don’t have a knife or a gun or a garrote and she says ‘No’ then you’re still a rapist.

26. If you’re a friend of hers you can still be a rapist.

27. If you had sex with her the night before but she doesn’t want morning sex and you pressure her for it anyway then you’re a rapist.

28. If you’re her husband you can still be a rapist.

29. If it’s your wedding night and she doesn’t WANT to have sex with you and you force or coerce her anyway then you’re a rapist.

30. If she’s had sex with you hundreds of times before but doesn’t want to on the 101st time then you’re a rapist.

31. If you penetrate her anally, orally or digitally against her will then YOU my friend, are ALSO a rapist.

32. Women do not owe you sex.

33. Buying her dinner does not entitle you to sex.

34. Paying her mortgage does not entitle you to sex.

35. Buying her clothing does not entitle you to sex.

36. Buying her lingerie does not entitle you to sex. It also doesn’t mean that she has any obligation to wear that lingerie around you.

37. Spending any amount of money on her does not, ever, entitle you to sex.

38. Seeing her legs or cleavage does not entitle you to sex.

39. If she ‘turns you on’ you’re not entitled to sex.

40. If she has fucked every man in a 10 square mile radius and she doesn’t want to fuck you and you have sex with her anyway, then you’re a rapist.

41. Her clothing is not a reason for you to rape her. Her LACK of clothing is no reason to rape her. If she’s wearing a thong and pasties you STILL have no right to rape her.

42. If she’s a prostitute and she says “No” then you’re a rapist.

43. If she’s a stripper and she says “No” then you’re a rapist. Likewise, if she’s a stripper and she’s been rubbing against your dick all night long and you follow her to her car and have sex with her against her will then you are ALSO a rapist.

44. If you watch a woman being raped without calling the authorities then you’re as bad as a rapist and you may also be a rapist yourself.

45. If you don’t fight rape then you accept rape.

46. If you don’t believe a woman when she says she was raped then you’re encouraging rape.

47. If you choose to remain friends with a man who raped a woman you are encouraging rape.

48. If you confess to the authorities that you raped a woman it does not exonerate you. You are not suddenly a model of good behavior.

49. If you ‘only’ raped one woman, you’re STILL a rapist.

50. You cannot tell who is a rapist by the way they look. Rapists are your friends, your brothers, your fathers and you won’t know it.

51. Do not get frustrated with a woman if she doesn’t trust you. SHE already knows that rapists don’t wear signs on their foreheads. Something you think is innocuous SHE may find terrifying.

[SunnySong]

1. #52 If you are a famous hollywood celebrity with liberal credentials its okay to rape. nt

[uncommon]

3. Oh yes, of course, that's one of the get out of jail free cards - if you are famous and/or rich

you may be a rapist but you will never be held accountable for it.

(Referring to celebrity/rich rapists generally.)

[msanthrope]

9. Art excuses rape, don'tcha know? n/t

[tekisui]

2. knr

[kanrok]

4. Gee, I hope my wife doesn't read this:

1. You are a rapist if you get a girl drunk and have sex with her.

[uncommon]

7. Wow. nt

[Fast Dude]

5. 4. If you are BOTH drunk you may still be a rapist.?????

Then I guess she would be too?

[uncommon]

6. It's just not impossible that you are still a rapist if you have both been drinking. I think this

is pretty easy to understand.

[Fast Dude]

10. I've woke up with a few that I wouldn't have touched sober

....so I guess I was "taken advantadge of".

[uncommon]

12. Perhaps you were. nt

[Gaedel]

29. Went to bed at 2 with a 10 and woke up at 10 with a 2. n/t

[Deep13]

14. Which one is the rapist and which is the victim?

Indict them both?

I suppose if one is buzzed and the other is falling-down drunk, then that clears it up.

[uncommon]

16. I suppose the rapist is the one who commits the rape.

People usually know very well when they've been raped.

[Deep13]

21. Alcohol sometimes affects memory. nt

[EOTE]

22. Here's the problem.

And the reason why many of those reasons you list are offensive. You say that if you have sex with a drunk girl, you are a rapist. I assume that means you're a rapist even if you have the drunk girl's verbal approval. You then go on to say that if you're both drunk, you MAY be a rapist. Well, if both parties approved at the time, which one is the rapist? If you say that neither of them are, that shoots the hell your argument that sex with a drunk girl is rape. If you say that both are, well, that's pretty damned silly. If you say that just the male is the rapist, then that's a bunch of misandrist tripe. People of both genders get themselves drunk as a social lubricant all the time. It's an absolute joke to call all drunken sex rape. It's sick.

[LostInAnomie]

27. Oooooo.... you're going to get flamed for that!

You're absolutely right, but you'll still get flamed.

[EOTE]

40. They can flame away. I'm perfectly willing to defend the position.

I'm just amazed that such sexist tripe can be on display here and it receive such glowing responses.

[SunnySong]

20. Actually if both parties are intoxicated only the male is guilty of rape. nt

[LostInAnomie]

32. How does that make sense?

[SunnySong]

36. A little thing called the law (and how it is applied)

Men are the rapist in such a scenario and woman are the victims.

[LostInAnomie]

41. That's ridiculous on many levels.

If a drunken couple willingly has sex with each other, it's automatically rape and the man is a rapist.

If a drunken couple have sex where the woman is the more aggressive party, the man is the rapist.

If the woman is buzzed and the man is fall down drunk and they have willingly have sex, the man is the rapist.

The whole thing smacks of misandry and infantilization of women.

[SunnySong]

42. Treat rape like domestic violence and press charges against both parties then

I am just reporting the facts here... if you want 40% of the people arrested fro rape to be woman call your local lawmaker.

[enki23]

33. in the same way, and to the same extent...

that it's impossible to thread a needle by fetching a needle up to the thread.

[EOTE]

35. Wow, I think you need to learn a bit more about how the male anatomy works.

First, you need to know that men get erections all the time, not solely when they're prepared/preparing for sex. Hell, when I was a teen, typically a light breeze would do it. For you to suggest that men cannot be raped just smacks of blaming the victim.

[enki23]

37. ever read Huck Finn, my friend?

sarcasm is good for the soul. at least, in the absence of other remedies.

[EOTE]

38. I have, in fact.

And perhaps my sarcasm meter has been broken from many years on the internet. I see far more ludicrous statements on a day to day basis and they're usually being 100% serious. As much as it seems insulting to one's intelligence, the sarcasm tag can be rather handy.

[uncommon]

8. To clarify --

a woman does not make a choice to be raped. However, if she is intoxicated she is an easier target. A man may be drunk, but he still chooses to action of raping - the woman does not choose to be raped regardless of what she has been drinking.

[Deep13]

17. You're assuming the man is the aggressor.

Alcohol tends to reduce inhibitions. So women who would normally say "no" out of prudence, might throw caution to the wind when they are blitzed.

[uncommon]

49. There is a difference between "throwing caution to the wind" and being raped. And

contrary to the popular perception, victims of rape know the difference.

[treestar]

28. But why is the man choosing what he does while drunk but not the woman?

[EOTE]

31. I think it has something to do with the four humours.

Women, having excess amount of yellow bile (cholera) and phlegm (phlegma), cannot be fully in control of their own behavior and lives. Men, being more rich in black bile (melancolia) and blood (sanguis), are capable of true free will. Hence, they must be the responsible party.

[treestar]

25. I have a problem with that one too

And with number 13.

[Rabrrrrrr]

11. It's unfortunate the writer seems compelled to push a false stereotype.

Apparently, only women can be raped, and can only be raped by men.

How sad that in the 21st century ignorant stereotypes like this are still tolerated, and a full 3/4 of potential rape scenarios are utterly ignored.

[uncommon]

15. Obviously this is not her intent. "Potential rape scenarios" is a red herring --

the vast majority of rapes are committed by men against women, and this is the perspective of the author. No one is saying that men cannot/are not raped. And no one is saying that it doesn't matter when they are.

Although it is worth mentioning that the vast majority of rapes of men are also committed by men.

[Rabrrrrrr]

24. It may not be her intent, but it's goddamn sloppy and doesn't help move the conversation forward.

I would also change your statement to "the vast majority of REPORTED rapes are committed by men against women".

We have no idea of knowing how the actual numbers work out of men vs. women, men vs men, women vs women, and women vs men.

Much as we had the courage and thoughtfulness to begin using "humanity" instead of "mankind", we should be careful about referring to all rape victims as "her" and all perpetrators as "him".

[lapislzi]

50. Agreed on sloppiness, but your well-taken point doesn't move the conversation forward either

Yes, the writer should have been more conscious of gender stereotyping. But for all that, the message isn't diluted, imo.

[Rabrrrrrr]

54. Really? By bringing up minority issues, I don't "move the conversation forward"?

How odd to say that, since the intent of reminding people that not all rape is man on woman I **am** moving the conversation forward.

:eyes:

[uncommon]

51. The vast majority of UNREPORTED rapes are also,

according the research, committed by men against women. The remainder, as we like to adorably ignore, are mostly committed by men against other men.

[Rabrrrrrr]

53. That's most likely true - still doesn't deny the fact that not ALL are,

and that your OP is yet another instance of pushing the meme that rape is only man on woman.

All I ask is for some sensitivity around the issue - as you wish to push a greater sensitivity on the part of men about their behavior with women, can we not all agree that it is far better to push for greater sensitivity on the part of any one person with any one other person?

Why so diligently force into silence a minority? Didn't we do that enough with race issues? Can't we stop it in terms of sexuality as well? Isn't a shining example of progressivism a willingness to be voice for the voiceless, and to stop the majority from crushing the minority?

That's all I'm asking.

[Deep13]

13. Agree with most of it including taking advantage of any incapacitation...

...like intoxication or sleep. Disagree with talking ones partner into changing her mind unless the other partner is in some kind of position of authority or the victim is a minor or has some kind of disability. Otherwise, you are talking about two adults, both of whom are responsible for their decisions.

Rape is sex by force or threat of force. That includes efforts to incapacite the victim with alcohol or other drugs. It also includes those too young to consent and those for whom the rapist is in a position of authority like a parent, priest, coach or public official. I want to say it includes things like consent obtained by blackmail, but I'd have to check Am.Jur. on that.

Obviously, like any crime, complicity makes a third person just as guilty as the principal offender.

[mimitabby]

18. thanks for this list

and when a girl says NO she means it. she shouldn't have to scream yell or do anything embarrassing
to get you to stop...

[LostInAnomie]

19. 46. If you don’t believe a woman when she says she was raped then you’re encouraging rape.

That's ridiculous. I didn't believe the stripper in the Duke Lacrosse Rape case. So, somehow I was encouraging rape... ridiculous.

[ZombieHorde]

23. Silly and sexist against women. nt

[Odin2005]

26. 52. If she is disabed, DON'T RAPE HER.

[Rabrrrrrr]

30. Let's just add "52. If you're a man, you're a potential rapist, and will never be a non-rapist

until you die and have indeed managed not to be a rapist".

:eyes:

[d_r]

34. #13 and #14

you can't talk someone in to having sex? They can't change their mind?

I agree with most of this of course, but that seems nuts.

[name not needed]

39. You should have saved yourself the time and listed everything that isn't rape.

[Rabrrrrrr]

43. Then there couldn't have been a post at all.

:thumbsup:

[lapislzi]

48. It's not that difficult

Consensual sex between or among adults, preferably all of whom are fully in control of their faculties.

If one of the parties is too impaired to consent, or is unaware of what he/she is doing, it's the polite and morally ethical thing to do to desist.

[Odin2005]

44. KICK

[lapislzi]

45. "No" doesn't mean "keep trying."

Nor does it mean "yes," or "maybe," or, "later," or, "I'm playing coy."

No means no.

Our mothers who taught us to play "hard to get" did us a great disservice. We've programmed men to believe that "no" really means "try harder." Many of us are programmed to believe that "nice girls" play hard to get. That may be, but it muddies the waters for both genders.

If I want to have sex with you, you'll know. Trust me. I'll be saying, "yes," not batting my eyelashes at you.

[uncommon]

52. Precisely. nt

[Edweird]

46. Consensual, but drunken, sex is not rape.

[AngryAmish]

47. This thread is why I love DU

You people are the best.

[SunnySong]

55. You got to admit #13 is pretty hysterical (either meaning fits)

13. You are a rapist if you ‘nag’ her for sex. Because you manage to ply an eventual ‘yes’ from a weary victim doesn’t mean it’s not rape. You are a rapist.

Why not just say if you have a dick you are a rapist and be done with it.