Jesus' General: I shall not take up an anti-coal cucumber

[meegbear]

Dear Tom,

A friend of an acquaintance of a friend of mine forwarded your chain email about "Cap and Trade" home licensing requirements to me. I don't care that Snopes calls it a hoax--your email included real internet links so it must be true. And heck, Snopes also says you can't cure your warts by selling them to someone else. They just aren't a very trustworthy source.

I'm a big fan of the coal and oil industries. I love the work they're doing to remake our landscape, skies, and climate. They're helping me realize my lifelong dream of using palm trees to shade my trailer in Utah. And heck, I'm also hoping they'll remove those mountains that obstruct my view of the North Salt Lake oil refineries--I like to see what I smell.

I want to join you in helping big oil and coal fight Cap and Trade just like I helped the health insurance industry fight heath care reform.

I've written the following email, exposing a particularly evil section of the cap and trade bill. Please distribute it throughout your vast chain email network.

OBAMA'S CAP & TRADE BILL WILL FORCE YOU TO COMMIT UNNATURAL ACTS WITH VEGETABLES!!!!!!

This is one that NEEDS to be passed on. Some wise Democrat said that Obama and Pelosi are destroying our country from within (I could tell you who it was, but then they'd lock me in a FEMA camp).

Now, they also want to violate our corporeal temples!

It's all there in the Cap and Trade bill (H.R. 2454 SEC. 114(c)(2)). READ IT AND WEEP:

The purposes of the grants, contracts, and assistance under this subsection shall be to support commercial-scale demonstrations of carbon capture or storage technology projects capable of advancing the technologies to commercial readiness. Such projects should encompass a range of different coal and other fossil fuel varieties, be geographically diverse, involve diverse storage media, and employ capture or storage, or capture and conversion, technologies potentially suitable either for new or for retrofit applications.

"Carbon capture?" "Storage media?" "Retrofit applications?" It can't get much clearer than that. As you can see, the Cap and Trade bill will force us to employ various vegetables from the cucumber and squash families to COMMIT VILE ACTS OF SODOMY upon ourselves.

Please pass this on. THE FUTURE OF THE REPUBLIC IS IN JEOPARDY!

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

http://patriotboy.blogspot.com/2010/04/i-shall-not-take-up-anti-coal-cucumber.html