Top 10 Uses for "Going Rogue" -- Mark Morford

[ProgressiveFool]

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2009/11/25/notes112509.DTL

6) Torture device. A no-brainer, really. Got a suspect in custody? A nasty Taliban leader hell-bent on undermining America's love of shopping malls and sparkling vampires and free streaming porn? No problem. Strap 'em down, gag 'em up, and watch their eyes widen in horror as you pull up a chair and begin reading. "Going Rogue." It's the new waterboarding!

7) Unruly child becalmer. (Similar to above, only family friendly). Got a kid who refuses go to bed? Won't stop screaming for another bedtime story? Whip out "Rogue" and threaten to read more words from "the scary bright-faced lady who talks like an encephalitic ferret who's been smacked by a baseball bat and won't shut up." Your kids will pipe down in an instant.

Surprised he missed the obvious use: Drinking Game Facilitator.
You read in it until you get to a point where everybody has to just say, "WTF?", and then everybody drinks. After a few paragraphs, everybody should be too drunk to care anymore.

[niceypoo]

1. The author left out the most obvious one...

...toilet paper

[niyad]

2. sorry, I wouldn't let that filth anywhere near my person.

[niyad]

3. as usual, mark nailed it. can just see a codicil to the geneva conventions-- under NO circumstances

may an interrogator have "going rogue" anywhere near a prisoner, nor may that interrogator read any portion thereof.

[icymist]

4. LOL! Morford rules!

How does one learn to write like that?

<snip>
1) Compost. Did you know most hardback books are nearly 100 percent compostable? That you could take that copy of "Going Rogue" you found in the dumpster at the Olive Garden, tear out all of its pages and mix them with the pile of rotting lettuce, taco drippings and bat guano in your back yard, let the maggots have at it, and create some nutrient-rich soil in which to grow your veggies? It's true! Nothing like taking the most inorganic substance known to man -- the tiny fundamentalist Republican mind -- and turning it back to nature.

SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Studies have shown that consuming foods grown using compost made from the pages of any book written by conservative politicians and/or Fox News pundits may result in bloating, brain damage, grammar mutilation and the mad desire to taxidermy your cat.
<unsnip>

Very funny. Very creative.