Does this kind of family member sound familiar? Very kind, well meaning but right wing, and...

[Locut0s]

unable to stay out of other peoples business. Most of my extended family (especially mt cousins) are right wing and very shallow. They are actually very well meaning people but they can't help getting into other peoples business. They mean well but come across as condescending. For example I'm fairly well known in my family now for having suffered from depression and anxiety for a long time. Every time I get together with my cousins however they treat me like I'm their 6 year old brother (I'm 27 and they are anywhere from 28-33), they constantly ask how things are going (with that knowing glint in their eyes of "I know you aren't doing anything important like I am") and offer to help. That and they and their families are constantly talking about their achievements in businesses, ownership and the like. Its like "see how amazing I am over here, AWWwww poor fellow can I help you in any way sweet thing"?! I find this maddeningly annoying. There's no way you can talk to them on the same level, just as family members or friends. Either they are trying to "fix" you or they are bragging about their last accomplishment. They aren't necessarily socially that right wing (though I'm sure they are somewhat on drugs and the like) but they sure are extremely fiscally so.

Should I mention they come from fairly wealthy and snobbish families? :)

[tabatha]

1. Yep, right wing arrogance.

It goes with the territory (i.e. brain mapping).

I really don't like people who discuss others behind their backs when they are not there to defend themselves - much like Thom Hartmann does not do.

They are also the type who will make condescending remarks to your face just so that you know your place in the pecking order.

[HughMoran]

2. Which is actually a lack of confidence

Psychologically, they're usually as easy to read as a STOP sign.

[tabatha]

3. Sometimes it is a lack of confidence in their ability

to be open to other opinions.

[HughMoran]

5. The fear of questioning/upsetting a "core" belief is high up there on the right-wing "fear" list

A person who might lean more toward the "blind" type of faith in their religion & be deathly afraid of upsetting their societal status by questioning anything perceived as "taboo". Rigidity is the name of the game.

[snagglepuss]

6. Your last point about people making condescending remarks to one's face

to establish a pecking order is extremely insightful. I'm really blown away.

[cowcommander]

4. That's more of a people thing than politics

It's human nature to be arrogant assholes to brag about how much better they are than others. Such is life.

[imdjh]

7. Charm is a formidable weapon.

We all have people in our lives who seem to exist to put us down, or more charitably perhaps, do it oblivious to our feelings. Some are better at it than others. The important thing to practice is the belief that you and you alone control how you feel. Your cousin is not responsible for how you react to what he says. Your brother in law can't make you feel bad about yourself.

When people are backhandedly bragging or condescendingly caring, the return fire is charm. Be delighted at everything happening in their lives. Hang on their every word. Behave in a way that would make a special ed teacher puke, but don't over do it. You don't want to come off as envious or nasty.

[EFerrari]

8. "Authoritarian" is another way to say "control freak". n/t

[DeltaLitProf]

9. I like to plant little seeds with them.

These types only half listen. But sometimes one little factoid, one little observation can gain some traction. Maybe when a commercial comes on TV with propaganda against health care, just say, "Oh, the insurance companies have bought some ads." And say nothing else. Most unthinking Right-wingers really do believe these ads come from groups who wish the best for all of us.

You'll really be shocked what they don't know about the way government works, the role of money and corporations in what we hear, what legislation gets moved, etc. Just giving them a piece of that puzzle, the right piece, puts their underdeveloped minds to work and their minds will work whether they want them to or not.

Maybe some mention is made of the new troop committment to Afghanistan and you say, "All that for 25,000 Taliban. While we've got 200,000. Whoa." You'll be right. America has 69,000. NATO, the Afghan Security Forces and Afghan police cover the other 130,000.

"Hmmm, what was that my crazy cousin said about the Taliban only having 25,000 troops and our side having a total of 200,000? What good would another 30,000 do then?"

[snagglepuss]

10. I'm sorry to hear what you have to deal with.

You are aware of your own complexity and need to interact with others who also acknowledge themselves as complex but lots of people don't want to see themselves as complex. People like your relatives only want to deal with surfaces and if they have to deal with someone like yourself, they'll assign you a label.

[flow_urgirl]

11. Wealth and right wing go hand in glove

Unfortunately! For those who suffer the disempowerment stemming from right wingers, who seek nothing but control, power over others and who have really no idea of human interaction on a real level with any person other than those who they seek to see in a narrow minded follow everyone else just make money and live selfishly life.

But then..why dig a hole when they already dig their own deep pit. And they are wrong. And they cause more financial success for the health industry from peoples stress and worry and pain beacuse of their neglect and shallowness that teaches you to drive them away and drive yourself away. Your direction is sought by yourself as a happy path that happiness is then taken sometimes by the world around you causing grief as all the horrible fucked up things happen..the reality of feeling and sorrow and nothingness you express is truth and then is denied as a truth by the people who seek you out for medicating and lies. They cause no healing and often make lives worse by all their control factors that disempower, and by their lack of self that does not show you any time or much with themselves. I think it can change when you talk to those who have had enough soul time. Enough time on their own path that is understood as a meaningful life instead of one focussed on bullshit.

Keep on and be a warrior.

Samantha

[dysfunctional press]

12. i simply wouldn't get together with them.

my wife's family is like that in many ways, and i skip almost ALL family affairs.
after a blow-up over the unresolved selection at thanksgiving 2000, i didn't see any of them for over 5 blissful years.