"The Beauty Bias": The pressure of appearances on women.

[Captain Hilts]

Of the 16 women in the senate NONE have any grey hair, despite their ages.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/23/books/review/Bazelon-t.html?ref=books

...
Cosmetic surgery has quadrupled over the last decade. Women still wear stiletto heels that ruin their feet and backs and buy any wrinkle-smoothing cream for any price. Being fat, Rhode says, continues to carry “as much stigma as AIDS, drug addiction and criminal behavior.” (Meanwhile, men walk around largely unplagued by their imperfections. Unless they’re short, in which case they suffer, too.)

It does no good to urge women to sally forth in sensible flat shoes while their hair grays and their faces prune. Feminists learned long ago that taking this line only makes enemies. Rhode has internalized the lesson. When she points out that there is no visible gray hair on the heads of any of the 16 female United States senators, ages 46 to 74, she chalks it up to “professional necessity.” Rhode herself is a blonde (I’ve met her and once edited her work for Slate). But that hasn’t saved her from “emergency remedial shopping” at the hands of her Stanford colleagues and a stylist who disastrously teased her hair before a fancy event that she was supervising for the American Bar Association’s Commission on Women in the Profession. (Yes, Rhode sees the irony in forced primping for an event to promote women’s equality.) Instead of berating herself for succumbing to the fuss, she turns her inquiry from individual choices to the legal framework in which they’re made. Are cosmetic surgery and diet products safe and well-regulated enough?

[msongs]

1. step one to free yourselves from male dominance: wash your face

this racket where women smear their faces with various kinds of colored mud to please men has always perplexed me. Think of the tens of billions of dollars that could be used for a better purpose. and men don't need to smear that stuff on themselves either. why do people willingly create a daily toxic waste spill on themselves anyway? Hmmmm

Msongs

[Captain Hilts]

11. It sends a strong message to women - being with teenagers - that you are not naturally adequate. nt

[surrealAmerican]

50. I'm not convinced it is even "to please men".

I'm a woman in my forties with mostly gray hair, and I never wear makeup. The comments I get from men are usually positive. The comments from other women are considerably less so. Some seem to act personally offended by my choices, even though it's not something I even talk about.

[seabeyond]

54. that is certainly true. i have seen more posts where women go after

womens looks and especially when women go after wrinkle faced repug women.

maybe if we just call it what it is.... catty, amongst ourselves and not relish in beating each other up, .... then maybe we can have a different group think.

it has to come from within us though.

[Berry Cool]

2. And don't forget...if a woman DOES sally forth in sensible flat shoes while her hair grays

and her face prunes, everyone says "Well, it's obvious she's a lesbian."

So really, there's a certain amount of cosmetic/clothing stuff every heterosexual woman needs to do as she ages in order not to have people just assume she's a lesbian until proven otherwise. (Of course, not that "there's anything wrong with that," it's just the annoyance of the assumptions made.) Especially if she's never married, divorced and has no children. It's easier to get away with (and note, I put this in quotes) "letting yourself go" if you have already proven that you're capable of breeding, or at least having sex with a man. But if you haven't, your sexual orientation will be judged based on how well and often you adopt the kind of dress that's supposed to make you appear attractive to men, or as if you care how attractive you are to men. At bare minimum, this means lipstick; more elaborately, and depending on time of day and occasion, it can mean restricting undergarments, "perfect hair" and high heels.

Men really don't know what this is like--this social pressure to decide, each time before you leave the house, even just to run out and pick up a few groceries, whether you are going to bow to society's demand that you "make yourself up" first, or just go in casual dress and shoes with no makeup on, and then hope you don't run into anyone who knows you.

A man who lives alone and needs to run out and pick up a few groceries doesn't think twice about pulling on yesterday's jeans and a T-shirt or sweatshirt, stepping into sneaks and heading out. The woman? She's more likely to hear at least one voice in her head saying "You can't go out like that. What if you run into someone you know?" Or "You can't go out like that. What if you run into Mr. Right looking like this?"

[Captain Hilts]

41. +1000. And let me add this...

There was a biography written recently about Katharine Hepburn. It was written by a gay man. Fine. But he hasn't got a clue about straight women. Really. He relied upon stereotypes to say that Hepburn - AND Spencer Tracy - were both gay. Huh?

I then went to my bookshelf of biographies and saw that the overwhelming percentage of biographies of women were written by men. While very few of men were written by women.

Now, it is certainly possible for a man to write a good biography of a woman. Joe Lash's about Eleanor Roosevelt come to mind. But there are some aspects of her - and many other women's lives - it seems that a man can't 'get' the way a woman can.

[mainer]

3. there's not much visible gray hair on NYC's upper east side, either

It's the new standard for upper-income women in big cities. No gray hair, no wrinkles. It's not just the Senate.

[seabeyond]

17. we hear, here on du, the blasting of 70 yr old women that have audacity to have wrinkles.

wacky world.

[athenasatanjesus]

4. I blame how the corporate media keeps passing off sex peddling as feminism.

Somehow sex and the city is feminism,a sex object that they call curvaceous is a symbol of empowerment,erin brockovich was some sort of power symbol.

[UTUSN]

5. Hey!1 Ya otta feel the CONTEMPT that my male buddha belly gets!1

On Edit: "feel" (not FEET). and "belly" (not BELLEY). Yikes!1

[Mojorabbit]

22. I like a bit of middle aged

poofy belly in my man. Lovely like a puppy belly.

[UTUSN]

42. Well, I thank Zeus for people like you, but there *is* a difference between "puppy" & "buddha"!1

Let's just say I pay a price and spare the world the un-shirted sight.

[Captain Hilts]

38. They're just jealous!

[treestar]

6. I'm just happy there are that many female Senators

I did not realize that.

Women can look professional with grey hair. I'm surprised none of them has it. Of course it still has to be colored and styled.

But then men start to have that pressure too. Why are there hair plugs? Just be bald, Joe!

[Codeine]

7. "men walk around largely unplagued by their imperfections"

Ummm, yeah. . . try being your average nerdy bald dude. 'Tis not only women who are judged on a basis of their appearance.

[noamnety]

8. Exhibit A: Dick Cheney

overweight, bald, grey hair. Vice President.

[Codeine]

10. And he was regularly

reviled for his appearance here.

Also for being an evil Satanic douchebag, but that part was all good. :evilgrin:

[rockymountaindem]

52. Yet he was still a huge "success" in life

by his own standards.

[Radical Activist]

9. I don't believe the opening statement is true.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barbara_Boxer

[Kalyke]

27. I was going to mention her, as well.

Thanks for pointing that out.

[seabeyond]

28. she looks like my mom did. at 59 mom was talking facelift and i saw no reason.

none. i thought she was beautiful. she taught me to embrace wrinkles and age because i felt she did it so gracefull in all its mess. she died not long after that. one of the things i have really missed has been not being able to watch and learn as she aged

[Jennicut]

12. Men are also more apt these days to pick themselves apart.

My husband and his friends (all in their early 30's) discuss their weight, their hair (bald spots, receding hairlines), their clothes. One of them got a hair transplant. I think it is just a reflection of today's emphasis on looks. Women do have it worse then men, but everyone is very judged.

[Captain Hilts]

13. Yes, the "Men's Health" magazines at the checkout counter are no better than those for women. nt

[Missy Vixen]

15. Are men passed over for jobs because they don't have a six-pack?

What about female companionship?

There are men in their 50's who are getting plastic surgery and coloring their hair, but they will never have the intense pressure on any woman to conform to the 16-21 year old "ideal" appearance.

I'm 49. I color my hair. There are more lotions and potions on our bathroom counter than there used to be. I do not attend functions outside of our house without makeup, a hairdo, and appropriate clothing. It is amazing to watch women of this age group doing just about anything to hold back the clock, up to and including surgery. After all, women over 50 are repulsive/untouchable/ignored, to listen to the media and to some men.

If women wash their faces and dispense with makeup, high heels and the other external trappings of "femininity", there's something wrong with them. If they do do it, they're called "shallow" and it's intimated they're not smart.

We're damned if we do, and damned if we don't.

[Jennicut]

19. I agree women have it worse but overall we are getting more

and more superficial as a society because there is the constant perfection thrown in out faces. Airbrushed magazine covers for men and women, super thin models, actors and actresses given personal trainers and who get into shape in an unrealistic time. Our kids are really effected by that too.

And with the women, damned if you do and damned if you don't, I totally agree. I am 34 and am told I look 18 all the time. I must be the only woman who wants to look older. I am tired of being called "hun" all the time. I still get carded! People ask my husband if I can legally drink. My mom has the same thing, she does not look 62 at all. I want to look older and be treated more seriously. Women are told to look the youthful ideal but then told they are superficial idiots and are not taken seriously if they look younger.

[seabeyond]

21. people hear my age and tell me i look so much younger. i tell them no, a healthy whatever age i am

is good enough for me. i am tired of hitting 30, supposed to look 20. 40, suppose to look 20. 50 is the new 30. when i am 50, i want a good and healthy 50. no more or less.

[Jennicut]

24. I agree. Women should not have to be ashamed of their age.

[Captain Hilts]

36. That was the case with me - I'm red-headed. Turning 50 finally has me looking

a spot older, but not much.

But, to get back to your original point, I do NOT like at all that these same pressures are being placed on men as well. It's NOT natural for men to have muscular, bulging chests. Physicians compared the way men/boys looked at Woodstock I in 1970 with those at Woodstock II ten years ago and said they looked completely different now. Fatter, more muscular. Men's bodies have really changed. Look at photographs of the Marines fighting in the Pacific in WWII and they look sunken-chested and rangy. No muscular or fatty man boobs.

[Gaedel]

56. Fighting in the tropics

It kills your appetite and you don't always get the high-protein diet that you need to retain body builder muscles.

My father went from 168 pounds down into the 120s during a couple of months in the Solomons in 1943.

I went from 225 to 175 in one year in Vietnam 1967-1968.

[HappyMe]

34. Hear, hear!

I don't see anything wrong with taking care of yourself. If I can keep my skin from pruning up too soon & legs lookin' great in a pair of heels-- then why the hell not.

Look good, feel good, have confidence.

[phasma ex machina]

16. Men these days are also more apt to get face lifts, use botox, ...

Move over ladies. This isn't your father's vanity.

:rofl:

[Greyhound]

40. Companies don't spend hundreds of billions every year on advertising because it doesn't work. n/t

[K8-EEE]

14. I really have no idea how much is "pressure" and how much is my choice

I never really thought about it, it's an interesting question. Thanks for posting!

I definitely do the whole make-up, hair color, dieting thing; and I love combing thrift shops for clothes and high heels (I love clothes, but I don't love spending a lot of money on them.) I like getting dressed up.

What I don't do is surgery, botox, boob job type stuff. I have no desire to go there. One could argue that there's not that much difference between coloring your hair and botox, or between dieting and lipo; maybe that's right, everybody just runs stuff through their own filter, but that filter has been made of millions of ads and messages of products that we "need."

[Kalyke]

29. You would if two very large babies had ripped your abs apart.

I didn't want to "do" surgery, either. I thought the flop of belly skin and the protruding upper abdomen were fat and MY fault. That I couldn't button my pants because I wasn't doing enough walking or ab work. That I still ate too much, despite rarely eating over one meal a day... until I went to a nutritionist.

Then she discovered the protrusion was, quite literally, my intestines pushing against the weak membrane between my abdominal muscles because the 10 lb., 2 oz. boy and the 8 lb. 11 oz. girl I birthed had ripped those muscles apart by about four to five inches. I have GERD, lower back dysplasia and poor digestion. And, the ab work? It had made it WORSE because no one... NO ONE... ever told me about dystasis recti.

Now... I have an appointment with a plastic surgeon to see if it's turned into a full-blown hernia and reparation is, thus, covered by insurance.

[REP]

53. That kind of hernia can't be repaired

I have an abdomanalis rectiis (sp?) hernia, and you're right - abdominal exercises make it more prominent. It can't be repaired. I've never given birth; not sure what caused mine. I say an Alien.

[Captain Hilts]

35. I think the standards of looking 'good' really vary. I don't do the make up thing, or fancy clothes

BUT when I go out, I make a point of not looking slovenly. I put on an oxford shirt and decent shoes as compared to some kind of ill-fitting t-shirt - that can mean skin tight or strung out loose - and I make a point of being as polite as possible to the cashier. I think manners are part of looking good also.

What connotes 'make up' also really varies. Lip stick barely counts. Foundation does for some, not for others. And so forth. I think once folks start putting make up under their eyes during the day it looks kind of weird. But that's just my view.

I DO know that FAR fewer folks wear cologne and perfume than they used to. It's gotten like hard liquor and CDs - the vast majority of it is sold between Thanksgiving and New Year's as gifts.

[Taitertots]

18. The only thing she says men are judged for is something they can do nothing about

[DailyGrind51]

20. "(A) woman will spend, on average, $13,000 in her lifetime."

"Supposedly the beauty industry is recession-proof. Why? Because when times are tough and ladies can't afford to splurge on a new outfit, buying a tube of lipstick or a bottle of nail polish provides a cheap thrill. And we don't know about you, but it's often difficult to go into a drugstore or walk by a Sephora without purchasing a little something. Well, a new survey has revealed that all those makeup purchases add up to big bucks over time. The results claim that woman will spend, on average, $13,000 in her lifetime. Does that number shock you, or are you already feeling pangs of guilt?

Superdrug, who conducted a survey of 3000 women, found that women begin regularly buying cosmetics by the age of 16. On average, ladies shop for makeup five times a year, spending around $39.45 on each trip. When multiplied by 65 years, the average female adult life, that brings us to a whopping $13,000. As for some specifics, they tallied around $1,620 spent on a lifetime of lipstick, $2,512 on eye shadow, and $3,446 on mascara. We refuse to believe it--we're going to start keeping track.

If these results really are true, women place a great value on makeup! The study found that 70% of women won't leave the house without applying something to her face, with 68% saying cosmetics make them feel more confident. One in five women surveyed said their boyfriends have never seen them without makeup, even in bed! OK, we get it. Makeup is important to us. But perhaps some of that $13,000 could be put to better use."

http://shine.yahoo.com/event/satc/women-spend-13-000-each-on-makeup-1147372/

[K8-EEE]

30. Haha I probably spent more than that on hair & makeup by my 21st b-day!

OMG in my "blond" days I used to spend probably $125 a month to put my hair in foils for hours, plus I would tip $25. So that was $1,500 a year right there without even counting make-up!!

Nowadays I buy the botanical hair color at Whole Foods which is about $15, and use half of it every 3-4 weeks. I've gotten cheaper (and paranoid of chems) but still never really consider being the grey-haired person that I naturally am! My mom's side of the family is prematurely gray; I got my first gray hair at age 25, it never even occurred to me NOT to cover it up. I guess I never really thought about how strange that is until reading this thread. Gotta love DU!

[quakerboy]

31. On the one hand, that is f'd up.

On the other, 13000 in a lifetime is not all that much. I think our average is around 72 years right now, though I could be off, which makes for an average of 180/year. The only part that is unbelievable to me is that it is so low. I know that my SIL, under 18, with no income and an unemployed mother, spends far more than that.

In my home, I am happy to say, we spend 0 on this industry. I have never seen my wife in makeup. I don't believe I have ever seen her wear so much as lipstick. I have to say, I dont get it. But that's true for a lot of things... Convenience stores kinda enrage me. Payday loans are baffling. More car than a person can afford. Branded clothing that is made in India. Bars. They all kinda baffle me, and seem like massive wastes of resources that I could put into living well in my own way.

[Kalyke]

32. What's a Sephora?

And I go by the makeup rack nearly every day when I stop at Walgreens to pick up an odd or end I forgot during the big weekly household shopping and never once am tempted to buy something little. The only time I buy makeup or nail polish is when I go there with the explicit reason of making that purchase.

Whoever wrote that article doesn't know THIS woman, I can say with confidence. Hell, I don't even know what a Sephora is.

P.S. And I go to the store all the time with no makeup! I'm 40 and most people would peg me about 30-32.

[calimary]

48. Sephora is a cosmetics store with a range of stuff.

All the this-products and that-products, designer and budget, hair face nails skin body. There are Sephora stores spreading out in many cities, and the L.A. area has quite a few as you'd expect. I can avoid most of the froo-froo that's in the store and almost painfully trendy. The hard part is making it to the checkout counter without falling for one or two of those little sample-size things that are a buck a piece.

One of those checkout line temptations was a "20-in-one wonder balm" by Bliss called "Problem Salved." I'm naming it for a reason. OMG! I had this mystery skin rash on the front of my calf - for years. I don't know how it started. Sometimes it would subside and I'd forget about it. Sometimes it'd flare up and get red and itch. My dermo couldn't figure it out. My doctor, who incorporates holistic and Chinese medicine into her Western-oriented practice, couldn't figure it out either. I couldn't pinpoint whether it was stress-related or fatigue-related - or not. Didn't see any causal relationship. I tried EVERYTHING I could find over the counter. It didn't spread anywhere else. It just persisted. I struggled with this damn rash literally for years. I put this Bliss stuff on every day and the rash was gone in two weeks.

[mainer]

33. Multiply that by a factor of 10, and I'll believe it

$13,000 sounds way too little.

Look at the cost of beauty face washes (Olay - one tube, eight bucks!), retinoid products, night creams, fade creams, eye creams. Then there are hair dyes, color-safe shampoos, conditioners. And now add in the growing clamor for Latisse. And if you really want to talk about the price of beauty, think about all the beauty shop visits and dye jobs, the manicures and pedicures.

Are there better ways to spend that money? Sure. But no one ever went broke cashing in on the lust for eternal youth.

[tech9413]

23. I guess I'm the outlier. To me the sexiest part of a woman is

between her ears. I was lucky enough to spend 29 years with the most intelligent and compassionate woman I ever met. I have to admit to being influenced by the physical appearance standards being sold by the media but that only goes so far. It takes more than appearance to sustain a relationship for almost three decades or a lifetime.

[seabeyond]

25. point is

"I have to admit to being influenced by the physical appearance standards being sold by the media "

point is, how did the media standard and you being effected by it influence or effect this woman that you respected so much. how often did she look in the mirror and say, .... i dont measure up to that, that effects my husband?

and was she effected by the reverse standard presented about male, being effected by media standard, having you question yourself.

i think that is the point of it all.

[Captain Hilts]

39. I know men just like you.

Eventually, you have to talk.

[Odin2005]

26. In this guy's opinion the sexiest thing a woman has is a lot of grey matter.

I actually hate the appearance of make-up.

[WinkyDink]

37. You THINK you do. I'd bet many "natural" faces have foundation, mascara, and lipstick.

[Liberal_in_LA]

43. One actress stands out for leaving her gray - 'Activia' lady, Jamie Lee Curtis

[Captain Hilts]

44. Come to think of it, Katharine Hepburn's hair never got dyed. Like a lot of redheads....

she went brown, to mixed to grey.

[Phentex]

45. But not in movies...

her hair was other colors in 2008 and 2009. I wonder if she'd leave it gray for a new role.

[Vinca]

46. I am 61 and proudly going gray.

I refuse to buy into the notion that somehow older women who look like older women are "unworthy." Better a face full of lines than a space alien puss like Joan Rivers.

[WinkyDink]

49. Since my husband calls mine "silver", and I don't want chemicals in my scalp/blood, I'll keep the

gray!

[Liberal_in_LA]

47. males in entertainment getting plastic surgery and younger and younger ages

[Heywood J]

51. Aesthetics aside, considering that make-up seems to be increasingly

"Made in China", I have to fear for what women are putting on their bodies. I was out with the GF the other day and turned over several of the products to see the familiar label and thought "This is from the same country that gave us lead, bacteria, poisoned pet food, and cadmium. How much do we trust the contents of this package that's going on some girl or woman's face? When was it last verified to be correct? How many children died in the factory where it was made, so that someone could cover their real skin every day?"

[Captain Hilts]

55. They've already discussed the huge amounts of lead traditionally found in lipstick. nt

[Manifestor_of_Light]

57. I don't wear heels, and I'm short.

To hell with that. I have enough problems finding shoes that fit me -- got bony little narrow feet, so I'm not gonna risk my neck and bunions, hammertoes, etc.