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Edited on Sun Feb-07-10 10:45 PM by NanceGreggs
It slices, dices, and juliennes!
In an emergency, it can be used as a flotation device.
It’s fun for kids from six to sixty!
It’s dishwasher and microwave safe.
Four out of five dentists recommend it.
It removes even the most stubborn stains.
It represents state-of-the-art technology.
It will replace all of your other tools.
It’s waterproof, flame-resistant, biodegradable, organic, and non-allergenic.
It tastes just like chicken.
It will amaze your friends!
It comes with fries, a soft drink, and a prize in every box!
Goes from zero-to-sixty in seconds!
It won’t fade, shrink or lose its shape.
Contains no trans-fats.
It’s fun – and educational!
It’s the perfect gift for every occasion!
It fits in your pocket or purse.
It’s rechargeable.
You’ll wonder how you ever got along without it!
Contains twelve essential vitamins and nutrients.
Takes years off your appearance.
You can’t live without it.
It cleans floors, makes pots and pans sparkle, and makes old appliances look new again.
No one will ever know you’re wearing it.
It’s safe and effective!
It’s environmentally friendly.
No additives, artificial colors or flavors.
Makes roofing repairs a breeze!
Unclogs drains in seconds!
Won’t harm pets.
Comes in aerosol cans or refillable bottles.
Adds zest to the most hum-drum recipes!
Won’t damage the most delicate porcelain.
Covers grey in one easy application.
Increases endurance.
Enhances performance.
Comes with instructive video.
Tightens abs.
Delicious in shakes, or sprinkled on a salad.
Spreads easily.
Leftovers can be frozen/freeze-dried for later use.
Safe for use on wood, chrome, stainless steel, silk and polyester.
Melts the pounds away.
One hundred percent all-natural ingredients.
Fresh pine scent.
It’s the perfect meal replacement for moms-on-the-go!
Rejuvenates old, tired-looking skin.
Kills unpleasant odors on contact.
Increases breast size without surgery!
Won’t tarnish fine jewellery.
Available in CD, DVD, video-cassette, and 8-track formats.
Can be used as legal tender in several countries.
Buy one now, get a second one free!
One size fits all.
Comes in its own handy, discreet pouch.
Folds up – easily stored.
Why pay more?
Act now!
Satisfaction guaranteed.
Full lifetime warranty – or your money cheerfully refunded.
Free delivery.
Limited time offer.
Not available in stores.
Credit terms available.
This special offer won’t be repeated.
Order now – quantities are limited.
Comes with certificate of authenticity.
Accept no substitutes.
Continued use may cause dizziness, blindness, headaches, difficulty swallowing, insomnia, shortness of breath, a sudden drop in blood pressure, severe swelling, allergic reaction, unpleasant taste in the mouth, temporary loss of hearing, itchiness, rashes, blurred vision, nausea, heart palpitations, muscle weakness, aching joints, hair loss, slurring of speech, drowsiness, depression, bloating, cramps, tingling sensations, loss of appetite, mood swings, anxiety, an erection that lasts more than eight hours – and, in rare cases, death.
Some restrictions may apply.
Not available in all states/districts/provinces/jurisdictions.
Price does not include applicable taxes.
No sales person will call.
You are under no obligation.
Operators are standing by.
Free thirty-day trial.
All of the above are a questionable way to sell any product. But when all of the above are a way to sell “the news” – or what passes for “the news” in today’s mainstream media – we’re in trouble as a nation.
Give me the facts – “the news” – without the hype, the opinion of people whose opinions I don’t want nor need, a recounting of the events of the day absent the take, the spin, the hype, the feigned outrage, the foregone conclusion, the implied, the inferred, the behind-the-scenes story, the rumour, the Twitter, the Magic Board, the blackboard, the Etch-a-Sketch summation of who said what and when, and why I should be interested in the first instance.
In exchange for the facts – devoid of fancy, fabrication, and furbelows – I might just tune-in.
Otherwise, no deal.
Got it?
Wish you would.
I’m not holding my breath. And neither is a nation.
Just sayin’.
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