How do I say goodbye?

[The Straight Story]

12/31/2004 she left us.

My mom. The glue that held our family together.

I made a video for you some months after you died:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oGOq-M1dFHw

Here I am in 2010, crying on this mother's day missing you - not that I don't miss you every other day as well.

You taught me love, patience, and not to judge people based on their appearance.

You taught me more than anyone else compassion towards others.

You loved me no matter what. You put up with me.

You grew up in a small, mostly white town. Your dad was a mayor/police chief - a republican one. Your brother a liberal dem mayor who served Ohio. You? You saw both sides and kept an open mind and taught me to see beyond politics and my own idealism.

You took in people. When people in our small neighborhood were upset - because a family of color was moving in- you went to their house, baked them a cake. When you knew people, folks you could not stand in someways (family mostly) who needed help, you were the first one there to help them out.

You would wear the same old tennis shoes for years preferring to spend your money on those with less than you had. And you had so little.

I remember you telling me how after your dad died you got a doll on Christmas, nothing else, and how you treasured it and were happy with it.

Your own dad gave you a ticket once, because he would not play favorites. Your own mom, who was a school teacher - your teacher, held you back a year because you were not passing. You taught me to be fair. You showed me that people in power should not abuse it.

And when you were dying? That last night I saw you. I came to relieve dad for the night, I did not know you were dying. He took me out in the hall and told me - you were not hooked up to any machines, and you were lost in some fantasy world.

I came in crying, standing there lost. And you left that world and saw me. And you came back.

Told dad to send me home, that I should not see you like this. You saw me, and wanted to protect me, even in your last hours.

How do I say goodbye this mothers' day?

I don't. I say - thank you for being you, for passing on your values and love for my fellow human.

I say you live on, in me, in your values.

Happy mothers day.

And thank you.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. My dear Straight Story...

Oh, WOW.

You really know how to write your heart, you know that?

Well, you do.

This is heartbreakingly beautiful. Spot on.

Thank you so much!

Your mom is so proud of you...she helped you get those tools that allowed you to write this, tonight.

Blessings on you, sweetie...

:hug:

[dixiegrrrrl]

2. damn....straight to the heart....

[lunatica]

3. You don't ever have to say goodbye

Don't ever say goodbye, and tell everyone you care about all about your mom.

[Demeter]

21. I Agree-You Can't Say Goodbye; It's Impossible, Actually

Your mother lives within you always. She may not speak very often, but when she does, you will hear her.

[MindandSoul]

4. Thank you! To all of us who have lost our mother, your story reaches straight to our heart.

[grantcart]

5. She is still there with you and with this beautiful story with us too.

[jotsy]

6. The light of an open heart

shines so bright!

Thanks for sharing.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

8. My dear jotsy...

Ah, your words here made me cry.

I'm going to write them down in a little formerly blank book where I keep inspirational quotes...

I want to remember what you've said ...

forever

Thank you!

:cry:

:hug:

[jotsy]

13. My dear Miss Peg

What an honor! But no gratitude is necessary, the original poster provided the sweet truth, I just found a pithy way to put it.

:hug:

[blueamy66]

17. me too

wonderful thoughts

[pinboy3niner]

7. A very touching tribute to your mother--may she rest in peace

After I lost my mother, I suddenly found myself, whenever I was about to sit down to read a book, making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches--just the way she made them for me when I was a kid . . .

[jesus_of_suburbia]

9. I don't know if I've ever told you before, The Straight Story, but......

I really enjoy your presence on this board.

[bobbolink]

10. .

:hug:

[WillyT]

11. Ok... I'm Bawling Here... That Was So Powerful...

:cry:

:grouphug:

Peace...

[BlancheSplanchnik]

12. Wow, very touching

As someone whose mother was very very mentally ill, abusive and enmeshed, I don't know what it's like to have a relationship with your mother--I never even had a reciprocal conversation with her, she was not capable of listening...and I never wanted to have kids for this and other reasons......

But that doesn't mean I can't be impressed with your eloquence and happy for your love.

:hug:

[patrice]

14. She lives in you and in every single person she affected. They are different for having known her &

that difference is communicated to all of the people they affect and so on until the end of "time".

[reggie the dog]

15. I dont know, I only can offer sympathy for your loss

[blueamy66]

16. Lovely post.

I miss my Mom as much as you do.

[gleaner]

18. You wrote a most moving and beautiful tribute ...

to your mother. I lost my mother in 2004 and I miss her still. You don't have to say goodbye to your mother. You are a part of her, she would say the best part of her and she is a part of you. She will be with you always in memories, in things she taught you and the things you learned by watching her live her live.

You have made me feel what a wonderful person she was, and what a wonderful person you are. I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my thoughts and send all of my comfort and best wishes to you and your family members and others who loved your mother. By writing of her and speaking of her you keep her from ever being forgotten, and that is a wonderful thing to do for anyone.:hug:

[Are_grits_groceries]

19. "How Can I Help You Say Goodbye?"

http://www.youtube.com/v/z4F_cXGQN9k

Hopefully someone can help you say goodbye. No matter who has passed, the loss leaves a painful hole in the heart. It will be filled over time with memories that are cemented together with love. Then it will be covered with laughs and tears. It will always be a painful spot, but one that you will be able to walk over at some point in your mind without such piercing pain. The memories will always be there.

How can I help you say goodbye?

[azul]

20. Sadness smiling through tears

"And she said losing love
Is like a window in your heart,
Everybody sees you're blown apart,
Everybody sees the wind blow,"
-Paul Simon , Graceland

[unpossibles]

22. you never do

I generally live a life of trying to not regret things, if only because the mistakes and bad things help us learn and are a part of who we grow to be.

I do have one regret that I will never get over, and that's that I never got to say good bye to my mom, to tell her how much I love her, and to erase the argument we had an hour before she died. It's been 26 years and I still ball like a baby when I think about it. Such as right now.

Thank you for writing this and for making me cry. It helps to not feel alone.

:hug:

[lunatica]

28. I bet if you talked to your mom right now she would have forgotten it years ago

What you should think about is would she have forgiven you and herself for having that fight or any fight? Surely both of you would want to dwell on the joys of loving each other. If you had died that day would you want her to feel that terrible regret for decades?

[MadMaddie]

23. The Straight Story I am sorry for your loss~

It looks like your mom is still with you as you wrote your feelings to share with us.

Thank you for sharing!

Best Wishes
MadMaddie

[Fire1]

24. Awww. You took me back to that dark evening in my life. One

that will never be erased. But, like you, I find peace and solace knowing she is always in my heart.

[riverbendviewgal]

25. I AM SO SORRY

You lost such a wonderful mom.

Many people , like myself, wish they had a mom like you had.

alas, my mom is still living but she is not at all loving like your mom.

[Guilded Lilly]

26. Collective hearts holding you here...

she lives within you.
That is the miracle of life and love and Moms. :)

[sandyj999]

27. What a lovely tribute.

[kag]

29. I lost my mom when I was sixteen.

...That was 30 years ago, and sometimes--like on Mothers Day--the pain is as raw as the day it happened. I take comfort in being the best mother I can be, and I know that I can do it because she lives on in me. And I know that I learned well from her, because my children are so beautiful and good.

I take comfort, too, in reading posts like yours. Knowing that I'm not alone--not that I would wish this kind of pain on anyone--is a comfort. Knowing that others have lived through it and survived and thrived while still never forgetting the beautiful person who gave them life--that is a comfort. Thank you all.

[66 dmhlt]

30. A Rose for All Our Mothers ...

[tpsbmam]

31. Breathtakingly beautiful tributes to her, both on YouTube and here

My Mom died almost 6 years ago and I agree with others who've voiced the belief that we never have to say goodbye. I don't remember dreams much and don't remember having many dreams about my parents (both deceased) until this year, when I needed them and their strength. I suddenly had quite vivid, memorable dreams about them and they were both there to help. That was when I learned that we truly never have to say goodbye -- they're always with me, just as your Mom is with you. :grouphug:

(Needless to say, K&R)

[tomm2thumbs]

32. beautifully spoken

a tribute to the fact that, spiritually, she really hasn't left but remains in you - a warmly lighted soul of being

thank you for such dearly written words

[jillan]

33. Beautiful! Here's to all the wonderful moms that are no longer with us.

:hug:

[malaise]

34. What a lovely post

Like you I know what it is to miss a great mom. :grouphug:
sp.

[MissDeeds]

35. What a beautiful tribute to a loving mother

When there is that much love, I don't think we can ever really say goodbye. We move forward, pass through the days enveloped in cherished memories. Hold fast to them, and know that the love you and your mom shared is timeless.

:hug:

[unlegendary]

36. Nice...a simple goodbye works too..

Very nice.. It reminded me a great deal of my own mother who passed away 18 years ago. She had terminal brain cancer and respiratory distress from years as a smoker. The last day I saw my mom alive she'd asked me to help her move in her hospital bed so I held her arm and her skin, so weaken from the drugs ripped from her arm in my hand and she said nothing at all harsh to me, but when I left the room I cried as hard as I had ever cried in my life and to my own embarrassment I could not return the following day to see her in such shape. A day later my dad came to my house early on my son's 10th birthday to tell me my mother had passed away that very morning with him by her. My dad was angry with me for a time until I told him what happened, but even that took me years to tell him. He's assumed I didn't care which could never be further from the truth. The truth was that I was to weak to go see my own mother in such miserable shape laying in a hospital bed, tubes everywhere and her skin covered in bandages and needles. Now every year at this time I relive that day over and over of moms skin ripping off in my hand. I want so badly to join her now to tell her I'm sorry, but instead I'm stuck on this earth till I have to endure the same miserable conditions apparently.
Now someone may read this and assume I'm suicidal and in need of immediate mental health assistance. Well, I've been down that route before and there is no way on this damned earth I would ever consider obliging those know it all, self righteous clowns who think they have any answers, but are only there to collect healthy paychecks, period.

[proudohioan]

37. I am so sorry for your loss....

My mother died in 1985, and I miss her still, to this day.

Peace be with you.

T.

[The Straight Story]

40. I have come to the conclusion that while the pain has dimished it will never leave

And perhaps that is what love means.

[proudohioan]

42. Yes, you are correct....

the pain DOES diminish; it truly does. The love is what doesn't leave; the days where you think that you simply can't take any more, and just want "Mom"... I had one of those just the other day. But that horrible gut wrenching pain is gone...and that is what love means.

T.

[tnlefty]

38. !

:hug:

[supernova]

39. Beautiful tribute to your Mom, TSS

[orleans]

41. until we meet again...

this is my first mother's day without my mom
it's been so hard
my daughter has helped me through so much

but i can't say goodbye to my mom--
a few hours before she passed i told her "i'll find you again, mommy. i don't know how but i know i'll find you again."

i'm not a religious person, but i'm a spiritual person--i believe our essence/energy does not die.

and i believe, across these past six months, that she has found me first. there have been too many signs, far too many to be ignored. even my daughter, who is skeptical about things like this, can't chalk it all up to a ton of coincidences.

the sadness lies not in saying goodbye forever but saying goodbye for now.

so, until we meet again........... words i need to keep remembering (otherwise i would be so, so lost)

[1620rock]

43. It's springtime now...a reminder that death is not the end.

May you find peace and your heart heal.:hug:

Earth Voices

I heard the spring wind whisper
Above the brushwood fire,
"The world is made forever
Of transport and desire.
"I am the breath of being,
The primal urge of things;
I am the whirl of star dust,
I am the lift of wings.
"I am the splendid impulse
That comes before the thought,
The joy and exaltation
Wherein the life is caught.

"Across the sleeping furrows
I call the buried seed,
And blade and bud and blossom
Awaken at my need.

"Within the dying ashes
I blow the sacred spark,
And make the hearts of lovers
To leap against the dark."II

I heard the spring light whisper
Above the dancing stream,
"The world is made forever
In likeness of a dream.

"I am the law of planets,
I am the guide of man;
The evening and the morning
Are fashioned to my plan.

"I tint the dawn with crimson,
I tinge the sea with blue;
My track is in the desert,
My trail is in the dew.


"I paint the hills with color,
And in my magic dome
I light the star of evening
To steer the traveller home.

"Within the house of being,
I feed the lamp of truth
With tales of ancient wisdom
And prophecies of youth."III

I heard the spring rain murmur
Above the roadside flower,
"The world is made forever
In melody and power.

"I keep the rhythmic measure
That marks the steps of time,
And all my toil is fashioned
To symmetry and rhyme.

"I plow the untilled upland,
I ripe the seeding grass,
And fill the leafy forest
With music as I pass.

"I hew the raw, rough granite
To loveliness of line,
And when my work is finished,
Behold, it is divine!

"I am the master-builder
In whom the ages trust.
I lift the lost perfection
To blossom from the dust."IV

Then Earth to them made answer,
As with a slow refrain
Born of the blended voices
Of wind and sun and rain,

"This is the law of being
That links the threefold chain:
The life we give to beauty
Returns to us again."


~ Bliss Carman

[live love laugh]

44. I am crying...the video is wonderful and your words are as well. nt