Distant Wars, Constant Ghosts
By SHANNON P. MEEHAN nyt
http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/category/home-fire... /
">HOME FIRE
features the writing of men and women who have returned from wartime service in the United States military.
SINCE the two recent NATO-led military strikes that accidentally killed dozens of Afghan civilians, I have been thinking a great deal about the psychic toll that killing takes on soldiers.
In 2007, I was an Army lieutenant leading a group on a house-clearing mission in Baquba, Iraq, when I called in an artillery strike on a house.
The strike destroyed the house and killed everyone inside. I thought we had struck enemy fighters, but I was wrong. A father, mother and their children had been huddled inside.
The feelings of disbelief that initially filled me quickly transformed into feelings of rage and self-loathing.
The following weeks, months and years would prove that my life was forever changed.
In fact, it’s been nearly three years, and I still cannot remove from my mind the image of that family gathered together in the final moments of their lives. I can’t shake it. It simply lingers.
I know that many soldiers struggle long after they leave the battlefield to cope with civilian deaths. It does not matter whether they were responsible for those deaths, whether it was a mistake of the command, of the weaponry, or even the fault of the enemy, who in parts of both Iraq and Afghanistan have been known to intentionally place or involve civilians, even children, in their operations. Just seeing the lifeless body of a little boy or girl is all it takes.
For many soldiers, what follows a killing is a struggle of the mind. We become aware that what we’ve seen has changed us. We can’t unlearn it, and we continue to think of those innocent children. It is not possible to forget.
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In recent months I’ve been trying to honor the lives I took by writing and speaking in public about my experience, to show that those deaths are not tucked neatly away in a foreign land.
They may seem distant, but they are not.
Soldiers bring the ghosts home with them, and it’s everyone else’s job to hear about them, no matter how painful it may be.For the whole piece go to:
http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/category/home-fires/Captain Shannon P. Meehan (Ret.)
was a leader of a tank platoon for the 1st Cavalry Division of the U. S. Army. He is the author of “Beyond Duty,” a chronicle of his experiences in Iraq.