Here it is, updated for 2009: A Republican's Christmas Prayer

[Jackpine Radical]

Dear Lord, Far be it from me to tell You how to run things in Your universe, but I been noticing a few things that maybe You will want to attend to when You get the time. First, there's my neighbor Tom down the road. I think he's a homosexual or something, what with that long hair and earring of his, and he's got one of those peace signs and one of those faggot rainbow flags nailed up on his garage. I notice he's driving a nice new little Japanese car, and you know Lord that just don't seem right. I'm hoping you'll see your way clear to send him a pestilence or something just to put him in his place.

And another thing, Lord. My boss said he doesn't believe in You. I wanted to make sure you know that,  just in case it slipped Your mind what with all the things You have to think about.
And Lord, I don't know if you get out shopping much, but that war on Jesus is getting worse every year. Some of the stores have big Happy Holidays signs instead of wishing everyone a Merry Christmas.

My Aunt Mabel said bad things about Glenn Beck the other day. She said he's an idiot and he tells lies. Well maybe you would want to think about smiting her for talking about Your servant that way, Lord. I never could stand that woman and her smartypants liberal talk.

You remember I told you about how Billy Johnson down the street came back from Iraq a couple of years ago and now he don't seem right in the head. Well, Lord, as far as I'm concerned that boy never was right in the head, and he never did go to church much. I told his mother that Billy was one of those phony soldiers who was saying bad things about how George Bush got us into the war, otherwise you would have protected him from that roadside bomb.

And Lord, I sure been trying my best to do Your work down here. I been talking up Sarah Palin and her book to everybody, and I been telling everyone I bought the book and read it all the way through in order to be a good example. I even been thinking about actually buying it and reading it for real, but you know how hard things is for me down here, how I’m so short of money and hardly even got the time to listen to Rush let alone read a book, like I told you the last time we had one of these little talks.

I don't mean to complain, Lord, but that million dollars we talked about ain't got here yet, and neither did the new Cadillac, so I think some of the people down at church don't understand how much you love me. Like I say, I don't mean to complain or nothing, and I know you're awful busy smiting infidels and such, but I wonder if you couldn't maybe move that million and the Cadillac up a notch or two on your To-Do list.

I guess that's about it for now, Lord.

Amen.

[Robyn66]

1. LOL!!

Nice Job!

[NYC_SKP]

2. "I even been thinking about actually buying it and reading it for real"

:rofl: