Have You Ever Been Unfaithful While Being In a Committed Relationship?

[Toasterlad]

Given the public reaction (not just on DU but elsewhere) when a politician or other celebrity is found to have been cheating on their spouse or significant other, I'm curious as to just how common infidelity is. I'd like an honest turnout, so please just post your response and refrain from commenting if you don't want to be identified. And just to clarify, by "unfaithful" I mean have sex with someone else without your lover's knowledge or approval.

[Name removed]

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[Name removed]

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[Toasterlad]

5. I'm Interested In This Subject From a Political Perspective

[proud2BlibKansan]

2. No

Many years ago a friend who lost her boyfriend after cheating on him told me "30 seconds of pleasure is never worth a lifetime of guilt".

I have never forgotten that.

[virgogal]

4. No---but I lusted in the heart.

[sledgehammer]

23. Interesting and honest comment

And quite common actually. I've always wondered why "sex" the definition of infidelity in general (this poll uses the same definition).

Emotional affairs can be quite serious. More so than just a brief sexual encounter.

[virgogal]

50. Jimmy Carter gets the credit for my comment.

http://www.arts.mcgill.ca/history/faculty/troyweb/courseweb/jimmycartertheplayboyinterview.htm

[Fuzz]

6. Depends on what is considered 'committed'

A girlfriend, yes. My wife, no.

[Toasterlad]

8. If You and Your SO Are Committed To Only Having Sex With Each Other

[FBaggins]

9. Doesn't that answer the question then?

Perhaps you should have asked "while you claimed to be committed"

[Toasterlad]

10. Just Answer the Question, Claire.

[FBaggins]

11. Already did.

No... by definition.

[Toasterlad]

12. So You Don't Feel It's Possible To Break a Committment

Hope you're not married.

[FBaggins]

13. That kind? No.

To the extent it is possible, it isn't a commitment.

You can break a commitment to finish a project by a certain date because there's more work than you expected. You can break a commitment to pick someone up at a given time because there was too much traffic.

There is no way to break this kind of commitment without learning that you are not, in fact, committed.

And yes, I'm married (quite happily).

[Toasterlad]

15. If You Don't Believe You Can Enter a Commitment Intending To Keep It, and Then Break It...

...you don't understand what a commitment is.

[FBaggins]

16. I disagree.

You can enter in to what you THINK is a commitment and intend to keep it...

...but learn that it WASN'T a commitment.

You can't BE committed and then sleep with someone else.

IOW... you can fool yourself... don't try to fool me.

[CoffeeCat]

17. No! I never did it!!

I'm suddenly hungry for a Captain Crunch and Pixie Stix sandwich.

;)

[Fuzz]

14. Then no. No such commitment was made.

[Lilith Velkor]

7. Yup.

It's one reason why I prefer open relationships.

[Name removed]

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[petronius]

19. Is there a statute of limitations on this question?

I have not strayed from my marriage and will not, but in my callow douche-baggy youth... no comment.

[Reterr]

20. No.eom

[sakabatou]

21. No.

[proteus_lives]

22. No.

And I lose respect for people who do.

[LeftyMom]

24. Nope.

I've been the cheated-on party and it sucks. I wouldn't do that to somebody I cared about.

[MotorCityMan]

51. Nope, and LeftyMom, I feel your pain

I've remained faithful in my committed relationships, but have been cheated on. The guy who I was with at the time was very insecure, always accusing me of fooling around on the side. Got to the point he was following (stalking) me home from work, to make sure I went home. I constantly reassured him that I loved him and didn't want anyone else.

Well, guess who was cheating? I felt so STUPID; I should have realized he was so worried about me because he was spreading the love around. I tried to get past it and couldn't. This was in the mid eighties, a very scary time to have a gay partner cheating on you. We broke up.

Live and learn...

[Raine]

25. No but I've been the one cheated on

it's horrible. :cry:

[AlanAdam]

26. If I am ever seriously tempted ...

please let me remember to again watch that movie with Richard Gere and Diane Lane, guaranteed to make me turn and run screaming from the person with whom I would be tempted to cheat. I haven't ever cheated, and I know that if I did the guilt would be too much to bear.

[Behind the Aegis]

27. "Unfaithful?" I would think "Fatal Attraction" would be more of a deterrent.

:)

[Loudmxr]

28. This reminds me of old clubbing days.."Define "Date"".

[TorchTheWitch]

29. No, I'm not selfish like that

I've only had a couple of committed relationships and ended up getting out of them. But it never would have occurred to me to CHEAT during the relationship. Once you realize you can't remain committed, you owe it to the other half of the relationship to let them know BEFORE engaging in relations with another. Cheating is selfish, dishonorable, dishonest and a terrible character trait. Breaking up with someone is hard to do, but if you can't continue to be committed it is the only honest and honorable thing to do.

[gleaner]

30. No, I was not ....

It didn't seem to be worth it. I love my husband very much and I could visualize how hurt he would be if I did. We've been married for 35 years and like all married couples we have had bad patches, but it has been more than worth it to have such a good friend and soul mate to share my life with. I met people I was attracted to, but you don't have to act on every impulse you have. If I had been that unhappy I would have gotten a divorce and lived alone with cats. A crazy cat woman is not such a bad thing to be. The hours are good and if you hear noises you can always tell yourself, "It's only the cats."
:crazy:

[ProfessorGAC]

31. Never Even Considered It

Anybody can take vows of loyalty. Keeping them requires commitment.
GAC

[LWolf]

32. No. Personal integrity is at stake.

Cheating? Not acceptable.

Honoring my word? Essential.

[blondeatlast]

33. Never have, never would. But I'm now the wronged wife. Considering what the situation

has done to our child, it isn't something to be taken lightly at all.

[Tailormyst]

34. Yes

I was very young and very foolish.

[pipi_k]

35. I was young and foolish, too. And it doesn't feel good

to be judged by others.

I didn't know how to communicate my feelings. So I did the next "best" thing. I got a message across by cheating. Cheating says, in not so many words, "HEY!!!! Listen to me!!! Pay attention to me!!! Something is wrong here!!!"


So I cheated on my first (ex) husband after he slept with one of my younger sisters two years into our marriage. I was young...barely 21. Still a baby. He wasn't going to tell me, but thought he had to in case he caught a disease from her or something. He really didn't have to tell me anyway, because I sort of knew. But...in doing what I did, I "got back at him" for hurting me. :(


Second time I cheated was on my second (ex) husband. He was an alcoholic I thought I could "fix". Each time he got sick from drinking (and I mean deathly ill), he would swear off the booze forever. Until he felt better again. So I was angry and disappointed and felt neglected. Granted, I should have left him first, but I was young and stupid. And scared.


Thing is, for anyone who wants to judge me, I would say that I did NOT enjoy the cheating. I felt dirty and disgusted and I hated myself.


Anyway, it's been over 25 years since the last time I cheated. I'm married for the third time...fifteen years next month. Have not cheated, and would not even consider it. I now know how to communicate and don't need to act out my anger or frustrations in such a destructive way.

[KittyWampus]

36. No. And I think when a child is involved, it's a whole other case than just being

"unfaithful while being in a committed relationship".

[FormerDittoHead]

37. Do hookers count?

:rofl:

This whole thing is a messy question, because some people on the DU consider porn cheating.

Seriously, if this is to boil down to Edwards as the adultery issue du jour, the existence of that video, let alone the child, was ripe for blackmail, and considering the position he was lying his way into, indicates a man who was reckless beyond imagination.

[pipi_k]

38. It really is a messy question, and an interesting one too...

I remember that when I found out my first husband had cheated on me with my sister, the first thing I asked him was whether he had kissed her.

He said "no". So while it hurt me badly what he (really both of them) had done, it was somehow a teeny bit less painful because, in my mind, it was just a quickie fuck in the back seat of our car in a rest stop on the side of the road.

No emotional attachment, which really would have broken my heart.

That was only the first of many affairs he had during our marriage, but the ones that hurt me the worst were the ones in which he may have had some emotional feelings for the other woman. I felt more in danger from those.


And, in fact, one of his mistresses came to my house one day to tell me that he was not only cheating on me, but he was also cheating on HER. That whole thing was so bizarre.

[Toasterlad]

39. Edwards Is Incidental to My Objective; I'm Not Trying to Find Out How People Feel About a Specific

case.

And yes I know that some people consider porn cheating (also going to strip clubs, or cybersex, or other sexual outlets), but for the purposes of this survey, I'm defining cheating as actual physical sex between a person and another person who is not their SO, without the SO's knowledge or consent.

Personally, I think that people who consider porn or strip clubs cheating have seriously unhealthy attitudes about sex, as well as severe trust issues. You could make a case for cybersex as cheating, but I still wouldn't buy it.

[NM_hemilover]

54. Of course hookers don't count, they arn't people or anything ;)

[seabeyond]

40. kick

[seabeyond]

62. .

[Mari333]

41. IT WAS THE 60'S GODDAMIT

J/K

[Toasterlad]

43. LOL!

[Maru Kitteh]

42. No! The thought of hurting my partner that way is just unthinkable.

No. I could never injure Mr. Maru Kitteh like that.

[Broken_Hero]

44. No, not yet nt

[Edweird]

45. I've never been unfaithful. I take my commitments seriously.

So seriously that my wedding band is a tattoo.
Furthermore, any female that cheats on me is dumped. Immediately. Permanently. It is non-negotiable.

[DefenseLawyer]

46. I promise to mind my own business if you promise to mind your own business

Deal?

[Tim01]

47. It isn't cheating if you have permission, right? nt

[Warren DeMontague]

48. I answered "yes", but there's a big distinction between the relationships I had, say, in college

and my marriage in my 40s.

There are varying levels of commitment and maturity, which is another reason why I think "abstinence only" education programs that tell teens they need to marry (and spend the rest of their life with) the first person they screw are unrealistic.

I didn't get married until I was sure I was ready for a lot of things, including monogamy, and no, I've absolutely never cheated on my spouse.

[blueworld]

49. No, but I'm curious about one little "turn" of the question

Most of my friends & co-workers never cheated when they were in a committed relationship but they cheated with someone ELSE who was in a committed relationship when they were single. Interesting twist, no?

[dysfunctional press]

52. yes. three extra-relationship relationships.

life is for the living.

[NM_hemilover]

53. No, I'm also the only male in world who has never masturbated

[Toasterlad]

56. Oh Noes! How Did You Lose Your Penis?

[NM_hemilover]

61. ;)

Just "pokin" a little fun, the college days I remember @ ASU (which granted were farther in the past than I like to admit) had enough self inflicted brain damage, and the vigor of youth stupidity to last us both a life time.

It's been a long time since then, and the thought of cheating on my wife is beyond imaginable. But we were all young once, and to say I never cheated on a significant other would not be the only lie in my response.

If the poll only counts "AFTER" college, then yes I have been 100% faithful.

I didn't vote, I'm just yanking your chain a little. Better tomorrows ;)

[Taitertots]

55. I won't have anything to do with anyone who has

Anyone who would betray someone they claim to love is someone who can't be trusted. Why should I believe someone who would deceive the person closest to them wouldn't betray me? They have already shown that they are not to be trusted.

If a politician is a liar to their spouse, they shouldn't be trusted to tell the truth to the people.

[woo me with science]

57. No, and some of the comments on this poll

drive home that it can be very important to gather good information about the other person's true values and expectations around this issue before getting seriously involved with someone.

[farmout rightarm]

58. No...but there were times I damn sure WANTED to...for a minute or 2

:D

[Qanisqineq]

59. I've been the cheater and the cheated

I was the cheater first. Only after I was the cheated did I realize the pain it causes. It is selfish.

[Blue_In_AK]

60. Yes,

but only at the end of said committed relationships.

Speaking only for myself, it has to get pretty bad at home before I go elsewhere ... but it HAS happened.