Is it OK for kids to be disrespectful to their parents and people in general?

[Quixote1818]

I don't agree with how Baldwin reacted but I think he was justified at being upset and suggesting he needed to "straighten" her out for not following through with pre-arranged times set up for visiting on the phone. That is just common courtesy and something that seems to be lacking in todays children.

I don't know about you but the one thing I think that has gone way down hill in America in recent years is basic respect for peoples time and following through with something you committed to. Is it now OK for children to "stand up" their parents and friends and relatives and not get yelled at? Is it now OK for children to perhaps set up a date with someone then not show up and not even call to say they can't make it, and the person they blow off is now not even allowed to get mad???? Is it now OK for kids to not send "thank you" notes to people who give them gifts and then freak out when the person who gave the gift feels hurt and gets mad because it was not appreciated? That seems to be where this country is headed and it's sad.

Yes, Baldwin over reacted and he was very wrong to name call, but his daughter also disrespected him and deserved to be disciplined! Maybe not being called a "spoiled pig" but she certainly needs to learn to be respectful of promises and other peoples time and feelings. The least she could have done is called him and said she would have to postpone the phone visit. That would have been the respectful adult thing to do.

This is a two sided issue! Both sides made mistakes here. The daughter was VERY disrespectful blowing him off TWICE and Alec was also wrong for letting his anger get the best of him.

Worst of all the press is wrong for broadcasting a very personal family matter around the world which probably hurt this little girl more than anything! Can you imagine being 12 and having a PERSONAL phone message of your Dad reading you the riot act broadcast across the country???? WTF!!!What the hell is going on with the news media these days??? Man this country is getting screwed up!

[liberal N proud]

1. What Baldwin did was not acceptable as a parent

A parent does not have to take the disrespect of their child and should not expect it from others. But it is no excuse for using profanity.
A parent can demand the respect of their children with out getting vulgar, if fact it would probably be a little bit more effective without the obscenities.


But we don't know what kind of relationship they had prior to this event, we only know what it will probably be like from this point forward, that child will never respect her father.

[MonkeyFunk]

4. oh nonsense

she won't respect her father because he used vulgarity?

Then nobody in my neighborhood would EVER have respected their parents - but yet we did.

[liberal N proud]

6. Parents do not use profanity around and toward their children

Not if they want to teach them to be civil human beings anyway.

[aint_no_life_nowhere]

12. Telling his daughter she's a "pig" is profanity?

Wow, just wow.

(I guess I must be just old and out of touch as to what constitutes the new and improved definitions of profanity.)

[Maddy McCall]

17. Have you heard the whole message? Here it is:

Hey, I want to tell you something, OK? And I want to leave a message for you right now. 'Cause again, it's 10:30 here in New York on a Wednesday, and once again I've made an ass of myself trying to get to a phone to call you at a specific time. When the time comes for me to make the phone call, I stop whatever I'm doing and I go and I make that phone call. At 11 o'clock in the morning in New York and if you don't pick up the phone at 10 o'clock at night. And you don't even have the G**damn phone turned on. I want you to know something, OK?


I'm tired of playing this game with you. I'm leaving this message with you to tell you you have insulted me for the last time. You have insulted me. You don't have the brains or the decency as a human being. I don't give a damn that you're 12 years old, or 11 years old, or that you're a child, or that your mother is a thoughtless pain in the ass who doesn't care about what you do as far as I'm concerned. You have humiliated me for the last time with this phone.


And when I come out there next week, I'm going to fly out there for the day just to straighten you out on this issue. I'm going to let you know just how disappointed in you I am and how angry I am with you that you've done this to me again. You've made me feel like s**t and you've made me feel like a fool over and over and over again. And this crap you pull on me with this G**damn phone situation that you would never dream of doing to your mother and you do it to me constantly and over and over again. I am going to get on a plane and I am going to come out there for the day and I am going to straighten your ass out when I see you. Do you understand me? I'm going to really make sure you get it. Then I'm going to get on a plane and I'm going to turn around and come home. So you'd better be ready Friday the 20th to meet with me. So I'm going to let you know just how I feel about what a rude little pig you really are. You are a rude, thoughtless little pig, OK?

[aint_no_life_nowhere]

20. Thanks - I don't approve of that kind of language

The term "a thoughtless little pig" seems pretty mild to me and that's what a lot of people have focused on. I haven't been tuning in to the news to get the finer details of this story because frankly I feel funny about voyeuristically intruding on private matters of others this way.

But I hadn't heard the other language. I don't think a parent should address his child that way and I think Alex Baldwin was wrong. I can probably count on the fingers of one hand the times in my life my own father used any kind of profanity with me, and usually it was times when I really deserved it and he blew his top. But he knew he was wrong to say those things and I knew he really didn't mean them.

I still feel it's not right for us to intrude into the private affairs of people like this, as we can't possibly put ourselves in their shoes. But I will admit that in this case Alex Baldwin should definitely not have used the language that you brought up in your post. Thanks for bringing it to my attention.

Edited to add: Hopefully it's not language he typically uses with his daughter. If we're blowing up a small slice of his life in which he is driven to the point of using vulgarities he never otherwise uses, we're being unfair to him in suggesting it characterize his entire relationship with his daughter. If however this is language he typically uses with her, then he has big issues because he shouldn't be talking to his young daughter as he might talk to a bartender or a drinking buddy. The thing is, I don't know either way and that's why I have trouble judging him on more than just this recorded exchange.

[Bluerthanblue]

21. thanks Maddy, he didn't speak it without a great deal of inflection

in his words either.

It was over the top- personally he sounded like one of my loved ones when he's drunk- but his words were clear and distinct.

I don't think it is beyond the pale, but it was inappropriate, destructive, and simply- wrong.

I hope it brings a chance for positive change for them all.

peace,
blu

[Bluerthanblue]

19. did you hear the entire message?

I'm not saying that he used profanity, but it was much more than calling her a pig-

And I DO think he can earn her respect if he is willing to try, and that she can come to understand how she will have to live with the concequences of her own actions especially as an adult- but he's the grown-up, the 'teacher' the 'DAD'- and he knows better than to speak as he did- plain and simple.

[MonkeyFunk]

25. What a fantasy world

you must live in!

"Parents do not use profanity around and toward their children" :rofl:

Oh, if you could meet my mother...

[uppityperson]

8. I prefer to wait for full information before passing such a judgement.

We don't know. So how can we judge?

[liberal N proud]

11. We have all heard his voice mail message 10 times

Since the media was stopped from airing the VT killer video they have played Baldwin. So the one thing we do know is everything he said to his daughter.
True we don't know what caused him to be so belligerent but I still stand by my comment, it is not acceptable to curse at your children.

[uppityperson]

14. "We" have NOT all heard anything. You continue to pass judgement

You now judge me, saying "we have all" done something when how the heck could you know? You pass judgement on every parent who has ever cursed saying "Parents do not use profanity around and toward their children. Not if they want to teach them to be civil human beings anyway." You assume and judge too much I think. Yes, it is best to treat everyone with respect, but please, quit judging.

[John Q. Citizen]

15. That never stopped some people on this board, and probably won't now. They have it all

figured out about everybody, 'cause they saw it on TV.

Yeah, it's pathetic, but so it goes...

[bobbolink]

2. Bwahahahahaha!!

:rofl:

[Faux pas]

3. Three wrongs don't make a right. Kids who don't learn respect

and discipline grow up the be bushes, cheneys, roves, etc, etc, etc....

[Faygo Kid]

5. I raised my daughter with love - she's 30 - and everybody needs to chill

I simply raised my daughter with all the love I could, and made mistakes, but I was and am always there. Did I screw up? Of course. Did I love her unconditionally? Still do. Did Alec Baldwin screw up? Yes. So spend time with her. I feel sorry for Alec Baldwin; still waiting for that book by Rush Limbaugh's exes; they must have made millions to shut them up.

[Skidmore]

7. Not it's not alright for children to be disrespectful to others. However,

that family got into that state for a reason. If the court doesn't order some mediation, it is negligent as well. I hold the adults responsible for using their child as a battleground. I watched one of my brothers and his wife handle their divorce and custody issues in a similar way. Their kids are so screwed up now. I kinda think that the daughter has learned her disrespect from someone.

[Quixote1818]

13. That is a good point I will grant you that.

We just don't know all the facts though. Who the hell knows what all the inner workings are in that family? Baldwin may be a complete ass for all we know or he could just feel very frustrated with the situation. Who knows, all we got was a snap shot.

I am most angry with the press for playing such a personal message.

[William769]

9. Kids being disrespectful to their elders is whats wrong with our society today.

Call me old fashioned if you want, thats how I feel and no one is going to change my mind.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

10. Respect must be taught

It is an important lesson, I think. And it starts with self respect, but doesn't end there. Part of that lesson is to learn when someone has earned your respect, and how to react in situations where those in power have not been respectful--this "anything goes" stuff doesn't work for me.

[Quixote1818]

16. You bring up a good point

I wish I had made that point in my OP. Divorce is a messy situation and children are caught in the middle of two people who probably have lost respect for one another. When you grow up seeing such a lack of respect shown by both parents toward one another you are bound to not learn respect yourself.


You bring up a good point.

[Bluerthanblue]

24. or that YOU

are not the reason that they disrespect each other.
And how to deal with the most intimate kinds of conflict-

Kids are never responsible for a marriage failing- but they are always affected by it.

Alec and Kim are the 'grown-ups' and it really isn't 'all about them'- they may not be husband and wife any longer, but they are still Mom and Dad.

[Bluerthanblue]

18. our best lessons are the examples we give our kids- all the

"training" and "do as I say" (not as I do) reminders and lectures in the world, don't have the influence and impact our ACTIONS do.

Also, I think it is important to ask ourselves how 'we' learn best. Do we like to have our mistakes explained to us, and be given a chance to talk with those we have wronged, in an effort to really understand the "right" way to behave, and to make ammends? Or do we want to be told how 'bad' we are, how much we don't 'measure up' how we dissapoint yet again?? be told the person we are 1/2 the product of and who we are connected with whether we like it or not is no good? that we are basicly turning out just like them?... he was over the top.

I didn't like his threatening her- (YOU BETTER BE READY, CAUSE I'M COMMING OUT THERE ON FRIDAY- THE 20TH, ....THEN I'M TURNING AROUND, GETTING ON A PLANE AND LEAVING!)-
He's talking to his DAUGHTER, and 11yr old- who is living in a situation she had absolutely NO say over creating, and HE is the one with the burden of having to put his own very HUMAN frustration, anger, and desire for 'revenge' aside.
Easy? absolutely not. Impossible? probably, but "RIGHT"? without a doubt. He was wrong- hopefully he'll use this to make some changes- doesn't matter what his ex does. he cannot control her- he cannot control Ireland- but he is the only one with chance of controling himself.

peace,
blu

[anitar1]

22. Sure it's ok. I've seen it condoned many times on DU.

Children are pure innocence until they are 21. As parents we are here to give them everything we possibly can and allow them to do what they want. If we discipline them, it is injurious to their mental health.If they are disrespectful, we just know they will grow out of it. In the meantime, if your friends' children are impossible little beasts, just cancel the friendship. So what do these parents think when others do not want their children around ?

[mudesi]

23. Yes it is OK

Because they're children. They don't know any better. The real problem "these days" seems to be a generation of adults who can't comprehend the fact that children are inherently disrespectful because they haven't yet learned how to be respectful.

Babies are not born with wisdom and years of experience. Babies are not born adults. Even if you teach your children to be respectful, they will occasionally be disrespectful. Especially when they reach adolescence, they will be developing their own identity and they will be extremely disrespectful, despite all your years of "teaching" them when they were children, because it's during the teen years that they become adults.

A teenage/preteen daughter disrespecting her father is normal human development.

Honestly. Sometimes I wonder whether people are capable of remembering what they were like at that age.