Children of All Ages Delighted by Enslavement of Topsy the Elephant

[joeybee12]

TUCSON, AZ—Cheers, laughter, and applause filled the big top tent at the Ringling Bros. Circus Saturday as children of all ages were captivated by the savage enslavement of Topsy the elephant.

Whether young or just young at heart, thrilled audience members watched with glee as a circus trainer forced the frightened Topsy to perform tricks by brutally poking and prodding the traumatized 4-year-old pachyderm.

"He's such a funny happy elephant," said 8-year-old Madison Helms, referring to the abused creature that spends the majority of his time chained up in a cramped, feces-covered enclosure. "He loves being in the circus!"

The crowd reportedly let out loud gasps and vigorously clapped when Topsy stood up on his hind legs, an unnatural and excruciatingly painful movement that stresses and permanently damages the 8,000-pound elephant's joints.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/children-of-all-ages-delighted-by-enslavement-of-t,17534/

[Poll_Blind]

1. What they do best is pointing out how crazy we all are and how little attention...

...we pay to our own insanity. I love it. It's like sweet-tasting medicine for a very sick society.

PB

[Wizard777]

2. Kids are just evil like that.

:shrug:

I think they get it from the clowns. :scared:

[gatorboy]

14. Kids don't know any better.

[Wizard777]

15. They're born terrorists. Until you lock them in a closet.

Then they become instant experts on humanitarianism.

:shrug:

For the Sarcasm Challenged: :sarcasm:

[BeFree]

3. I'd tried to rec this...

...but for some glitchy reason my rec feature is shot to hell.

All I can can is this Sir, cusses the treatment of these animals.

[Echo In Light]

4. Oh, stop being so "negative!"

;)

K/R

[HopeHoops]

5. Ahem: "IT IS FROM THE ONION!"

Unfortunately, it isn't all that far from the truth, but it is STILL a fake over-the-top article (in keeping with the site's theme).

[Stevenmarc]

6. LOL, shhhsss, don't interrupt the knee jerking

[BeFree]

7. Truth hurts, eh?

The circus is well known for its abuse of animals, so this is no knee-jerk.

[HopeHoops]

9. Yeah, sadly it isn't really THAT far from the truth.

[HopeHoops]

8. Oh, right. Good point.

But hey, we don't want DU to look like Freeperville!

[joeybee12]

10. Ah, an elephant expert!

Please, enlighten us!

[tbyg52]

13. My knee is not jerking

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&source=hp&q=elephant+abuse&btnG=Google+Search

[Demit]

12. It might be a little more heavy-handed in the humor than usual Onion stuff, but

the facts it builds the satire around aren't fake.

[Wizard777]

11. FREE TOPSY.......AND PARENTS TOO!

What else would you expect from a group of people that have been known to enslave parents for 18 years or MORE? :wow: I mean really. How can you tell when something really horrible is about to happen? There's a politician saying, "it's for the children." The children need to be stopped! They've become cruel and inhumane task masters.

:rant:

For the sarcasm challenged: :sarcasm:

[Old Troop]

16. I hate the animal acts in circuses. I really don't know why people are

amused by such cruelty.