Bin Laden Says He’s ‘Professionally Envious’ of BP - Andy Borowitz tells about it

[Mira]

MAY 29, 2010

‘I’ve Got to Step Up My Game,’ Says Madman


THE BOROWITZ REPORT - In a new video that is light on his usual threats but heavy on admiration, Osama bin Laden admits that he is “professionally envious” of oil giant BP’s massive oil spill, saying that it puts his efforts to create destruction and chaos to shame.

“There are times in an evildoer’s life when one has to stand back and admire a job well done,” Mr. bin Laden says in the video. “BP, you blow me away.”

The Al-Qaeda mastermind adds that his first thought upon seeing BP’s spill was, “Man, I’ve got to step up my game.”

Mr. bin Laden claims in the video that he rarely feels envious towards other evildoers, but says he likes “to use that energy to push myself to be the best terrorist I can be.”

As for the envy he felt after seeing BP’s handiwork, the madman says, “I haven’t felt this way since the whole Toyota thing.”

[treestar]

1. ROFL

[EFerrari]

2. LOL

:cry:

[Schema Thing]

3. Good, but he should have used "Goldman Sachs" instead of "Toyota"

[sabrina 1]

4. Well, all he has to do is 'Incorporate'!

Surely he was paying attention when WH Press Sec. Gibbs explained why the U.S. Government is impotent regarding Corporate disasters like this. When asked why the Government had not taken over BP he responded 'We can't do that, they're a private business'.

Osama wasn't paying attention. His old friends the Bushes and Cheneys et al learned this strategy a long time ago.

[Swamp Rat]

5. LOL!

[golddigger]

6. Funny.