A Teabagger's Love Song

[IndianaJoe]

A Teabagger’s Love Song
(to the tune of "The Beverly Hillbillies")

I’m so sick of all the Libruls
An' the other left-wing terdz
That I put my pen ta pa-per
And spell’d out these here wurds!
They’ve got me all ex-cit-ed
Yes, I’ve had it up ta here
The Anti-christ’s a-comin’!
There’s much out there ta fear!

Them Libruls'r all are in pow’r
Puttin’ our poor kids in debt
Grabbin’ holda Gen’rul Motors
So-shul-eye-zin’ us! You bet!
They’re lettin’ gays all marry
Spreadin AIDS and H-I-V
Now they’re in our army
Passin' germs ta yew an’ me!

I’m for them old-time val-yoos
Things’re were fine. Just let 'em be!
I sure don’t want no changes
Screwin’ up my fine cuntree
So now I'm dem-un-stra-tin’
Puttin’ bags on all my hats
Dick Armey’s been a-payin’ me
Ta say “No!” ta Dem-o-crats

Well I’m a Par-ty mem-ber.
Cause taxes give me fits.
True, I don’t haveta pay ‘em,
But they still disturb my shits.
I’m proud ta be blue col-ler
I work hard to earn a buck
I read my Bye-bul daily
And I love my pickup truck

I won't read no news-pa-pers
Or watch M-S-N-B-C!
I get my news from Glen and Rush
An’ I love Sean Han-ni-ty
Ain’t no water in muh lik-ker
Stir my kawfee with muh thumb
I ain’t no union member
No, I’d never be that dumb

Don’ like no sex in moo-vees
I'm fer the Gol-den Rule
God’s werd's there in the Bye-bul
I want it herd in my kid’s school!
No such thing as ee-vo-lu-shun
Adam walked with dye-no-sars
You can shove your solar pow’r
An your fancee hybrid cars!

Got a flag upon my jack-ut
Got a gun in both my fists
Ta ward off crooks'n burglers
And ma-raw-din So-shul-ists
Don’t need no helth inshoo-runts
If its canser, I’ll just die
The Gummunt can’t run nuthin’
Sayin’ dif-fer-unt's a lie!

I hate our Fed-rul gummunt.
Mexies, Com-mu-nists, and queers
They’re all out there to get us
Welfare cheets and profi-teers!
Don’t need no in-stee-tu-shuns
Just say “No” to byoo-ro-crats!.
I’m for our ole Free Market
Reg-u-lay-shuns drive me bats!

Can’t stand Nan-cy Pee-losi
And her crew of fem-uh-nists
Let’s fence her up in ‘Fris-co
With them other Sod-o-mists!.
There ain’t no Globul Warm-in’
All them sci-un-tists is bent!
I’m fine with newk-lyer power
Don’t need no En-vi-ro-ment

Got a real fine hunt’n rye-ful
Don’t buhleeve in huggin’ trees
The N-R-A protects me
So I always pay their fees.
Them blacks is sons-o-bitches!
Gettin’ checks an’ havin’ fun.
We pay for all their ba-bies!
No kid-a mine’ll mar-ry one!

The Tax Code’s id-ee-otick.
It’s a mor-an’s jam-bo-ree!.
Why don’t we just pay ten per-cent
That’d be e-quul, dontcha see?
An I buh-leeve in human souls
They’re say-krid things ta me.
But when not savin' em-bree-os,
Death’s a real fine pen-ul-tee!

I’m okay with water-board-in’
A few Moozlim guys or two.
No juries for them basterds!
Let's ren-di-shun us a few!
I know the End’s a-comin’
It’s just right around the bend
You’d bett’r get your shit straight
And be born again, my friend.

So why’m I a Par-ty mem-ber?
Why’m I holdin’ his here sign?
It’s fer God’n Mitch McCon-nell!
An’ this fambly here o’ mine!
Cause life’s so com-pli-ca-ted
It’s so hard to unnerstan’
A black guy’s in our White House
What’s be-kum of our dear land?

But we’re gonna make things bett’r.
There’s a-gonna come a day
When we’ll kick ‘em outta office
And then we’ll have our way!
Then a-dyoo ta Reid and Bi-den
Barney Frank an' all his kind
We’ll send O-ba-ma pack-in’
A burth ser-ti-fee-cut to find.

We’ll say good-bye ta Wall Street
Ta them mo-guls and fat cats
We’ll drill up lots of oy-ul
And we’ll spit on Dem-o-crats
We’ll tear down all their wind-farms
We’ll burn coal just cause we can
We’ll put in Sa-rah Palin,
An' e-lim-in-ate Eye-ran!

We’ll say fare-thee-well to unions
Send them Mexicuns all back home
We’ll dyna-mite the I-R-S;
Pack the Cath’licks off ta Rome
We’ll put the blacks back ta slavin’
Puttin’ cott’n in ole bags
We’ll vote righties inta Con-gress
An’ we’ll fly Con-fed-rut flags!

No more o’ mane streem meedya
We’ll a-void it like the pox
No more Maddow on the air- waves
We'll get all our news from Fox
Then won’t it be a vizh-un?
A real “City on a Hill”
A place to raise your familee!
An’ do the good Lord’s will!

So if Hol-ly-wood and Commies
Get yer stummicks outta whack,
Why not help all us Teabaggers!
Get our country back on track!
We’re all marchin fer our liberty
We’re havin’ us a ball!
Free Viagra fer the masses!
An' a shot o Geritol!

[renko]

1. Sorry, but racial epithets just spoil it. n/t

Otherwise, great satire!

[IndianaJoe]

2. Hmmm...Maybe you're right....Time to edit

Actually, I put them in because the T-People use them. But I think you're right...

[renko]

3. Appreciated.

Personally, I see nothing wrong with calling a Teabagger a Teabagger. They chose the moniker.

However, unless discussing specific terms, using racial or sexual epithets seems gratuitous. (With all the usual ethnic caveats.)

Again, great ditty!