How should I react when I think a co-worker is living out of their car.

[DainBramaged]

It is tearing me up. I have no room at my place, and can't afford much in the way of financial assistance. But they have their car PACKED except for the front seat where they drive, including a computer I built for them earlier this year, Filled with clothes, kitchen stuff, towels..... when I asked the person if everything is OK, they started to cry and just said "I don't want to talk about it". They make about $350 a week net ( I submit payroll too) which is BARELY enough to survive on around here. 1 bedroom apartments run about $900 a month, but they want 1.5 months security and 1st months rent up front.


Help me say the right thing. I am stumped.

[Stephanie]

1. First see what you can find out about available social services

Do a little research into housing assistance in your area, maybe you will find a way to offer them some help.

[wryter2000]

2. I'll give you a kick

I don't have an answer for you. Maybe someone else will.

[Cleita]

3. Don't say anything to them. They have said as much.

They may open up to you in the future. In the meantime your friendship is what they need the most.

[CitizenLeft]

4. all I have to say is bless you and thank you...

...and I hope you're able to help them. They're lucky to know you.

[PassingFair]

5. If 2-bedroom apartments run $1,200/month, how about helping him/her find a roommate?

That would only be $600/month each.

Maybe you could front him/her the money to
post an ad somewhere.

[Spinzonner]

6. Well, if it's obvious that you know and that they know you know

Help find some housing assistance agencies. That sounds like an easy answer but those agencies are probably overwhelmed in the current economy. It will probably take a really aggressive effort to find some help. That might be difficult in their current situation so you might offer some non-financial assistance in the form of logistics and promise confidentiality.

You didn't mention exactly what the employment situation is but is there any program that the company (or a union) has that could assist with with ?

[eleny]

7. Maybe you could help them find a room in a family home locally

I mean renting a room without kitchen privileges.

Seems like where living expenses are so high, there might be people in the area who are having a hard time keeping up with their own expenses. Renting out a bedroom with bathroom privileges can be an easy solution for bringing in money.

My folks did that decades ago when I was a teenager. We had an extra bedroom so the folks rented it out and it worked out well. Just a thought.

[BobRossi]

8. I second what Stephanie said.

The person may not want to talk about it but they may need help.

[Warpy]

9. Offer your shower a couple of times a week

and laundry facilities if your place has them. The hardest part of not having a place to live is keeping decently clean. You might also offer a safe place to store valuables, but that can be chancy. Make sure you make a list and get him to sign it so you won't be accused of taking something that doesn't exist later on because he's forgotten what he dropped off.

That's the most practical advice I can give at this point, barring letting him have a pallet on your floor, which gets old for everybody really fast.

[noamnety]

16. I was also going to suggest offering showers and laundry

Every now and then on Craigslist I see free trailer/mobile homes being given away. I think the people who take them often have to pass the residency requirements for the mobile home park, but there wouldn't be the big outlay of cash to get a place that way. Maybe there's someone who has enough land that they could let a person live in a camper on their property - or even a driveway if code allows it - instead of trying to cram everything into a car.

As always, I also recommend calling 211 to see what the local experts would recommend, because they know the services in your area far better than anyone else.

[Warpy]

21. I've been there

and living in your car makes you feel all dusty, grimy and grubby even if you aren't, and no amount of bird baths in restrooms can ever seem to compensate. You feel covered with motor oil and road grit all the time.

Laundromats get terribly expensive. In building laundries are usually a lot more reasonable.

[DainBramaged]

25. Good point but first I have to break through the 'pride' wall......

A few weeks ago they asked if there was a system they could check their email on and pay bills from, so I set them up on one they could use under my supervision. I should have caught it then.......

[Warpy]

32. Just make sure they know you haven't said a thing to anyone else

and don't plan to do so.

My guess is that they'll be a little resentful that somebody found them out, but that they just might take you up on your offer of a shower.

[DRoseDARs]

40. Let them know that there is NO shame in ask for or receiving help when in need.

This person already cracked that wall with you, but you are right to be cautious in your broaching the matter with them further. Just let them know that if they are in trouble, there are options for help either from yourself or the community at large and there is no shame is utilizing those resources. Before you have any such conversation, come armed with some information (websites, pamphlets and whatnot) to give them. Since you'll be on eggshells until you figure out just how sensitive this individual is on the matter, don't hand them the info right away. Wait a day. If you're talking with them and already have something to hand them the first time the subject comes up, they'll know you've been thinking about this at some length and they'll be left wondering who else their predicament is so obvious to ("GAWD, am I THAT obvious?" *weep*). Jump too quickly, and you might make this person MORE sensitive about it, making it harder to help them.

[pitohui]

46. i can tell that warpy has been there, done that too -- this advice is golden

i don't myself store valuables and had none during my experiments w. homelessness but it sounds right and i tell you what -- the advice about shower/laundry -- TRUE DAT

that's truly the best thing you can do, because as long as they're clean, they can "pass" and as long as they can "pass," they can keep their job and eventually get that rental deposit

when i was homeless i put being clean at the top of the priorities, it means they allow you to sit in the library, it means they allow you to sit in the "we sell cheeseburgers for $1" place, it means you can keep your job, it truly means everything

[Warpy]

61. Valuables can be a box of family photos

or a little portable TV set that is a thief magnet in the car if it's visible through the windows. It varies from person to person.

Just get that list and get it signed.

[sandnsea]

10. Do you have an EAP at your work?

Without naming names, maybe you could see what help there is if they do. Or make a list of agencies that will give a month's rent, like Salvation Army. If the co-worker has children, they can apply for 1 month emergency rental assistance. Then they have to find a landlord who will take that and hope they can pay a deposit over time. Maybe they will find a roommate or something. Or maybe they just broke up with someone and haven't had a chance to find a place to live and just don't want to talk about it. Life sucks sometimes and I'd sure let the person know that you know that. Good of you to care.

[DainBramaged]

27. I get that feeling that they broke up with someone and got kicked out

this is so tough to deal with......I am shocked they are coping.

[Cessna Invesco Palin]

11. Let's put aside our differences for a moment and talk seriously.

An apartment is $900/mo. Income is $1400/mo, which leaves about $500/mo for bills, food, and everything else. That's pretty tight, but it's not the end of the world, unless the person in question has kids.

I'm not going to tell you what you should say to this person. I've been in similar situations with friends of mine in the past, and my feeling has always been that words are just words. If you want to help, and have the financial resources to do so, you might want to consider loaning the person some money (even if you have no expectation of it being paid back) in order to help them get back on their feet. I'm sure they will be eternally grateful, and you'll have the knowledge that you helped someone in serious need. Also, since it's someone you work with, you might want to do it on the QT.

Also, what about suggesting a shared housing situation to the person? No, it doesn't have the privacy of having your own place, but it's usually cheaper and the bills are split between tenants.

Anyway, happy thanksgiving and I hope this has been of some use to you.

[DainBramaged]

12. Happy Thanksgiving to you to

It's the upfront money for an apartment that's the problem, and I am trying gently to see if there is ANYTHING I can do to help without prying.


I am really stumped over this. Maybe offering them my shower and laundry is a great idea. Got to do some things, back later.

Thanks again for your help.

[eleny]

28. Offering use of your shower and laundry could be huge

Then when they do try to get some sort of place to live they'll make a good impression.

[Cessna Invesco Palin]

30. I'd wager that anything you could offer would be greatly appreciated.

Even if it's only small stuff, it will probably help the person develop a more positive mindset.

[varelse]

13. Can you afford to maybe take them out to lunch or have them over to dinner a few times a week?

They might open up to you more if you can build some trust with them. Also, you have a few things that they don't have right now (like mobility, energy, and a private phone line and computer), which would make it easier for you to inquire as to available services such as food stamps and housing vouchers. If you can forge a closer relationship with them, it may make it easier for you to have a frank discussion about such things, so you can help them sign up for these services.

It really depends on how much you are willing or able to trust this person and on the circumstances which lead to their current state.

I've had a few homeless co-workers in the past, but I didn't reach out to any of them. In one case, it was clearly the person's choice to be homeless and itinerant (he stated this on several occasions). Another was a family struggling with domestic violence and drug addiction issues - they finally got into a place, only to have the husband shot in the chest (ugh - horrifying! but he survived) by police after a domestic violence call was met with (his) drunken defiance. The others were related to drug use - one family squandered an inherited home with no mortgage, an inheritance of $150,000, and another inheritance from a different relative of about 50k, all in about a year. It was horrifying and sad to watch the decline of this particular co-worker (she is an intelligent person with potential), but we were completely powerless to stop this train wreck. She chose to stick with the addictive, abusive husband and with her own addiction (I never found out what that was - I really did not want to know). She also knew and thoroughly exploited every angle of every support system, both private and public. Today, the couple is living and working at a shelter for homeless families (or at least, I hope they are still there) and last I heard from her, they were sober and pursuing employment (him) and education (her).

[HopeHoops]

14. A $10 gas card would be a nice gesture.

Just a thought.

[DainBramaged]

20. It would be more than that, I also have some fast food gift cards too.

Boston market and where my daughter works.

[DearAbby]

22. What is the weekly rates for a motel with a kitchenette?

Any shelter is better than none. I too have been there.

[DainBramaged]

26. I have to look into it over the weekend........

I agree they HAVE to get a roof over their head. And they don't own a real good car either.....

[pinto]

15. A couple of resources. Depending on their location there may be wait lists, yet

there may be other resources linked with these agencies that could help get them set up with some affordable housing.

http://portal.hud.gov/portal/page/portal/HUD/topics/rental_assistance

http://www.rentassistance.us/

Not sure how to broach the subject, if they don't want to talk about it. It's awkward, I know.

I waited a year for Section 8 housing and bounced around a bit. Motels, friends' houses, family, etc. It was awkward, for want of a better word, and I was skittish about sharing my situation even though I knew it was apparent. Yet it worked out, eventually.

These are some basic leads. I wish them luck and perseverance.

[SutaUvaca]

17. As others have suggested..

..some help looking for housing. A place to shower. Also some non perishable food (not the healthiest, but temporary fix).
Maybe see if there are church resources (that won't push religion).
Also, I believe homelessness can often create job problems, so you might, in your position, just be alert to things that might cost your co-worker their job - head it off if you can.

The universe is full of abundance, but it's not well distributed here. If you pray, pray for a redistribution of abundance in their direction.

[DainBramaged]

18. I knew something was terribly wrong when they started being short tempered

and I noticed they were showing up WAY too early every day for work, even though we open at 7AM, but they weren't due here until 9.

It's a really delicate situation, and I found out they already are off for the day, so I can't even do anything now until Monday, which pisses me off because I wanted to see if I could do anything this weekend.


I've asked gently around work to upper management and the responses were 'they are a big person, they can deal with life" or "too bad, but it better not affect their work" to "oh well".


Comfortable people just suck. But I keep forgetting I work for fucking Rethugs too....negative reinforcement is their way to deal with employees.

[KittyWampus]

34. Wait- you told MANAGEMENT? Because if they said "they are a big person, they can deal w/life"

and "too bad, but it better not affect their work" and also "oh well"- that indicates you freaking informed on your co-worker.

[DainBramaged]

55. Nope what my question to them was 'how can I help someone who may need assistance that works here'

so I didn't 'inform' on my co-worker.....Jesus kitty I'm trying to help get a grip.

[Mythbuster]

19. Many times...

People in this situation don't need "a lot" of assistance. Usually they were able to barely scrape by on what they had and made, and some financial event finally pushed them over the edge. Many, many people are in this cycle and the loss of one paycheck would do the same to them. These are truly the people that need and deserve government assistance programs.

First, I would suggest getting them out of the car, having some kind of roof over their head other than one with wheels, is the first step to them recovering. This may only require a few hours on the phone calling churches and shelters and asking them who to contact. Then they can get pointed in the right direction for food and clothing help etc. I've been through some financial situations in my life that have literally put me a few hundred dollars from their situation, and I can tell you that the biggest fight is to regain hope... because that's the first thing you lose. There are people out there waiting to help, sometime they just need their phone to ring, and the person in dire straits sometimes just needs a small shove in the right direction by someone that they know cares.

As far as something more immediate, some new hotels are designed mainly for weekly and monthly rental by traveling workers. These are far cheaper than the cost to get into a real apartment, and it's a far cry better than a car. A warm shower, a TV and a bed can do amazing things to help begin to clear the mind and help them focus on getting their life back closer to normal.

Thank you for posting this. Every time I see an something like this that reassures me that there are still people that really care about others, it reminds me that all is not already lost. Please keep us updated if you feel it appropriate to. You're a good person.

[travelingtypist]

23. I did the roommate thing.

When I was first getting out on my own. It lasted about six months until
I had the funds for my own place. It's a good option in a pinch.

This person is very lucky that you are perceptive and caring.

[elleng]

24. In addition to other suggestions here,

look into rooming houses. And church groups. Craigs list.

Thank you.

[southernyankeebelle]

29. I would check with the local church. Sometimes they help people like that.

But whatever you do don't let them move in with you. They will never leave. I speak from experience. I am an easy touch for when it comes to helping people. I had a chaplain tell me once as long as I am carrying their load why should they. Then and there I realized he was right and I had to find other ways to get involved. So I give to organizations that do that kind of work. Every year I try to get a name off those Christmas trees for a angel. Don't ever give your name out when you help. I know it comes off being and sounding cruel. But I learned from experience. At the end they over stay and you start to go angry and losing a friendship. Its not worth it.

[barbtries]

54. i lost a friend a year ago

that way. couldn't take it, my son was off to school each day and i was off to work, and her and her sons were sitting in my 600 sq ft apt. when we went home for christmas they stayed in our place and i told her at the time never to ask me for anything again. i have nothing but best wishes for the family but my son and i are so much better off without the strain and the incessant drama. i think it would be different with dainbramaged's friend though, because the person is working. you can see a light at the end of the tunnel when there's money coming in.

[DainBramaged]

58. Absolutely, this is a person alone, no immediate family in the area

of that I am sure.

[sojourner]

31. turn them in to your employer so they can receive unemployment bc

...if they're homeless it's their own damn fault. :sarcasm:

God help us all.

[DainBramaged]

33. Thanks for making me smile, this situation bothers me a whole lot

:hi:

[sojourner]

48. a smile never hurts. and it surely bothers people with a soul to see

this kind of suffering. peace.

[juno jones]

35. The posters above who mention showers and laundry

are right on.

I've lived out of a vehicle before and the help of friends on those fronts kept me together.

If you are friends at all outside of work, perhaps invite them home to a hot meal once a week or so. Companionship is lacking in vehicular life. I found it lonely as hell.

Also, I don't know what your city's laws are vis car sleeping, but when I did this in Berkeley it was legal to sleep on the street but not in your car. I had a van which simplified things a bit, but friends who had alley or off street parking would let me stay occasionally, so I didn't have to fear arrest. I managed to set up a rotating list of friends whom I was 'visiting' once a week and that helped a lot.

Good luck to you and your co-worker! :hi:

[G_j]

36. that security/first/last month's rent stuff, is a killer

to a large segment of the population who work for poverty wages.
It is a factor in creating homelessness.

[ipaint]

37. Showers and laundry sounds very helpful.

There are lots of folks in their position. Perhaps if they accept your offer of a shower you can then talk to them and listen to what they need. I wouldn't go off trying to intervene without their permission especially behind their backs to fellow employees or their bosses. They may be homeless but they are adults and should be the only people involved in any decisions made regarding their lives. Perhaps an offer of some internet time and an assist in looking for help and/or advice online about surviving living in a car.
Maybe just having someone to talk to who will listen will help them until they can get back on their feet.

[Tippy]

39. If I were homeless...A shower and laundry would make my day...

[ipaint]

41. Same here

but approaching co-workers or my boss without my permission would not.

[gleaner]

38. On your own without telling ....

your co-worker find out if there is any kind of assistance which would be of benefit. If you find something leave it quietly for your co-worker with a note offering to talk and help any way that you can.

The next move would be up to your co-worker, but you would know that you had extended help where it was most needed and would perhaps be received even if you never knew to what extent.

You are very kind to try to help. Many people wouldn't

[mudplanet]

42. Make sure they know how to check the roommates section on Craigslist

and that they aren't spending money on old debts.

If you are only making $350 a week you shouldn't be paying any bills except food, rent and utilities. If you are, stop. If they come after you tell them to take you to court. When the judge learns how much you make he'll set your payments at $5 a month.

[Fumesucker]

43. Depending on what part of the country you are in ...

A tent in a campground is better than living in a car.

I know this because we spent four months or so in a tent with a three year old in 1983 before we got up enough money to get a decent place.

With a pad, a tent and a sleeping bag it's possible to be reasonably comfortable down into the upper thirties and it's certainly more comfortable than sleeping in a car. With a "space blanket" or two in addition you could probably sleep comfortably down into the teens if you had a good sleeping bag as well.

Most commercial campgrounds have showers too although they may not be open during the winter depending on where you are.

Truck stops often offer showers too.

[KakistocracyHater]

44. No, I'll tell you what NOT to say. NEVER SAY THINGS ARENT AS BAD AS THEY

SEEM(they could be much worse). DO NOT SAY YOU'll PRAY for them/her/him. DO NOT SAY DONT WORRY.

I would casually leave laundry soap near after hours, maybe books for distraction from the horrors. Emphasize it is not charity but kindness.

[pitohui]

45. i've been there and let me tell you the very best thing you can do

DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT reveal you know they're living in their car and DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT tell anyone else you know they're living in the car

when i was living in my car, a complaint came close to getting me kicked out of school for not having a residence and thus sleeping in a club room/lounge on campus, it DID get a friend kicked out of school and then arrested for trespass on his campus

their best chance to save themselves is to keep their job/student loans (in your case, it sounds like job) and if you blab abt their circumstance you could VERY badly hurt them

so DO NOT SAY ANY FUCKING THING abt this to anyone ever

if you are in a position to help them, do it in a subtle way, for instance, "fuck it i don't feel like shopping for xmas this year, you won't be offended if i give you cash/gift card" -- in this way you can give cash/gas w.out giving offense

if you can afford it, invite them over for dinner and, hey, "while you're here, i don't think you have a washer/dryer at your place, want to do some laundry while we hang out?"

you know, subtle stuff

they may know that you know but you don't have to talk about it and you can help them within your means

but honestly the best thing you can do is DO NOT TELL anyone

i had a nice couch in a club room to sleep on and ended up nearly getting arrested sleeping in my car, thanks to "people who gossip" getting me kicked off a club room couch NO ONE was using after 5 PM much less in the middle of the night, it was a commuter campus, so i was hurting no one but people suck, you know? a lot of people love to kick others when they're down -- don't be "a lot of people"

your co worker is WORKING, and the best chance for her (him? them?) to pull themselves out of the muck is to be able to keep on working, you let it be known they're homeless, you're totally fucking these people

i cannot stress this importance of this strongly enough...if they don't have kids, and they're not crazy, social services will NOT help them so blabbing is just being cruel in the guise of being kind

don't put your own ego "well i was just trying to help!" above actually letting them climb out of this mess

do not report them to anyone ever unless you want them badly hurt and i don't think you do or you wouldn't have left this post

good luck to you, good luck to your co workers, it DOES get better

[BreweryYardRat]

47. Like other people said, help them find a housemate.

Preferably one who belongs to the same subculture (if any.) That'll make them more comfortable with the situation.

Paying more than 25-50% of monthly net pay in rent is a bad idea. Living with a housemate is more sensible financially in any case.

[Berry Cool]

49. Here's another possibility.

I don't know what this person's like who you are talking about but if they might be capable of helping an elderly person living alone who needs a companion around the house at night because of physical/medical issues and has no family to do it, you might find an ad looking for such a person offering free room and board in return for the services. Then you might casually mention it to this person.

Some elderly people have home health aides during the day, but also need help at night that doesn't require the services of a professional--just assistance with simple things, and just being there in case there's a problem. They don't always have family members close by who can provide this assistance. Sometimes such a person or his/her family advertises for a companion for the elderly person and offers free housing with that person in return. And yes, it's possible to get such a job without any experience, if the person/family meets you and you seem like a decent, dependable human being.

Good luck.

[debbierlus]

50. Do you know of anyone with a spare room who could let them stay rent free for a couple months

Until they can save enough to get out on their own?

Call all the social services. Offer showers and hot meals.

Offer kindness and empathy.

[WVRICK13]

51. Check Social Services

in your area. In our area there is a homelessness prevention program ran by DHHR. Their funds are often combined with other funds to pay the up=front costs of securing a place to live. There may be something like that near you. Also, check into section 8 rental assistance which can help subsidize their rent. If they make too much money for DHHR there may be another agency offering rental assistance. I find that calling your local Community Action Agency will often get you the information you need. Community Action Agencies are great resources for information and referral or they may operate the programs internally. I wish your co-worker good luck.

[barbtries]

52. perhaps

you could research some resources for her? make some calls to places that may be in a position to offer assistance. If indeed she is homeless perhaps you could just have her come over before work for a shower? i don't know, it's a sad situation. i hope it is resolved very soon.

[DainBramaged]

53. Monday I am going to find out more. Around here because of the holiday

EVERYTHING not shopping related is closed, so I am at a standstill until then.

[barbtries]

56. not entirely.

google your city and homeless resources, social services, etc. you can learn a lot in the meantime.

[DainBramaged]

57. Been, but nothing around here is open today. Except the Post Office

NO weekend hours. They suck. Everyone works during the week, and on the weekends when you have the time, social services and community services are closed.

ON edit, this is a VERY wealth fucking Reich-wing county in NJ. We barely have buses running anywhere. And trains are a joke.

[Taitertots]

59. Let them use your bathroom/shower and washing machine

A hot shower and a dump not taken in a McDonald's bathroom can be a surprising boast.

It is also hard to get/hold a job when you and your clothes smell/look dirty.

[Hannah Bell]

60. don't talk to you coworkers about it - unless you want to un the risk of getting him

fired.

some people will do very fucked things to someone down on their luck.

[DainBramaged]

65. Oh I realize that, I have said nothing to expose them

[TexasObserver]

62. Paying for a night in a motel for them would be nice.

I don't know if you can do that, but it would be a kind gesture.

Obviously, you'd want to make it on a day and night when they could get the full benefit; i.e., not a work day. You might be able to find one that has a weekend rate that is reasonable. That would be motels that mainly see full occupancy during the work week.

You could scout for homeless shelters.

You could offer to let them come by and just visit about it and talk solutions.

You could offer to let them keep some of their stuff at your place, so they don't have to be obviously living in their car.

Good luck. I'm glad you're there to do something.

[mdmc]

63. can you offer them storage?

perhaps they can store some of their stuff at your flat?

When you live out of a car, every inch is of value.

[Maine-ah]

64. you could check to see if there are any programs at work

to help those that need it. We have a couple different resources where I work, one is funded by employees who choose to donate 1 dollar from every paycheck. There are thousands of employees at the company I work for. The other sources are internal fund drives...like wear jeans to work for 5 bucks and all money raised goes to help the employee in need. One of the guys that I have been working with for 3 years had been jumping from friends houses, to sleeping in his car in the parking lot at night. I have become pretty good friends with him and matched him up with another employee who needed an apartment. We then held an internal fundraiser, and got them both into an apartment about 2 weeks ago.

Hope my experience with this helped you out or at least gave you some ideas to help your co-worker.

[DainBramaged]

66. That's why I asked management and basically got stonewalled

they have NO sympathy for people in need. They are 'Pukes.

[DainBramaged]

67. Well they are on vacation this week and won't be back till next Monday

So all of my plans to talk to them are on hold, along with the gift and gas cards I bought for them over the weekend and friends contributed. It's about $300 total........They don't go bad in a week, and it will be a nice present for them to come back to.