The Christian Side-Hug: “Front Hugs Be Too Sinful”

[ccharles000]

Attention, Christian kids: If you like not having sex, not speaking the Lord’s name in vain, and not being gay, then you’ll love the newest trend in policing typical adolescent behaviors in the name of God. It’s called the The Christian Side-Hug, and it’s here to help the devout avoid the temptation of full frontal hugging. Don’t worry—it’s cool, because they made a “rap” song about it.

According to Stuff Christians Like, there’s no “exact scripture reference” banning normal hugging. But the Side-Hug does significantly lower the “risk of two crotches touching,” which has got to be in the Bible somewhere. Here’s how you do it:

Instead of face to face, you go side to side, putting your arm around the person and your hip against their’s. Still having a hard time mastering it? Pretend you’re taking a photo and you’re both looking at the camera together. The side hug, or A frame as it is also called, is safe for the whole family, friendly and above all holy.

The Christian Side-Hug strikes me as almost skeezily chaste—I’d much rather have a brief normal embrace with a stranger than a hip-tap from a person who I know sexualizes even the most mundane forms of human contact. But the Side-Hug itself is slightly less offensive than the medium being used to promote it: An appropriated version of “rap music” performed by a bunch of white youth pastors who think that mixing in some gang-ish hand signals, tying on a bandana, and securing some fake bling will bring the youth to God.

The Christian Side-Hug rap comes courtesy of the Encounter Generation Conference, an annual Christian youth gathering which hopes to “bring the power, authenticity, and relevance of Jesus Christ to their culture.” I’m afraid that this potent combination of absurd chastity and mock hip-hop will be more likely to bring the power of a school-yard beat-down to these kids’ faces.

http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/sexist/2009/11/23/the-christian-side-hug-front-hugs-be-too-sinful/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_Oj0-splZw&feature=player_embedded

[Hepburn]

1. Un-fucking-believable!

:rofl:

At first, I suspected The Onion...but this bullshit is for real! LOL!

[FiveGoodMen]

4. Poe's Law...

[jkirch]

42. Imp of the Perverse. nt

[MineralMan]

Of course, the ratings and comments are turned off for that

video on YouTube. Otherwise, the LULZ would be general and downright obscene.

[Subdivisions]

2. The fundies are trying to turn us into the Taliban. n/t

[get the red out]

30. Yes and quickly

[Bluebear]

3. "Christian Side-Hug Rap" - there's a market for anything, idn't there?

[conscious evolution]

62. The hip hump hop

Its the newest rage!

[Name removed]

5. Deleted sub-thread

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[mainer]

6. Do they ever stop thinking about sex?

Sheesh, Christians seem to have the filthiest minds.

[get the red out]

38. Yes they do!

When they're thinking about Kentucky Fried Chicken. Ever been to a KFC on Sunday afternoon?

[treestar]

61. They must have really high sex drives

For a mere hug to put them in danger, was my first thought.

[SidDithers]

7. In order of safety: Side Hug - Gawd approved...

Front Hug - careful, you've crossed the line into spouses-only behaviour

Spooning Hug - YOU'RE GOING STRAIGHT TO HELL, EVIL SODOMITE!!!

Sid

[WhollyHeretic]

8. They are promoting "side hugs" but then they say they are "rough riders"

:rofl: More inadvertent humor from clueless fundies.

[City of Mills]

19. I know, right?

"Rough riders", unless we're talking profanity, full-frontal hugging or general disrespect of peers and/or elders and authority figures. But we BAD!

What what? :pals:

Unh! :pals:

I like it like that! :pals:

[bitchkitty]

89. Now THAT was funny!

I wonder who wrote the lyrics - either he was very naive, or had a sense of humor!

[Skidmore]

9. This is what comes from people with no lives and

yes, who are stupid. I'm so sick of showing respect for others belief systems at this point. Shoot, they're family values pols on C Street sure weren't worried about full frontal hugging.

[drm604]

10. Wow

This is worthy of either the Onion or Landover Baptist. This is another example of real fundamentalism being indistinguishable from parody.

[MineralMan]

11. Hey, Baby! Give me some side! I need some Side!

Uff da!

[Brickbat]

12. Oh, I wish I could understand what they're saying in that video! Too bad it's so crap! And is it

just me, or is that Sarah Palin playing the fly girl on the left?

[secondwind]

13. What's up with all the sirens throughout the stupid song???

[MineralMan]

17. They're there to drown out the voices of the morons

on the floor, who are thinking, "Oh, man...this is some lame-assed shit!"

[EndersDame]

14. I was taught to Side Hug when I worked at an after school place to avoid lawsuits

Well it is not exactly like they say it was more you turn slightly to the side and the kid hugs you normally . This is what they came up with rather than banning hugs for fear of lawsuits. I dont mean to be snarky but realistic and thinking that that is not that far off.

[man4allcats]

15. Hey, without full frontal hugging, how can you

physically flirt with someone other than your spouse and/or significant other? What's this country coming to? }(

[City of Mills]

16. Dude...how do you even fucking find stuff like this?!?!?

Gimme that Christian side hug! :pals:

That Christian side hug! :pals:

Gimme that Christian side hug! :pals:

What?
That Christian side hug! :pals:

Gimme that Christian side hug! :pals:

What?
That Christian side hug! :pals:

[Fleshdancer]

18. It's all fun and games until someone gets leg humped

and we all know that Jesus kills a kitten every time THAT happens. :scared:

[Manifestor_of_Light]

82. Yeah, I've known some poodles definitely went to hell for that.....

[Gwendolyn]

20. Wow, this is a thousand times worse than sexualizing mundane encounters

by swathing faceless women head to toe in grim reaper costumes the way Muslims do. Or forbidding even the shaking of hands between the sexes the way fundie Jews and Muslims do. I'm just aghast at the extremism!

[enlightenment]

21. What's with the

"Democrat shift in the Congress" line?

[juno jones]

22. When two crotches meet, there's the devil between 'em!

:sarcasm:

They sexualize everything. In the midwest where I grew up, we didn't hug much outside of our families, especially not people of the same sex. That could be construed as 'gay'. In fact, there wasn't much touching going on either. Even massage of a cramp on a track field or the rub on the back of the neck for a headache was prefaced by, "I'm not gay, don't worry...". A woman I worked with who had chronic back problems and tension headaches who would have benefitted from massage refused to go because she mentally couldn't separate someone touching her body from sexuality. Touch between the opposite sex was slightly more permissable, yet thought of as even more 'sexual'.

Fetishising touch is really an awful thing to do to humans, especially since we probably need it as much as any other ape and don't really get enough now.

It was a culture shock to move to CA where people hugged and touched non-sexually all the time without thinking about it.

[Berry Cool]

33. What you're saying is so true. I found even the East Coast more liberal than the Midwest

on that point. At least back in the '70s and '80s.

Nobody in the Midwest ever massaged anyone or gave anyone a back rub unless they were husband and wife. Then I went to college in the East and my dormmates were constantly walking up to each other in the lounge and saying "You look sore and tired, do you need a back rub?" And they'd rub each other's back and shoulders and neck.

I went home for the summer and when I had a sore back, suggested to my mother that I could use a good back rub. She looked at me as if I'd asked her to have sex with me. "Take an aspirin!" was her response.

Sometimes I think the reason oxycontin became "hillbilly heroin" is because people in small towns in the Midwest and South will sooner take a pill for their backaches than allow someone to do something weird and physical on them, like, you know, chiropractics.

Of course, today in the Midwest, girls kiss each other on the lips to say hello and goodbye, despite being straight as boards. I blame Madonna for that. :-)

[juno jones]

93. Intersting thought on the oxycontin there.

My mom was a physical therapist and she, in her later years, was fascinated by touch...and the lack of it in our society. She worked with severely handicapped people in state hospitals and could document a lessening of violent and 'undesirable' behavior (rocking, pacing, etc) when these people were given touch and inner ear stimulus (massage, hands on thereapy and sometimes even a vibrator held to the ear to massage the ear canals were primarily what she used).

Yeah, I bet many people in the midwest would rather have oxycontin than have to feel anything, or deal with messy things like the social conditioning that deprives them of entire swathes of human experience.

[dmr]

59. I had a very close relative who said the word 'woman' was a dirty word

this was back in the summer of '74 when we had this conversation. I was newly engaged, and she told me it sickened her to think of me married and in bed with a man (been there & done that already, but didn't tell her that!)

She then told me she was married two weeks before she'd let her husband touch her (in the 1920s) - and said she only did because it was her 'duty'. They had one child in 1925 who went on to have 11 of his own. She called her daughter-in-law, a really nice lady, a floosy. This always puzzled me, & I use to wonder why, but now that I think about it ... it's pretty clear.

Anyway, (boy I remember this so very well, sitting on the front porch, rocking in those red wooden rockers - which I wish I owned today), I asked her if that's what she thought I should do (wait two weeks). She told me I would do what I wanted to do - just spread my legs & let him have his way. Just that if I enjoyed it, I'd be a sinner and go to hell. When we lost our daughter, she told me God was paying me back. She was cold, cruel and heartless, further crushing my already broken heart & empty arms. I really loved that woman. Goodness, I said 'woman'!)

Damn, hadn't thought about this in years. I wonder what happened to her to make her that way.

:shrug:

[juno jones]

92. I'm sorry.

:hug:

Some people never get over that conditioning. The saddest thing is when they judge others according to the motes in their own eye.

[immoderate]

60. Religions talk about sex all the time.

That they always do it negatively provides cover, but doesn't avoid the unconscious titillation. They're allowed to talk about sex, because they're putting it down. But when we talk about sex, it's dirty.

--imm

[arcadian]

23. Full frontal hugging leads to accidental pregnancy.

[pipi_k]

35. Not entirely true...

Everybody knows that sperm can fly through the air six feet or more.

Safer just to wave "Hi" from the other side of the room...

[arcadian]

56. Reminds me of that urban legend.

During the Civil War, a battle at a farmhouse, a minie ball hits some guy in the scrotum and sails through the wall of the farmhouse and hits a woman in her ovary. 9 months later she had a baby. Who comes up with this stuff? I think we were telling that in Junior High.

[joeybee12]

24. So I guess boys should only hug women who have huge "tracks of land"

because that way you never get close to each other's crotch, right?

[get the red out]

34. Not difficult to find in the most Christian states either!

We in the South boast the mightiest of holy girths! (Thankfully I am normal sized hell-bound creature with an exercise machine). :evilgrin:

[joeybee12]

63. Well, I was thinking of girth in a particular place...

...:blush:

[fascisthunter]

25. they are so phobic about sex because they can't control themselves

and think everyone can't either. Think about it: side hug?! So they think if two people hug each other face to face, somehow the genitalia may touch incidental and turn both kids on to each other. These people must think about sex every second of their lives, so fucking uptight. And to think this about KIDS is sickening and perverted!

[Blue-Jay]

26. The Christians I went to college with were the huggiest people I've ever met.

I didn't mind at all, and apparently neither did God.

[Berry Cool]

27. The video is just too hilarious.

I notice they've turned off comments. Gee, I wonder why?

:rofl: What are the references to Angelina Jolie and Barack Obama in there for?

Are they REALLY trying to tell girls that they're safer with a guy who hugs them only by touching their back? Give me a break. Every large-breasted girl and woman knows that one of the creepy things boys and men try to do to you is find a way to subtly put their hands on the back of your bra. And the "side hug" sure doesn't keep them from nudging up against THAT part of you. All it does is keep you from feeling their response--which saves them embarrassment and in this case maybe helps them get their jollies while preserving their reputation as "good Christian boys."

The whole rap thing...Ouch!!!! They really think teenagers will love this? It's the most painful attempt by people to be hip since Michael Steele tried to go hip-hop.

[a la izquierda]

72. There's another video...

with comments. Only 11, but my husband and I were literally dying laughing.

[LWolf]

28. I use the side-hug all the time.

It's what I give my students when they want a hug.

It's the smart thing to do.

I don't have a problem with any other kind of hug, either, in a non-professional context.

[Berry Cool]

39. Side-hugs make lots of sense in a teacher-student context

because you want to make absolutely sure NO ONE can possibly accuse you of acting in an inappropriately sexual way with your students. In the litigious society in which we live, that's just self-preservation.

It's like when coaches work with athletes...they get the whole drill about how they should touch their pupils when they need to in order to, say, instruct them how to do something, what position to put their bodies in for a specific athletic move, etc., but they need to do it a certain way and only in certain places.

But between teenage peers...they're just getting freaked about the possibility of all those sexed-up teenagers touching each other and not being able to control how they feel about it.

[LWolf]

43. So their teenagers will practice side-hugs

when people are watching. I don't think this will be any more successful in preventing contact than anything else they've tried. ;)

[NYC_SKP]

29. Wow! Conveniently, DU has a Side-Hug Smiley!!!

Right here: :pals:

For the rest of us: :hug:

Or: :grouphug:

Something for everyone!

:loveya:

:P

[Orsino]

31. It's necessary, if we're going to instill the requisite amount of shame in ourselves. n/t

[aint_no_life_nowhere]

32. They need to move on to wearing full burkas and chastity belts

for both male and female. I don't think these guys should be breeding their kind.

[get the red out]

37. That want that for alll of us

The problem is that they expect they will be able to impose that on all of us.

[Peacetrain]

36. There is a show about a family raising 18 kids.. I think they are fundamentalists

I was watching it on night out of curiosity.. the gist was the oldest son was getting married and was going to kiss his bride for the first time on their wedding day?? A little more than odd I thought.. but they were doing these goofy side hugs, and I thought maybe there was some sort of physical handicap involved.. but it is this???

Learn something new everyday..

[derby378]

46. When two fundie crotches meet, Dick Cheney celebrates by sending the offspring to Iraq

It's all so clear to me now...

[old mark]

40. I'm more concerned about the "christian back hug" - those bastards will try

to fuck you every time.

Sorry - too many years in catholic school.
Rec.
mark

[Kaleva]

41. What is their view on dry humping?

[Bluebear]

44. --

:spray:

[City of Mills]

45. I now hate you

I've had this stupid song stuck in my head for the past hour! :mad:

[ccharles000]

50. I'm sorry here is a side hug

:pals:

[burning rain]

47. God must really hate Christians to make them so thick.

.

[hvn_nbr_2]

48. The side hug is NOT the same as the A-frame hug

An A-frame hug also avoids lascivious crotch contact but it's quite different from the side hug. In an A-frame hug, the huggers face each other as in a normal hug but keep their feet far from the huggee's feet and bend forward from the waist to hug with only the arms and shoulders and as little of the chest as possible. Thus no belly, crotch, or thigh temptations.

I find it amusing that all these anti-sex people are actually completely obsessed with sex and find it everywhere.

[qb]

51. I was trying to remember the name of that hug...

It's uber-chaste and not nearly as awkward as the side hug.

However, I prefer the warmth and emotion that comes with a big bear hug.

[snagglepuss]

98. LOL. Aframe hug.

:rofl:

[Angry Dragon]

49. There should be a law passed for these people

They can not have sex within 1000 miles of their children, so they do not get the wrong ideas. If they violate the law the Bible should come into play and they perhaps should have to practice celibacy for ever after.

[TlalocW]

52. If I'm side-hugging someone - it doesn't matter who it is, friend, mom, grandma...

They're eventually being put in a headlock and given a noogie. That's how real Christian manly men do it in America!

TlalocW

[Missy Vixen]

53. Imagine the fun when they get married

They go from "don't touch me, no, no, no," to "oh, it's okay now". I'm sure it is no coincidence that the divorce rate at my alma mater (Bible college,) is over the national average.

:eyes:

[asdjrocky]

54. These people need to fuck.

I mean, they just need to get down and fuck.

[Luminous Animal]

55. Or they can hug butts akimbo. Like most men do.

[sakabatou]

57. ::facebludgeon::

[Javaman]

58. it's because the fundies can't control their pelvis's. nt

[aint_no_life_nowhere]

64. Yet the weird and creepy crotch to backside hugs at purity balls don't seem to phase the fundies

[TwilightGardener]

78. So, so skeevy and creepy.

[Raster]

88. Daddy's little girl!

[jmm]

65. Nothing sexual about people's hips touching.

:popcorn:

[Bolo Boffin]

66. Blessed are the side-huggers

For theirs is the kingdom of fap.

[marmar]

67. Sometimes life is crazier than the movies, especially when fundies are involved.....

:crazy:

[Clintonista2]

68. please tell me this is a joke...

please...

[Bluebear]

70. Would that we could.

[Odin2005]

69. Wow, that's pathetic.

[SalmonChantedEvening]

71. "Would I sneak a peak at your cleavage? Heavens No!!"

:D

[marshall]

73. One bonus--you're less likely to catch or give swine flu

But what about the senior prom?

[Warren DeMontague]

74. "God Hates Frottage"

Actually, I'm not that surprised. These people are bubbling, seething cauldrons of sexual repression. No wonder they freak out when they get anywhere near the genitalia of another.

[jmondine]

75. Aren't they afraid they'll look like they're dancing?

[Raine]

76. They're obsessed with sex

more so than any other group. :yoiks:

[AwakeAtLast]

77. I was sure this had to be from The Onion

:eyes: What a load of crap!

Here's a side hug for ya! :pals:

[underpants]

79. Oooh ooh did you feel her bra?

we all know that is the only point this could have

I would say that this is pathetic but then I watched 34 seconds of that video - THAT was pathetic

[aint_no_life_nowhere]

81. If fully clothed hugs are considered sexual

I wonder if that means they have sex with their clothes on. Maybe they have strategically placed holes in their long johns.

[handmade34]

80. from the Hug Therapy Book

by Kathleen Keating

"Hugging is an intimate form of touch. We are suffering in our society from a sad condition best described as touch deprivation, skin hunger and hug inhibition. We need to recognize that every human being has a profound physical and emotional need for touch - men and women and children. And even our animal companions!

We are alone in our separate bodies, yet to live we must connect with each other in order to belong and get our needs met. Touch is the primary way we contact and connect with each other. Touch is the experience of how I meet you and and you meet me and we meet the world. We touch the world, and the world touches us. Touch is a contact function. We meet the world outside of ourselves, outside the boundary of our skin, we make contact with the boundary of our skin. Our skin is the antennae that feels, touches, contacts the world. With touch, we meet the world outside of ourselves in a vibrant, alive, nourishing way. With touch we meet, connect, bond, belong.

Machines are important - the computer is an amazing tool! But we are losing the something grand and mysterious that makes us compassionate - and passionate human creatures. We are so much more profoundly complex than machines, it is ludicrous to make a comparison, as we often do, when we use machine metaphors. Like machines we have skills - but we must not imitate machines. It is essential to stay connected to the “divine animal” in each other. Touch is our primary connection. With touch we are restoring the balance in those human qualities that are far more powerful than ‘machine’ skills.

There is something godlike everyone of us possesses in our arms, hands, fingers. This is the power to make someone feel cherished....the power to give (and receive at the very same time!) kindness, warmth, tenderness, support, healing, security - and most of all belonging. All add up to the profoundness of love....all human qualities that humans can give - and give with a simple touch - a simple hug."


BIG HUGS TO ALL!!
especially you CCharles

[tabasco]

83. I don't understand my own species anymore. n/t

[tyedyeto]

84. OMG! I Christian Side-Hugged someone yesterday

And didn't even know it. I was standing in a double line at a local watering hole when I noticed a friend in the other line. Neither of us wanted to lose our spot in line so we did 'IT'. Should we get some sort of brownie points for the 'proper' hug?

[Manifestor_of_Light]

85. Incredibly lame.

I would never marry a man that I had not a)had sex with; b)lived with for at least two years. You don't really know someone until you've lived with them a while and seen them at their worst.

[BrklynLiberal]

86. This is from the Onion..isn't it????

:wow: :wow:

[Raster]

87. Dry hump a Christian today!

[LeftHander]

97. LOL!!! Duzy this please...nt

[Solly Mack]

90. A good while back, in the wee hours of the morning, I was flipping through

channels and landed on some Christian program. The man was talking about appropriate dating for young people. A kind of top ten of dating tips to prevent opportunities (like being alone together) that "invite" sex.

One of the suggestions to avoid possible sexual contact was to encourage group dating.

I was already laughing...but when he got to that one I just rolled.

Group dating to prevent sex...because no one has ever engaged in group sex before. No one has ever fucked under the packed bleachers at the big game. No teen has ever attended a party where couples were making out in view of everyone. No one has ever had sex in the movie theatre.

[swishyfeet]

91. I remember the first hug I had with a girl in high school

Vividly.

A couple years later she was my first sexual experience. I would almost be willing to admit that if it weren't for that front-hug, we would never have had the relationship.

[ieoeja]

94. Good, Christian. Nice, Christian. Down, Christian!

[snagglepuss]

95. Reminds of the joke: Why don't Bapists have sex standing up?

Someone might think they're dancing:)

[LeftHander]

96. side hugs except when they are taking a wide stance at the rest stop....

lol