Karma Sucks. Years ago, my DFL blamed me for his daughter's cancer

[HereSince1628]

He thought that MY dirty habits (I was a soldier, I assume he based his judgment on his own time in service; he was SURE I had to have dirty habits) had somehow infected his third born. THAT ASSERTION REALLY STUNG, and I walked around for years feeling that somehow, someway, I had done something that had done that to my wife.

Now, roughly 35 years after that terrible day, it turns out that he, the Grand Patriarch of the Clan is the source of a BRCA mutation known as BART that greatly increases the risk of breast and ovarian cancers.

Based on the family pedigree that has now been stitched together it seems likely that this helped killed his mother before she was 40 and his sister before she was 50. It killed one of his daughters at 42, gave early onset cancers to two more (including my wife at age 27), and likely contributed to the occurrence of cancers in three of his grand daughters before they reached age 40--one before age 25 :(. The dominant autosomal mutation on chromosome 17 is is carried by all his surviving children, and his son has passed it on to at least two of his grandchildren (the grand daughters that were tested).

Now we have a better idea of why things happened. His surviving daughters (now in their mid to early 50's) are choosing prophylactic breast and ovary removal, 5 of his granddaughters are considering the same, and one preschool great grandchild has shown up positive.

I feel sick. To see this erupt among people I knew and cared for is horrifying.

Vindication of my own hurt feelings is putrid.

I really hate karma.

[UndertheOcean]

1. Your father-in-law blaming you for cancer is a very hurtful thing , indeed very nasty .. I am sorry.

[HereSince1628]

5. I believe he didn't have any idea of what contributes to cancer

although he strongly suspected that VD was very important.

I suppose that would have been true for most people his age without a HS diploma.

[underseasurveyor]

2. That was cruel of him to say that to you in the first place

Call it misplaced parental anger or what ever, it was still wrong of him to say. I'm sure you knew better when he said that but the sting is sharp none the less. :hug:

Yea karma can be a bitch but take heart it is also good.

Sorry this happened to you.

[HereSince1628]

8. At the time, I didn't know what to think

I was stumbling over the question 'why her?' He had an answer even if it wasn't right.

[Bigmack]

3. It's not his/your/somebody's fault. Genes are a crapshoot... nt

[HereSince1628]

6. And in the act of 'sharing genes' no one was thinking of passing such a thing

on purpose.

But now, NOW the knowledge is terrible and real. Decisions actually must be made, and it's gut wrenching to see young couples contemplating this.

[Mojeoux]

4. So Sad!

What a waste of family love that could have been. Now however, hopefully the future looks better and the weird "secret dirty habits" theory is moot.

[aquart]

7. But this karma is knowledge which is the beginning of finding an answer.

They know which genes are involved! And you know that there are scientists everywhere working with this mutation to see what makes it tick, and what might make it stop ticking.

I know it is so hard for this generation and its children, but that great grandkid has so much more hope now than before we knew. That's the karma you need to think about.

[HereSince1628]

9. True. Medicine moves forward, not many years ago BART was unknown

and although the occurrence of cancer in the family lineage looked suspicious there was no test that could pin it down.

[Berry Cool]

10. How horrible of him to say that.

But this wasn't karma. It was science, pure and simple.