Miraculous Solution for The Leaking Oil...

[MineralMan]

From www.tonguefirmlyincheek.org

Dirtfarm, MS (6/08/10) Beaufort Wherewithall, a noted rural inventor and fix-it man in this city, has discovered the solution for plugging the leaking oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico today. Speaking exclusively to this reporter, Mr. Wherewithall, who goes informally by the name of "Rabbit," said, "Well, I hear that they collected all manner of hair to sop up that oil like it was gravy on the plate after you ate all the biscuits. But they say it won't work. Now, I've cleared more clogged drains here in Dirtfarm than you can count, and every last damned one of them was clogged with hair. Mostly long women's hair mind you, since, as it says in the good book, 'A woman's hair is her glory.'

Rabbit continued, "It isn't so glorious, though, when you're under a dirty, smelly sink trying to pull it out so the damned sink will drain. What I propose is that we take all that hair they collected and stuff it down that well pipe. If there's anything that'll clog up that well, it's women's hair, and I'm here to tell you that those hair clogs are the worst damned thing you ever saw for plugging up plumbing. That's all I have to say."

BP officials did not return our calls about this revolutionary solution by the time of this writing, but we're sure Dirtfarm, MS is going to find its place on the map when the oil stops gushing.

- Bertha Mae Matters, exclusive to tonguefirmlyincheek.org.

[zeemike]

1. Now that is what we need....common sense solutions.

It would only take a few women to cut their hair and donate it to the cause....Joe the Plummer could be in charge.

[MineralMan]

2. Now you've got it. Good "common sense" Amerkin Injunooity"

will do it every time.

[gratuitous]

5. Load him up!

It would be risky, and Not Joe the Not-a-Plumber would be at great personal peril diving down to the wellhead, but it's a chance I'm willing to take.

[Speck Tater]

3. Yeah, water draining out of a sink with a static pressure of a few ounces per square inch

is just EXACTLY like oil pushing up from deep under ground with a pressure of tens of thousands of pounds per square inch.

:sarcasm:

Why is it that people who know nothing about the real nature of the problem think they know better than everyone else. That's all we need is more morons in this country. AHHHHH! The stupid hurts my eyes! Make it stop!

(ed:typo)

[BeeBee]

4. Note the link:

www.tonguefirmlyincheek.org

[MineralMan]

7. Hey! I got a 404 error from that link. Probably Big Oil squashed the site.

Maybe this one will work better:

www.reductioadabsurdum.com

[Speck Tater]

14. Opps! With so many morons running free these days it's hard to tell serious from satrical. nt

[MineralMan]

6. Wow! You're right. I never thought of that. Oh, well.

:rofl:

[fascisthunter]

8. "leaking" no Spilling

Thank you

[MineralMan]

9. Aji-no-Moto

[Lone_Star_Dem]

10. Brilliant!

If that fails to work might I suggest a tree root shoved down the pipe? I can attest it stopped our pipe up solid. Yes, tree roots are definitely the best plan B if the hair clog should fail.

[MineralMan]

11. Wow! You're right. I had to dig up my septic tank because of

tree roots. Clogged that sucker right up. I'll let Beaufort know about that one, just in case.

[petronius]

12. Despite numerous clues to the contrary, I'm going to go ahead and believe that

this post is completely serious, because that will give me an opportunity to feel superior and post snarky comments about stupid people and their stupid ideas... :)

[MineralMan]

13. Yes, that'd be just like you...

Did you even bother to read the link? I thought not. :bounce: