Keith Olbermann: A Special Comment From My Father

[cal04]

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2010/2/24/840433/-A-Special-Comment-From-My-Father

Last Friday night, my father asked me to kill him.

This is not the central fact around which tomorrow's health care summit at Blair House will, or should, revolve. But I'd like it on the record somewhere that I asked all those going there, including the President, to think more about people like my father - patients, in our hospitals, at this moment - and less about elections and political points and "crashing the party."

This is hastily composed while our show is delayed by what I was told was impossible (a time out, during Olympic Curling Overtime - as I asked, "a time out from WHAT?")I did not have time, between events at the hospital and here, to prepare an early diary, but now the fates (or the stones) have fallen in just the right order in Vancouver.

I'm focusing on one thing in tonight's Comment. The night my father asked me to stop his treatment.

I get his attention again. I ask him: do you want me to stop all of this? And he looks at me and mouths "yes." And I ask him: you understand what happens then. And he looks at me and mouths "yes." And I ask him: you realize you are not terminally ill, and if we do stop all of this, it might not be quick. And he mouths "stop this." And I say, trying to joke him out of it -- and trust me, gallows humor is your best defense in this situation -- "what? You want me to smother you with a pillow?" And he mouths "yes - kill me"...

And as I left that night the full impact of these last six months washed over me. What I had done, conferring with the resident in ICU, the conversation about my father's panicky, not-in-complete-control-of-his-faculties demand that all treatment stop, about the options and the consequences and the compromise - the sedation -- the help for a brave man who just needed a break... that conversation, that one -- was what these ghouls who are walking into Blair House tomorrow morning decided to call "Death Panels."

Your right to have that conversation with a doctor -- not the government, but a doctor -- and your right to have insurance pay for his expertise on what your options are when Dad says "kill me" or what your options are when Dad is in a coma and can't tell you a damn thing, or what your options are when everybody is healthy and happy and coherent and you're just planning ahead -- your right to have the guidance and the reassurance of a professional who can lay that out for you... that's a quote "death panel."

That, right now, is the legacy of the protests of these sub-humans who get paid by the insurance companies, who say these things for their own political gain... or like that one fiend... for money.

For money Betsy McCaughey told people that this conversation about life and death and relief and release, and also about no, keep treating him no matter what happens, until the nation runs out of medicine... she told people it's a death panel and she did that... for money.

It's a life panel.

A life panel -- it can save the pain of the patient and the family -- it is the difference between you guessing what happens next, and you being informed about what probably will, and that's the difference between you sleeping at night or second-guessing and third-guessing and thirtieth-guessing.

And it can also be the place where the family says 'we want you to keep him alive no matter what, we believe in miracles' and the doctor saying yes. Nobody gets to say no except the patient and the family.

It's a life panel. And damn those who call it otherwise to hell.

I'm hoping I can get through this. He wants me to tell those going to Blair House tomorrow something important.

[valerief]

1. Thank you, Keith! nt

[Hissyspit]

17. VIDEO Here Everyone:

PART 1: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=385x437607

PART 2: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=385x437610

[WillyT]

2. Thank You Keith !!!

:cry:

:grouphug:

:kick:

[Rhiannon12866]

3. Wow! Just heard this... K&R. Off to The Greatest Page!

;(

[Bobbie Jo]

4. Damn that was righteous, Keith.

K&R :kick:

[RevCheesehead]

5. Keith is incredily brave to share his life so openly.

I pray for his dad and for him, for my dad, and all others who struggle with healthcare and end of life issues.
Thank you Keith... you speak for so many of us.

[Dappleganger]

6. We can treat our dying pets more humanely than our own flesh and blood.

[pleah]

7. K AND R!

[Spazito]

8. Wow! Very moving....

A life panel indeed.

Recommended.

[mzmolly]

9. K and

R.

[Cleita]

10. It was heartbreaking to hear his personal anguish at what his

father is going through. At least the father has single payer Medicare to get him through it. It's true, everyone should be able to have it. Whatever happens tomorrow at the summit will be twice as heinous from the no health care conservatives after that commentary.

[jwirr]

11. Nothing has made me love Keith Olbermann more than this statement. nt

[varelse]

12. Wow

[me b zola]

13. K&R

[annabanana]

14. (this hits too close to home) . .

can't see for the tears

[niyad]

15. k and r--THANK YOU, Keith. right now, I am sitting here, waiting for news of a dear friend, whose

heart stopped on Monday, in the ambulance, on the way to the hospital. There is little chance of recovery. Her son is going to have to make some very painful decisions in the next few days--with no instructions, as I know they never had that life panel discussion. She has almost no insurance, no savings, no nothing. So, there isn't going to be a terri schiavo situation here.

I keep thinking that, if we were a civilized country, with universal health care, she could have gotten the care she has been needing--and maybe, I wouldn't be sitting here waiting for the phone call I know is coming.

DAMN YOU, health insurance cartels, DAMN YOU, weak-spined elected officials who care more for lobbyists than the people you work for. DAMN all of the power structure that keeps this country less than third world when it comes to health care.

and BLESS YOU, keith olbermann, for your voice, your courage and determination in speaking out in this painful, painful time. know that our thoughts and prayers are with you and your father.

[RuthK]

48. Health care with insurance?

Both my older sister and I are retired and on Medicare. We both have what we thought was good supplemental insurance from Anthem Blue Cross/Blue Shield. My sister has a stroke three years ago. She was in rehab for about 5 weeks. Medicare paid part of it. The facility assured us that her supplemental insurance would pick up the rest. They paid very little of it. I called them and tried to find out why and what they paid for. When I finally got through to a real person, I was sort of told it was done on a case by case evaluation.

I pay about $2400 a year for supplemental insurance. Now, I wonder what it will pay for if I need it.

I am glad for Keith that his father's supplemental is paying for his care, but I don't know what will happen to the rest of us. Even with insurance and some savings, there are no guarantees.

[Johonny]

16. nice slap in the face to the RW

who have written some nasty stuff about KO and his mom and dad of late. It's amazing how classless they go. Although KO isn't above a classless rejoinder now and then:)

[Bette Noir]

18. DH and I were bawling, as Keith gave this Comment.

I'm an old hospice nurse-- I wanted to give him a hug.

[SeattleGirl]

19. That comment brought tears to my eyes. My mother passed

away 2 years ago, after a long illness. It was up and down for her, but the bad times got badder and the good times didn't last as long. She had MRSA and a couple of other things. The night before she died, she said that she wanted her stop the feeding tube, which was the only way she could get nutrition. We all knew, my siblings and I, what that meant: it meant that she would die very soon. It pained us terribly, including mom, but we understood that she knew it was time. She'd fought a good fight for a long time, and she was so very very tired. Shortly before she passed away the next day, my sister-in-law picked her up from the nursing home and brought her home, where she wanted to be.

My family was fortunate in a way, because mom worked in a hospital, and she would tell us stories of patients who were ready to go, but who kept hanging on, even in pain and exhaustion, because their families didn't want to let them go. She understood it, and so did we, but what she saw was the continued agony of the patients she cared for, as they kept hanging on and hanging on for their families who didn't want to let go. She once told us a story of two brothers who literally got into a fist fight over their mother's bed, because one son wanted to respect the mother's wish to be let go, and the other one didn't want that at all. I understand both sides, but for my mom, it was so important to her that my siblings and I understood that sometimes people just know when it's time to go, or they are just too exhausted to continue on. I saw her and her brother tell my grandfather that it was okay for him to go, if he felt that's what he wanted to do. They also said they would continue to make sure he had the care he needed for as long as he needed if he wanted to stay among the living. He chose to go.

The day mom passed away, we were all at her house, and I started reading the log book we kept of her last year. When she didn't have to be in a nursing home, she could be at home but she couldn't be alone in case she fell or there was a problem with her feeding tube. My siblings all live near her home, so they rotated staying with her; I would take a week off from work at a time and go to Oregon to stay with her and to give my siblings a break. We kept the log so that the next person coming in to stay with mom would know how her last 24 hours had been. I was reading it, and I suddenly had a vision of my tiny little mother being buffeted by very strong winds. She withstood those winds for a long time, and even fought back against them, but I could understand completely why she felt she had finally had enough. When she died, I felt tremendous sadness, but I also felt good in a way that this brave, wonderful, loving woman didn't have to fight anymore. She could finally rest.

My heart goes out to Keith Olbermann and his father, and to all the sons and fathers and daughters and mothers -- to everyone in the world right now who is dealing with illness in themselves or in a loved one. Dying is not an easy thing to talk about for most of us, and it's certainly not an easy decision to make or to accept, if a loved one who is ill decides that enough is enough. It is not easy, but I know from my own personal experience that if a loved one decides they are done fighting, to let them go is also one of the most loving things one can do.

And as Keith said so well, "it's a life panel. And damn those would call it otherwise to hell."

[roguevalley]

21. seattle girl,

:hug: Been there, done that. Its so debilitating but I was honored to do it for my folks.

[SeattleGirl]

23. As was I.

:hug:

[truedelphi]

22. I think your mom is proud of you for posting this.

It is a tribute to her and to your family.

Before I spent so much time doing hospice, I wouldn't feel that the folks on the other side are there and know what we do when we honor them.

But I do now, because of so many stories that the family members related, or that the dying person told me before they passed.

[SeattleGirl]

24. That has to be such a difficult job, working in a hospice, but

also one where you can witness letting go and accepting in so many ways.

My hat is off to you for doing that work, as I think it is so important.

[truedelphi]

25. I can truly say that I received far more than

I gave. And it did of course teach me that most of our day to day all consuming worries are just made up.

How can I care if someone scratched my car in a fender bender if I am alive and looking forward to tomorrow? or that a nail broke, or that I can't find the exact brand of tomato sauce I want at the store?

I was also very amazed at the "psychic telegraph" that exists in almost all families -even families that don't believe in such "nonsense." The adult son who returned the weekend before the father had the near fatal heart attack - because he felt that he should plant roses in the front yard. (Hadn't bothered with planting roses in the year before, or the year before that one - but just HAD To come and be there that week...)

[SeattleGirl]

26. I know what you mean.

I think that in giving, we so often DO receive far more than we gave.

Your story of the adult son reminds me of a feeling I had shortly before my grandmother died. She was in a nursing home and I usually went every Sunday to see her, but I had a new boyfriend (yeah, I know) and so I didn't go for a couple of Sunday's. Then I woke up one Sunday morning, and I just had the strongest feeling that I needed to go see her. I went, and spent some time with her and my grandfather. When I got ready to leave, I said (as I always did), "See you soon, Grandma." She looked at me, hugged me, and said, "Oh, honey, I don't think so." I knew right then that she was going to die soon. Two days later, my mom called me and told me Grandma had passed away.

[truedelphi]

47. No matter how many times I hear stories like that,

I always get a chill.

I am very glad that you were able to be there on that Sunday. I'm not surprised that your Granma knew that she was going over soon.

And of course, if you hadn't been able to make it, I believe the two of you would have have said good bye and connected in a dream, maybe even a dream that you wouldn't be able to remember. But it is deeply satisfying and redemptive for us on the mortal plane to be able to connect physically with our loved ones before they die.

[Sheltiemama]

59. I have a book recommendation.

"Symphony of Spirits: Encounters With the Spiritual Dimensions of Alzheimer's," by Deborah A. Forrest. I read it when my aunt had dementia. I know you'd enjoy it.

[XOKCowboy]

29. Very moving SeattleGirl

It home very personally for me also. Thanks for posting.

[bdamomma]

41. Seattle girl what a moving post.

I just want to give you this :hug: you did the correct thing for your mom.

[GliderGuider]

55. People know when it's time.

My sister died 20 years ago of throat cancer at the age of 36. The night before she died our entire family gathered around her hospital bed to say goodbye. She couldn't talk because of the trachwotomy and the NG tube, and she couldn't write any more because the doctors had compassionately turned up the morphine drip. Still, she was completely present. As we stood and sat around her she pointed to each of us in turn and looked into our eyes, reassuring herself that everyone who was supposed to be there was was there, and that we knew she'd seen us. When she finished, she sat back against her pillow with a sigh, nodded and closed her eyes. I could feel all the tension drain out of her body. She left the next morning at 5:30 without a sound, cradled in her husband's arms.

Later in the morning we gathered back in her room for several hours as she lay in the bed beside us. We retold her life as we knew it, and one by one we got up to kiss her goodbye. It was so healing for us. I'll be forever grateful that none of us held her back.

God I love her.

[SeattleGirl]

61. What a beautiful story.

And what a beautiful thing all of you did. :hug:

[MrScorpio]

62. Thank you very much for your comment

You said so much

[demigoddess]

20. k&r for Keith's dad

[Electric Monk]

27. "It's a life panel. And damn those who call it otherwise to hell." K&R

[lib_wit_it]

30. Righteous comment. And fucking Cheney's bionic "heart" keeps on ticking...

[XOKCowboy]

28. Man that was hard to listen to...

My Dad spent 20 years of his life with Addisson's Disease. For a while it was just taking some pills then those pills (steroids) started taking a toll on his body. He spent 6 years during that time taking care of his mother who wasted away with Alzheimers and he vowed never to be in that position.

Well the steroids kept ravaging his body but he held on. After a while he could no longer even drive and travel, his one true passion. I'd gone with him every year on his trips to Montana and the last couple of years he freaked me out talking about "When I die Gary...." Man it was the hardest thing ever to hear him talk about dying but he felt he needed to let us know he didn't want to end up like his mother. At one point he had a bad spell and my brother called an ambulance after he passed out. He went into a coma for a week and we thought we'd lost him. Literally at the point that we were deciding whether to "pull the plug" he woke up. The first thing he said was to my brother. "Get me out of here!" It took 5 days to get the docs to sign off on him. They wanted to keep him for all sorts of tests but we finally got him home. He ate all of out for disrespecting his wishes and pretty much told us that if we ever put him in a hospital again he'd come back to haunt us. (LOL it was the only threat he could think of).

Dad lived for a little over 2 years after that episode. During that time we all did a lot of talking. He wanted to be buried on the ranch so we figured out how we could do that legally. We had to talk him out of being buried underneath the big tree outside of our house (we finally convinced him it might harm the 100 yr old oak) and he settled on a little spot on top of a little hill up from the house. He took care of his financial business and got my brothers used to running the ranch. He spent as much time with his new grandkids as he could. Basically he tried to enjoy his last days knowing he'd done all he could.

Of course during this time his health deteriorated. He'd now lost most of his teeth, could hardly dress himself and in the last days even needed help bathing. I think that's what did it. One day I got a call from my brother. He was crying and said that Dad fell asleep in his chair and never woke up. We both knew it was for the best and what Dad wanted but it was hard knowing he was actually gone. 4 days later we buried Dad up on that hill. 300 of his friends showed up.

Like Keith's family we were lucky. Dad was a WW2 vet and with Medicare most all of his medical costs were covered. Like Keith we also were lucky to have the chance to know my father's wishes and were able to follow them.

Good Luck Keith. My thoughts are with you and your Dad.

[deacon]

31. Outstanding. n/t

[Blandocyte]

32. Stunning

Well done, Mr. O.

[voteearlyvoteoften]

33. Sorry about your Dad

Love You

[Stuart G]

34. Extremely powerful, a very special moment on TV ..nt

[Faygo Kid]

35. That was the best Special Comment ever. Heartfelt.

He's done some great ones in the past, but I think this one topped them all.

[nevergiveup]

36. Yes it was

I was totally mesmerized. Thank you Keith.

[shireen]

37. Keith is a good son.

His dad is so fortunate to have him. A very sad situation. I did not realize his dad was that sick.

[Kajsa]

38. My father asked me to do the same

for him when he was dying from pancreatic cancer in 1997.

Morally, I have never had any problems with ending someone's suffering
and misery,with no hope of survival, especially when they request it to end.

Legally, that act would land me in jail, unable to care for and supervise
my son who is disabled.

Bravo Keith- Bravo!

I get this, I've been there.

I wish we showed our fellow human beings the same compassion
we show our fellow animals who are suffering, in extreme pain,
with no chance of survival.

K&R

[Kajsa]

39. Self delete.

Duplicate post- sorry.

[sulphurdunn]

40. The opponents to social justice, empathy

and compassion are not amenable to reason or moral suasion and never will be. However, these very liberal qualities are always the best rejoinders to their hypocrisy.

[Myrina]

42. This SO made me cry ....

:hug: Best to KO and his family, and many thanks to him for being the voice so many of us don't have.

[Virginian]

43. As long as there is life, there is hope.

As Keith stated, his father does not have a terminal disease. He has just had all these infections attacking him over and over again. His father is still fighting off the infections with the help of antibiotics. He is very weak, but he could still pull through.

Losing both of one's parents in such a short time must be really hard. It has been a very stressful year for Keith. My heart goes out to him.

I am glad I am not a Republican, I would hate to be forced by peer pressure to be a cruel as they have been to him.

[Mr. Sparkle]

44. It was very moving watching Keith last night. My best wishes to him and his Dad.

[ooglymoogly]

45. Comments like these are what make Keith

a wonderful human being. If best wishes are of any help I give them by the truckload, though they are deserved in quantities without limit. We can hope that karma exists in which you are one of the richest men on earth.

May the Gods bless and protect you from as much heartache as may be allowed under these circumstances.

You have put your soul on view and it is plain for anyone to see that it is one of the purest and most beautiful things to behold.

What you have and are doing for this country, is a debt none of us can ever repay and from the bottom of my soul, all I have to offer is to wish you the best possible outcome.

[Bobbie Jo]

46. K&R

[frogmarch]

49. It's a life panel!

Keith was never more profound. He brought tears to my eyes.

A big k&r!

[demodonkey]

50. This is what I have been going through since January 6, 2006.

My mother, thank God, has been alert and aware and fully capable of self-direction since she had her stroke on January 6, 2006. She has original Medicare, and very very good supplemental insurance.

And even before the stroke we HAD "that" conversation, many times, so we each know what the other wants "when the time comes." In my mother's case, as long as there is any hope for a life she wants all the care and therapy she can get, so she can get back to as normal as possible. She NEVER wants to be warehoused permanently in a nursing home. NEVER.

For four years I have fought tooth and nail to get her everything insurance will cover and have been a fierce advocate for her. She is very disabled and in a wheelchair but is now at home, here in the other room, watching C-SPAN and enjoying her life as best she can.

My thanks for doing this for my mother is that one of the despicable hospitals she was in pursued getting a guardianship against her to try to take away her right to self-direction and remove me as her chosen decision-maker, so they could warehouse her in the nursing home of their choice.

Fortunately the hospital was unsuccessful because my mother is not incapacitated. So last month, the hospital instead decided to sue us -- me included because I am the caregiver -- for money we should NOT owe for "care" of my mother in their worthless facility while this fraudulent guardianship was pending and they held her more or less hostage. ("Care" which STILL could and should have been covered by her insurance.)

Because of the blizzards earlier this month (and the fact that the hospital's attorney put a non-working phone number and a wrong zip code on his complaint as his contact information), we missed a deadline and it now appears that this "non-profit" hospital has obtained a judgment against us.

Unless I can get some help and assemble a team of lawyers who care and want justice, this will stand. The hospital will, in all probability, take our family farm. It is our home and a property that has been in my family for three generations. And it will be gone; grabbed as payment for about 100 days of worthless "care" that should have been covered by insurance that was already in place.

And the hospital will, in all probability, throw my mother and me into the street (which will kill her at age 92, and maybe me too.)

And there -- THERE is your death panel.

There is more but that's all I can say right now, except to add that I agree with Keith. These insurance ghouls and hospital bean counter ghouls and lawyer ghouls, and lawmaker ghouls; they ALL need to do the right thing and HELP. Help people and do it now. HELP HELP HELP.

I wish Keith and his father well, and I so, so, so feel for what Keith is dealing with.

WATCH. THIS. VIDEO. Both parts. It's a must-see.

---------

I posted a version of the remarks above last evening on the thread containing the video link to this. I'm updating it slightly here today. (Many thanks to those who sent words of support. It means a lot.)

[Sheltiemama]

58. Contact your local media.

I work at a paper, but we have one local TV station that does a great job on consumer issues. The reporter who does this had interviewed one of the women who testified at the Toyota hearings this week. Call your paper, too, and do it now since this is a hot topic with today's health care summit.

Also contact your elected officials. We have one member of Congress who is known for cutting red tape for his constituents.

[Sheltiemama]

51. I was in tears.

This is the most important special comment he's given.

[bluescribbler]

52. so true

Stephanie and I had one of those conversations with her oncologist just last November. She didn't want to go on any more. Doc asked me what I wanted, and I replied that I didn't want for her to suffer any more. That she had suffered enough. She went to hospice, they sedated her, and she passed away peacefully. I miss her so much. I tell her every night that I miss her. But mostly I miss the Stephanie she was before that damn disease took hold in her brain.

I can't believe that people would so glaringly misrepresent the nature of those conversations.

[northofdenali]

57. Heartfelt sorrow for your loss.

You did the right thing. :hug:

[nadinbrzezinski]

53. Two weeks ago dad went to the ER in San Diego

Keith I get it...

He clearly said to the doctors... no heroics... a DNR was placed on his record.

We went for surgery... a DNR is on his record.

I get it.

Dad made that decision... thank you dad... sound of mind, but not so much of body.

And when it comes, I hope it does where that DNR will be respected.

[myrna minx]

54. Heartbreaking. n/t

[northofdenali]

56. I've been there (with my father-in-law).

:cry:

Thank you, KO.

K&R

[benny05]

60. Likewise with my mother last year

She should have gone sooner and wanted to do so.

:kick: