Coffee, juice, toast, eggs, a paper, and a CAPTION!!! Come do Head Wreck. (He's flammable this a.m.)

[skip fox]

Head Wreck, from the lost center of an aggressively misplaced consciousness, just finished saying, "Geez. What's all this crying over a little oil spill???? . . . It doesn't make sense. . . Oil gives us gas and we need gas. . . . Besides, if there's an accident and we get some gas on us, it only shocks us for a couple seconds. . . . Then we take a shower and change our clothes. . . . In fact, we should be deeply grateful to BP for waking us up. . . . Watch this!"

(Warning: CAPTIONs are creative, channeling the essence of the person, providing what he or she might have said given less self-conscious with-holding, thus more true than what was actually said, . . . or making damn near any other joke one can think of.)

[SpiralHawk]

1. Republicon apologists grovel before their Oil Company Gods

While dissing America and Americans. How perfectly republicon these overpaid chickenhawk propaganda pimps are...

[skip fox]

2. Head Wreck is saying, "Thank you for coming and expressing your views, though deeply

misguided, on the benefits of labor unions. . . . I do respect you for coming in, and as a parting favor I want you to participate in my new feature; it's called 'Gut-Check Time!!!' All you have to do is hold still for a second and then . . . well, we'll just have to see about 'and then.' . . . Ah, gotta light?"

[peekaloo]

3. Think of this as a refined, multi-purpose golden shower my friend.

[skip fox]

4. " . . . a golden shower for your horse-power, big boy!"

History moment: The first shower of gold was that of Zeus coming secretly to Danae. Which suggests a general debasement in human society from ancient times to this and, given your CAPTION, particularly in the case of Glenn Beck who brings a somewhat aberrant sexual act to a whole new level of horrific pain before a certain, though perhaps lingering,death.

[GeorgeGist]

5. Who better to clean up this mess ...

than those who created it?

[skip fox]

6. "What do you mean, what am I doing? You said gay marriage was a no-brainer.

I'm just trying to put another factor in the mix so you might want to consider it again."

[skip fox]

7. Head Wreck,the verbal pyromanic, is saying: "My wife told me about

a new, little game named Natural Selection. 'First you douse yourself in gasoline then light a cigarette and see what happens,' she said. She wanted me to play, but I thought this morning how much better I'd be at it if I had someone like you to try it on first, so here goes!"